Chapter 22: Shattered Glass

Alec's eyes shot open as he took a sharp breath. There was blood everywhere; it stained his clothes and flowed as a crimson river on the floor beneath him. He felt cold yet burnt, an icy mass attacking his singed veins. Something had happened. His memories were dark and his head throbbed with pain. Something terrible had occurred. Heart thudding against his chest, Alec winced, his eyes widening in shock at the redness around him. Where was all the blood from?

"Alec!" He heard Isabelle's voice before he saw her. In a blurred flash, her face obscured his vision and she looked down on him, her hand on his cheek, while her expression flooded with relief. "Thank the angel, you're awake. I thought you might be…" She paused.

"Izzy…" Alec breathed, his voice croaky and dry. He needed water. "W-What happened to me… What's going on?"

As sorrow filled Isabelle's eyes, a numbing coldness swept through Alec, soothing his burning wrists. The fire in his veins answered his darkest thoughts; he'd given into his demon side. But why was there so much blood? Surely he hadn't… He paused at that thought, a jolt seizing him, as his body registered a hand on his shoulder and legs beneath him. He was laying on someone, not the floor. His mind clouded and his heart stammering, he turned to look. His eyes trailed across the high brick walls covered in dirt and the spiral, metal staircase attached to the wall, before landing on the figure beneath him.

Alec scrambled away, hitting the opposite wall, his eyes wide as he looked upon Magnus, his questions answered. It was Magnus' blood. Alec froze, his lungs burning, his body shaking, his heart racing. He looked over Magnus' unconscious body, flinching at the deep slash in his side and the endless blood pooled around him. Alec gasped biting his lip painfully, but recoiled when he felt Magnus' sticky blood oozing through his fingertips. Every inch of him was covered. He couldn't stop shaking — he couldn't breathe — he couldn't —

"—No…Magnus," his voice fell from his quivering lips in a deathly whisper.

"Pathetic," a new voice commented spitefully. "You aren't even helping him, you foolish boy. Or are you too useless a Shadowhunter to at least try and save him? Magnus should have never become involved with you people."

Alec couldn't look up to acknowledge the voice. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Magnus. Sweat and blood covered every inch of his warlock's usually so flawless olive skin. Magnus looked pale — too pale, as if his colour was drifting away. Alec lifted his trembling hands, his breath catching in his throat.

"Leave him alone, Ragnor or whatever your name is," Isabelle snapped, her voice fuelled by anger. "Alec…"

He heard Isabelle's footsteps approaching but refused to turn. Everything was flooding back to him; Jonathan kidnapping him, Camille holding him captive, then nothing. He couldn't remember anything after. Had Magnus tried saving him? Had Alec done this to him? He shuddered at the thought, curling his legs up to his chest, repulsed by himself.

"Izzy I… did I…" His voice quivered as he spoke.

"I don't know, Alec. I'm sorry," she apologised softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"He needs help," Alec stated, forcing himself through the impending mass weighing upon him. "He needs help now… Ragnor you need to do something… Magic — heal him… please." His eyes flew to look at Ragnor; a green skinned warlock with shoulder-length white hair and a grim expression.

"Pathetic," Ragnor spat. But Alec could see the hidden sorrow beneath Ragnor's facade. He could tell Ragnor was as worried as he was which only made things worse. Ragnor moved forward to examine Magnus and Alec felt a strong tug at his arm.

"Alec, we need to go. You need more of your powder, otherwise you might collapse again. I couldn't get enough of it in you without any water," Isabelle told him, trying to pull him to his feet.

"No… Magnus. I need to make sure he's alright." Alec shook his head, pressing his lips together to hold back the flood of emotions. "What if he's… What if I…"

"Get him out of here," Ragnor ordered in a sharp tone. "I can't focus with his pathetic snivelling behind me. I need to examine Magnus before I move him and return him home. Catarina will murder me if I move him too soon and make his injuries worse."

"Alec come on…Please…" Isabelle tugged at his arm again.

But Alec moved forward, crawling closer towards Magnus, trying to ignore the blood he moved through. "I'm not leaving," he stated, lifting his trembling hand to touch Magnus' still face.

Something hit his chest and Alec flew backwards out of the alleyway, his head colliding with the floor. Wincing, he picked himself up, his eyes searching for Magnus, as if somehow the world had torn him away.

"Leave," the green warlock ordered, his voice full of repressed fury. "You've done enough damage, Shadowhunter."

