I was there again. Back in the Shadowland. I didn't know what I was doing there…I could only remember one thing: don't walk into the light. Oh yeah, and don't open any doors. Russel Crow had tastefully reminded me of that moments before. Then he had disappeared.
Ghosts. I mean, really. Why can't they ever stick around for more than a few minutes at a time?
Well, anyway, I was walking down the familiar corridor, wondering how the hell I got there, when there was a sound behind me. I turned, and came face to face with…Paul Slater.
I kind of blinked at him for a second, and he grinned, not too nicely I noticed, back at me. Wonders never cease.
"So nice to see you again, Suze," he said conversationally.
"Uh…yeah," I murmured. "Right."
Don't get me wrong. I'm not rude or anything. I mean, I know the proper response to a hot guy like that would have been, "Oh, I'm so happy to see you! May I please have the honor of making out with you right now?"
But you know how it is when you meet the guy who had your boyfriend exorcised. You just don't say things like that.
"So," he said. "Come here often?"
What kind of question was that?
"No, not really. How about you?" I said sarcastically.
"All the time," he said, leering. "Wanna hang? I've got a hotel room…"
Okay. Ewww.
And who knew there were hotels in the afterlife?
"No, not really, Paul." I turned my back on him to emphasize the meaning. I jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He lowered his head next to mine, so we were practically cheek to cheek.
"We could have so much fun, Suze…" he whispered, his breath hot against my skin.
Okay. Tempting, but…double ewww.
I spun around, fully intending to break his nose again and show him how much I wanted to "hang". But I was too shocked by what I saw to move a muscle. Sure, it was still Paul, alright…and he was smiling. And he had…rather sharp incisors, I must say. The first thought that came to my head was: okay, Suze. You're dealing with a vampire. You need a stake.
My eyes darted around the corridor. Nope, no stakes. Just me and good old Paul. Oh, yeah, and the red box on the wall that said: Open in case of vampire.
Well, gee, I wonder what I should do? Hmmm…
Okay, the thing was, when I opened the box, I found myself wondering if this was supposed to be a sick joke. Because there was no stake.
There was a No. 2 pencil.
I gawked at it, feeling an incredible sense of déjà vu.
Um, can you say psychotic real estate agent?
Okay, so there I was, facing Paul, whose fangs were now dripping blood, with nothing but a No. 2 pencil. Since this was the second time I was going to stake a vampire (well, okay, so the first time it wasn't really a vampire, just a drugged schizophrenic), I decided to step back and take better aim. But before you can say, "Look, Mom! It's a flying No.2 pencil!", the pencil went, well…flying out of my hands. And disappeared.
Needless to say, this freaked me out.
"What the hell is wrong with this screwed up place!" I screamed.
Paul shrugged. "You still up for making out?"
Only he didn't say making out. Jeez.
Just then, heard something. It sounded like a weird yell or something. Kind of monkey-ish. I turned in surprise, and my eyes bugged out of my head.
It was Michael Meducci, swinging towards us from a vine, making Tarzan's classic yell. And wearing nothing but a loincloth.
I am not even kidding.
He landed a few feet away from us, and pointed angrily at Paul. "Unhand her, you fiend! She's making out with me!"
Um…he didn't say making out, either.
Paul threw back his head and laughed haughtily. "As if she would choose a little jungle boy over me!" Actually, I wouldn't say little, if those nicely defined abs, which I couldn't tear my eyes away from, were any indication.
"Maybe not, but she'd choose both of you over me," came a voice from behind us. I turned. It was Tad Beaumont. This was really turning out to be a battle of the exes. "After all," he was saying. "I gave her her first kiss."
"Yeah, well, I'm a mediator, so there," Paul spat angrily.
"Well I have great abs!"
"You're a freaking serial killer!"
"So's your uncle!"
I just stood there, halfway between shock and hysterical laughter.
There was suddenly an ominous rumbling, like something dark approaching. I turned, half expecting to see Heather's ex-boyfriend. But it wasn't him.
It was Jesse.
