DISCLAIMER: I don't own YJ.
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Hear my soul, if you cannot hear my words.
If I cannot find the right words.
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He shouldn't be having coffee this late at night. This early in the morning? Eh, who knew.
He stared at the coffee like it held all the answers to the questions he was asking. Steam from the coffee cup wafted up into the air and faded into nothing. The smell reminded him of breakfast at Wayne Manor, comforting and familiar. Home.
Nightmares were a bitch.
They often left him feeling more tired than before he woke up, only now he had no desire to go back to sleep. Wally wasn't in the Cave tonight, either. He idly thought about dialing the redhead, but decided against it. After their talk a few days ago, Wally was still emotionally raw, and occasionally he got a look in his eye that told him his friend wasn't all there. Dick was well aware he had promised to talk to him more, thank you very much, but he wanted to give him more time.
He never seemed to have enough of it.
Wally and Dick had both agreed that the next weekend they'd try and visit Artemis' grave together. That, at least, they had made time for.
Empty and quiet, the kitchen was almost peaceful. Or possibly the setting of a horror movie. Honestly, at the moment Dick would happily take the crazy chainsaw wielding intruder. It'd be a nice distraction. Funny how skewed his definition of a 'nice distraction' had become over the years.
He forced himself to go into work because he actually did enjoy his job as a cop and wanted to keep said job.
He'd spent most of the week either working at his day job, being insulted by his cop partner for looking like shit, or stubbornly deleting every text or call that started with the name Tim, Babs, or Jason. They'd gotten the hint, but he half expected one of them to pop up at the Precinct during his shift. Dick had taken to hacking the crappy security cams and checking the lobby before leaving. The Cave had become his refuge from his apartment.
It wasn't paranoia when these people were his family. He ignored the little voice of reason in the back of his mind which sounded like Alfred.
He wondered why they were being so persistent. He'd been dosed with Fear Gas before, they were aware of this; why was this time different?
It was just plain weird, and honestly made him the tiniest bit uncomfortable.
Smiling ruefully, he took a sip of his coffee.
Sometimes, it felt like most people assumed Dick wasn't capable of having a poker face, since he wore his heart on his sleeve. The truth was, he had one of the best. He snorted to himself. Dick had learned a long time ago that when you wore your heart on your sleeve, people didn't usually bother looking deeper. They figured they would just know, because it was hard for you to hide anything.
Or so it seemed.
He'd quickly figured out that half-truths were the best lies, because technically he wasn't lying. He'd learned a long time ago how to paint a smile on his face. Laughing, he'd learned, was far better than crying. He wasn't entirely sure he had any tears left to cry, to be honest. He'd cried and cried and cried. For so many people, for so many lives. There was always more, some new disaster or heartbreak around the corner.
He was terrified of the day when he simply didn't care anymore, too numb to feel it. The day he did was the day he hung up his figurative cape.
Personally, Dick was far more familiar with loss than he needed to be, despite years of trying to move on after the Team's deaths, suppressing and hiding. Dick Grayson knew what the five stages of grief were, how each felt intimately.
The five stages of grief were denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
You didn't always go in order. It wasn't a straight path. You bounced around between the stages like a painful game of emotional pinball.
Denial.
Bruce held him as he crumpled. He hoped with every part of him this was another nightmare. It wasn't.
Anger.
Bruce took notice when his hits were just a little too hard, his smile too sharp and more of a baring his teeth than an expression of joy. Sometimes he felt frustrated and angry at being left behind. The sort of anger that left his eyes burning with unshed tears and his face red with anger and his knuckles red from punch the ground in front of their graves. Anger that everyone around him died and he was left still standing on cracked foundations.
Bargaining.
Oh how he'd begged and pleaded and cursed and cried. Bruce had tried, but no amount of money in the world could buy back what was lost. Dick had run himself ragged looking for some shred of evidence, of hope. He found nothing.
Depression.
"Are you okay?"
He looked at Babs blankly, and he wanted to tell her so bad his chest hurt withholding the words. He couldn't. He wasn't.
Acceptance.
That one always seemed to be just out reach. He thought he might've felt it once, maybe with the Titans, but at the end of the day it still felt like there were people who should be by his side that weren't. He thought of them how they were, young and strong. They were really just kids, weren't they? How was something like that just accepted? How was it allowed?
(It hadn't been allowed. The League had tried so damn hard. It wasn't enough.)
Life went on, and they remained only in his memories.
