Haruhi steps out of the car and I close the door behind her.

"Thanks again for taking me out," Haruhi calls back, smiling.

"Yeah sure, no problem," I say, running a hand through my hair, "see ya next time."

I don't wait for an answer as I let the driver open the car door and I jump inside. Haruhi waves, so adorable and innocent from her stoop – I think that's what they call poor people doorways, anyway – and my driver takes off, heading back towards the manor.

I lay my head against the window and watch the trees drift by. That was my third, maybe fourth date now with Haruhi. Sometimes, it's fun. After all she is Kaoru and my adorable little toy. We can dress her up and play with her when we are bored, and, most importantly, can bother Boss with how close we are with her. But other times I can't help but be annoyed. We are so different, and it's hard getting used to someone who doesn't automatically know everything about me. Kaoru wouldn't have ordered rice pudding to share at the restaurant for desert because he knows I hate the texture. Kaoru can see when my attention is fading and draw me back with a quick joke.

The simple truth is that I'm far too used to being with Kaoru, and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept new people in my life. But, surely I can't give up seeing Haruhi and let Boss win.

The driver pulls up to our manor and I step out. The maids open the door for me in a flurry of exaggerated deference. I step inside the foyer, trying to locate Kaoru. He must be in our room. I walk up the elaborately carpeted stairs and pass several nameless maids until I reach our room. Kaoru is laying on the bed, skimming videos on his laptop with a bored, detached look in his eyes, but he instantly perks up when I enter. It's always the same thing when I return - the inquisition of questions about my relationship with Haruhi - so I push my hands in my pockets and sit on the bed, with body language that clearly says, "I'm not interested in talking." That hardly stops Kaoru.

"So, how was the date?" he asks, slightly too cheerfully for my liking.

"It was fine, I didn't really like the food but Haruhi can be fun," I say.

"Oh come on, you make it sound like a chore." Kaoru sits up, throwing an arm over my shoulder. I shrug. Sometimes, that's exactly what it feels like.

"Should dating feel like I chore?" I ask honestly. I look at Kaoru, and he shrugs.

"How would I know? I haven't dated anyone."

We sit in silence for a bit, his body close to mine, just how we like it. Every time I come home from a date, and sit down with my body touching his, I feel calm and free. There's no expectations, no games to be played, no airs to uphold, simply Kaoru and myself melding into one person as we have been our entire lives. I always forget, until I'm back near him again, just how empty I feel with my other half left at home.

"So, have you kissed her yet at least? That could add some fun to the mix."

"Well, no…" I mumble.

"Why not?" Kaoru asks. I turn towards him and see his warm smile and his eyebrows raised, as if he were an older brother counseling the younger, trying to gently push me along towards something good. He has always pushed me towards Haruhi, for reasons I don't quite understand.

I'm afraid I'll disappoint him when I say, "I don't know, I'm just not sure I'm ready for that."

"Why not," he persists, "It's a lot of fun."

My chest clenches. "You've kissed someone? When?"

He must have seen the hurt on my face, because he answers, "I can't just sit around all the time when you're gone Hikaru. I get bored, and a little lonely I guess. I met this girl, nothing serious, but we've just been hanging out sometimes, you know?"

It hurts to think he's been meeting people and having a life without me. I've been hanging out with Haruhi, but that's not the same. He knows Haruhi, and we all spend a lot of time together as a group. I don't even know this girl he's been seeing. Is it that easy for him to move on with his life while I'm gone, when all I can seem to think about is when I'll see him next?

"Don't be upset Hikaru, she doesn't mean anything to me. She's just another toy." Kaoru grabs both my hands, and we lock fingers. I try to move past what I'm feeling. I know things have been different since we joined the Host Club, but the idea that we could drift apart, that we could lead separate lives, that I wouldn't be there for every wonderful moment he experiences, is painful. I have to change the conversation.

"What's it like to kiss someone?" I ask. We're almost the same person. I can't comprehend that he has experienced something I haven't.

"I don't know, it's hard to describe. It's different, and fun."

The idea of kissing Haruhi makes my heart race, but not with excitement. I can't imagine opening myself up that much to another person, especially when I have no idea what I'm doing. When kids in our classes were experimenting with each other and trading kisses on the playground, Kaoru and I were lost in our own world, shutting out everyone around us. Even when it became increasingly clear that we were lagging behind in social experiences, I thought, at least Kaoru and I are in this together. But now, for the first time, I feel embarrassed. I'm the only one who's never kissed anyone. This must be what other people feel like, the feeling of being the only one. I hate it.

I need to know what Kaoru experienced. I need to fix this horrible feeling in my chest before it consumes me. I need to be connected to him again so I'm not left behind. So I take a risk.

"Will you show me?" I ask, looking Kaoru straight in the eyes.

He could have demurred, asked "show me what?" But he was carefully inspecting my eyes as I fought through the panic of my loneliness moments ago. Kaoru always keeps a close eye on me during my moods and somehow, without fail, always knows how I feel before I do. So if I am fully aware I am spiraling right now, then he had already worked out exactly what I want and need to stop from falling apart.

"Yeah, Hikaru, I can show you."

A/N: This is my first attempt at a non one-shot. As always, feel free to review!