Happy Holidays! A Silver Dolphin here. Thanks for reading on. Huh. Somehow, this story has gathered two thousand followers. Time for a celebratory coffee. Now that my laptop's back (finally), I can truly start writing again. I hope what I've written has been worth the wait.

On a side note, I've been asked about the direction of this story. Well, first and foremost, it's a comedy (I miss you, Pyrrha), so the plot will be derailed (humorously), character quirks will be exaggerated for laughs, and things in general shouldn't be taken too seriously. Rather like RWBY Chibi, but with a slowly advancing plot and brief moments of seriousness to set up scenarios.

As always, this chapter has been brought to you by uproariously ridiculous amounts of coffee. Please enjoy!

TheUnholySmirk: Not to worry, friend. I don't write for the sake of follows or popularity. I write because it's fun (though reviews are great motivators). It's just that my studies and job keep me a bit too busy for consistent updates.

Chapter 12: Of Grievances and Hunger Pangs

"You mean I'm sober right now?" Qrow was shocked. "Nah. I'm definitely drunk. There's no other way this could actually happen."

"Qrow," Galahad scolded, eyebrows furrowed. "When will you admit you have a drinking problem?"

"Come on, pal. I can't even remember the last time I was truly drunk."

"That's the point. On that note, Jaune carried you back yesterday."

"Huh. No wonder I woke up on a bed this morning."

"…Are you saying that you don't wake up on a bed most mornings?"

"Usually I—We've gotten off track. I mean, how could this happen?!"

"Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Jaune couldn't possibly be bad at everything." Galahad paused to ponder for a moment. "Everything combat-related or useful to our line of work, he's definitely hopeless. But garbage at everything? Impossible."

Almost instinctively, Jaune started complaining.

"Aren't teachers supposed to believe in their students?"

The sound of his whining was like music to their ears.

"That's what they're paid to do, kid." Qrow snubbed. "Unfortunately for you, we're not being paid. So…"

The Trainee managed to look affronted.

"Oh, grow up, Jaune." The Tutor chided. "We're just having a laugh."

"At my expense. As usual."

"Well, teaching you has to have some benefits, right? That being said, I'll have seconds. The steak was truly divine, Jaune."

"Flambé mine with cognac."

"Words cannot describe how much I hate the both of you right now."

Dutifully, Jaune retreated back behind the counter and rekindled the grill. He moved with the confidence of a man truly in his element. His hands danced across the countertop, effortless and graceful in their motions.

"On a more serious note, you'll soon leave for your final test. A real mission in all but name. There will be more at stake than just your life should you fail. I do recall some training scenarios you may wish to attempt before you leave. Oum knows you need them."

(Are you ready, Jaune? We can delay the test, you need only ask.)

"It's not too late to chicken out. Leave it to the pros if you can't handle it." Qrow added.

(This ain't your only shot, kid. Are you sure about this?)

Jaune turned the steak fillets over with a flick of the wrist, and a piffling, wistful smile on his face.

It wasn't just commitment or internal drive that kept Jaune from throwing in the towel, and returning home. If he were given the choice to turn back the clock, he'd do it all again anyway. Because no matter what snide remark was thrown about, what mean or sarcastic words uttered, he had long since learnt to perceive the underlying message.

"I've…I've got this, guys. It's about time for me to stand up on my own two feet."

"…I'm glad to hear that, Jaune. I look forward to seeing the successful mission report. From trainee to colleague, how times have changed."

(Wonderful. I'll finally be free of you and your idiocrasy. I still can't believe you managed to get this far.)

"Humph. Good on you, kid. Now, how's that steak coming along?"

(Great. But more importantly, is the steak done yet?)

If it wasn't for his pride as a chef, Jaune would've poisoned the steaks. It wouldn't have been too hard. A few extra spices, and an hour spent on the toilet seat would be all but guaranteed. Oum knows Qrow deserved it…

"If it's a mission in all but name, what exactly will I be doing? Infiltration? Sabotage?"

"According to the dossier, it's an infiltration. You've been tasked with establishing a surveillance system and collecting intrigue." The Tutor explained, reading off his scroll.

"Gadgets?"

"The full range of non-lethals. Concealed weaponry only. Without Dust ammunition, your Aegis should pass through their security checkpoints."

"Extraction?"

"Unassisted. Figuring out the best exit strategy will be part of your test. Though, given your alias and disguise, it shouldn't be too hard…"

"Heh, fake moustaches. Ozpin really knows how to pick em'." Qrow snickered.