He's not proud to admit that he threw himself into life, into working, anything to outrun the ghosts nipping at his heels. If he's honest, he probably went right back to denial, and reconnecting with Wally was a way to work to acceptance of what they have both lost. Dinah would be proud they're finally talking again.
He pulled the coffee closer and took sip.
It was going to be a long night.
Hours passed, and he kept a silent watch with his coffee.
He tried not to think too much of anything.
His coffee grew cold and nasty.
He still drank it. Alfred would be appalled.
Dick was cold and tired and vaguely queasy when the alert went off.
Snapping to attention at the noise, in one smooth motion Dick was out of his chair and walking towards the Zeta tube area. Deftly, he brought the holographic screen in front of him, showing the security cameras at the back entrance of the Cave.
His heart hammered in his chest. Nothing but woods was out there. Maybe it was a chainsaw murderer after all?
He caught the glimpse of white flickering among the trees as a large figure moving with far too much grace for something far too large loitered near the entrance. Unnaturally bright yellow eyes gleamed as the large creature looked upwards, towards the cameras, seemingly searching.
Wolf's eyes met Dick's own through the security camera.
His heart gave a funny little twinge in his chest.
Dirty, a little jagged around the edges but blessedly alive.
Nightmares were a bitch, yes, but maybe some good could come from tonight after all.
He can work with this.
More than a bit dumbstruck, he almost wasn't able to tear his eyes away. It was only when Wolf moved back further into the shadows of the tree that Dick's higher thought processes kicked into the gear and he realized he needed to do something.
Dick rushed back to his room to find a coat, and threw on the first one he could find. He debated changing out of sweatpants but decided there wasn't any time to lose, so he hastily put socks on and shoved his feet into his boots. He couldn't be bothered to tie them, instead stuffing the laces into the boots. He barely remembered to grab his phone and the large flashlight Wally and Dick had been using to search for Wolf before he was running from the room.
He didn't stop running until he reached the Cave door. He hesitated only for only the barest of moments as his hand hovered over the control pad, ready to type the code in.
Was confronting a large, predatory animal that had spent years alone in the wilderness the best idea?
No, said the hysterical voice that sounded a little bit like Babs. Definitely not Wally, because the he'd be right beside Dick.
Fortunately, Dick's higher thought processes had only kicked into gear halfway. Sleep deprivation also did wonders for overruling good judgement. However, much to Leslie's continued ire, he'd been dealing with that enough in his life to be able to function with it. Affecting his decisions or not, he wouldn't recklessly risk his life if he thought there was no way for Wolf to be saved.
He also had a large, metal flashlight that wouldn't do all that much but if needed it was something. He'd fought with less before. But Dick knew what he saw when he looked in Wolf's eyes.
Recognition.
Bruce might argue that was sentiment speaking and this was a stupid idea, but Bruce didn't always have the best ideas either. Besides, Dick was of the opinion that sometimes you didn't know.
Sometimes it was a leap of faith.
Gripping the flashlight tighter, he entered the code.
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"WOLF!"
He yelled again, "WOLF!"
No response, other than the wind rustling the leaves of the trees.
Dick had spent most of the night calling "WOLF!" loud enough he probably woke everyone in the nearby town up. He hoped they stayed asleep, because he really didn't have a good explanation for why he was wandering around the woods at night in sweatpants and a flashlight shouting wolf. Resigning himself, Dick gave up calling for Wolf and instead took to walking around, shining the flashlight anyway he could.
For such a large animal, Wolf was certainly talented at moving quietly quickly.
Maybe he should've brought a steak?
. . . Or maybe smelling like dinner wouldn't help with the whole 'please don't eat me we're friends you know me' angle that Dick planned to use. Maybe he was simply wandering deeper into the forest where no one could hear him scream and oh no, why had he been thinking about crazy chainsaw murderers earlier?
He shook his head, trying to clear his erratic thoughts. Pushing his exhausted body to its limits he kept walking. He silently thanked the fact that he was off tomorrow and the next day. He felt ready to cry as more time passed without so much as a glimpse of a fluffy white tail. Instinct had him holding on for just a little longer, just a few more minutes, just one more hour.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. An eerie silence fell as the critters around him became hyper aware of the newcomer and they wisely fell silent.
Dick had never claimed to be wise.
"Wolf?"
A low rumble greeted his words. Not quite a growl, but curious, perhaps. Confused, almost. Please oh please don't be hungry.