Alec could feel Izzy's sharp glare. But he had no time to focus as a fatal realisation swept through him. His theories were confirmed; he'd hurt Magnus. This was all Alec's fault. Ragnor knew this and was rightfully angry with him. And now Magnus was hurt… More than hurt he was —

Alec pulled at his hair, coughing as the air wheezed in his lungs, while a sharp pain devoured him, piece by piece, spreading a cold numbness through him. Then everything stopped. And silence fell.

Alec didn't register being pulled backwards until he fell into a colourful dimension. Soft murmurs invaded Alec's ears and he winced upon arriving in a familiar apartment. Magnus' apartment. He didn't want to be here — he wanted Magnus.

"Alec…" A familiar voice breathed a sigh of relief and Alec felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, unwillingly, but for a moment he broke himself away from the portal.

A small amount of relief arose within him upon seeing Jace, alive but beaten, stood above him.

"Hey… I'm glad you're okay." Jace smiled but Alec couldn't will himself to return it. "Are you hurt?"

Alec shook his head. For a brief second, his eyes flickered away from Jace and over the room. He held back a pained shudder. Memories flooded his mind; the times he and Magnus had spent here kissing and laughing and —

He stopped. He couldn't think about that. Not now.

A flash of red caught his eyes while he repelled his burst of memories. He turned his head, only to meet Clary's gaze. Simon sat beside her, a frown moulded into his expression as his eyes flickered from Alec to Isabelle.

Alec froze and everything dawned upon him. Magnus had saved Clary. He'd saved Simon. He'd saved them all. And now he was —

"Hey Alec." A smile grew on Clary's bruised lips and her eyes shone with a flicker of brightness. It was as if she was genuinely happy to see him. Happy to see a monster.

Alec's breath caught in his throat, choking him as his knees curled to his chest, his gaze turning back to Jace. A surge of pain hit. "He did this for you…" A heavy bitterness filled his voice. "I told him to help you… I—"

All eyes turned to Alec.

"Where's Magnus?" A new voice asked in confusion.

Alec shuddered. But everyone's gaze turned as a small pop echoed through the air and everything turned to chaos.

"Catarina…" Ragnor's shout reverberated around the room as he appeared through the portal, a body in his arms.

"Oh my… Ragnor, what happened? Does he still have a pulse?" The woman, Catarina, replied, her eyes widening.

But Alec paid no attention, his gaze was glued to Magnus' still face and body that was covered in a cascade of blood. "Magnus…" The name slipped from Alec's lips and he jumped to his feet, following Ragnor and reaching out for Magnus.

Alec flew backwards, a spell slamming into his chest, causing him to hit the wall by the front door.

"I thought I told you to leave him alone, Shadowhunter," Ragnor growled in a low tone, turning his back on Alec.

"His pulse is too fast… He must have gone into circulatory shock. I need you to find me blood, Ragnor, while I keep pressure on his wounds and check his injuries. I don't know what stage he's at but if we don't do a blood transfusion and supply his body with IV fluids soon…" Catarina's worried voice carried down the hall as Ragnor carried Magnus towards the bedroom.

Alec couldn't stand it. He needed to help.

"Alec no!"

Alec was sprinting down the corridor, unable to hold back. Blood rushed through his ears, drowning out his family's voices, while his body shook harder and harder.

Bile rose in the back of his throat, but Alec pushed himself harder towards Magnus' bedroom. Just as he reached the hinge, the door slammed and Alec catapulted into it. It remained frozen, appearing unaffected by Alec's force against it. He tried the handle. He pounded his fist against the door, trying anything to get through. But it was clear that magic had sealed it and there wasn't a chance Alec could enter.

Sliding down the door, Alec collapsed to the floor, resting his head on his knees as he felt the first tear slip down his cheek. His body pounded with guilt and remorse and he could feel it travelling through him, slicing him piece by piece. Thoughts consumed by Magnus, Alec's tears continued to fall as his happiest memories of Magnus were swarmed by the images of his pale, still body and the blood — the endless blood.

Circulatory shock. Blood Tranfusion. IV Fluid. The words meant nothing to Alec. It was so easy for Shadowhunter to heal themselves; they only required a stele. Unless the seraph blade directly hit an artery, a Shadowhunter usually survived. Alec had survived. The Silent Brothers had saved him. But Magnus wasn't so lucky. He didn't have a group of ancient Shadowhunters or an angelic object to save him. He required powerful warlock magic that could be depleted over time. It wasn't fair. Why did Alec's life gain priority over Magnus'?

A thought struck him. Magnus had powerful magic, so why hadn't he healed himself? Had his magic waned during the battle? Had he been too exhausted to try? But then another answer arose. What if Magnus had depleted his magical resources saving Alec from his demon side?

