"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

"If you ever get a second chance in life for something, you've got to go all the way." ~ Lance Armstrong

"Placing quotes from famous people at the beginning of your story makes you seem more intelligent." ~ Purple Bandit

TOTAL DRAMA REDEMPTION III: NOAH'S TOUR OF THE WORLD

Happy 2016 everybody! My gift to you guys is a new story for a New Year!

Greetings loyal fans, reviewers, and Total Drama diehards! Thank you for patiently waiting while I got my house in order over the past few months. I am now primed and ready!

It will soon be time for everyone's favorite cynical, physically-feeble, mentally-robust, intellectual, Indo-Canadian wise guy to shine. First, a couple of clarifications need to be made.

Disclaimer: The Total Drama series was created by Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis. The rights of the show, be it creation or distributional, go to Fresh TV Incorporated, Teletoon, Cartoon Network, Neptoon Studios, and Cake Entertainment. I am just a fan writing for zero profit. I guess the only person I can stake a claim to is Matt. Feel free to have him in any of your guys' stories if you feel like it.

Summary: Sequel to "Total Drama Redemption". Noah finds himself having to re-live the events of season 3 (Total Drama World Tour). However, not everything's the same the second time around...

Sequel: I realize that some of you might have come upon this story without reading the original. It must be stated that this story is a sequel to "Total Drama Redemption", which was written by me. It can be accessed from my (super-awesome) profile. This story has been written with the assumption that you have read TDR, so I strongly advise you to read that fic first before reading this. Ultimately, I can't really force you guys to do anything so…

Rating: Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes. There will be profanity, vulgarity, dirty jokes, and juvenile humor. These are teenagers, after all. I'm warning you in advance. If this sort of thing is not something that you wish to read, then please leave now, before it's too late!

Setting: Right before the beginning of season three. Total Drama World Tour will be the basis of this story, just like how Total Drama Island was the basis for the original. Important to note that Noah's memories of TDR are still fresh in his mind, despite being sent back in time eight years after the events took place.

Point of View: The entirety of the story will be written in the first person from Noah's POV.

Pairings: You're gonna have to read on for that one, sport. Let's just say I have some surprises in store.

Format: I found that writing each day as one chapter places too much emphasis on certain days and not enough on others. It made a lot of chapters as filler, too short, or just plain unnecessary. That's why I've decided to change the format. It gives me more freedom and will hopefully make chapter lengths closer together. I want to keep this story fresh.

Genres: The story is a mix of many different genres:-

Angst – There won't be as much absurdity in this story as the original. I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible. It will be a bit darker and edgier, but not by a big margin.

Romance – The four letter word beginning with 'L' comes into play in this story.

Suspense – So if I tell you guys that suspense is one of the genres, am I increasing or decreasing it? Hope it doesn't kill you.

Humor – Don't worry guys. There'll be plenty of comedy to go around. I'm just trying to tone it down on the outrageous moments. If you liked TDR, then you'll love this one. I guarantee it!

Adventure – I will try my best to make this a roller-coaster ride from start to finish. We're going on an adventure!

Supernatural – Not really sure about this one but I consider Matt to be a higher power and a mystic force. Noah practices agnosticism, but I will try to avoid as many religious references as possible to avoid controversy.

Mystery – Why is Mystery one of the genres? I guess that's a mystery in and of itself.

Sci-Fi – Alternate timelines, parallel universes, time travel. 'Nuff said.

Friendship – Despite there being a mix of so many genres, friendship seemed like the most important one to me and is the most important to this story. Everything else can be filed under "General"

NOTE: If you skipped all the above just to get to the story, you're a cock-juggling thunder-c**t, and you deserve to be strapped to a chair and listen to One Direction for all of eternity. Amen.

Now that that's out of the way, let us begin. Commence the fun, it's chapter one! Into Noah's mind we go…

- Chapter i -

Fresh Hell

The sound of rubber tires grinding against asphalt entered my ears. The tiny gravel stones were getting stuck in between the tires, thus causing a sort of harsh sound as they scraped against the pavement.

I was lying face down on something soft and comfy. It felt like a pillow.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round." Someone sand. "The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town!"

That voice... Owen's voice!

I opened my eyes in order to find out where the hell I was, and immediately rose up. I rubbed my eyes. I hadn't been lying down on a pillow; I was lying down in between Owen's thighs!

"What the hell, Owen!?" I screamed out.

It was heard by everyone else in the bus, and would have attracted their attention had they not been busy having their own petty conversations.

He was taken aback a bit. "Oh, sorry Noah. Are you always this cranky when you first wake up?"

"I was sleeping?"

"Uh huh."

"On your lap?"

"Yep."

"…"

"…"

Blank stares were exchanged. It was all that I could offer. I was trying my level best to make some sense of the situation. I felt like screaming some more, but I held my tongue and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain my composure.

"And do you always suck your thumb while you sleep?" Owen asked me.

This line was also heard by the entirety of the bus, bringing it into raucous guffaws. My eyelids twitched. All I could do was bury my head in my hands.