Dick gripped his flashlight tighter as a shiver raced through his body. His patience had been rewarded. The fact that he hadn't been eaten yet was promising, but it didn't stop Dick from being ready for that just in case. Jason would die a second time of laughter if he heard Dick was eaten by a wolf.
He tensed just in case as something very large came up behind him to his exposed back. Dick didn't dare turn around, not yet. He waited. Wolf stopped, if he had to guess, a few feet away from him. Slowly, telegraphing his movements and holding his free hand in the air Dick turned around. This up close, Wolf looked as he had on the security feed, dirty and weary, but he also looked like so much more.
Once again, recognition flickered through his bright yellow eyes, this time of Dick. Years had changed the both of them, but each of them knew who the other was. Wolf cocked his head to the side, assessing him.
"Wolf," Dick said again, more gently. "Hey, buddy. Miss me?"
Half in the shadows and standing around his shoulder height, muscles tense and eyes wary, Wolf didn't react. He was huge, even if in his memories he seemed so much bigger. Wolf wasn't scrawny, but he lacked the muscles that came with a steady diet, exercise, and a home.
Dick's heart ached just a little.
He murmured, "Where've you been?"
He set his flashlight on the ground carefully. Even with the light from it more restricted, he was still able to see Wolf in front of him. He held his hands up a placating gesture.
"Hey, Wolf," he coaxed, "I know, I know. It's been a while."
Wolf twitched. His ears seemed to flick and he almost snorted, as if to say, you think?
Connor would've found it amusing, his own lips quirking up into a small smile.
"I," Dick's throat closed up.
Seeing Wolf standing there, guarded and afraid drove home his own failure.
"Where have I been," he said softly, just managing to get the words out. His panic rose, and his eyes burned.
Wolf was waiting.
He tried again, "I just - "
Again, words failed him.
Connor would've been upset with the way they abandoned Wolf. He would've crossed his arms and glared in disappointment, all wounded puppy dog eyes and grumpy face. If he had lived, if any of them had lived, where would they be now?
They'd all tried so hard and they all hadn't made it. They'd split, and now here they were again years later.
Wolf had come back, but he still looked ready to run.
Dick stared Wolf in the eyes and tried to convey all the emotion he felt. He regretted leaving Wolf in the literal and figurative cold all these years, but Dick couldn't change the past as much as he wanted to. He tried to stay calm and even, but all the shame and guilt and fear kept bubbling up. His hands shook from where he held them in front of him. He wanted nothing more than to give his old friend a hug.
He hoped Wolf knew this. He hoped Wolf knew that Dick and Wally loved him and how sorry they were, even if it didn't make a difference at least Wolf knew. Even if Wolf chose to leave once more. Maybe he'd find peace this way.
"I'm sorry," he choked out. He blinked as tears began to form rapidly. "I'm so sorry."
It was all he was able to say.
Exhausted and crying, his knees gave out and he went to the ground before he knew it, potential danger in front of him or not.
"I, we're, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Dick chanted, "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry!"
He babbled apologies until he was incoherent. Over and over, only making himself more upset. Dick told Wolf he was sorry until his voice was hoarse and it still didn't feel like enough.
Through it all, Wolf stood there silently, looking at Dick like he wasn't sure what to make of him.
Dick wiped the tears out of his eyes and the snot off his face with the corner of his jacket. He sniffled and he inhaled shakily a few times. He realized then he could see Wolf more clearly, and the sun was rising.
"If you need to go," he whispered, "it's okay."
Wolf's eyes locked with his and he bowed his head to listen. Wolf leaned forward, curiosity overruling his fear.
"It's okay, Wolf," Dick said softly. "We weren't there. You built your own life. I - Wally, both of us, want you here. But you don't have to if you don't want to."
For the first time in since the conversation began, Wolf moved towards him.
Half-buried preservation instinct had Dick tensing but it was done without any real thought behind it. Hell, if Wolf bit him in the ass he probably deserved it. Thankfully, Wolf didn't bite him in the ass, though trying to do it while he was kneeling would've been interesting.
Instead, Dick watched half in awe and half in hope as Wolf cautiously nudged one of Dick's hands. Wolf sat down in front of Dick and carefully Dick ran a hand through Wolf's fur. Wolf stayed perfectly still, and even relaxed a little. He dug his fingers into Wolf's fur and held on.
Content, the two of them watched the sky as the sun began to rise.
The night faded away.
Dick had a phone call to make.
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Wally had been understandably ballistic.
Phrases like 'you could've DIED' and 'Batman's soggy underpants' and 'yet you've lived this fucking long' could be made out.
