Not So Quiet as a Mouse

By: Rhuben

Summary-[Set before "A Beautiful Friendship"] Greg 'Mouse' Gurwitz and Jay Halstead have been best friends since they served time overseas. Since returning, Mouse had a hard time adjusting back to a "normal" life while Jay worked his way through the police academy and ended up in the Intelligence Unit. One night after shift, Jay found out just what happened to his lost friend.

Detective Jay Halstead let out a long sigh, stretching his arms over his head. After another long day at work with a gruesome case, it was high time for a drink. A trip to Molly's was definitely in order. Settling back in his chair, he clasped his hands over his stomach, peering across the Intelligence office and out the window to the snowflakes falling through the triangle of white light shining down on the street below.

"Hey." A hand pressed down on his shoulder, accompanied with a familiar low, husky voice that was his partner, Detective Erin Lindsay. Her eyebrows were furrowed, hazel eyes peering curiously at him. "You ok? You were off the clock a little while ago."

"Mmhmm." Jay cleared his throat before giving her a close-lipped smile. "It was just a long day."

Lindsay's eyebrows lifted and she gave a slight shake of her head, her short brown hair brushing against her cheeks as she did so. "Let me tell you, Jay," she said, her lips pursed just slightly, "we both know this is a hard unit to be a part of."

"Yeah," Jay repeated. He sucked in a breath of air before letting it out through his nose. "Molly's?"

"Mmm, not tonight," Lindsay replied with a sigh of her own. "Got to get home and make sure everything's ready for Nadia." She gently punched Jay's shoulder. He touched the spot, using his feet to twist his chair from side to side.

"How's she doing by the way?" he asked. He was partly impressed that Lindsay would take in a former drug addict and prostitute into her home, but the other part of him wasn't surprised. It was just who Lindsay was. She hated seeing kids, especially young girls, working through a hard life when they had every reason to live a safe and happy life. "She doing ok?"

"She's doing very well," Lindsay replied with a nod of her head. "She gets out soon and I want her to have some place that feels welcoming." Her lips pulled downwards into a small frown. "She hasn't had a place like that for a while; one with someone that looks out for and trusts her."

"Do you?" Jay asked, lifting his eyebrows.

"Someone has to," Lindsay replied. She walked over to her desk, opposite of him, and grabbed her coat, pulling it over shoulders. "Don't stay too late, alright?"

"I'm heading out now," Jay replied, reaching for his coat as well. They shared a smile as he slid his arms through the sleeves of his coat. Once they were out in the chilly Chicago night, they went their separate ways. "Whoo! It's cold!" As soon as he was in his car, he put on the turn signal and carefully made a U-Turn, heading to the local Fire and Police Department hang out.

Parking his car, he shut off the engine and climbed out, shoving his keys into his coat pocket. He locked the door and slammed it shut. The salt on the ground crunched under his feet as he made his way towards the front of the local bar. As he rounded the corner, a couple was headed in his direction. Someone else had spotted them as well and made a beeline towards them. Jay felt his muscles tense, keeping an eye on the situation.

"Excuse me, would you happen to have some change to spare?" They passed by the stranger and he called to their backs, "just a little something to warm me up, huh?"

Jay stepped closer and the man let out a ragged sigh, his breath coming out in a puff of condensation. He pulled the beanie from his head and scratched at his hairline before he spotting Jay. He froze. Jay froze, too. He barely recognized the shorter man in front of him, but at the same time, he'd spot his brother anywhere.

"Mouse?" he asked, his lips barely parting.

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz hesitated for a moment before shuffling over towards him. Jay couldn't remember the last time he had heard from his friend, but he remembered even then he was looking for some money. Seemed to be the case now. Jay's heart sank; nothing had changed.

He and Mouse had been best friends ever since they served overseas together as part of the 75th Regiment Rangers. In fact, if it wasn't for Mouse, Jay didn't think he'd make it home, and as such, maneuver back into the normal lifestyle. They had gone through so much together, and they had seen so much. It was evident in Mouse's stare that he could still see those things.