"Fake moustache? My first real disguise will be a fake moustache? Do you want me to get caught?"

"The simpler the disguise, the less suspicious it is. Anyway, you'll be masquerading as a butler of sorts, it's almost expected of you to have a regal moustache."

"What do you mean by, 'of sorts'?"

Jaune settled the steaks onto the table and peeked over Galahad's shoulder.

"Assistant Cake Butler? Really?"

"Apparently, 'Cake Butler' was deemed too important a position to entrust to an outsider."

It was said that Schnees were born with sneers on their faces. Having now met and experienced all four living members of the family, Jaune Arc completely agreed. He only had two things to add.

Firstly, arrogance comes before the fall.

Secondly, every last one of you have a stick the size of Remnant shoved up your Oum forsaken—

"Well then, Miss Schnee." Even Yang briefly shuddered at the sheer disdain in Jaune's voice. "Are you absolutely certain?"

The occupants of the table trained their eyes on the Schnee Heiress. Silver looked worried. The cerulean pair could only be described as irritated. One pair of silted amber eyes looked particularly pleading, their owner's lips mouthing the words: 'No. Don't take this away from me. I can't live without more of this tuna.'

"As I said." Weiss affirmed. "I don't see what mistakes I've made. I have not been untruthful."

Silence reigned for a brief moment. Jaune sipped at his coffee. Then he smiled, and she shivered.

"…Alright then."

Silence reigned yet again.

"Uh…What?" Yang elegantly uttered. "That's it? No fight? No kiss? No nothing?"

"In that order, yes, that's it. If she doesn't want to associate with me, it's her choice and I'll respect it."

But she'll regret it.

At this point, even Ruby thought Jaune was being too nice. She nudged Weiss to wipe the growing smile off her face.

"I mean, it's not as if the Arcs conveniently owned the lands in Vale that the Schnee Dust Company was looking to buy out."

She shouldn't have bothered. The growing smile made a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn.

"I think a lot of Faunus would love the sound of 'Arc Dust Industries'. And the Valean council has always been keen to fund local produce. Hmm...I'll have to make a few phone calls."

Yang thought the look on the Heiress's face was absolutely hilarious. Weiss looked as if she could see the SDC's stock price plummeting in real-time.

"Just joking." Weiss didn't react. "We don't have the resources for that yet, and the Arc ancestral home is built on the land."

"As for the rest of your questions, if yesterday was any indication, I'm sure all of us know who'd win that fight." He smirked.

"Also, I'd rather kiss Ren."

Pyrrha looked slightly heartbroken. Ren's stoicism briefly faltered. The Heiress was still trapped in her self-inflicted nightmare.

"For the record, I'm straight."

Pyrrha cheered up. Nora's grip on Ren loosened.

"In truth, considering the 'lasagne' being served by the cafeteria tonight," The four members of Team RWBY shuddered. "I was going to ask your team to join us for dinner. I've already bought and prepared a whole salmon. Traditional Menagerie style. It's truly a pity half of it will be wasted…"

Whatever comradery Weiss had built up with Blake instantly died. Ruby swore she heard growling from somewhere. She couldn't tell whether it was her stomach or her mind playing tricks on her.

Yang took one look back at the kitchen. She was one hundred percent sure that bananas had no place in lasagne. She then glanced back at the members of her team.

Nope. I doubt any of us can cook. Guess we're ordering pizza tonight. On Weiss's tab of course.

"Velvet, could I offer your team a free dinner?"

Blake unknowingly glared at the rabbit Faunus.

"Um, sorry J-Jaune, our team's doing some night training. We'd love to next time though."

"We'll make plans then."

"Yes, Mr. Arc," the Deputy Headmistress concurred. "Plans to see the Headmaster. Immediately."

A sudden chill engulfed the table as Beacon's Disciplinarian glared nearly every student into submission.

"Please wait, Miss Goodwitch! Jaune was only trying to help me." Velvet valiantly defended.

Blake's expression became one of confusion. What?

"He was merely defending another student." Pyrrha added.

"Indeed." Ren nodded along.

"It was all Cardin's fault!" Nora declared. "He provoked our righteous leader's sense of justice!"

Jaune was admittedly rather touched by his team's show of support. The Arc Pancake special was on the breakfast menu for tomorrow.

"Even if that's the case, his actions have landed three students in the infirmary. Mr. Winchester, along with his team will be seeing the Headmaster as soon as they've recovered. Now, Mr. Arc, you should not waste anymore of the Headmaster's time."

