Chapter 5: Desires
(And this one is back! Thanks to Picklez80, ShariBerry89 and Aizenfan6969 for the requests! Enjoy the new chapter! Love to all, Spunky)
Aizen Sousuke felt the bed move and he heard the soft grunt of discomfort Ichigo made as he abandoned the bed and ran into the bathroom, where he fell to his knees, retching. The sound gave way to soft panting, then to a few moments of quiet as the young man gathered himself. He emerged, pale, but collected.
It is probably the calmest that Ichigo has been since all of this began. It's strange how I find this so pleasing. I usually enjoy keeping the people around me on edge. Then again, I am usually surrounded by people I can't trust.
Ichigo is wholly different.
He sat up, smiling in greeting as Ichigo approached him, studying him with a thoughtful expression.
"Are you feeling all right?" Aizen asked, "You still look pale."
"Well, can't expect much else," Ichigo said, smiling wryly.
"I suppose not."
He felt a little flicker of curiosity as Ichigo gave him an appraising look, then slid back into the bed with him.
"What's the matter?" Ichigo asked, frowning slightly, "Did you expect me to run away from you again?"
"It wouldn't be the first time, but then, you did seem to come to some kind of resolution about me, about all of this," Aizen speculated.
"I can't stop any of it," Ichigo concluded, "I tried getting upset, fighting it, trying to ignore it. None of that made any difference. There's nothing I can do while we make the king. I have no powers, no control over anything, even myself."
"That must hurt," Aizen reflected, "You are not one who enjoys being helpless. Most of who you are is in your strength and your desire to help others."
"Yeah, it sucks not to be able to do a damned thing about anything."
Ichigo sighed wearily and laid down on Aizen's shoulder, allowing the other man's arms to curl around him.
"It may feel that way, but I think you know that what you're saying is untrue."
"Huh?" the younger man huffed, turning his head slightly to look more closely at Aizen.
The elder man kissed him and his warm hands slid over Ichigo's body with an odd mingling of gentleness and possessiveness.
"You are doing something about everything and everyone," Aizen reminded him, "Your body may be empty of one kind of power, but it is filled with the power that will provide what the people you care about need to survive. That, at least, should comfort you."
"Hmm," Ichigo mused, meeting Aizen's eyes more curiously.
"Where does that leave you?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" Aizen asked, frowning slightly.
"Just what I said," Ichigo explained, "I mean, according to you, I was made for this. And even though that was beyond my control, I'm getting something out of being here. But, I'm not alone here. I'm with you. What are you getting out of this?"
Aizen smiled.
"You mean, you think that an escape from Muken and this time with you isn't enough reason?"
"That," Ichigo acknowledged, "and the fact that this is costing you your immortality. And when we go back, you've already said that Central 46…"
"Yes, if they don't have the backbone to order my death publicly, they will at least make sure that I die. That is true."
"And that doesn't bother you?" Ichigo asked.
"Does it bother you?"
Ichigo's frown deepened.
"Isn't that the proper fate for a monster?" Aizen pressed.
"You weren't a monster until Central 46 fucked up your life," Ichigo reminded him, "and I kinda wonder if it wasn't manipulation to make sure you lived, but not to…I don't know! I don't know what I think. My head must be messed up by the hormones or the king's reiatsu or something."
"Or maybe there are just some questions that can't be answered right now," Aizen speculated, pausing to run his fingers through the spikes of Ichigo's tumbled ginger hair.
Ichigo felt a cold twinge as he spotted an odd golden color beginning to form in the centers of Aizen's brown eyes. He tensed in the elder man's embrace, shivering slightly, but holding himself still as he watched the golden color spread and Aizen's body tense.
What is it like for him? Ichigo wondered, as he watched the king's power take over, and all of the gentleness went out of his touch, Sousuke is attracted to me. If a man like him can care, he cares for me. He's said often enough that he made me. He does enjoy touching me and making love to me.
I wonder how aware he really is while the king is transferring the reiatsu to my body.
He watched Aizen's face carefully as it registered a pained look before completely losing all emotion.
He said that he loses awareness, but that he kinda remembers after. I remember everything. I wonder why the…
But the answer seemed clear enough as the touch of Aizen's hands grew rough and he was held down and taken without any sign of affection. Still, he looked up into the now fully golden eyes of the man on top of him, trying to connect with the soul of the king as the mating commenced.
Why doesn't he want Aizen conscious? Does he think the guy will be mad? Does he think he'll try to disrupt the process? Are they sort of fighting over me?
What's going on?
I'm trying to help you, Reiou. Why are you so cold to me? It almost seems like you hate me? Are you holding a grudge because Ywach forced me to kill you? But, you were a prisoner, and this will make you free again.