At some point, the rant he went into sped into a jumble of words indistinguishable from each other. Dick just listened, wincing the whole time, and still petting Wolf. Wally said he'd come as soon as he could. Dick managed to lead Wolf over to the back entrance of the Cave. When he made to open the door, the look Wolf had given him stopped him. Dick returned to Wolf.
Wolf, sensing he was waiting, sat down. Dick stayed on the phone with Wally as the older man made his way over. They argued over what to do, but in the end Wolf was family. He deserved the best from both of them.
That was how Wally ended up standing on the other side of the entrance. Once it opened, he looked visibly relieved upon seeing the acrobat.
Wally's eyes flickered to Wolf, and then narrowed in concern.
From his years in the wild, Wolf looked slightly feral, his white fur dirty and wild. The intelligence in his yellow eyes remained the same.
"Dick," Wally hesitated. "Are you sure?"
Carefully, Dick looked at Wolf, who stared at Wally and relaxed after recognizing him. Lazily, his tail began to wag. When he saw the inside of the Cave, Wolf's entire body seemed to perk up.
"Trust me," Dick asked.
Wally sighed, but he nodded.
To both their relief, he came into the Cave without incident, though they both kept an eye on Wolf. It hurt both of them to do it, but both Dick and Wally understood that it'd been a number of years.
Food and water were their next priority.
It took Dick a bit to find food and water for Wolf while Wally watched him, but the enhanced wolf seemed grateful for it, which just left them with one problem. For all their searching, they'd never quite worked out what to do if they actually found Wolf. In the Cave, he'd likely be fine by himself, since Wolf was after all alone by himself for years.
The problem was he did not want to be by himself. A large, cranky, furry problem that didn't appear inclined to move from his spot guarding the Zeta tubes. Wolf retained his memory of how they entered and exited the Cave, which was a good sign on where he was mentally. At the moment, however? It was less good.
"Dick stared at the large white wolf in question, and wondered if he was hallucinating from too much coffee. "He doesn't want us to leave."
Wolf gave them a wary look from his spot in front of the Zeta, then sniffed haughtily. He gave them a condescending stare like he knew all the stupid plans and calculations they were running through.
"He seems happy to see us," Wally commented slowly, rubbing his chin, "but he's . . . nervous."
Just another day for them. They couldn't blame him.
"What are we going to do with him?" Dick crossed his arms. "I can't exactly take him back to my apartment. Pretty sure my landlord has a No Pets policy."
Nor could one of them stay with Wolf all the time. Dick had his job and his life. Wally, unless he was mistaken, also had a job and a life, and a protege to train.
Wally gave him a weird look. "Doesn't that lady below you have like, five cats?"
Dick snorted. "I never said that people were very good at following it, or my landlord at enforcing it."
Those cats were adorable and he's pretty sure his landlord was in love with them, which was the only reason they stayed. Wolf might be pushing it.
"I suppose a giant white wolf is a little more noticeable," Wally sighed in disappointment. He cracked a small grin, "Maybe we can pass Wolf off as a therapy dog?"
Dick wasn't sure they'd find a therapy vest big enough to put on Wolf, or that he would like having the vest on. Plus, Wolf definitely was not trained as a therapy dog, so if the size or yellow eyes weren't a dead giveaway that'd do it.
"Why would I need a therapy dog?" Dick asked, then immediately grimaced.
If he were being honest with himself, he probably - definitely, needed therapy. Lots of it. All the therapy there was. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of therapy options for superheroes. Maybe he could try to track down Dinah? But she already had enough issues to deal without his. He'd be fine.
He corrected, "Why would Dick Grayson need a therapy dog at this moment in time?"
He probably could've used one when he was younger, but at the moment, Dick Grayson was a healthy, well-adjusted functioning member of society, even if Wally begged to fucking differ, Leslie Thompkins would probably smack him over the head with a newspaper if he dared to utter that sentence in front of her, and Alfred's disappointed look would be worse than Leslie or Wally. Donna would probably have something to say about it, too.
He internally shuddered.
"I don't know," Wally shrugged, then suggested, "Maybe all those creepy old women at the galas and shit traumatized you?"
Dick snorted. "Somehow I don't think that'll fly."
Even if it definitely should.
"We could bring Wolf to the Tower," Wally furrowed his eyebrows. "Then maybe he won't be lonely."
Wolf was still eyeing them suspiciously, and probably knew he was being talked about. Dick had a feeling they'd have better luck trying to move the mountain.