Suddenly, a shrill cry echoed through the house and a strange beeping noise gained speed. Alec heard shouts and frantic movements before the cry erupted again, severing Alec's heart. Magnus' screams echoed through the walls, swirling in Alec's ears. Every bit of Magnus' pain could be heard and Alec's only wish was to take it away. He wanted to feel it himself, to be punished for everything he'd done, rather than hear Magnus suffering. But maybe this was Alec's punishment for all the monstrous things he'd committed. Maybe he deserved this.

A hand touched Alec's shoulder and he jumped then lifted his head to see the intruder. Jace looked down upon him with a concerned frown, his golden eyes filled with worry. Alec quickly swiped away the damp tears on his cheeks but they wouldn't stop spilling from his eyes.

Jace silently took a seat beside him, their shoulders brushed and Alec looked over. He saw the slashes in Jace's clothes, healing scars that indicated blade wounds and bite marks that scarred his body. It reminded Alec of the battle he'd missed and the times he'd been unable to protect the ones he loved dearest. Another wave of guilt shuddered through him. And another cry pierced the air.

"We had a plan." Jace's voice startled Alec. It drowned out Magnus' cries of pain, allowing Alec to relax a little. The tears seemed to slow. "We arranged a place to meet Camille — the abandoned warehouse where the Eidolon demons attacked us before. Magnus had made a deal with the vampires. He promised Raphael that he could kill Camille if they worked with us. When we went there I thought… No, I was convinced that we were going to win. That I was going to get Clary back and that Izzy would get Simon back."

Alec turned to look at Jace, who stared off into the distance, his eyes glassy as if he was replaying the events in his head. "You did get Clary back," Alec said.

"I know… but I thought the fight would be easy. What could Camille possibly have against an army of Downworlders set on killing her? I didn't think there'd be many casualties. And if there were, they wouldn't matter because we'd won. But I was too arrogant, I didn't realise that Camille might have an even bigger plan. I didn't even consider that she might know mine and Izzy's weakness and use it against us."

"You're admitting your arrogant?" Alec wanted to laugh but couldn't. He was sure he'd never hear Jace admit that again in his lifetime.

"You won't hear me say it again," Jace smiled, however it didn't reach his eyes. "This Shadowhunter brought you forward with a knife to your neck… I don't know who he was—"

"Jonathan," Alec responded. We are the sons of demons. Jonathan's words echoed in his mind, causing him to shudder. "Jonathan Morgenstern, Valentine's son."

"Valentine had a son?" Jace repeated, his voice quiet and contemplative, a frown forming on his face. "But Clary… She has…"

"A brother?" Alec nodded.

Jace quieted for a moment, his hands clenching into fists.

"Jace…" Alec called, breaking Jace away from his darkened thoughts. "You were telling me what happened."

"You were brought forward, Alec, and Camille found it hilarious. She thought she'd won," Isabelle said, appearing in front of Alec and taking a seat by the adjoining wall. She kicked her stiletto heels from her feet. Jace remained quiet. "Camille taunted us… She taunted Magnus…" Her gaze pierced Alec, searching his expression and reactions. "She told Magnus that if he didn't take her to the location of the Book of the White then she'd kill you."

The strange beeping sound seemed to be losing speed, slower and slower and the sounds of commotion returned.

"I think she and Magnus dated in the past. He tried handing over the fake book but she wasn't so easily fooled. Somehow he managed to convince her to let Clary and Simon go first, then he'd take her to the Book of the White. But once Clary and Simon were released, the vampires attacked just like Magnus had ordered. I thought we'd won too, just like Jace."

"Then what happened?" Alec whispered. He could see everything in his head, picture it as if he'd been there himself. He could see Camille standing tall, her green eyes glistening with cunning mischief, while she attempted to reason with Magnus using her vampiric charms. The thought of her flirting, touching and toying with Magnus sickened him. He wanted to hear that the vampires had torn her apart and that his family had murdered Jonathan before the monster had chance to harm any of them.

"Her Eidolon army appeared. We weren't just fighting Camille and the Shadowhunter, we were fighting each other. The demons morphed into people fighting for us — Simon, Magnus, Jace, Clary, you, me and even some of the vampires. We had to be careful who we fought to make sure it wasn't the real person. I got this wound from hesitating when I thought I was about to kill Jace." Isabelle pointed towards a thick scar on her thigh. Jace remained silent, his eyes like steel as he stared hard ahead. It was clear that the events had affected Jace more than he was admitting.

