"So, how was it for you?" asked Joker.

"Why are you asking me that question?" demanded Batman, irritably, as Joker sat in the passenger seat of the Batmobile a few days later, beaten and bruised.

Joker shrugged. "Just wanna make sure it's still as satisfying for you as usual, and that you're not just going through the motions. Sometimes it's hard to tell in the heat of the moment."

"I don't fight you to get satisfaction out of it!" snapped Batman. "I fight you to protect innocent people!"

"Sure, keep telling yourself that!" chuckled Joker. He glanced at his watch. "Hey, can we have the radio on? I just wanna check something on the news."

Batman glared at him, but flicked on the radio to the voice of President Luthor. "…Miss Waller was a respected and valued member of her department, and a sincere loss to this government, as well as being a true friend and beloved colleague. She will be sorely missed."

The voice changed to the announcer. "President Luthor today speaking on the sudden death of one of the government's senior employees, Miss Amanda Waller. Waller was found in her office alone in the early hours of the morning, a testament to her incredible dedication and commitment to her work – the inquest has ruled that she died from a heart attack."

Joker giggled madly. "Aw, Lexy was always one for a cover-up!" he sighed, wistfully. "Guess that's why he's a good president – they have to cover-up things all the time. Y'know, back before he became ruler of the free world, we used to hide a lotta crimes together, him and me! Good times! Then he'd always tell me not to do it again, I'd say I wouldn't take orders from a guy with no hair, he'd say he wasn't putting his reputation at risk for a freak in a purple suit, but then he'd still keep covering them up for me! That's a real pal, Bats, not that we have anything like what you and me have. I suspect his reasons for helping me out were ultimately selfish, so people wouldn't find out we were working together. Plus he really shouldn't insult my fashion choices – it's so rude. Y'know, not every man can pull off purple…"

"What cover-up?" interrupted Batman. "What are you talking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" chuckled Joker. "I'll tell you if you ask nicely."

Batman glared at him. "Ok, I'll tell you anyway," said Joker, shrugging. "Harley and me killed Amanda Waller. Had a great time doing it too. And really, you shouldn't get on your high-horse about it – it's nothing to be upset about. I mean, I know people dying bothers you, but honestly, she deserved it if anyone did. She was in charge of a whole unit of people she'd randomly send to their deaths for dangerous missions, called the Kamikaze Krew, or something like that, anyway. Didn't share your value for human life at all. So killing her is what I call justice, Bats."

"By that logic, killing you would be justice," snapped Batman.

"Yep," agreed Joker, nodding. "Keep waiting for you to wake up to that fact. You must know that's how I want it to end, Batsy. You taking justice into your own hands at last and snapping my neck. But you don't have the guts to do it yet, so frankly, there are gonna be a lot more dead people on your conscience. But like I said, don't put Waller on there. She ain't worth it."

Batman was about to respond, when a loud bang came from outside, and the Batmobile suddenly lurched to a halt, sending both him and Joker flying forward in their seats. "What the hell?" demanded Batman, tapping some screens on the control panel to assess the damage. "The wheels have been punctured," he muttered, seeing the beeping red layout of the car.

He unbuckled his seatbelt. "You stay here," he snapped at Joker, opening the door to the Batmobile and climbing out. The street appeared to be deserted, but as he bent down, he saw that something had been placed on the road, something that appeared to be tacks. With smiley faces on their backs.

Just as he processed this, he felt something sharp embed itself in his neck with a sting. He reached up and pulled out a dart, with a message attached: Nighty night, Bats. Love, Harley :-)

Instantly, Batman felt his muscles seize up, and he tried to make his way back to the car before he passed out. Just as he pulled himself into the driver's seat, his swirling vision saw the Joker being unbuckled and uncuffed by none other than Harley Quinn.

She helped him to his feet, and was rewarded with a kiss on her cheek that made her squeak. "Thanks, dollface," said Joker. "See, she's always got my back, Bats. Enjoy your nap, and see you later, sucker!"

They raced off together, and the last thing Batman heard was their hysterical giggling, before he passed out.

…

"Thanks for the rescue, toots," said Joker, later that night as they were cuddled in bed together. "I hope I've shown you how much I appreciate it."

"Mmm, you have," murmured Harley, grinning. "Anyway, it was nothing, Mr. J. I get so lonely when you're locked up in Arkham and I'm on my own."

"Just as long as you are on your own, and not lonely enough to find a guy like Deadshot," retorted Joker.

"Why would I ever eat hamburgers when I got my rare meat right here?" demanded Harley. "Cooked to perfection, just the way I like it. Why would I go digging in the trash for something else? I wouldn't want another guy, Mr. J. I'm addicted to you, like a drug. Nobody else would ever satisfy me the way you do. I don't even need to test that theory to know it's true – it's just something I feel, deep down in my soul. We're made for each other. When you've found the one, there's just nobody else in the world you'd even consider. And nobody else could ever be as perfect for me as my Mr. J."

She yawned, snuggling against him. "Anyway, we broke Deadshot. So I'd have to find some other guy entirely."

"I'd kill him," murmured Joker. "You know that."

Harley grinned. "Yeah?" she asked. "You care about me that much?"

"I just don't like other people touching my property," he retorted.

"Well, I don't like being touched by other people either," agreed Harley. Joker put an arm around her, trailing his fingers through her hair and savoring the thought that this was his property. This pretty, adoring little thing was his, and his alone. That made a guy feel pretty special, he wasn't going to lie.

"What did you see in that fear gas vision, exactly?" asked Harley at last.

"Something scary," he said. "You were saying and doing things my Harley Quinn would never say or do. And you didn't much look like yourself either. You were like a whole different person, and I didn't like her at all."

"Don't think I would have liked her at all," agreed Harley. "Tramp. But I'm afraid it's me you're stuck with, Mr. J. Plain old Harley Quinn, same as I've always been."

Joker smiled, and kissed her tenderly. "You know what, Harley?" he asked.

"What?" she said.

"That's the best gag I've heard in a long time," he said. "Go to sleep now, kiddo."

"Ok. Night, puddin'," she whispered, curling up against him and shutting her eyes. "I love you."

Joker watched her drop off to sleep, her sweet, innocent face beaming just to be near him. He drew her closer into his arms, and lay down next to her. "If I ever loved anyone, baby," he whispered, shutting his eyes. "It would have to be my plain old Harley Quinn."

And in her sleep, Harley smiled.

The End