She turned around and strode towards the exit, leaving no room for argument. It was painfully obvious that Jaune was meant to follow. In contrast to everyone's almost solemn or offended looks, and especially Velvet's tearful one, strangely enough, Jaune seemed almost happy.

"Don't worry, team. I'll be back in time for dinner. Pyrrha, you're in charge till I return."

With his coffee in one hand, and Aegis in the other, Jaune departed so confidently, it was as if he was just going off to see an old friend.

"Err, any chance we could still get in on that dinner?" Yang shamelessly asked.

"Please?" Blake pleaded.

"I'll ask Jaune to reconsider, but in the two years I've known him, he's never gone back on his word." Pyrrha answered.

"Y-You've known him for two years?" Weiss snapped out of her nightmare.

Pyrrha smiled in the same way Jaune did. It was a smile that screamed, 'you've dug your own grave. Now lie in it.'

"I've known him since my tournament days. He's my best. friend."

Given all that they'd been through, she could understand his reluctance to discipline children. Yet, these were Huntsmen in the making, and a delinquent in the classroom was no better than a loose cannon in combat.

Thus, Glynda Goodwitch was pleasantly surprised to see Ozpin taking his job as headmaster seriously…for once.

"Now, Mr. Arc. I understand that tensions are high, and young Huntsmen such as yourself are prone to—"

Beacon's Deputy Headmistress felt the slightest upward twitch of her lips as she saw Ozpin admonish the clearly regretful freshman. She'd thought to take matters into her own hands, and delay her next class, but everything seemed under control.

Perhaps I'll allocate a little more to our coffee budget.

The elevator door closed, taking Glynda with it.

"—Excellent work, Jaune. Blackmail material on our least favourite councilman is always a welcome addition. Beacon's coffers could certainly do with a sizeable donation."

Jaune was fairly certain Ozpin's laughter was of the evil variety.

"Not what I intended, but the Winchesters certainly have more than enough lien to spare. But more importantly, why is the daughter of Menagerie's Chieftain here at Beacon? Last I checked, she was part of the White Fang."

Jaune walked towards the headmaster's desk and loosened his tumbler's cap, pouring the contents into two mugs.

"And on the same team as that Schnee, to boot. I'm honestly just waiting for the fireworks to explode."

"Ghira would rather have her somewhere safe. Once he'd heard rumours of her defection, knowing she wouldn't return home, he pleaded to have us safeguard her."

One of the mugs found itself in Ozpin's hands.

"Where better than Beacon, protected by a strong team? Even more so, given that it appears she made the choice of her own accord. Should it not interfere with Miss Niko's protection, consider her safety your second priority."

"In fact, consider Team RWBY's safety your second priority. I'm certain Qrow would feel more at ease knowing his nieces were in your care."

Jaune felt as if he'd just been told coffee was bad for him.

"…But I only just swore vengeance on Weiss Schnee."

"You've sworn vengeance against both Qrow and myself." Behind the coffee mug, Arthur smirked. "It appears you're not very good at revenge. Perhaps it's better that way."

"Damn it." The truth hurt.

"Hmm…" The Headmaster took on his usual contemplative look. "Why not?"

"Ozpin?"

"She will one day inherit Remnant's most powerful company. What do you make of this?"

With deft movements, Jaune perfectly imitated Qrow's signature 'You're kidding me' look.

"Point me to the nearest bar, I'm not nearly drunk to live through that sober."

"Wonderful impression." Ozpin reached within his coat pocket. "Here, catch."

A storage Scroll was caught in Jaune's left palm.

"This is…"

"The results of your final test, and all other incriminating evidence we've uncovered on them."

"…"

"…May I use your desk for a moment? The student network access is rather slow."

The Headmaster gave Jaune the Look.

"Remnant is better off without them. Except, perhaps for Winter."

"Without the Schnee Dust Company's dominance to ward off Atlas's paranoia, three of the four kingdoms would face Dust shortages within months."

"If we were to suggest that Dust would be in short supply and leak out equipment blueprints, there would be thousands of happier Faunus and three stronger Kingdoms."

"And one devastated Remnant. Dust is a strategic resource, Jaune. For now, the balance of power is roughly equal. No Kingdom can survive without the other. Your actions would change that." Ozpin chided.

The log-in jingle sounded.

"You're still using the same password?!"

"Jaune." Ozpin admonished, tone stern.

The leader of team JNPR grimaced, muttering an apology.

"Interdependence is perhaps the best way to ensure peace."

"...So why give this to me in the first place? Wouldn't it be better for you to keep it?"