Do you even really care about that?
About Sousuke or me?
About anything at all?
Ichigo gasped as the eerie golden eyes seemed to really look down into his for a moment and cool lips touched his earlobe.
I care about everything. You can't begin to know the burden. But that is a burden that belongs to me. Don't go too far trying to empathize with me. You and I are worlds apart, Shiba Ichigo.
"Not right now, we're not," Ichigo whispered, lifting himself slightly and touching his lips to Aizen's possessed ones.
The man on top of him froze for a moment and Ichigo flinched at the moment of deep confusion he felt for a breathless instant before the king hissed a warning in his ear and continued his hard, fast undulations.
This is dangerous.
Don't you understand that man loves you?
And if you begin to connect too strongly with me, Aizen may decide to kill us both!
Ichigo stiffened and sucked in a surprised breath.
Oh my god, he's right! Aizen's as much as admitted he's fallen for me. And even though the king is using his body, this isn't Sousuke, and I know it.
I only meant to comfort him and to let him know I'm not angry anymore about being used this way. But I stepped over a line. It's good he warned me about it. I'll be careful from now on. The last thing I want is to destabilize things between them. Not only could it make Aizen want to kill us both, it could interfere with the making of the new king. We have to stay focused. The fate of the worlds rests on us and this rebirth.
He felt the body on top of his stiffen and braced himself for the shock of pain that he knew would follow as the king's reiatsu was unleashed. A little shiver went through him as the king's golden eyes focused on his, and the cool hand touched his face sympathetically as the expected pain gripped him.
It's kind of nice to know he's sorry that this is hurting me, but…something in this feels a little scary. I wonder, did I do something wrong in trying to connect with him? I was just trying to lessen my own pain. Did I do that at Reiou's expense?
He continued to watch closely as Aizen's body collapsed onto his and the emotionless golden eyes slowly faded back into Aizen's familiar brown ones. For just a moment, as Aizen regained control, Ichigo felt a sharp twinge of fear at the sudden flash of fury he saw. But the anger passed quickly and Aizen's eyes took on a calmer, warmer look as they studied him.
"Is something wrong?" Aizen asked quietly.
"I was going to ask you that," Ichigo answered calmly, "For a second, it looked like you wanted to hurt me."
"For a second, I suppose I did," Aizen confessed.
Ichigo let out a flustered breath.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I didn't mean to…to do something to make you angry, Sousuke. It just…hurts to have him have sex with me like that and to think that he feels nothing at all."
Aizen's lips tightened for a moment and his eyes closed, as though to hide something.
"You're really angry," Ichigo said, his voice shaking slightly, "I get it. I won't let it happen again."
"But you will," Aizen said, giving him an enigmatic look.
"I'm not gonna fall for the soul king!" Ichigo exclaimed, "My connection is with you! You made me, remember? I am the answer to your desires. Isn't that the truth?"
He reached out a hand to touch Aizen's face, then shivered as Aizen's hand wrapped tightly around his wrist, holding his hand away. Aizen's brown eyes fastened on his and Ichigo felt a harder shaft of fear pierce through his chest.
"Don't you understand?" Aizen hissed, glaring at him meaningfully, "I made you, but he used me to do that! I have my agenda, but Ichigo, he also has his!"
Anger burned all through Aizen's body, leaving Ichigo shaking as Aizen forced out a last few words, then flash stepped away.
"You are the pendulum that swings between us. Be careful, Ichigo, which way you swing that pendulum!"
Ichigo remained sitting in the bed for several minutes after, shaking all over and breaking out in an icy sweat. He climbed out of the bed onto shaky legs and walked out to the king's healing pool, feeling flickers of worry as he found himself alone there. He slid down into the hot, bubbling water, trying to focus on the reiatsu rendering. It did feel good to rub the growing bump on his abdomen and to feel the bit of life that grew inside him. But his concerns refused to leave him, and as soon as he felt restored, he abandoned the pool and dried off, then walked back to the palace, searching the entire grounds carefully and calling the elder man's name.
I made him angry. That's dangerous enough with anyone else, but with Sousuke, his anger can be deadly. Still, he wants to protect the worlds too. It doesn't benefit him if they are lost, so he's probably just trying to let off steam, so he won't take his anger out on me.
Still, I caused him pain and I'm sorry. I want to tell him that. No, I want to show him. But I can't even sense him. I wonder where he is.
Ichigo left the palace and walked out into the gardens again. He followed one of the walking trails that meandered out into the trees. He followed the trail, thinking several times that he heard footsteps ahead of him. But as much as he heard footsteps, he never found anyone. Noticing that it was almost dark, he turned back.
