That One Cliche: The Twin!fic: The Naruto Edition.

I do not own NARUTO, Kishimoto does.

Warning! There is cussing, violence and probably other things. Ye have been warned.

Tags:

Pre-Shippuden!Konoha

Pre-Chuunin Exams!Timeline

Alive!Minato; Kushina

'Traitor*'!Jiraiya; Hiruzen (3rd Hokage)

OC!SueTwinSisterThatEveryoneLoves

Mentor/Onee-chan!Tsunade; Anko; Shizune

Awesome!Good!Mentor/Onii-san!Kurama; Kakashi

Adorable!Konohamaru; Udon; Moegi

Unlucky(In life)!Naruto

Sarcastic!Smarter!Naruto

Uke!Naruto

Bashing (Sasuke, Sakura, Minato, Kushina, Jiraiya)

* I say traitor, because, they'll not be very nice to Naruto, after, pretty much beating the stuffing out of him. Yeah, I called it cliche for a reason.

Key:

TEXT - story/speech

Text - thoughts

Text - emphasis in speech

TEXT - summon/bijuu speech

TEXT - summon/bijuu thoughts

Got it? Good, here we go...

Another day: another scratch, another chip, another dent to a mask- all to a child- Kami, I'm fucked. What's so important to the Old Man that he had to call me away from the Academy? Another train of thought, rather morbid at that, entered the head of the short, underfed blue-eyed blonde, as he sat off to a corner in the waiting area of the Hokage's office. Well, it ain't like today's gonna get any worse...

He stared at the office door, waiting for its occupant to summon him. The door opened, finally, and a harried-looking secretary hurried out, shooting a soft, sympathetic look to Naruto. She paused by the boy, murmuring a gentle 'good luck' to the Leaf's most hated child, while the genial voice of his surrogate grandfather beckoned him in.

"Come in, Naruto.. It's good to see you." A wary, but secret glance and Naruto gave a small, fake-cheery grin, "Yeah, Jiji, it's great to see you too.." Naruto paused, "Eeh, Jiji, you wanted to see me? I swear I had nothing to do with the feather and paint bombs in the academy's teacher lounge!" While he spoke, he noticed an almost invisible conniving glint to the normally benevolent Hokage's eyes. "Yes, Naruto there are a handful of people I want you to meet."

Suddenly, a tall, broad man dressed as a Kabuki performer with an odd hitai-ate popped into the open office widow. "Heya sensei!" The man called. The Third chuckled, "It's good to see you too, Jiraiya." Cogs in Naruto's head started turning, the second the man- Jiraiya- appeared in the office- at the same time, though, unknown to all of the occupants, inside of a hidden seal, the Kyuubi no Yoko- a chakra beast, long thought to have possessed Naruto- stirred, sensing its other half lurking near. Inside of the seal, in its own mindscape, it found genjutsu strings, stickier than most- ... Mangekyou Sharingan.. who- Madara!- and it tugged hard on the illusion, shattering it like glass. The dream- no- nightmare-like state it was in when it rampaged.. then pain. All consuming, white-hot pain ate away at the Kyuubi's consciousness.

In the outside world, Naruto felt like someone combine Rai- and Katon jutsus to fry his head. He curled into himself, as the pain wracked his malnourished frame, then, as suddenly as the pain appeared, it disappeared. Naruto uncurled, only to see a redheaded girl tackle-hugging the Sandaime. Why? Who is she and why is she squealling- a sound he is really beginning to loathe- "Ojiji! Guess what?!" The Third Hokage smiled gently to the the girl hugging him, and ruffled her hair, which was up in a high ponytail. Naruto paused, he had seen that look too many times before; that look was the precursor to his mistreatment. The orphanage matrons had the same look, before they kicked him out. The same look the Academy senseis, save for Iruka-sensei, had given him- especially before- No, no, best keep those memories at bay.. "That's fantastic Natsumi-chan! Where are your parents?" Soon after the Sandaime said that, a busty, whiskey-eyed, blonde kunoichi followed by a dark haired, dark-eyed kunoichi appeared on the windowsill, shoving Jiraiya to the floor. The white-haired man, lay sprawled, he muttered, "Thank you, Tsunade-hime.." "Sensei, what did you call me for?"

CLIFFHANGER! xD LOL!

Nah, I kid, I'll mostly likely come back to this one.