"But how did you escape? How did you get Clary and Simon out?" Alec questioned.

"We couldn't tell if we were losing or winning the fight… Magnus was fighting the Shadowhunter and Raphael was fighting Camille," Isabelle continued.

"I found you… fighting Magnus, you had a blade to his neck but I stopped you. I pinned you to the floor with a dagger through your ankle. That's when Magnus told me and Isabelle to leave with Clary and Simon. He promised he'd protect you and make sure you got out safely," Jace explained, breaking his silence and gazing at Alec.

Alec froze, a strange bitterness arising in his mind. His wrists pounded and he felt the fire in his veins. "You left him," Alec stated in a low tone, his hands shaking as he bit hard on his lip.

"We didn't want to, Alec," Isabelle said in a soft tone, her eyes filled with guilt. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on Alec's shoulder.

Shrugging her off, he climbed to his feet and released a controlled breath, focusing on the neutral coloured wall ahead of him. The fire continued to spread, he could feel sweat beading on his forehead from the heat. He couldn't stop the anger coursing through him.

They'd left Magnus to die. Even when Jace had seen Alec almost kill Magnus, they'd left without a second thought. After everything Magnus had done for them, they didn't even think to help him.

"It was the only way to protect Clary and Simon, they were weak after everything that had happened to them. The risk…" Jace explained, his jaw firm as his eyes narrowed.

"And what about Magnus!?" Alec shouted, his anger bursting from him. He spun to face Jace and Isabelle once again. "You left him to die! After everything he did for you!"

"Alec we didn't…" Izzy began.

"No! I would never leave Clary or Simon behind! I would never have left them in danger!" His shouts grew louder and louder. "You left him with me… I've killed people before… I could've… I might've…" He couldn't breathe. While the fire continued to spread, Alec struggled to catch a breath. "I hurt him…" He concluded in a choked whisper. "And you could've been there to stop me."

Storming away, Alec clenched and unclenched his hands trying to steal his mind away from the angered thoughts consuming him and the heat spreading through his veins. He found his way to the kitchen, slamming through cupboard doors before finding a glass and filling it quickly with water.

"My powder, where is it!?" Alec emerged from the kitchen, shouting at nobody in particular. It was happening again. He was losing control. What if he hurt someone else in his angered, demonic state?

Izzy handed it to him silently, reaching out to comfort him. Alec snatched the powder from her before storming back towards Magnus' door. Jace watched him with a deep frown as Alec shoved the powder inside his mouth and took a large gulp of water.

"It's not the same," Jace said in a low tone. A angered spark resonated in his eyes and Alec knew he'd hit a trigger within him.

"What?"

"My family were my priority. I knew you were safe, Camille or Jonathan wouldn't risk fighting your demon side, so I got Clary out," Jace began, his voice tight and controlled. "I left you to take care of her on the day she disappeared. And it took you hours to notice she was gone. But did I blame you for her disappearance? You were unwilling to help us find her, you wanted to leave it to the Clave and I still didn't blame you!"

"Jace…" Isabelle warned, her eyes wide.

"How dare you blame me for that Downworlders injuries! We paid him to help us, he knew the risks he was taking. It wasn't my job to protect him!" Jace growled angrily. "It was your job to protect Clary. Your job to protect the person I love. And you blame me for not protecting a Downworlder from your demon side!"

Alec froze. Every word hit him; stabbing him repeatedly in the heart. He looked into Jace's eyes and saw only a ferocious anger. Jace blamed him. He blamed the monster inside Alec for everything that had happened.

The glass slipped in Alec's hand. He gripped it harder, his lungs burning for air. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. Jace blamed him. His parabatai blamed him for all the hurt he'd caused.

"Alec, it's not true…" Izzy's eyes filled with despair as she gazed up at Alec.

Jace remained still in front of him, his chest heaving up and down as he embraced the angered words Jace had spoke.

It's not the same. That simple statement sparked something within him.

"I love him," Alec whispered, the words broken on his lips.

"You what?" Jace paled. His chest stilled and his clenched fists loosened.

"I love him." Alec couldn't tear his eyes away from Jace's paling face, as his hands shook at his sides and a sharp pain plummeted through him.

Silence fell. The glass slipped through Alec's fingertips and shattered on the floor.

The door opened behind Alec and he spun, his eyes wide as he looked upon Catarina's blank face. Her expression gave away nothing of Magnus' condition. All thoughts of Jace vanished from Alec's mind.

Catarina glanced behind him to Jace, before turning to Alec, her blue eyes filled with sympathy. Alec prepared himself for the worst.