"Of all of us, you know them best..."

"For the record, they're all racist, elitist morons." Jaune quickly interjected. "Winter slightly less so."

"And my own decisions have allowed far too many transgressions to go unpunished." Ozpin continued, unperturbed.

"Thus, I need you to judge whether we, as Kingsmen, need intervene. Observe her, Lancelot, and let us hope she makes the right decisions."

"...Is that an order?"

"It's a request."

"...I'll promise a fair judgement."

"That's all I ask. I trust you, Jaune."

A silence filled the air, both men contemplating their next words, sipping at their coffees.

"You should really change the password. It's not secure."

Ozpin sighed.

"Glynda has to see that you've been given an appropriate punishment. Claim that you have been given errands to run for me. It will serve as an excuse when you need to leave classes or school grounds."

"Right."

"Also, your car is ready for usage." Ozpin smirked as Jaune briefly shuddered. "I wasn't joking when I said that you should fulfil your childhood dream. Enjoy school life. Things are relevantly peaceful. Perhaps, take your team out to Vale on the weekend? I'm sure they'll enjoy it."

"Mr. Arc," Glynda singled him out. "Glad you could join us."

The denizens of the fighting arena turned as one to see what punishment would be meted out on the late arrival to sparring class.

Pyrrha smiled at him. Ruby, ever incapable of reading the atmosphere, cheerfully waved at him. Nora gleefully joined her. Weiss made a point to look in the opposite direction.

"Seeing as you've already set foot in the arena, you shall be our first contender."

The Disciplinarian had obviously decided that he was deserving of more punishment.

"Understood." He sighed.

"Mr. Winchester." She turned to glare at the Thug. "Perhaps you'd like to continue your scuffle in a sanctioned spar?"

She inwardly smirked at the expression of fear on his face. And Oobleck claimed I was losing my touch.

She had no idea the Devil himself (or so Cardin claimed) was standing just behind her, seemingly innocent, but with hellfire in his eyes promising a slow, painful demise the second he stepped into the ring.

'Don't worry.' The man mouthed. 'I'll be gentle.'

"No." Cardin begged. "Please, anyone but him!"

"Aww..." Jaune wined. Spoilsport!

"I see..." She didn't think her glare was that effective. "Well-"

"I'll fight him!" The Boxer actually looked hungry. Hungry enough for Blake to subtly inch away from her.

"Is that so?" Glynda adjusted her sight, and idly repositioned her glasses. "Very well then, Miss Xiao Long. Step into the arena."

"Students, for all spars during our sessions, standard tournament rules shall apply. The spar ends upon submission of one's opponent, or upon reaching critical aura levels. Following that, I will offer critique and it is in your best interest to improve on it."

"Ready, blondie?" Yang entered the ring, fists at the ready.

"Always, blondie." Jaune hid a tiny smirk. "I hope you'll put up a better fight than Miss Schnee did."

Jaune had hoped to get a rise out of Weiss. He would've succeeded if not for Ruby stuffing the unwanted Ant-encrusted Cookie into her mouth.

"Shush Weiss!" Ruby whispered. "Yang's gonna try and get us a decent dinner!"

Blake backed the Prodigy up, eyes promising some form of vengeance if she didn't play nice.

"Say Jaune, do you like bets?" The longhaired blonde grinned.

"No." He instantly shut her down.

"O-oh. Err, hear me out? Please?"

Don't look her in the eyes! If she's Ruby's sister, her puppy eyes would be too powe—

"Alright..." He acquiesced.

"If I win this spar, you'll be Team RWBY's personal chef for a month."

"Ren! Pyrrha! She's trying to steal our leader from us!" Nora 'realized'. "Don't listen to her Jaune!"

"And should you lose?"

Yang blinked as if the word 'lose' was said in an alien language. It was a testament to her skill that the thought had never even occurred.

"...Ruby's hidden a stash of really nice cookies under her bed. You can have them, I guess?" She wagered the first thing that came to mind, much to Ruby's dismay.

Yang, you traitor!

"That seems hardly fair." Jaune was unamused.

"If you win, I'll do something nice for you?" She teased, leaning forward in a rather suggestive manner.

Knowing Qrow would somehow find a way to transfer his semblance onto him if he accepted, Jaune counteroffered.

"Team RWBY would owe me one."

"Deal!" Weiss would strangle her in her sleep, and Blake might help, but it wasn't as if she could possibly lose, right?

"Are both fighters ready?" Glynda sighed.

