Disclaimer: Well, considering I'm not richer than England royalty, I don't own Harry Potter.
Story: The Champions and two Ministry judges are supposed to read brief summaries of the Champs' lives. Hogwarts forces a lockdown and gives them detailed books about the 4th champion instead. Damn, Harry didn't know everyone else would get to read them too.
Set in 4th year, just after the Champions' names were called out.
Spoilers: Books 1-7 probably.
Warnings: ?
Pairings: Canon for 4th, overall canon pairings will probably be dismissed (I'll probably keep things gen/no pairing initially). Though, I'll probably will include jokes and hints (that can be meaningless).

The Potter Diaries: Reading the 4th Champion
Chapter Three: The Letters From No One

"I wonder how everyone is," Harry wondered aloud.

Ludo shrugged. "Dunno. I wonder if they're looking for us or even know we're locked in a strange room."

"Vell, at least ve are comfy," Viktor propped up his feet.

"Who's reading next?" Aidan asked.

"Do I get to read? I know I keep changing spots, but I should have read after Cedric," Harry refrained from pouting.

"I wanted to read," Fleur smirked. "And no. You cannot read. You will probably keep out some zings."

There was a chorus agreement from everyone else that had Harry finally pouting.

"So it was Cedric, Fleur, and now Aidan's turn I should think," Ludo looked at the seating arrangement. "Then Bart and then me."

"And then me!" Harry perked up, trying to be sneaky.

"No," everyone else deadpanned.

She sighed and gave it up for a lost cause…for now. It had been worth a try though. She'd try again later, when everyone's guard went down. But she wanted a notebook too now…

"Notebook and pencil," she held out her hands expectantly, victoriously snatching hers out of the air and then began to immediately do something inside, splitting her attention between it and the reading.

"The Letters From No One," Aidan announced the chapter title, raising an eyebrow at it.

"Strange. Vhat exactly does that mean?" Viktor asked.

"Hogwarts Letter," Crouch nodded surely. "It should be around that time now, and to a Muggle-raised witch like Harry, she would be confused by the letter and where it would have come from, especially as no one's explained anything to her and she doesn't know anything about Hogwarts or magic. That and no one's written to her before, that she knows of." 'Especially with her relatives and her upbringing,' Crouch hid his twitch.

To date, the boa constrictor escape was probably still the longest punishment she'd earned, cupboard-wise at least. Harry wished the book hadn't mentioned that though. That sentence earned a menacing scowl from everyone that Harry ignored, preferring to focus on her new notebook.

"'By the time she was allowed out of her cupboard again, the summer holidays had started –'" Aidan's face darkened as he read.

"Harry, just how long was zat?" Fleur asked sweetly, though everyone could see that she was beyond furious.

"Hm?" Harry finally looked up. "Eh…let's see…Dudley's birthday is June 23 and summer holidays start around July 21st...so around a month-ish? I was let out for school and chores though, so I wasn't in it all the time."

Crouch made a loud hissing noise and the rest had heavy scowls on their faces. It was worse because Harry just brushed it off like it was nothing (or she thought it was nothing) or that she was used to it. Or both.

Also not surprising anyone when the book detailed how Dudley broke (already) most of his gifts, including the video camera, remote control airplane, and (though surprised he actually used his racing bike) knocked down Mrs. Figg on her crutches.

"Braaat~!" Cedric sing-songed, rolling his eyes. He didn't know why he was still surprised. Harry's cousin had proven, so far, that he had no use for brain cells or manners. He'd hoped that Dudley would have been raised better from the first chapter, but by now it was obvious it was not so. Maybe the kid would grow up in the future, but he highly doubted that.

Still, expectant looks were directed towards Harry, who barely noticed, moving reluctantly from her notebook to stare back at them. She sighed in fondness.

"A video camera is something that records whatever it's pointed at and then you can replay it, like the omnioculars. An airplane is something Muggles travel in to fly long distances, so a remote control one is a toy version for amusement. A racing bike is another thing they can use to travel with, except this one is specifically to race."

Harry kind of still agreed that the biggest and stupidest of the lot (still Dudley) was the leader of the group.

"How does that work with Malfoy? Crabbe's secretly the mastermind, while he's the face?" Cedric smirked.

Harry put on a thoughtful look. "Huh, clever. Sneaky, Crabbe. I should have known."

Everyone snickered.

Still, Harry made a face when the book brought up Harry Hunting. Instead of getting angry, they saw an opportunity to joke. They could always inwardly stew about it in their heads anyway…

"So how does that work?" Cedric asked, looking very serious about it.