"Magnus has lost a lot of blood. When Ragnor found him, his body had lost too much, which caused him to go into circulatory shock," Catarina explained in a soft tone. Alec's head spun as bile burned the back of his throat. "His wounds were also showing initial signs of infection. I replaced a lot of his blood and dosed him with IV fluid to combat his injuries and a round of antibiotics to fight the infection."

The medical words spun in Alec's head. His body tightened.

"He'll need lots of rest and he may not be able to use his magic for a while, but he's okay Alexander."

Alec breathed. A warm relief flooded through him and he relaxed, leaning against the wall for support.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I can't thank you enough."

"It was the least I could do. Magnus is my friend and—" she paused, narrowing her eyes as she glanced at Jace. "He's told me a lot about you, Alexander. I'm… glad that you make him happy. It's been a long time since he's found someone he cares for and who cares for him in return."

Alec nodded his head in thanks.

"Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries Catarina." Ragnor appeared behind her, his clothes still matted with Magnus' blood.

Alec froze and looked down upon himself, wincing at the dark stains upon his black clothes.

"Now one of you Shadowhunters needs to tell us what happened and how Magnus ended up half dead in an alleyway with this snivelling boy at his side," Ragnor ordered.

"Let's take a seat in the living area and I'm sure Alexander's siblings will enlighten us," Catarina suggested politely, although her tone stiffened at the mention of his siblings. She turned to Alec. "Go see him. He'll be awake soon."

"Thank you," he repeated, not knowing how else to express his gratification. Catarina smiled and Alec took a deep breath, before stepping towards Magnus' room.

Everything was so familiar and Alec was reminded of the last time he'd been in here; he'd awoken from the darkness, with no memory of the previous night and Magnus was there, shirtless and bright, his cat eyes twinkling with mischief. Alec remembered the panic he'd felt at Magnus discovering his condition. It didn't compare to the panic he'd felt today.

Alec turned and stilled, his mind spinning as he saw Magnus lying on the bed, his eyes shut and a frown upon his face. It wasn't the same peaceful expression Alec had seen the time he'd awoken in Magnus' arms. Sweat glistened on Magnus' forehead and his hair stuck to his face, flat and glitter-less. It was a reminder of all the pain he'd suffered. All because of Alec.

Because Alec was a Monster.

Alec grabbed a chair from the beside the vanity and took a seat by Magnus' side. He watched for a moment, frowning at the pain evident in Magnus' features. It was all his fault. Jace blamed him for everything that had happened to Clary. Ragnor blamed him for Magnus' injuries. Would Magnus blame him too?

A shudder shot through him at the thought. Alec didn't think he could stand it if Magnus did. But the warlock had every right to. Alec had hurt him.

You stabbed Magnus. You stabbed Izzy. You killed your own mother.

Monster.

The word slithered through him, slicing him open. The demon had made him into a monster; a demon designed to destruct everything in its path, even those he loved.

Alec reached out and grasped Magnus' hand, squeezing tightly.

Monster.

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the back of Magnus' hand, before looking upwards at Magnus' scrunched eyes and gripped lips.

Monster.

You did this.

You hurt him.

A violent shudder ripped through him as he tried repressing the flood of emotions. But he couldn't hold it any longer. Pain twisted in his stomach and Alec crippled forward, his hand grasping Magnus' tightly as a violent sob broke through his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't take it.

Jace hated him for failing to protect Clary. Jace was repulsed by his relationship with Magnus. Izzy would never admit it, but he'd seen the pain in her eyes and knew in some way she blamed him too. And Magnus… Alec feared Magnus would feel the same.

Monster.

Tears cascaded down Alec's cheeks and he let the emotions consume him. He allowed himself to feel the pain he'd caused everyone else.

He shattered.

I cannot apologise enough for how long its taken me to write this chapter. I could give a thousand excuses for why it's taken me so long but I won't go into detail as I'd only bore you all to death.

Anyway, the new Shadowhunter's teaser trailer gave me enough inspiration and energy to complete this chapter. Season 2 is looking so much better so far and I can't wait to see Malec on screen again!

This is yet another sad chapter to add to the list. But one consolation is at least Malec both admitted that they're in love with each other know! Hope you all enjoyed it and I promise next chapter will be a little happier! I'll try and get it written and edited ASAP. Again, apologies for the wait.

Let me know what you thought by reviewing and don't forget to follow/favourite :)

Big thanks to Holly and Angela in this chapter. Holly helped me massively with how Magnus' injuries would be healed medically! And Angela, my wonderful Beta, did an amazing job editing this as usual.