As Po-Po Damerun spoke to the random old guy he was hiding an erection in his pants. Drool was bubbling over his lips. The tent was small. The tent that they were in I mean. Not the tent in Po-Po's pants. But that was small too, yes. Anyway.

They were in some shitty desert. No, it wasn't Tattooine or Arizona. But those are both valid guesses, good job. It was the junkyard planet Jacqui. So gutter you'd never even heard of it. Eww.

—So, Po-Po said, —you're telling me this floppy disk has the map to Luke Starjogger? (He shudders with anticipation.) —How did you get it again?

—That doesn't matter now, said the geriatric weirdo, —I want to bang Leia. Can you arrange this?

—Absolutely, said Po-Po while erotically inserting the floppy disk into his pet cuck-ball.

—You must go, said old guy. —There is storm trooper coming.

—I am snarky and handsome, said Po-Po. —You are expendable. I will be fine.

Po-Po ran to his ship with his cuck-ball rolling beside him.

—Cuck-ball, he said, —I need you to run away with this floppy disk.

—I can't run, beeped cuck-ball.

—Of course you ca–oh, I see what you did there. Roll away then, you silly little goose.

Cuck-ball rolled away very quickly. Po-Po chuckled. In the background, storm troopers were killing people. Because Po-Po is a good guy he shot one of them in the face.

The storm trooper next to the one who got shot kneeled down next to him, but Po-Po didn't shoot him. —He dindu nuffin! He wuz a gud boi! the despairing trooper yelled. Storm troopers meanwhile stormed the village and yelled 'ooga booga' while they raped things. —Da maskz just filters out da smoke not laser bullets… said the storm trooper.

Then the storm troopers shot Po-Po's spacecraft the Pussy Wagon and they were all like

—Sheeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiit! We wuz aiming in da otha directions! but they hit the ship anyway and it was cool.

Then Kyle Rin came out. He's like Darth Vader except he just wears mask to cover up when his voice breaks. Po-Po tried to shoot him but then he caught the laser thing. And some storm troopers caught Po-Po.

—Who's gonna talk first? You gonna talk first?

—I was going to talk first, said Kyle, —but you already did so just forget it! Just wow!

—But howju catch the laser thing tho? asked Po-Po.

—Because I'm a shitlord.

—You mean a sith lord.

—Yes, and also that. he said —And you?

—I'm the resistances best pilot, he said with loudly. That one storm trooper from before got a lightbulb above his head.

—Search him, said Kyle to two storm troopers. They started patting him down. —Okay stop.

—But we not done wit search….

—It's getting gay just stop.

Then Kyle stared at the storm trooper who had now stopped kneeling by his dead friend's body because he realized how creepy it was. Okay, that guy is totally a traitor. And I would do something about it but I can't even right now!

—So, what do you know about the map to Stairwalker? Kylie asked him.

—I dunno no nothing. Po-Po pouted.

Then Kyle held out his hand and Po-Po was like —It was the cuck ball! It tricked me dammit! The cuck ball, damn cuck ball….

Then one of the villagers sneezed because they were a peasant.

—Ugh, just kill all of the villagers. I don't like them anymore! said Kyle. But the storm trooper from before didn't actually fire because he was a conscientious objector and everyone was fine with that.

So they killed the villagers while Kyle brooded and thought about cuck-balls rolling through the vast desert, almost out of reach.