A huge thank you to Kimberley for her beta skills and chat with this one.

Thank you in advance to anyone who reads or reviews. I know there are issues with reviews but I do get them in email alerts so please don't be put off.

Season: Set in season 6 just after Abyss. Jack is struggling to cope after his torture at the hands of Ba'al.

Warnings: Dark and angsty. No fluff here. Violence, Sexual situations.

"No!"

Sam opens her eyes and turns to her CO to see his face etched in pain as he relives his time with Ba'al. Even in his sleep he can't escape the torture, the pain. He shifts suddenly in his sleeping bag, still asleep, and she imagines he's trying to fight something or someone. "Please," he whispers, his voice breaking. Her heart breaks. The Colonel doesn't beg.

"No more…" His breath hitches and he flinches. She wants to do something but she isn't sure what. Things seem to intensify. His breathing becomes more erratic and she thinks about reaching out to him, or going to get Teal'c and then she hears his desperate plea. "No, not her. Please. Please…" He groans, almost cries something she can't recognise and suddenly he's up, eyes wide, chest heaving.

Before she can say or do anything his hands are on her, planted on either side of her face. He struggles to catch his breath and she just stares at him, wishing that she could make it better. He pulls her towards him and then his arms are wrapped around her and she's pressed against his chest. She presses her hands against his back, still unsure of what to do or say. She has never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so afraid.

He shakily moves to lie down but doesn't let go of her so she ends up on her back with his arms around her, still struggling to calm himself after whatever atrocities he'd undoubtedly relived in his nightmare. He clings to her and his fingers are digging into her skin, it's as if he's trying to convince himself that she's there. She says nothing but winces from the slight pain.

"It's okay," she whispers, finally finding her voice. He stops, freezes, his hands relax. He presses himself against her side, pulling her impossibly closer to him. His hands start to move again, slowly at first, roaming over her neck and chest, just short of touching her breasts. Now it's her turn to freeze.

He places his hand over her chest, resting just over where her heart is and he pauses, she wonders if he is trying to see if he can feel her heartbeat against her chest. He closes his eyes and his hands move lower, against her ribs, and then under her shirt. She gasps as his hand finds the bare skin of her stomach.

"Colonel," she whispers, unable to hide the concern in her voice. His hands roam her body almost desperately. This is wrong. She places her hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him, to stop him. His hot, ragged breath washes against her neck and she thinks that in another time and place this would be everything that she ever wanted. But it's not. They're in a tent, on another planet, with Teal'c and Jonas in a tent next to them.

She thinks about saying no. They have managed to avoid this moment for five years; despite every scrape, zat blast, bullet wound, even death, they have never done this. She wants him, of course she does. She loves him. She just wanted to be able to hold her head up high, to know that she had followed the rules, that she put her country first. She doesn't want what's between them to become seedy, to become dirty. She wants them to do it to do it right.

She thinks about him, about how he may react when all is said and done. Would a moment of gratification damage him further in the long run? She wants so desperately to help him, to take his pain away but she isn't sure if this is the answer. She begins to vocalise her concerns, unable to utter a syllable as he gets there first, seemingly reading her mind.

"Please," he rasps.

It's the first time that he's spoken since he woke up, he knows it's wrong but he needs her. His heart is racing. He knows that what he's doing isn't fair.

During every nightmare he wakes at the same point. They pull her into the room and Ba'al slits her throat in front of him. He needs to know that she's okay, he needs to feel her. His hands skim her stomach and he begins to feel like she could save him from his nightmares, from himself. She always was his saviour.

She should stop him, she knows that she should stop him but he's clinging to her, and his hands are shaking and she knows that he needs it.

His hands stop and he presses his forehead against hers, giving her the chance to back out. She's silent for what seems like an eternity and he begins to brace himself to move off of her when he hears her, her voice no more than a whisper.

"Jack."

She knows why he was waiting and while she'd considered staying silent and still she just can't. They've already crossed the line.

She struggles to think straight as he presses his lips against her throat. He reaches for her pants, pulling them down, away from her body. She hears click of his belt.

She can't believe that it's happening.

He pushes himself into her and she has to bite her lip to stop a cry of discomfort from escaping. She isn't ready for him. He pulls out of her and pushes back in, he tries to go slowly but every time that he closes his eyes he sees her lifeless body and hears Ba'al roaring with laughter. He grunts into neck as he presses himself into her as deeply as he can. He's desperately trying to find some peace and he'll do anything to silence the monsters in his head.

She closes her eyes as his fingers dig into her hips. She knows that he needs this, to be buried deep inside her. His teeth graze her neck; she gasps and clasps his shoulders. She feels herself starting to respond and the discomfort of the first few thrusts is all but a memory as the realisation of what they're finally doing sinks in. She hears him groan as he easily slides into her this time, her arousal evident. She bites her lip as he thrusts into her again, harder than before. She feels him start to lose it and knows that he is close. She can hear him whispering something but struggles comprehend as her senses start to ignite.

"I'm sorry," he whispers again and again, his voice filled with pain. He holds her hips in place and moves in and out of her frantically. Then, as quickly as it began, it's over. He collapses on top of her seconds after he cums, still murmuring his apology. She doesn't move.

She feels him sag against her body and knows that the realisation of what they've done is sinking in. Guilt will hit him right away, and she knows that the self-loathing will kick in right after. She won't allow him to use this as another method of torturing himself. He is a good man.

After a few moments he moves to push himself off of her but she holds him in place and he stays. He's still inside of her.

"It's okay," her voice shakes as she whispers and presses her lips against the side of his head. "It's okay."

I am thinking about a sequel to this. I would love to hear what you think.