"Heyyyy, Jay!" Mouse rubbed his hands together. He reached out a hand and grasped Jay's elbow. Jay could feel Mouse's hand shaking. He looked smaller than the last time Jay saw him. Maybe he wasn't eating as much. He had grown an unkempt beard and mustache combination and looked to be wearing clothes he had slept in for a couple of days. "How's it going?"

"Not bad, man," Jay replied. "Y-you?" He didn't want to hear the answer; he could see it with his own two eyes.

Mouse, as usual, tried to keep his "cool" demeanor. Everything was always "cool" with him. Even overseas, he was the best one in dangerous situations to have around. His mind worked over time on plans and surveying situations to try and diffuse any tension.

"Great," Mouse replied, crossing his arms over his chest. He rocked back and forth on his heels. "Just, uh, a bit short on cash, y'know."

For what; drugs? Booze? Nevertheless, Jay reached into his pocket for his wallet and handed over some money, which Mouse snatched with cold fingers. "Thanks, man! I knew I could count on you!" He quickly counted the bills before sliding them into his pocket. "I always could."

"Mouse," Jay said quietly. "How are you doing?" He was silent for a moment. "Really?"

Mouse let out a breath of air through his nose, turning his head away. "I'm ok," he said quietly. "I mean, I've got into some trouble here and there but…I'm ok."

"What kind of trouble?" Jay asked. He watched Mouse's jaw clench. "Seriously, Mouse. What kind of trouble?"

"Nothing I can't handle, ok?" Mouse asked, cutting his eyes back towards Jay. "Everything's fine."

"Yeah, I can see that," Jay said, his words dripping sarcastically. Mouse rolled his eyes. Jay closed his eyes, pressing them together for a minute. "Come on, man, we both know you never wanted to end up like this. We talked about what we wanted to do when we got back and it wasn't this. It was never this."

Neither of them had planned for him to be medically discharged nor have their humvee drive over an IED, either. Serving time overseas was like a different world. Thinking about life back home made things a bit easier. From McDonald's to long, hot showers, there were a lot of things they were both looking forward to. Continuing their friendship was at the top.

And then they returned home.

A far off look came to Mouse's face. His eyes slowly shifted as he watched a car slowly drive past, sending slush into the air. "Have you ever noticed how different the noises are here compared to back overseas?" he asked quietly.

Jay nodded. Car backfires took a lot of time to get used to for one, all the chatter on cell phones and crowds of people had made him uncomfortable, and when driving he had often found himself nearly colliding with cards in the lanes next to him as he suddenly would swerve to avoid objects on the side of the road. But when it was silent, at first, it was really unnervingly silent.

"I like to watch cars drive on the road," Mouse continued, snapping Jay out of his thoughts. "Something about it relaxes me. The lights…or knowing the drivers have places to get to…people to get home to, I don't know. I could listen to traffic all night." He pressed his lips together, licking them. "I tried finding jobs, doing anything I could to make sure I didn't have so much time to think about how everyone moved on."

"But, I couldn't find anything and I-I just started thinking, y'know?" Mouse asked. "Like really thinking about what we had done. I didn't have anything else to do." He let out an odd laugh. "What we had to do to get home, to k-keep everyone here safe." His hands were shaking. Jay wasn't sure if it was because of the chill or not. Mouse had always been somewhat of a twitchy person and even more so after their first fire fight. No one thought he'd make it as far as he did.

When Jay first met Mouse, he couldn't tell how old the guy was. He was short in stature and thinner than most in their group. But he worked hard and had often outdid everyone during training. He certainly was small, but he was stronger then he looked, faster than he looked, and undoubtedly smart. He was the definition of "don't judge a book by its cover." He and Mouse were paired together during training right off the bat and had been best friends since.