Immediately my heart started pounding and my breathing quickened.
Jeez, why do I always get like this around Jesse? Why can't I ever be smooth and sexy when he's around?
He spoke, his voice so deep it sent shivers down my spine. "Susannah will be with me, because she loves me. Isn't that right, Susannah?" He smiled sweetly at me.
"Uh…" Not too smooth, but what else could I say? I mean, I wasn't going to go, "Oh, yes, Jesse, I love you with all my heart and soul, Jesse!"
"Ha! As if! You're dead!" Paul said, chuckling. Jesse's face contorted into a look of utter hatred - hey, he's pretty hot when he's mad - and he leaped at Paul. His muscular arm drew back, and nailed Paul right in the nose. Jesse stood up and watched me with one raised eyebrow and a smirk. Paul got up, practically crying.
"He broke my nose again!"
But I didn't care about the others, who were standing around, flexing their muscles for me. I only cared about Jesse, gazing at me so intensely with those deep, dark eyes, his devilish smirk still in place. I felt myself blushing.
And I don't blush easy. Except where Jesse's concerned.
"Would you like to go somewhere a little more…private?" he suggested in that deep, rich voice of his.
Alright, I melted. So sue me.
"S-sure," I said hesitantly. My face felt even hotter.
I wasn't sure how it had happened exactly, but the scenery had changed to a darkened room, with a bed in the center, and the windows wide open, causing all the curtains in the room to wave.
Creating a very sensual effect.
Hey, if this was purgatory, who needed heaven?
Jesse slowly approached me, his eyes never leaving mine. He put his arms around my waist, and drew me up close. I relaxed as I melded into his body, and snuggled into his warm shoulder. "Oh, Jesse…" I whispered.
"Querida," he said, and I quivered at the word. "Do you want me?"
"Oh, yes, Jesse, I want you…" I didn't know what had come over me. I suddenly…had this really urgent need to do the dirty. "Yesssssss…"
Jesse smirked again, then kissed me. And not just any kiss. A French kiss. And all the while, I kept moaning his name over and over again, and saying some other stuff that don't want to mention here.
And then…I woke up.
Ghosts. I mean, really. Why can't they ever stick around for more than a few minutes at a time?
Well, anyway, I was walking down the familiar corridor, wondering how the hell I got there, when there was a sound behind me. I turned, and came face to face with…Paul Slater.
I kind of blinked at him for a second, and he grinned, not too nicely I noticed, back at me. Wonders never cease.
"So nice to see you again, Suze," he said conversationally.
"Uh…yeah," I murmured. "Right."
Don't get me wrong. I'm not rude or anything. I mean, I know the proper response to a hot guy like that would have been, "Oh, I'm so happy to see you! May I please have the honor of making out with you right now?"
But you know how it is when you meet the guy who had your boyfriend exorcised. You just don't say things like that.
"So," he said. "Come here often?"
What kind of question was that?
"No, not really. How about you?" I said sarcastically.
"All the time," he said, leering. "Wanna hang? I've got a hotel room…"
Okay. Ewww.
And who knew there were hotels in the afterlife?
"No, not really, Paul." I turned my back on him to emphasize the meaning. I jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He lowered his head next to mine, so we were practically cheek to cheek.
"We could have so much fun, Suze…" he whispered, his breath hot against my skin.
Okay. Tempting, but…double ewww.
I spun around, fully intending to break his nose again and show him how much I wanted to "hang". But I was too shocked by what I saw to move a muscle. Sure, it was still Paul, alright…and he was smiling. And he had…rather sharp incisors, I must say. The first thought that came to my head was: okay, Suze. You're dealing with a vampire. You need a stake.
My eyes darted around the corridor. Nope, no stakes. Just me and good old Paul. Oh, yeah, and the red box on the wall that said: Open in case of vampire.
Well, gee, I wonder what I should do? Hmmm…
Okay, the thing was, when I opened the box, I found myself wondering if this was supposed to be a sick joke. Because there was no stake.
There was a No. 2 pencil.