While she didn't approve of betting, Ozpin allowed it as a form of motivation to fight at their best. She had reluctantly admitted it worked.

"Anytime!" Yang answered. Jaune nodded.

"Begin!"

AN: Not that many references made this time. Eh, still quite a couple. To those reviewing asking whether they've gotten the reference correct, if it's a quote, usually the tense is changed to suit the story. So the wording should match the reference quite closely. Also, no one (amazingly) has been wrong thus far.

Honestly, I feel like my writing's in a bit of a slump. I'm never truly satisfied with how each chapter turns out, and when I find a plot hole, it's difficult to patch it up without rather illogical and obvious cover-ups. *sigh*

Anyway, I really like reading reviews. Almost as much as drinking coffee. *hint* *hint*

A Silver Dolphin,

Signing out.

Omake: Strategic Planning

"Little Bro!"

He had a split second to turn around before forty-five kilos of older sister collided into him. Thankfully, he was very much used to suffocating hugs and quickly stabilized himself, preventing both their falls. Seven clingy sisters worth of hugs changed a man.

"How'd your first day of school go, Jaune? Hard to believe it's only one more year till your Signal trials!"

"Umm…I need some advice." His cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Aww." Her hug tightened, the cuteness of her little brother approaching puppy eye levels. "Of course, Jaune! You can ask your Big Sis Jade anything!"

"Homework? Fashion? Blade practice? Oum knows you need that." She guessed. "If it's about what to cook for dinner, remember your big sis loves fish n' chips!"

The tiny trickle of drool dripped unnoticed into his messy blond locks.

"Um, actually it's, well, g-girl advice?"

Nothing was said in response. The only indication that she'd heard him was the now increasing intensity of the comfortable-yet-not-comfortable hug.

"Sis?"

Semblance; active. Beginning information collection.

"Jaune, why don't you tell me about her?"

He didn't know why Jade's voice suddenly sounded rather…robotic but all his sisters occasionally seemed to have strange quirks like this. Especially when he talked about his friends at school. Cinnamon or Maple couldn't have done anything to offend them, right?

"She had the silkiest, most beautiful, snow white hair I'd ever seen." He cooed, missing Jade's ever extending scowl. "And sang with the voice of an angel."

Some Schnee harlot wants to sink her claws into my Jaun—little brother?!

Strategy conceived.

Plan A: Removal of threat. Outcome prediction: 65% chance of success. No harm sustained by Jaune Arc. 72% chance of permanent criminal status gain. New status depicts potential relationship interference. Outcome unacceptable. Revaluating options.

Plan B: Expatriation of threat. Outcome prediction: 80% chance of success. Slight emotional harm sustained by Jaune Arc. Loss of favour owed by councilman. Possible negative consequences for Vale's Dust industry. Outcome unappealing. Revaluating options.

Plan C: Promissory Action. Outcome prediction: 70% chance of extracting promise. No harm sustained by Jaune Arc. Recalibrating for puppy eye technique. 95% chance of obtaining Jaune's promise. 100% chance of siblings acting in agreement. Jaune Arc remains single.

Outcome acceptable. Establishing protocols. Commencing action.

"Jaune." Reluctantly dismissing Plan A (again), she schooled her features and optimized her puppy eye look. "If you started dating…and managed to get a girlfriend, y-you wouldn't forget about us, would you?"

"Never, sis!" He swore. "I love you all, and nothing would ever change that!"

System unable to compensate for heightened emotional state. Stabilization required before proceeding.

She fought back a slight nosebleed, and hugged him a little tighter.

"C-Could you say that last bit again, please?"

"I love you all, and nothing would ever change that?"

At this point, she couldn't stand the thought of any other woman (excluding her sisters), being allowed to associate with Jaune.

Emotional pressure alleviated.

"Jaune, you know that I'd only ever want the best for you, right?"

"Of course." His trust was so great it didn't even take a second for him to respond.

"Then I need you to promise me one thing." Jaune nodded. "Before you start dating someone, you need to get the permission of all us siblings first."

Jaune hadn't noticed, seeing as his sisters pretty much always agreed to whatever he wanted (anything for lil' bro) but in truth, persuading even one of them to let go of their favourite brother was harder than convincing General Ironwood that violence wasn't the right solution.

"Well, if it'll make you happy sis, I promise."

That promise would be kept until Beryl pointed out they themselves would never be able to (practice) date Jaune.

AN: Writing out these Arc Charm sketches is seriously fun. Though I'd like to know if you'd prefer individual omakes or loosely connected ones like this.