I guess I don't need to be afraid of the dark here. We are alone. Everyone else is locked out and waiting.
He felt a strange little sense of warning, then glanced down to where a little stream ran by a stand of plum trees. To his surprise, Aizen knelt beneath one of the trees, at the edge of the stream, his arms wrapped around his midsection and odd swirls of clouded blackness around him. He made a sound of pain and a black tendril emerged and broke away, leaving Aizen's body shaking for a moment before it collapsed at the edge of the stream.
"Sousuke!" Ichigo yelled, breaking into a run.
He was at the elder man's side in a moment and dropped to his knees, calling Aizen's name repeatedly and splashing his face with water from the stream. After several unsettling minutes, Aizen's eyes opened and blinked, slowly focusing on him.
"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked breathlessly, "Sousuke…?"
"What happened?" Aizen asked, frowning and looking around, "I don't remember coming here."
"I don't know how you got here," Ichigo explained, "I was looking all over for you. I wanted to apologize for making you angry like that. Look, I didn't mean to do anything to hurt you. I was just…confused, but I know it was wrong and I am sorry. I won't let it happen again."
"It's fine, Ichigo," Aizen said in a more collected tone.
Ichigo helped him sit up and fed him water from cupped hands.
"Are you okay now?" he asked, "What happened to you."
"I don't know," Aizen admitted, "I wasn't aware of what was happening. I left the palace and was walking, when everything went dark and I seemed to lose my senses. I thought it was a mating urge, but it felt different this time. Did you notice anything when you found me? Anything that might explain what happened?"
"I don't know," Ichigo said, frowning and shaking his head, "I just…you were there, looking like something was hurting you and this black, cloudy thing came out of you and you collapsed."
"A black, cloudy thing?" Aizen repeated curiously, "What happened to it?"
"What happened? I don't know. I was too busy coming to help you, and when I looked around again, it was gone."
"Hmm," Aizen mused, reaching up to rub his chin.
"What do you think it was?" Ichigo asked worriedly.
"I don't know," Aizen confessed, "Perhaps it is the result of me letting my emotions out of my control. We were warned that strong emotions would impact what we are doing here."
"But, I thought that was mostly for me," Ichigo said, looking confused.
"Your emotions impact the rendering process," Aizen recalled, "It appears that mine impact the gathering process. I shall have to go to the king's archive and research this to see if I can find any pertinent information."
"Later," Ichigo said sternly, "You need to go back to the healing pool and we both need to eat something. I know you were pissed at me before. Maybe you still are, but I did tell you I was sorry, and I meant it. I want you to come back with me, so we can bathe and eat something, okay?"
Aizen gave no reply, but moved silently alongside him as the two returned to the palace. They sank down into the healing water, resting on the bench, immersed up to their shoulders. Ichigo waited until it seemed that Aizen had calmed, then he turned into the elder man's arms, seeking his lips for a bout of hungry, open-mouthed kisses. He spread his thighs, settling on Aizen's lap and looking down into the man's unreadable brown eyes as he teased him into arousal, then slowly joined their bodies. Aizen's expression remained calm and he was quiet, but Ichigo could feel the heavy turning of the man's mind.
He moved his hips, rising and falling as he fed Aizen longer and more passionate kisses. His lover seemed hesitant at first, but grew gradually more passionate, until his eyes flared brightly and his hands tightened on Ichigo. His hands wrapped around the younger man's bottom, encouraging Ichigo in his powerful undulations. He bit at Ichigo's flushed lips, savoring him and feeling a powerful sense of longing that tugged at his insides. He stiffened as Ichigo loosed a few words into his ear.
"I'm with you. You're not alone anymore."
He wasn't sure why he let himself be soothed. He wasn't sure if it was the brightness in his lover's eyes, the sincerity in his kisses, the passion in their connection, or any of a hundred other things. Whatever it was, it finally overcame the loud truth that was ringing in his head. The laughable irony that made a joke of everything Aizen Sousuke had ever been.
He has no idea at all. It is right in front of him, but he fails to understand. Everyone is getting something out of this. I am having this time with Ichigo and this chance to remake the heavens so that the king who rules is worthy of the title. Ichigo is protecting the ones who he loves. But Reiou is getting something too. And if Ichigo thought more deeply about that, maybe it would concern him enough to ask the question of what that is.
It isn't too hard to figure out.
I am slowly losing my immortality as we mate and the souls that were in the hougyoku are transferred and rendered. And whether Ichigo realizes this or not, I am also weakening. I don't know what Ichigo witnessed when he found me, but it is a warning.
I think that when this ends…
…it may be my end also…
What would you think about that…Ichigo?