"How do we explain Wolf?" Dick questioned, even as he considered it, running it over in his mind.
"Misadventure, maybe. It's not a lie," Wally shrugged. "We do what we have to."
Even as he said it Dick knew Wally wasn't onboard with the idea. It was also entering dangerous territory he didn't want to consider at the moment considering he had enough problems.
"Wolf's home is here," he disagreed.
Wolf probably would do better around more people, but the fact that he'd stuck in this general area more than proved that for Wolf, the Cave was home. If they dropped Wolf off at the Tower, Dick would bet money he'd turn up back at the Cave soon enough. Exposing Wolf to a large number of new people may not go well, either. The Tower would be full of too many questions, and Dick had no desire to deal with that at the moment.
A bit hysterically, he imagined how the scenario would happen in his head.
Hi, Donna, he'd wave cheerfully, I've found a team mascot.
(Beast Boy didn't count despite what Cyborg argued).
In this hypothetical scenario, Wolf and Wally would be standing beside him, the former not looking too impressed and the latter looking ready to bolt.
Dick, Donna would say, her face blank and voice devoid of emotion, what the actual fuck.
It would be worse than that time with the beach ball.
Wolf would probably look at Donna judgingly, and then it'd take a couple hours of explanations and apologies (because Donna would no doubt not be satisfied with whatever shitty explanation they'd give, and she'd find out the truth because Donna was terrifying that way) and maybe a black eye or two before Donna would disown him (she'd already disowned Wally, even if, according to Wally, that's a dirty rotten lie) and would proceed to adopt Wolf.
He shook his head at the thought. How about no.
Wolf had been listening with interest, and his ears perked up a bit after Dick called the Cave home. He huffed and gazed at them judgingly, as if to say, took you long enough.
If he was smart enough to understand conversation, he could understand they couldn't stay, which proved Wolf was taking a page out of Connor's book and being stubborn. Understandable. Dick wasn't exactly eager to leave Wolf either, but he didn't want to let Wolf roam alone outside again. Was roaming alone inside any better?
"We can hook up some sort of communication for Wolf and us?" Wally rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
"And sing lullabies to him? That might raise some questions."
At this point, he was about willing to try it.
"Sphere's awake, we can try her," Wally said, then frowned. "Though she's refusing to come out of the hanger. For a sweet bundle of bolts, she is surprisingly vengeful."
He froze.
Of course!
Dick wondered how he could be so stupid.
Sphere was awake.
Unlike Wolf, who was apparently tolerating them, Sphere had firmly decided she wanted nothing to do with them.
When she'd woken up a few days ago Sphere had shocked the wits out of Wally (what little he had anyways). She proceeded to take over the hanger where the Bioship was, barricading the door and beeping swear words at them that would make Artemis proud. Unsurprising, really, since the archer was the one who had taught said swear words to Sphere. Kaldur hadn't been amused.
Swear words aside, Sphere and Wolf had always gotten along with each other as Conner's respective strays. Possibly, if Wolf at least had Sphere, she might be able to reassure him Wally and Dick were coming back since their reassurances hadn't proved comforting. Though honestly, what were they expecting? Wolf would return and Sphere would wake up and there'd be no wounded trust?
Worst case scenario, Wolf listened to Sphere and also decided he wanted nothing to do with them.
Either way, both would have each other while Dick and Wally were gone.
"Yoohoo? Anybody home?" Wally waved a hand in front of his face. "Are we going to talk to the murder ball?"
Thinking of Sphere, Dick muttered, "Can you blame her?"
Wally looked at the ground.
He dragged a hand through his red hair. "Alright, let's try it."
Dick made a motion to Wolf, who followed them to the hanger, ears alert as if he expected a threat to jump out at them. It absolutely devastated him to see Wolf like this, smart and half-feral and oh so protective of what little he had left. Dick felt like he didn't deserve it. He felt like Wolf deserved all the extra large steaks in the world. He felt like he should probably read all those self-help books Donna got him for Christmas.
It took far longer than it should have to coax Sphere to open the hanger so Wolf could enter.
Sphere proved resistant, still hellbent on ignoring the two of them. Choice swear words were thrown at them.
In the end, only Wolf's annoyed growl got Sphere to open it.
She was, as it turns out, was delighted to see Wolf again, though she was scolding him for running off. She was significantly less delighted to see Dick and Wally, and they were nearly chased out of the hanger again before Wolf gave a soft huff, and Sphere stopped. She beeped at them irritated, making it clear that she'd leave them alone.