"And those thoughts scared me, Jay," Mouse said. He let out an odd laugh as he started pacing. "Because I realized how much I had changed. The longer we were over there, the easier doing everything became. It was second nature; I didn't think twice about it." He swallowed thickly. "Killing was that easy. Having someone else's life in our hands to barter with was a simple tactic. I didn't know who I was anymore. Or who I should be. Or who I could be. I just wanted the thoughts to stop and I tried finding anything I could do to stop having those thoughts. And I-I-I…" He lifted his hands into the air before dropping his arms down by his sides.

"You didn't think I felt that way, too?" Jay asked. He had wanted to catch that combat high again, to feel like he had that brotherhood again. Before he joined the police academy, he didn't think there was anything in the world that could make him feel that way again. He had barely ever talked about his time overseas outside of his therapist. "It was hard for me to adjust to being back home; you saw that."

They both had trouble adjusting. Leaning on each other was the best thing they could do, but looking back on it; it was also a way for the two of them to keep each other stuck. Jay had never gone down the drug path, but Mouse needed it. They both had a bond because of what they went through, a silent understanding on never speaking about it again, but maybe that was the problem. They both needed to talk, but wouldn't do so with each other.

Sure, a drink here or there was a great companion, but Jay couldn't get into the hard stuff. He was already in a bad enough place. If it wasn't for his brother, Will, he didn't know where he'd be. Will was the one who had flown out at the drop of a dime to see him, it was Will who got him to see that he was walking around in a haze, and it was Will who got him into therapy to help him move forward. He had opened the offer up to Mouse but by then, he wasn't ready to get help.

But maybe now…?

"Look, Mouse…" He had so much he wanted to say, but didn't know where to start. Mouse stared at Jay with his wide, piercing eyes. His chapped lips twitched back just slightly into a brief smile before he lifted his hand to scratch the back of his neck. "If you need any help…I'm here for you. If you want to get clean…have a warm home cooked meal…anything." Jay swallowed thickly. "I'm here. I-I always have been."

"Y-Yeah, I know," Mouse replied, nodding his head repeatedly. He parted his lips into a smile. "Thanks, Jay."

"Sure," Jay said.

"So, uh, that Intelligence Unit is really working out, huh?" Mouse asked, punching Jay on the arm. "Look at you." His eyes drifted down towards the badge hanging on his jeans. "All professional and everything."

"It's really helped me out," Jay said, barely looking down at his badge. "I can help you; Will, my brother, you remember him."

"The doctor, yeah," Mouse said with a nod.

"He helped me adjust; he took me to therapy, anything he needed to do to help," Jay explained. Mouse was already shaking his head. "It could help you, too." He sucked in a breath of air. "I know a rehabilitation center you could go to—"

"You're at a great place, man," Mouse protested, putting his hand in the air. "I-I can't bring you down like that."

"Hey." Jay suddenly moved forward and grasped Mouse by the shoulders. Mouse blinked, stumbling back just slightly, startled. "You're my brother, Mouse. I'm not going to force you; I just want you to know all the details." He reached into his pocket a second time and removed a business card, handing it to him. "What I do in the Unit…I can keep you safe, make sure you're taken care of. You can be my C.I. and I'll take care of you. Just let me know. It's up to you."

Mouse's fingers twitched by his sides before he reached out a hand and took the card. Jay put his hands in the air, watching his friend. Mouse stared down at the text on the card in his hands before lifting his gaze to lock eyes with Jay. He gave a slight nod of his head.

Jay nodded in return and Mouse slipped past him. He wasn't sure when he would hear from his friend again, but that was just like Greg Gurwitz. He came and left as quiet as a mouse.

A/N: Ok, Mouse has quickly become one of my new favorite characters on Chicago PD since he was introduced. He really needs more love. I've enjoyed the scenes we've seen with him and Halstead but I hope in season 4 he becomes a main cast member and we get to learn more about him.