I gawked at it, feeling an incredible sense of déjà vu.
Um, can you say psychotic real estate agent?
Okay, so there I was, facing Paul, whose fangs were now dripping blood, with nothing but a No. 2 pencil. Since this was the second time I was going to stake a vampire (well, okay, so the first time it wasn't really a vampire, just a drugged schizophrenic), I decided to step back and take better aim. But before you can say, "Look, Mom! It's a flying No.2 pencil!", the pencil went, well…flying out of my hands. And disappeared.
Needless to say, this freaked me out.
"What the hell is wrong with this screwed up place!" I screamed.
Paul shrugged. "You still up for making out?"
Only he didn't say making out. Jeez.
Just then, heard something. It sounded like a weird yell or something. Kind of monkey-ish. I turned in surprise, and my eyes bugged out of my head.
It was Michael Meducci, swinging towards us from a vine, making Tarzan's classic yell. And wearing nothing but a loincloth.
I am not even kidding.
He landed a few feet away from us, and pointed angrily at Paul. "Unhand her, you fiend! She's making out with me!"
Um…he didn't say making out, either.
Paul threw back his head and laughed haughtily. "As if she would choose a little jungle boy over me!" Actually, I wouldn't say little, if those nicely defined abs, which I couldn't tear my eyes away from, were any indication.
"Maybe not, but she'd choose both of you over me," came a voice from behind us. I turned. It was Tad Beaumont. This was really turning out to be a battle of the exes. "After all," he was saying. "I gave her her first kiss."
"Yeah, well, I'm a mediator, so there," Paul spat angrily.
"Well I have great abs!"
"You're a freaking serial killer!"
"So's your uncle!"
I just stood there, halfway between shock and hysterical laughter.
There was suddenly an ominous rumbling, like something dark approaching. I turned, half expecting to see Heather's ex-boyfriend. But it wasn't him.
It was Jesse.
Immediately my heart started pounding and my breathing quickened.
Jeez, why do I always get like this around Jesse? Why can't I ever be smooth and sexy when he's around?
He spoke, his voice so deep it sent shivers down my spine. "Susannah will be with me, because she loves me. Isn't that right, Susannah?" He smiled sweetly at me.
"Uh…" Not too smooth, but what else could I say? I mean, I wasn't going to go, "Oh, yes, Jesse, I love you with all my heart and soul, Jesse!"
"Ha! As if! You're dead!" Paul said, chuckling. Jesse's face contorted into a look of utter hatred - hey, he's pretty hot when he's mad - and he leaped at Paul. His muscular arm drew back, and nailed Paul right in the nose. Jesse stood up and watched me with one raised eyebrow and a smirk. Paul got up, practically crying.
"He broke my nose again!"
But I didn't care about the others, who were standing around, flexing their muscles for me. I only cared about Jesse, gazing at me so intensely with those deep, dark eyes, his devilish smirk still in place. I felt myself blushing.
And I don't blush easy. Except where Jesse's concerned.
"Would you like to go somewhere a little more…private?" he suggested in that deep, rich voice of his.
Alright, I melted. So sue me.
"S-sure," I said hesitantly. My face felt even hotter.
I wasn't sure how it had happened exactly, but the scenery had changed to a darkened room, with a bed in the center, and the windows wide open, causing all the curtains in the room to wave.
Creating a very sensual effect.
Hey, if this was purgatory, who needed heaven?
Jesse slowly approached me, his eyes never leaving mine. He put his arms around my waist, and drew me up close. I relaxed as I melded into his body, and snuggled into his warm shoulder. "Oh, Jesse…" I whispered.
"Querida," he said, and I quivered at the word. "Do you want me?"
"Oh, yes, Jesse, I want you…" I didn't know what had come over me. I suddenly…had this really urgent need to do the dirty. "Yesssssss…"
Jesse smirked again, then kissed me. And not just any kiss. A French kiss. And all the while, I kept moaning his name over and over again, and saying some other stuff that don't want to mention here.
And then…I woke up.