"Ve should set Harry off and then chase after her," Viktor stated with a glint in his eye. "Only for a different reason than her cousin's."

"Ohhh, sounds like something I wouldn't mind. Let's do it! I want to play Harry Hunting!" Fleur smirked at Harry quickly before it was wiped off and Harry wondered if she'd imagined it.

"Now, children. You have to behave," Crouch admonished. "We have to make it legal first."

Everyone started laughing at Harry's expense, but she just shrugged and took it good-naturedly.

Ah, secondary school. The book made her feel nostalgic now, and she amusedly remembered how she'd been all prepared to go to secondary school, though she was at least going to be away from Dudley.

"Silly, Harry –what happened to your mad prediction skills?" Aidan teased. "It's off to Hogwarts for you!"

"They went on vacation," Harry spoke seriously, referring to her 'mad prediction skills.' "My Sight was clouded."

"Oh dear, perhaps we shall 'ave to do something about zat," Fleur giggled.

With the highest amusement, Aiden read the next part eagerly, "'No, thanks,' said Harry. 'The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it –it might be sick.' Then she ran, before Dudley could work out what she'd said.'"

"Bwahaha!" Ludo and Aidan burst out laughing, while the others either laughed more quietly or hid their laughing.

"I officially hire you as at least my PR agent," Aidan smirked at her.

Harry beamed happily. "So I can toss derogatory descriptions and sarcasm at you?"

"No, so you can toss derogatory descriptions and sarcasm at my opponents…and my teammates."

Personally, at the next bit, Harry thought Mrs. Figg had been really nice to give her a piece of chocolate cake, even though she remembered that it did indeed taste like she'd had it for several years.

"Don't eat it!" Fleur burst out. "It iz 'orrible! A crime for food to be wasted. I may not be a cook myself, or particularly care for cooking, but we French take pride in our cuisine and ze culinary artz!"

Harry looked at her in amusement. "This happened years ago, Fleur. It's been eaten and gone. Sorry, a little too late."

Fleur cringed and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Good old Smeltings' uniform…complete with knobbly sticks. Harry had forgotten how ridiculous it looked, more so now that its description was spelled out on page.

"Ew. Zat iz totally a fashion disaster," Fleur was cringing again.

"I'm so glad that Hogwarts' uniform is so much more normal and just a standard black," even Cedric was having trouble not blanching at the image the description produced. "Even our school's name kind of seems more normal, if comedic. Smelt-tings equals smelt things."

"The knobbly sticks is a sound idea," Ludo interrupted, shocking everyone. "Though I hadn't known there were cavemen courses."

That brought everyone snickering under their breaths.

Harry almost laughed as the book mentioned Vernon proclaiming seeing Dudley in the uniform as the proudest moment in his life. Remembering how Dudley looked, she really couldn't understand her relatives.

"Wow, not much to be proud of then, huh," Crouch said sarcastically.

She'd tried very hard not to laugh then, and she was still sure she'd broken at least two ribs from trying not to laugh. Currently, she was having the same problem.

Aidan poked Harry in the ribs, whose face had been twitching at this part.

"Laugh."

And Harry finally burst out into laughter, remembering that moment, and everyone joined her soon after. She went after her notebook straight after though, for some reason.

Harry remembered how Petunia had been dyeing what was supposed to be her school clothes for secondary school. She hadn't been kidding when she thought it looked like bits of elephant skin back then. It smelled kind of funny too.

Amused again, Aiden happily read, "'Harry looked in the bowl again. 'Oh,' she said, 'I didn't realize it had to be so wet.'"

"Harry! Why don't you ever show your humor around school?" Cedric pouted. "It's not fair. You waste all your good stuff on your family, who won't appreciate it."

"Definitely a waste. Therefore, don't waste it on them. Save it up to use against my rivals. Like this punk," Aidan jerked a thumb over in Viktor's direction.

Viktor rolled his eyes. "I vill steal her from you and keep her myself."

Cedric and Fleur both suddenly grinned, trading looks.

"I knew it, Viktor! Making your claim more obvious, eh?" Cedric chortled.

Fleur nodded. "'Ou 'ad us all fooled. Now 'ou show your true colors!"

Viktor looked at them wide-eyed. "Vhat? Be quiet! Don't say such things –!"

"Never!" Aidan interrupted loudly. "I refuse! She's MY PR agent slash pet!"

Harry blinked. "Wait, what? What's this about a claim again? And no! I'm not a pet! Damn it, what's going on?"

Crouch just shook his head.

Harry was doubtful of Petunia's claim that the clothing would look like everyone else's uniform, but she wasn't the only one.

"I doubt that," Crouch said wryly.

"'Harry seriously doubted this –,'" Aidan read slyly.

Crouch flushed red, more so at the amused looks everyone tossed his way.

Harry's thoughts now echoed the ones of hers back then, how she would look horrible and again look like she was wearing elephant skin.

"'Ou would probably still look better in zem zan anyone else. 'Ou could totally pull zose clothes and zat look off," Fleur muttered angrily, accent again strengthening. "And by ze time I'm done with 'ou, your cousin will think 'ou were a supermodel, zat pig…"

She started muttering more under her breath, starting to scribble madly into her notebook again.

Harry's mind started to blank out at her words.

The next altercation in the book, where Vernon almost made Dudley get the mail only for it to be turned around and Harry still ending up getting it, was no surprise.

"Of course," everyone chorused.

"Should have known," Crouch twitched.

And then, finally, was the letter for Harry.

Hogwarts students and alumni cheered, but even the foreigners joined in, as it meant Harry would get to leave there soon and be able to join the world she was meant to be in.

Harry really had never received a letter in her life before then and had thought truthfully who would? Still thought so.

"Us," the group said in stereo.

"The whole Wizarding World," Cedric snickered, then he scrunched his nose. "And to be honest, I did write a letter when I was younger."

"So did I," Fleur surprisingly admitted. "Zere was a time where I was really into ze whole princesses and 'eroes zing, and you were a real-life 'ero and as close to ze fairytales I was obsessed with."

Harry blushed hard, with the guys giving her subtle winks and laughing under their breath.

"I wrote too," Aidan spoke up. "I was hoping to get you into Quidditch, keep your dad's love alive in you. Maybe see if you'd like a supervised ride around a pitch or just some visits."

"I wrote as well," Crouch reluctantly revealed. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright and that you were getting along well. Though now I think I should've been more forceful for a visit," he muttered the last part.

"I wish I'd known and gotten those letters," Harry awkwardly smiled at them. "It would've been much nicer growing up, had I known all of you."

Harry remembered the first letter, and even how it had her address on it, complete with her cupboard.

"It's self-addressing, the Hogwarts Letters," Crouch explained, seeing Harry open her mouth and guessing correctly what the question was. "They wouldn't know the address themselves."

Harry nodded, almost satisfied, but she still frowned.

"They should look," she muttered.

Crouch frowned as well. "They should," he agreed solemnly.

The next part, with Vernon hurrying her and making the joke about letter bombs, was obviously a miss with the group.

"That was so lame," Ludo huffed. "It's obvious you don't get your humor from them, or that your humor hasn't rubbed off on them either."

"They're incapable of it. They had their funny bone surgically removed years ago," Harry deadpanned.

Most of them actually got it and laughed.

"I didn't think you'd get that," Harry was surprised. "The funny bone is more a Muggle thing and I didn't think you'd guys know anything about surgery."

"Ve aren't totally ignorant," Viktor grinned in amusement.

"Hey, wait. I don't get it, guys. What's a funny bone and what's surgery?" Cedric interrupted, unwittingly drawing laughter from the others.

Harry shook her head and explained it to him.

When the book described Harry coming back with her letter, handing off the other mail to Vernon, she shook her head at herself.

Harry scoffed. "That was so stupid. I should have opened the letter in the hallway. I didn't know what I was thinking."

Crouch patted her head roughly, making Harry's head and neck awkwardly and slightly painfully dunk down.

"You're ten years old," Crouch huffed. "You can't possibly expect yourself to think everything perfectly through at that age, do you? And as a ten year old, and getting a letter for the first time, being excited as well would just expound on things."

"Yeah, what Bart said," Ludo nodded. "I mean, you haven't gotten a letter before, so this event probably dazed you and you're probably not sure of the etiquette in how to deal with it. Normally, there's nothing wrong with ten year olds opening their letters at the table. Your family are just arseholes."

"Language, Ludo," Crouch reprimanded, though realized it was probably a lost cause with this group.

Harry nodded, but inwardly she still thought she should've known better.

And there was the quick side-mention of Marge being ill after eating a funny whelk that made Harry almost sneer, though she was very tempted to.

"Too bad nothing bad happened," Cedric slipped in, before Fleur lightly hit his arm.

"Don't wish ill on ozzers," she halfheartedly lectured.

"Even if she's probably like the rest of Harry's relatives?" Cedric raised an eyebrow. "Which she most probably is."

"…Well, in that case…"

Harry sighed, rolling her eyes. "I promise I get her back at least."

"Ohh, do tell," Ludo's eyes lit up in mischief.

"It'll probably be in the third book," Harry grinned.

Crouch hmmed. "This is a change. You're usually not so quick to wish ill on others."

"Let's just say that I really don't like 'Aunt' Marge," her dark tone worried the others.

As usual, there was Dudley to cause Harry problems, pointing out her letter to Vernon.

"Ugh, brat! Mind your own business!" Aidan twitched.

"And it's Harry's letter!" Ludo yelled in agreement.

Although the memory of her first latter being yanked from her hands by Vernon aggravated her, she amusingly recalled the book's description of Vernon's rapid change of face color, ending up the white-gray of porridge.

"I'm not eating porridge for a long time," Crouch shuddered.

"Agreed," Aidan and Ludo deadpanned.

The champions snickered at them.

"That really can't be healthy though, his face changing colors so fast," Cedric muttered in amusement.

Aidan went all in on the next part, eagerly reading Vernon dramatically trying to get Petunia's attention, and her even more dramatic reaction to the letter.

"Drama. Queen," Fleur rolled her eyes after.

Unsurprisingly, like the brat he was (is), Dudley would use his Smeltings stick on his father's head because he was being ignored.

"Ugh, really?" Viktor said in disgust. "Vhat a child. I really can't believe you are related to him, Harry. My vader vould haff put a belt to my behind for such behavior."

And although Dudley yelled about wanting to read the letter, Harry remembered how furious she was, that she had dared to speak up and demand to read it herself, given how it had been her letter.

"Dudley needs to get a reality check," Aidan snorted. "I would like to see someone deny him something."

"And go 'Arry! You tell zat man!" Fleur cheered.

"'I WANT MY LETTER!' she shouted,'" Aidan shouted too.

"GO HARRY!" the room cheered as one.

"Mother's temper, that one. Or her father's," Crouch frowned, scrunching up his eyebrows. "I need to look more into that."

Harry stared bemusedly at the man, though inwardly she was a little excited to know more of how she was like either of her parents.

Dudley demanded to see it too, but Harry scoffed at the line.

"SHUT UP, DUDLEY!" they paralleled from their shouts for Harry.

Vernon was physical again in the book, tossing Dudley and Harry out by the scruff of their necks.

"That man deserves some time in Azkaban," Crouch muttered, getting a strange glint in his eyes.

The others looked at him in wariness.

Harry's fight over the keyhole to eavesdrop was described, and she obviously lost and ended up with the crack between the floor and door.

"Bah, it's a better spot to eavesdrop at anyway, Harry," Aidan huffed.

Vernon and Petunia's paranoid delusions that they were being watched, spied on, and followed made Harry snort quietly. She remembered feeling incredulous as she listened in back then.

"Haha, like we don't have better things to do," Cedric laughed.

"Or do we?" Fleur had an evil glint in her eyes, Harry could swear.

"Sounds interesting. 'Potter Watch' –get all your Potter news and even watch her live," Cedric smirked and the two turned to look at Harry with matching devious looks.

"It vould make the whole zoo thing real," Viktor joined in.

Harry stared at them horrified.

"We should start watching them and Harry," Crouch muttered to himself, Harry's horrified stare transferring over to him.

Petunia's suggestion of writing back and saying no was quickly denied.

"Won't work," Crouch started in a matter of fact tone. "We'd have gone to her then and inquired to firstly her sincere answer and secondly her reasons why."

"You're talking to a book, sir," Harry hesitantly quipped.

"And please –Harry Potter not go to Hogwarts? Blasphemy," Ludo smirked.

"It would have made headlines," Aidan said solemnly, keeping his face grave.

Harry chocked two chunks of the leftover bread at them.

Vernon's answer of ignoring it and not doing anything was denied also.

"Even worse," Crouch lectured. "We're persistent and stubborn. Annoyingly so, most times."

Harry wisely kept quiet about that and the fact that he was once again still talking to a book.

Thankfully, Vernon's rant about not "having one in the house" and "stamping out that dangerous nonsense" didn't get too violent a reaction from the others. Instead, boos and hisses were heard all around, with some of them conjuring up popcorn (somehow) and balling up paper to throw at the book.

"Hey! Watch the messenger!" Aidan shouted, ducking away from the thrown stuff.

Ludo conjured up some sewing stuff and other materials.

"Sir, what are you doing?" Harry blinked.

"Making voodoo dolls," Ludo said nonchalantly, causing the fourth year to blanch while everyone else looked at him weirdly. "You know, for the Dursleys. And strangely, I'm actually rather good at this kind of arts and crafts."

A series of "Oh's" of understanding went around.

"I want one then," Fleur grinned madly.

"Ohhh, me too!" Cedric joined in.

"I vant one also," Viktor agreed.

Crouch just raised an eyebrow, while Aidan looked at him expectantly with a manic grin and the 'duh!' look in his eyes.

Harry blinked again. "Hey…that looks interesting. Can I learn?" she tilted her head curiously, heading over to sit next to the man.

Ludo beamed at her. "Of course."

Everyone got a kick out of the part where Vernon apparently visited Harry in her cupboard.

"He fit?" several of them cried out.

"He actually visited you?" Aidan blinked in shock.

"Holy Merlin –that's gotta be a first," Cedric whistled.

Of course, Harry's first response was to ask where her letter was and who was writing her.

"That's right, Harry. Demand. You have the right to," Crouch nodded.

Vernon saying he'd burned it caused the explosive reaction finally.

"Bastard!" Crouch yelled out. "And that's blasphemy! SACRILEGE!"

Ludo blinked and then used his wand to silence the man, who went on miming his anger without noticing the change.

Vernon's next outburst wasn't a surprise to anyone, but the sudden talk of Harry moving from her cupboard to Dudley's second bedroom was (with a painful smile for the effort). Just not in a good way.

"What was that? A second bedroom?" Fleur's silvery eyes flashed and she furiously grabbed her notebook and started madly writing in it.

"And I hope that smile did hurt," Ludo huffed, crossing his arms across his chest and sticking his tongue out at the book childishly.

The next bit unfortunately detailed just how many bedrooms the Durleys had: one for her aunt and uncle, one for guests, one for Dudley, and one for Dudley's stuff. Apparently that soured the atmosphere rather quickly.

"Four bedrooms in all?" Crouch stated, scandalized… though how he escaped being silenced, they weren't sure.

"You know, it's probably a mercy," Ludo nodded surely, still working on his voodoo dolls. "You might have been infected by them if you'd been sleeping a little closer all these years. The isolation made you normal."

"Yeah, don't want to catch the Dursley Disease," Cedric snickered.

Harry blinked. "The Dursley Disease?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

But she did scrunch up her nose as the book talked about the ton of things Dudley had stuffed into that room, all things practically broken or untouched if they were books.

"Spoiling, spoiling~" Fleur giggled.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I know. Dudley is spoiled."

"Nope. She means we're going to spoil you~" Ludo sing-songed as well, a glint in his eyes.

"And you damn well will be touching your books," Crouch grumbled.

Despite Dudley whining and not getting his way for once, Harry still agreed with her book self's thoughts about rather being in her cupboard with her letter than in her new room without it.

"Of course. First Hogwarts Letter trumps everything," Aidan nodded determinedly.

All Hogwarts students and alumni nodded in unison in agreement, with the foreigners shaking their heads in amusement.

While Harry was brooding in the book about her letter, Dudley had been throwing the mother of all tantrums and still hadn't gotten his way (she'd been too preoccupied with brooding back then to appreciate that little fact, but she spared a little amusement for it now), while Vernon and Petunia gave each other "dark looks". As far as Harry was concerned, she still should have thought better than to not have opened her letter in the hall alright. So, so stupid…

"What a silly boy. You would think he's never been denied anything. Oh wait –he hasn't," Ludo rolled his eyes.

"They'll all get theirs. They all will," Crouch promised darkly, scaring the crap out of the others.

Harry watched him warily, inwardly shaking her head.

The next part was a first, being that Vernon had been trying to be nice for once and had Dudley get the mail. Harry liked that memory. Of course, Dudley couldn't just leave things be, using that stupid stick to hit things and all while doing it then, and then he had to go and announce there was another one of her letters.

"Someone needs a timeout," Cedric grumbled, irritated about the next failed letter delivery.

Crouch hmmed. "Yes~ A special timeout. Like say…Azkaban."

"A little too harsh, Mr. Crouch!" Harry interrupted in alarm.

Fleur cooed darkly. "You don't know zat, 'Arry. Just a little time. A small scare won't 'urt."

Harry gave them a stern look, er –well, as stern as she could make it –but they just smiled innocently at her.

She did have to laugh at the next scene, given that although she'd failed to get her letter that time, she'd gone and made a nuisance of herself and had actually physically gotten into a fight-like mess with Vernon and Dudley for that letter. Also, the image of her jumping onto Vernon's back and grabbing him by the neck reminded her of another time.

"Huh," Harry blinked, lips twitching. "My mad prediction skills are manifesting in other ways."

"Eh?" everyone else glanced at her in confusion.

Harry remembered how anxious she was, thinking whoever it was knew she'd moved from her cupboard and maybe they'd try again. She'd been eager enough to make up a plan.

"Blast them!" Crouch growled. "Touching your sacred letter. Don't touch what isn't yours, Dursley! And Harry, they don't know you moved out, only that you hadn't received your letter. You're quite right they'd try again."

"Don't worry, Mr. Crouch. I know that now," Harry reassured the man she wasn't sure was quite all that stable. "As for this plan…my on-the-fly plans work much better, if only because my luck responds much more in my favor at those times."

That warranted another round of confusion from the others.

Aidan read the morning of the plan and how it started, keen on getting on with it when he read the next part out excitedly, "'Harry leapt into the air; she'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat –something alive!'"

"What? What?" Cedric grinned in anticipation.

"VHAT IS IT?!" Viktor roared, practically leaping up from his seat and glaring holes into the book in Aidan's hands.

"You're not the type to like suspense, are you?" Cedric deadpanned, while everyone else looked at the young Quidditch star in shock.

"No," Viktor grumbled. "That is vhy I play Quidditch, not vatch it. I vouldn't be able to handle it."

Then it was revealed that Harry had stepped on her uncle's face.

It was silent before…

"Mwahahaha!" Aidan burst out, dropping the book as he clutched at his sides.

That broke the silence and everyone else burst into laughter.

Vernon hadn't been a happy camper. He shouted at Harry alright and she remembered her ears ringing. Then there was when the letters finally came and he tore it up in front of her eyes. It had made her so mad.

Crouch had amusedly stolen one of Ludo's voodoo dolls (an unfinished Vernon shaped one), and was repeatedly wacking it with his wand angrily. When it lit on fire, he started cackling madly.

Cedric tilted his head. "I don't know whether to be afraid or join him."

Ludo had materialized beside Crouch and was suddenly holding a stick with marshmallows stuck on the end. He cheerily held it up to the burning doll and roasted his marshmallows.

"Bloody good idea!" Aidan agreed, grinning as he joined in.

Harry's eyes widened and she pouted as she stared at the melting gooeyness. Aidan cackled and held up a marshmallow up in the air near Harry, who watched it with intense emerald eyes. To add insult, Aidan took a bit of the treacle tart and put the marshmallow on it, pressing a little to spread it over the treacle tart.

That was it and Harry pounced, making Aidan yelp as he caught the fourth year with an oomph!

Vernon's idea of how they'd give up if they can't deliver them was agreed as a fail.

"Nope. Not going to work. You'll just keep getting letters. And probably a personal visitation," Ludo shook his head.

Sadly, even Petunia agreed that wouldn't work.

"See? Listen to your wife, man!" Aidan shook the book.

However, Vernon was insistent, thinking that Harry's kind had strange minds and wasn't like he and Petunia. It was hard to take him seriously, since he'd been trying to hammer in the nails with a fruitcake.

Crouch snorted. "Look who's talking."

And then he proceeded to continue his occasional prodding and then aggressive pointing at the Vernon voodoo doll that was now in the midst of a bonfire. How it was not destroyed or at least messed up yet, no one knew…but they were sure it was probably Crouch's doing.

Twelve letters this time and Harry gleefully recalled how they'd been stuck through the sides of the door, under it, and even in the small bathroom window downstairs.

"They're multiplying!" Aidan cackled. "They're like Gremlins!"

"The Dursleys are being letter bombed alright," Cedric snickered, remembering Vernon's lame joke.

Harry almost felt sorry for Vernon, given how he was starting to really go crazy and was overboard on the boarding up small cracks in the house and hall. Plus, she remembered hearing an overabundance of him humming "Tiptoe Through the Tulips", and the rest of them had been looking at him crazy as he jumped at even the smallest of noises. It had been really a strange time.

Fleur cringed. "Now, I muzz tell my father to never sing zat song ever again. Even if it iz 'is favorite."

"The man's gone beyond paranoid," Ludo rolled his eyes.

"Oh this is just the tip of the iceberg," Harry grinned. "You should see him later on. I think it's coming up."

The next delivery equaled twenty four letters, and creatively coming hidden in two dozen eggs given by a confused milkman.

"Ohhh, whoever's doing the Hogwarts Letters are becoming very creative," Aidan said excitedly.

Crouch merely raised an eyebrow.

"'Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?' Dudley asked Harry in amazement,'" Aidan held back his snort as he read that.

"Us, us!" Cedric wildly waved his hand in the air, grinning unrestrainedly.

Harry remembered Vernon being all pleased that there was no post on Sundays and proclaiming it at the table that Sunday.

"No," Crouch said shortly. "Doesn't apply to us," he scoffed. "Remember? We're not like you."

"Should I record all this to send to the Dursleys, sir?" Harry grinned, laughing inwardly. "Perhaps a Howler?"

"Yes, yes. Go and do that," Crouch approved. "Record it all and make sure they get it everything and right away. Wait a second…a Howler…" he caught on to the last part. A glint appeared in his eyes again.

Harry's grin faltered and she watched Crouch uneasily.

Vernon was proven wrong as letters shot out of the chimney. Harry's family had ducked, but she'd jumped to catch one instead.

"Natural Seeker instincts," Cedric chortled.

"Practicing early, I see," Ludo tacked on.

Harry blushed.

It wasn't surprising her younger self had been bodily tossed from the room by Vernon by her waist. Honestly, she should have expected it. She wished she could have seen him pulling out tufts of his mustache again though. Now that was funny.

"He touches you one more time! I swear!" Crouch roared. "I'll lock him up faster than he can piss his bloody pants!"

Everyone stared at him wide-eyed.

"But seeing him pulling a bunch of hair out of his mustache and seeing the aftermath made up for it," Harry interrupted and broke the tension easily.

Everyone started giggling and Crouch calmed down a bit.

"I vonder how that looks," Viktor laughed.

"I wish we could see that," Cedric agreed with the other.

Harry grinned and went back to her notebook.

Dudley was finally disciplined when he was holding them up as the family tried to hurry and pack and get away.

"Finally!" Fleur cheered. "'Ow do you like zat, leetle man?"

A round of applause went around the room and Harry laughed at the others.

Vernon's random driving and constant muttering of shaking someone off was clearly showing the crazy. Like Harry had ever doubted he was.

"Ehehehe, someone's gone bonkers," Aidan tapped the book in amusement.

"He seems beyond mad now," Crouch snorted, feeling vindictive glee.

Dudley was absolutely miserable that day! No aliens blowing up on his computer, no TV, being hungry…Harry had just rolled her eyes over and over at her cousin then.

"Take that! Icky Diddy Dumb's finally gotten his comeuppance! Welcome to Harry's life," Cedric actually grinned viciously, and it looked really odd on the usually kind and polite teen.

Harry raised an eyebrow and then slunk back as the group did some kind of mass celebration. Mad, they all were. Completely mad.

In the hotel while it was night, Harry in the book was just staring off and wondering, and the sentence trailed off…

Aidan opened his mouth –

"Wondering about the great wonders of the world and the mysteries of the universe," Harry deadpanned.

Cedric snickered, while Viktor snorted. Fleur giggled too, though Crouch and Ludo were both smirking.

Aidan huffed and pouted, but reached over and ruffled Harry's hair. Harry pouted this time, ducking away and trying to fix her unruly hair.

When it was breakfast the next morning and the owner came to tell them about the letters she had for Harry, even Harry had thought the scene looked strange when she had tried to reach out for one of them and her uncle had knocked her hand away. She would've stared with the woman too.

"Question it, woman, question it! Do what old Mad-Eye says! CONSTANT VIGILANCE" Crouch yelled at the book.

Though they stared at him and gave him space once more…most of the group (minus Harry, of course) agreed with him.

Petunia had tried to get Vernon to bring them back home, but Vernon hadn't been listening to anyone at the time.

"Of course not! Ez much too far gone!" Fleur said, sounding far more delighted at that than Harry thought she should be about a person's mentality status going over the bend.

As far as Harry was concerned, the group's amusement (an understatement) over Vernon's constant driving, stopping, looking around, was way too much.

"Mad! Utterly mad!" But Cedric sounded much too cheerful about such a thing.

"'Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?'" Aidan read with a wide grin.

Crouch cackled, creeping everyone out. "Even that brat knows it! If Azkaban is out of the question, how about a mental asylum?"

Of course Dudley had to snivel about his show being on and him not being able to see it.

"Boohoo," Aidan said blandly. "And also, your mental capacity is sad if you have to rely on programs to know what the day is."

"What's The Great Humberto?" Cedric blurted out, looking confused.

Harry shrugged, not knowing too much either, considering she'd never seen that show (or was allowed to). She told them so to explain her lack of explanation, and couldn't understand what they were grumbling under their breaths about.

Though her being reminded it was Monday then led to her remembering her birthday was coming.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" they all yelled.

Harry blinked. "But…it's not my birthday right now."

They ignored her and began singing her 'Happy Birthday' anyway. And when they conjured up a cake made up treacle fudge, Harry locked her jaw up and didn't complain.

She agreed with the next statement. Her birthdays, at least with the Dursleys, had always sucked. The year before the her in this book really had received a coat hanger and a pair of Vernon's old socks. It was gross and the coat hanger had been bent. But you only turn an age once and she was only going to turn eleven then.

"No, you aren't eleven every day," Aidan nodded, agreeing.

"Spoiling!" Cedric grinned at Harry, who rolled her eyes.

"Never late for a late birthday party," Ludo clapped his hands excitedly, already mentally planning.

Though she didn't want them to fuss too much over her or it (as can be seen with Ludo and Fleur taking time out to plan out a birthday party, bending their heads together and over a notepad; Aidan rapidly writing on his notebook, and Cedric who was crooning the birthday song earnestly –she was ignoring Crouch, who had decided to dump a bunch of the man's stuff onto Harry as late birthday gifts; she really didn't know what she'd do with a wizarding watch she didn't know how to navigate and was clearly too big on her, nor the huge Muggle jacket draped around her shoulders and dwarfing her), Harry admitted she was rather excited and eager to have a birthday party, having never had one before.

Vernon buying and carrying a long, thin package raised some narrowed his eyes at that, pursing his lips as he became suspicious and wary.

Then Vernon had to go and bring them to some shady place in the stormy weather, going across the water on a rickety and scary-looking boat.

"Mad, he is, mad!" Aidan exclaimed, much more correctly sounding upset about something like that.

"Where on earth did 'e take you?!" Fleur asked, horrified.

"The MCS would never have tolerated this," Crouch muttered, fingering his wand.

The weather and the house was unfortunately described in full, getting everyone all worried.

"I hope you didn't catch any sickness from this," Viktor snapped, glaring at the book and willing it to catch fire.

"No, I was fine," Harry reassured him (and everyone, by the looks of them).

Then there was the rations, which ended up being a bag of chips each and four bananas.

"Those rations are hardly fit to feed anyone, and you hardly get fed as it is," Cedric grumbled.

Vernon had to mention the letters and how they could have done with them now to stoke up the fire.

There was a loud explosion and everyone turned in the direction of the boom in panic. They saw Crouch irritably poking at his voodoo doll bonfire, though it was strange and kind of creepy how it was still intact.

As everyone separated to find their own space in the rickety house, Harry couldn't forget how miserable she'd been –cold and trying to find any space comfortable for her, and clinging to the thinnest blanket she'd been left with.

Additionally, Viktor re-draped his cloak around Harry and fussed over her, while everyone mumbled and had foul looks on their faces.

Personally, she'd thought she'd been too dramatic then when she thought the roof was going to cave in and that she'd thought how warmer she might've been if it had.

"I'm warm enough!" Harry said quickly, eying the whole group, who had as one approached her with manic looks on their faces.

"It's not safe!" Crouch hissed to himself, picturing the whole situation in his head. "And a roof falling in! Dangerous!"

She had done a countdown to when she'd turned eleven. Hearing it now, she felt a little pathetic.

"'BOOM,'" Aiden said loudly.

"What? What is it? What happened?" Cedric said in a panic.

"I knew it!" Crouch hollered. "Not safe at all. It's all concerning and should –and will –be brought up before the MCS!"

"It's fine!" Harry said, starting to panic. "Don't worry about it! I promise, it was a good 'boom!' Really, I swear!"

The dark look on Viktor's face, as he hyperventilated, said that he didn't believe her.

The chapter ended with the book ominously stating someone was knocking and waiting to be let in, which frayed nerves all around.

"But 'oo eez eet?!" Fleur snatched the book from Aidan, her accent more pronounced since she was more emotional. "I need to know! TELL ME!"

"You'll find out in the next chapter, I'm sure," Harry soothed. "And again, it's not all bad."

There was grumbling on the parts of everyone, but Harry had managed to smooth things somewhat over with her reassurances.

"Who's next then?" Aidan asked, taking the book back. "Wasn't it Crouch?"

"Yup! Bart's turn!" Ludo informed them cheerfully.

Crouch glared at him, but took the book and opened it to the right page. Before he started however, he ordered some food and then pushed it Harry's way. Faced with the intense stares of everyone, Harry sighed and started to nibble on some sandwiches.

"Much better," Crouch said smugly.

Started 7/15/12 – Completed 7/30/13
Edited 1/11/12 – Completed 1/12/16

A/n: Ugh, this should've been out much faster. It's been done for so long. The thing is, my original plan was to have an interlude chapter every two chapters that would detail a little bit of everyone else in the castle. Except it's just giving me a hard time and I keep losing my notes for that, so I'm just going to go ahead and do the interlude chapter every five chapters, okay guys? Please remember to review!