"Daddy, there you are!" exclaimed Arleen as Joker threw open the door to his hideout, covered in snow and panting.

"What happened to your eye?" asked J.J.

"Oh, it's not important, kiddies," said Joker, hugging them. "Where's your mother?"

"In the living room, hosting the party," said Arleen, pointing. "We got bored though, and decided to wait out here for you."

"Oh yeah...party," said Joker, slowly. "Kinda forgot about that. Oh well, she'll forgive me," he said, confidently, as he strode into the living room.

"Honey, I'm home!" he called.

All eyes fixed on him as Harley turned slowly to face him, and the look in her own eyes was murderous. "You!" she hissed. "How dare you come crawling back here after you abandon me to host this party all by myself, huh?! You think I'm gonna be happy to see you?! You think I'm gonna welcome you back with open arms, you selfish jerk?! Where the hell have you been?! You've been gone for hours! And you're dripping water all over the floor, which I'm obviously gonna have to clean up, because I have to do everything around here like a goddamn slave! You had better be ready to grovel to me for months, because I ain't forgiving this, Mr. J! Not this time! You miserable, no good, slimy, dirty…"

Joker seized her in his arms, cutting off her rant with a kiss. "I missed you too, baby," he murmured, drawing away at last. "Merry Christmas."

"Aw, Merry Christmas, puddin'," cooed Harley, her rage instantly forgotten. "And what a great way to spend it, surrounded by our friends and family."

"Where have you been, Joker?" asked Crane. "You didn't have second thoughts on helping Luthor, did you?"

Joker chuckled. "Well, I sent him a Bat-shaped Christmas gift, if you get what I'm saying. But no, actually I've been hanging out with Bats."

"I should have known," sighed Harley.

"Hey, he gets lonely this time of year," said Joker, shrugging. "Thought I could cheer him up. Though actually it was vice versa this time. I was feeling the holiday blues…"

"You were feeling blue?" said Ivy, astonished. "Harley, are you sure this is J, and not some kinda impostor? Wouldn't be the first time Clayface has pretended to be him."

"Nah, I'd know Mr. J's kiss anywhere," sighed Harley, beaming at him. "What were you blue about, puddin'?"

"Silly stuff," said Joker, shrugging. "And it don't matter anymore. I've been reminded of all the great stuff I've done and great deeds I've accomplished, and how can any man be depressed after that? Sometimes that's all you need, a little reminder, because sometimes you forget that it's a wonderful, crazy life! And I couldn't be happier about it," he said, picking up Arleen and kissing her.

"Well, now that everyone's here, Jonathan and I have a small announcement to make," said Emilia. "I'm pregnant."

Everyone stared at her. "What, again?" demanded Joker. "Johnny, ain't you ever heard of birth control?"

"Yes, I certainly have!" snapped Crane. "And lessons have been learned, believe me! But actually I'm not upset - it's a cause for some great joy, since we're going to have quite the little family now."

"Not that we don't already," agreed Emilia, kissing her daughters. "But another child is the best Christmas gift ever."

Joker snorted. "Whatever. I'd rather just get Harley some jewelry. We already got all the kiddies we need, don't we, precious?" he cooed, kissing Arleen's nose.

"Well, let's have some music to ring in the Christmas season," said Tetch, heading over to the piano in the corner. "Alice has been taking lessons, so she should be able to manage a few carols."

"Does anyone need their drinks refilled?" asked Harley, looking around. "Johnny, how about you? You need alcohol to numb the pain from twisting your back? None for you, Emilia, you're pregnant. Say, was the night you conceived your child the night that Johnny hurt his back having acrobatic sex?"

"No comment!" snapped Crane, as Joker giggled.

"And that's my Christmas present!" Joker laughed. "Oh, I'm never gonna let him live this down!"

Alice launched into a rendition of Hark the Herald Angels Sing on the piano just as the the clock outside struck midnight. The bells tolled, and Arleen beamed. "Look, everyone!" she said, pointing. "Daddy says, every time a bell rings, a Joker breaks a Robin's wings!"

"That's right, Leenie," said Joker, smiling. "That's right. See you soon, Batsy," he said, gazing out into the snowy night sky. "See you real soon."

The End