I wished that I could just poof out of the bus the same way that I had poofed into the bus. This whole scenario seemed too damn contrived to be true. It just wasn't natural. Is this real life!?

Needless to say, I had just been thrust into a very awkward situation. And it was getting more and more awkward by the second. Any composure that I had regained up till now had now vanished into thin air. I just wished that I could have vanished along with it.

"It's alright, Noah." I said, referring to myself in the third person in an attempt to inflict upon me a feeling of calmness.

I found it difficult to comprehend whether or not this was even real. I rubbed my eyes and then I pinched (and slapped) myself multiple times to make sure. Nope. Not dreaming. Definitely real. Get a grip on yourself, Noah!

Well… crap. That was not the start that I was hoping for. On the bright side, if one starts at rock bottom, they have nowhere to go but up.

The rest of the journey was relatively event-free. Just the way I liked it. Owen was busy bugging someone else, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sat quietly, attempting to make some sense of the events that were unfolding or about to unfold before my very eyes.

I sighed.

Total Drama World Tour? Been there, done that. How hard could it possibly be?

If I did it once, I can definitely do it again, right?

Besides, this time would be easier since I already knew what was about to happen next, at least somewhat, if not entirely. It certainly helped last time. The best part was that I did pretty well on season three anyway. Now I had some knowledge of the future as well. I was banking in that to bail me out of any problems that I would have to encounter going forward. Only rarely do plans go on without a hitch.

The bus came to a grinding halt. Looking out the window, I noticed a bunch of grounded airplanes. We were on the runway of an airport.

The bus driver told us to get in a single file line, which we all did.

Ugh. This brought me back to memories of lining up for ten months every year for twelve years waiting to exit the school bus.

Only this time, I had a metric crap-ton of pain, torture and immeasurable cruelty awaiting me.

…Okay, maybe it is a bit like school.

I lined up behind Harold as we inched, slowly but surely, towards our doom.

Owen wailed and complained about setting his foot in an airport. DJ had to take him kicking and screaming out the exit door.

"Aerophobia... from the Latin. As opposed to aeronausiphobia, the fear of air sickness." Harold said upon exit.

"Keep up the fascinating facts, and I'm going to be aero-nauseous all over you." I replied without missing a beat.

Seriously! I had enough to deal with without this annoying fleabag shoving unnecessary facts down my throat.

I turned to the right, and that's when I saw him. The face of pure evil. It was good ol' Chris "Beelzebub" Maclean.

He was wearing the same old stupid shirt while grinning that same old wicked grin that he had been all those years ago. His eyes had a glint of malice as well as joy intertwined in them.

Oh, he was excited, no doubt. Third seasons are a big deal in the reality television business.

One might not think of it since many sitcoms go on for about five to eight years, but in terms of reality shows, three's a pretty big deal. I know this because Chris knows this.

I learned all of this from him during my short stint as his assistant, and it was probably the only good thing I got from that experience.

He was introducing the contestants one by one. Of course, some were emphasized more than others.

I joined the rest of the gang. These were the guys who would accompany me on our journey to the center of the Earth (and a million dollars)

"Hi, Noah." Gwen said, coming up to me.

"Oh.. Hey." I replied.

She went up to me and hugged me. It seriously caught me off guard.

"Ya this is great and all but what about-"

I was cut off by her lips meeting mine.

Gwen was kissing me! I stood there in stunned silence. I honestly had no idea how to react.

The whole world around me seemed to be revolving a thousand times per second. The feeling of dizziness overcame me. A billion thoughts rushed through my mind, the main one being that of infidelity. What the heck was going on?

It didn't last for long, though, as the Goth released me.

"Hey, Noah!" An all too familiar voice exclaimed.

"Hey, Iz." I said awkwardly. Oh crud! Had she seen that!? WHAT THE FUDGE WAS I GOING TO DO!?

I cringed, waiting for her to pounce on me. Instead, she leaped into the open arms of Owen.

I stood watching as Izzy and Owen sucked face. How dare he kiss my girlfriend like that!? The nerve of that boy! I was just about ready to give Owen a piece of my mind...

I'm glad I didn't, for that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was in a relationship with Gwen, and Owen was Izzy's boyfriend.

...

Holy… Frickin'… Hell!

I was in a relationship with Gwen, and Owen was Izzy's boyfriend!? WHAT!?

I was with her!? She and I were a couple!? Her... with me? I had no idea what was going on right now. I couldn't believe that something like this could ever happen to me!

This was despite the fact that tons of seemingly-impossible stuff had already happened to me. It was just one shock after another, and it was only the first day!

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

Was this some sick joke? Because if so, that's not funny, Matt!

So Gwen and I were a couple. Needless to say, it took me quite some time to digest that fact.

"Hey Gwen, I checked my horoscope, and it says that you're going to get a massive beat down during the course of the season." Heather said, laughing.

"A horoscope? What's that Heather? A telescope that can only see your face?" I asked smugly. That shut her up. That shut her up real good.

"Nice!" Gwen said as we high-fived.

At least she was still as bitchy as ever. You better watch out, Heather. I've got a sharp tongue and I'm not afraid to use it.

More people went up to join us. We now had all the people from Total Drama Island who would also be competing on Total Drama World Tour, or so I assumed.

It wasn't until afterward that I noticed that something seemed a bit… off. Something just didn't feel right, but I just couldn't pinpoint what exactly. Hate when that happens!

"And now to mix things up and keep it all fresh, we're adding two new competitors!" Chris said over-zealously.

"He's an honor-roll student with a diplomat for a dad and an amazing ability to charm the pants off most species… Alejandro!"

The Spanish Casanova stepped out of the bus, and immediately, almost all of the female eyes fell upon him as he came up to join us.

"Hello, amigos... and ladies..." He said in his charming Latino voice.

Most of the women among us were swooning over him like they had swooned over Justin two seasons ago. It was really pissing off all of us dudes who were 'normal-looking'. Ugh. So gag-worthy.

"And she's a sugar-addicted superfan, with sixteen Total Drama blogs… Sierra!"

The teenage girl was practically spazzing out at the mere sight of us. It was unnerving, really. It also made me wonder just how many other crazy superfans there were for the show. I heard some crackpots even wrote stories about us. 'Fanfics', they called them. It just seemed creepy on so many levels.

The girl then started fawning over Cody. Poor guy. He would have to endure a lot from that girl. Like, 'a lot' a lot.

And yet the unusual feeling overcame me once again. I go the sense that something was not right. Not in the "foreboding" sense, but in the "weird" sense.

I looked around, doing a quick head-count. Was someone missing that was supposed to have been there? No. It was quite the opposite… on the contrary, it seemed as if there was someone extra! There were twenty of us on the runway (including Chef and Chris) rather than the nineteen that had been there the first time around.

My eyes glazed over the competitors one by one until… aha! Ezekiel! He wasn't supposed to be here!

Wait. No. That's not right. I looked again until my eyes landed upon a tall figure with black hair wearing a light-green shirt with a black handprint on it. And this meant that the person could be none other than…

TRENT!?

DAFUQ!? Why on Earth was Trent here!? This was season three for goodness sakes! What reason could there possibly be for the guitarist being here!?

My thoughts were disrupted by a jarring sound entering my ears. A giant gray plane with a picture of Chris's face on the side rumbled its way up to us, prompting moans, groans, and confused stares.

"We have to tour around the world in that?" DJ asked us in a hushed tone.

"Excuse me, but I'd like to express some concern about the safety of our plane." Courtney piped up.

"Relax. It's perfectly safe." Chris said.

It had been not two seconds after those words left his mouth when a portion of the plane fell off and tumbled onto the ground with a 'clank'.

"Now boarding!" The host said with a smile.

"No! I can't ride in that!" Owen said fearfully.

The overweight Canadian began loudly voicing his displeasure.

"Call the United Nations! Call a cab! Call my mom! No! I'm not doing this! I'm out! This is unethical!"

"CLANG!" Chris smacked the fat boy upside the head with a metal pan.

"Mommy." Owen cried, falling to the floor.

"My trusty frying pan never fails. Anybody else got a problem with it?" Chris asked.

"No!", "Love it.", and "Dibs on the window seat." were the replies.

"Hey Chris, you should save that thing for when it's raining, then you could use your trusty frying pan as a drying pan!" Cody said.

"Now boarding… on a voyage to a million big ones!" The host said, ignoring the geek.

"We're saving you a First Class seat for all the action." He pointed straight at the main camera. "Right here, on TOTAL… DRAMA… WOOOOORLD TOOOOOUR!"

"Seriously?" Everyone was thinking it. Duncan was just saying it.

A person finds themselves in a strange place with no idea of how he got there and things looking drastically different from they expected it too. This situation was so cliche.

Did I say that this season was going to be a piece of cake? Boy was I wrong. Oh so very wrong. Man! This was going to be harder than I thought. Much, much harder.

There was a fecal hurricane of epic proportions hurtling directly towards me at warp speed. I was in its path and there was no way to stop it. Dodging it was out of the question. It was coming right at me. When it collides, all hell will break loose. [1]

I was in for a looooong season.

Noah Carter, welcome to hell.

[1] I have no idea what this means. It probably makes absolutely zero sense, but it sounds cool so I'll leave it up.

Heh. More like 'Total Trauma World Tour', amirite guys? *Chuckles at lame joke*

Hope that was enough Noah for your liking. If not, don't worry. There'll be plenty more Noah to satisfy your Noah addictions you, you… 'Noah-addicts'!

Who is Matt, really?

What happened between the first through third seasons?

When did Gwen and Noah hook up?

Where did Izzy and the Brainiac go wrong?

Why in God's name is Trent here!?

How the hell am I going to answer all these questions?

I guess you'll all find out sooner or later… on Noah's Tour of the World!