The for now went unspoken, but the thought it was heavily implied enough to be truth. She certainly had a foul mouth on her.
I'm going to be murdered in my sleep, Dick thought, by a vengeful robotic ball.
Somewhere, Asimov was laughing. He shook his head.
The hanger door was still open as Wolf walked in to curl up near the Bioship. Sphere stayed close by, beeping excitedly at him. He looked back at Dick and Wally, but then he settled down.
Dick and Wally counted that as a win.
Sweaty and still running on a little adrenaline, Wally and him turned away. Wolf didn't follow them. They breathed a sigh of relief.
Before he left, he threw Wolf one last look. The large white wolf had fallen into an exhausted sleep; Sphere's beeping grew quieter.
He smiled.
They went back to the living room in a strategic retreat, each of them exhausted.
Wally flopped onto the couch. Dick skipped the couch and spread out on the floor.
"Well that went well."
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You know what else is a bitch? This chapter, because it was a pain to write. It's 5000 words and that's without this long end part.
So apparently I had a lot of feelings about Wolf coming back. I had to write this chapter a few different ways, but I'm happy with the end result. I'm so sorry Dick keeps brooding late at night/early in the morning, that's apparently what he's decided to do. Damian's also being a demanding little brat. Thanks to everyone whose reviewed, favorited, et cetera. Also thanks to anyone who favorited this ages ago, forgot what it was about, and had to reread the whole story to remember what on earth happened. I love you all.
I do have something I need to say.
Part of the reason for the long break is because my Grammy died late September last year. She went in for a simple surgery, and less than a week later she was dead. I had to sit through a funeral where the priest called her Mimi, a common nickname for Mary Anne, except that she never went by it once in her life. Her ashes are sitting in my home. Her china cabinet is in our basement.
I want one more 'I love you'. One more hug, one more laugh, one more smile, one more joke, one more argument, because Lord knows that woman would've outlived God trying to have the last word. She was beautiful and fierce and a huge influence on my life. She died a few weeks before she turned 71. I will live the rest of my life with what ifs, because the doctor screwed up.
When my Mom cleaned out her locker at work, her coworkers had given her a cupcake that she'd never get to eat. We cleaned out her apartment on her birthday. I went into the place thinking I could handle it, made it a few steps, and immediately started crying. Her fridge was stuffed full and she still had a pot of cold coffee on the stove. She was already talking to my Mom about staying over for Christmas Eve.
I don't remember much of October, nor early November. Writing was hard, and the words felt dead. I did post a chapter for another story on Nov. 22 but most of that was written before she died. It was mostly an attempt to feel something, to get back into writing. A large majority of my attention and my effort was focused on not failing my classes and applying for college.
God I miss her so much.
Subsequent months were also filled with classes and exams and not failing those and trying to think about how my Grammy would never get to see me go to prom, because I hadn't gone last year and if only I'd known that. I held a yellow bouquet for her. My Aunt (my Mom's sister) and Uncle stopped by and gave me a yellow rose for her. We took pictures. Graduation sped closer and I tried not to think about how there's once person who won't be there that was so excited to see me graduate because this year she wouldn't have to juggle two different graduations.
Throughout all this, I promise you I was trying to write. It was difficult when I was watching my family fall apart and fit together in a different way. Every 4th of July, my Mom's side of the family goes to my one Uncle's house. I still found myself looking for her. I can see her in pictures and in my relatives, hear her voice in a few recordings, but I can't hug her again.
So yeah. Writing wasn't exactly easy nor my top concern but I tried. February I got the flu and was basically sick for three weeks on top of testing for my black belt early March, which I did while recovering from said flu.
I'm on AO3 now as RingwraithBookworm, though I have yet to also post any of my Fanfiction stuff there. I'm going be on both sites now. I started a Fem!Obi-Wan story. It's weird but it made me happy. I didn't post it on Fanfiction because I felt guilty writing for something that wasn't one of these stories. I joined Tumblr the other day too. Username is RingwraithMD if you want to talk.
You don't know these people, but you do know me. I know this is a long ass note but I'm not telling you this to make you cry. I'm telling you this so you can understand what's been happening.
I love my reviewers. I understand the enthusiasm for a good story, hell I'm even grateful for it. But please, please be respectful of the fact that the authors of your stories have lives and you don't know what's going on. If you're really concerned, you can ask them in your review, or PM them. Thanks for your patience with me.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter.