This is no longer for a competition because I don't do all that stuff any more LOL.

Pairing: Cormac McLaggen/Fat Lady

Pick Up Lines: "I've been whomping my willow thinking about you", "Lets practice Alohomora...you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!", and "Your smile is like Expelliarmus. Simple but disarming"

It's been... a year? Longer? since I've posted anything on this website, or really written any fanfiction that I've made public, but it's two am and I needed some sort of creative outlet and well... I guess this is what we got. I hope this makes someone laugh because insomnia is a bitch and I don't know what else to do with my time.

Last day of fifth year

He'd forgotten his stuffed animal.

He knew it was dumb that he, a fifteen-year-old, mature, man-of-the-world such as himself would still sleep with a stuffed animal but Godric was the first stuffed animal he'd ever received. He was a lion, his hair was matted and mangled and honestly, most of it had fallen out, and the poor ball of fluff was no longer fluffy, but rather just worn. It didn't' really matter to Cormac, though, because he loved Godric the Lion more than anything. So much so that, after the funeral was over and as his father was about to Side-Along apparate him home for the summer holidays, Cormac had realized Godric was still tucked into the hidden pocket of Cormac's mattress that he ripped open every single year. This was much to the annoyance of both the house elves and himself, as the house-elves were tired of fixing it, and Cormac was tired of annually creating the hideaway pocket.

Still, Godric was hidden away and Cormac couldn't fall asleep without the comfortable toy, and so Mr. McLaggen was growing angrier and angrier downstairs as Cormac stood before the Fat Lady.

Who would. Not. Open.

"But the password is definitely Cockroach Cluster!" He growled for the fifth time. "I just used it this morning!"

"The summer holidays have officially started, young man. There is a new password, and no one will know until the prefects arrive on the train next September 1st."

"But I've left something in my dorm! I need it now!" If he weren't a mature, man-of-the-world, he really thought he might stamp his foot in exasperation. She was being so bloody difficult!

"Whatever could you have left that can't wait until the fall? The house-elves won't disturb any of your personal items and you keep the same dorm year in and year out. What did you leave? A textbook that will just gather dust over the summer? Your favorite quill?"

The Fat Lady giggled at her own sarcasm, clearly enjoying just how miserable she was making the poor boy. This was the most fun she'd had in a while, what with the tragic death of that student and everyone crying and blubbering all over the place.

"Please, Fat Lady, what can I do to get you to open up?"

"Absolutely nothing. I'm a force of nature, no amount of flattery or cajoling will get you through my doors!" she said dramatically, a hand fluttering to her forehead like some dame in an opera.

But it was enough to remind Cormac of his secret weapon. Flattery! Of course!

He immediately took a deep breath, wiped the petulant frown off his face, and replaced it with what he believed to be a handsome smirk. "I understand, Fat Lady. You can't bend the rules, even for your most ardent admirer."

The hand lowered slightly, and the eyelids that had fluttered shut with the dramatic gesture fluttered open again just a pinch.

"Of course, I'm not worthy to be in your presence, even when I do have the correct password. If only you knew what you do to me," he sighed, casting his eyes downward, before flicking them up just briefly to see her reaction.

If a painting could blush, the Fat Lady would have invented a new shade of rosy red.

"Is anyone really worthy to be in my presence?" she tittered, the dramatic hand now fully placed on her ample bosom. Cormac allowed the movement to draw his eyes, and spoke his next words to her chest.

"Your smile is like Expelliarmus. Simple, but disarming."

The Fat Lady giggled again. "Well, Mr. McLaggen, I had heard of your charms from other paintings, but it's quite different in person. Don't think that's enough to get through my door, however."

Cormac paused a moment, allowed his eyes to rake over the Fat Lady's figure, before meeting her eyes and throwing her a rogueish wink. "The rest of you is far from simple and even more disarming than your smile."

"My, oh my, you do know how to make a girl feel special!" The Fat Lady shifted in her painting, lounging across her painted sofa to give him the full view of her curves. "Do go on."

"If I go on, I don't know if I'll be able to contain my passion for you, Fat Lady."

She winked at him. "I'll let you know when to stop."

He swallowed. He was doing this for Godric. He just needed to be through that door.

"Alright... why don't I practice Alohomora...you'll be the door so I can slam you all I want!"

The Fat Lady's eyes widened, as much as they could when they were painted on. "If only you were a painting! We'd have fun, you and I. Go on, you're nearly there..."

He raked his eyes across her again, pausing at her chest and slowly raising his eyes to her lips, then finally he looked directly into her gaze, biting his own lip as he did so. Her eyes were entirely fixed on his, and there was an intensity he'd never seen before in them.

"You know, when I'm up in Gryffindor Tower, behind my curtains with a silencing spell cast... I've been whomping my willow thinking about you."

There was a moment of silence as the Fat Lady processed what he'd just said.

Then, she burst into peals of laughter.

"Oh- oh, my-" she gasped out, painted tears leaking from her eyes. "That was the most entertaining attempt at getting in yet! Oh, I'll laugh about that all summer."

Cormac stood there, confused. "So...does that mean you'll let me in?"

The Fat Lady didn't respond right away, wiping away more tears and trying to catch her breath instead. When she'd finally calmed down, she looked at the poor teenager with glee. "My dear, the password is still active. The portrait hole has been slightly ajar this entire time. You were just foolish not to notice it!"

It was Cormac's turn to flush red. "What! You mean all of that was for nothing?"

"Not nothing! Valuable entertainment, dear. Really, it will have me laughing for quite some time!" She burst into fresh peals of laughter as she swung fully open.

"Oh, and do come inside!" Her own pun ignited more laughter, and Cormac bolted in. Perhaps he was going to leave Godric at home for his sixth year; nothing was worth this much embarrassment.