Heyyyyy long time no update, everyone XD. I'm a horrible person, I know. But I'll try to make it up to you with some more updates coming soon. The next chapter for this story is already in progress, as is the next chapter for Back To You.

As always, this story is dedicated to Cory Monteith :) :)

Enjoy and please review if you want more!

"Finn! Stop dawdling, you're supposed to be helping with the snacks not eating them and staring off into the distance." Burt groaned as he smacked Finn's arm again for what had to be the fifth time.

Finn shook his head, focusing back on Burt who was squeezing ranch onto the vegetable platter. "Sorry Burt. I'm just distracted is all." Finn grabbed the box of crackers and placed the around the plate in the design Kurt showed him earlier.

He and Burt had been placed on "food duty". Which meant all they had to do was prep the different plates of food as Kurt and Carole had instructed. Then wait for the plates to be approved of before they could go get ready. (Yes, they actually had to wear decent looking clothes. Kurt even banned Finn from wearing any of his puffy vests).

"Well pull your head out of your butt. You know how seriously your mom and Kurt take these kinds of parties. They're the quintessential hosts. One thing out of order and we'll both be hearing about it for weeks." Burt grumbled as he turned around to put the ranch back into the refrigerator.

Yeah, so he had no idea what in the hell quintessential meant, but either way Burt was right. Kurt and his mom had been loving the parties lately. Ever since their Halloween party had been the hit of the neighborhood the two had bonded over their love of orderly parties and being the host of it all.

"I definitely don't want Kurt on my ass all night. I was kinda hoping we could sneak down to the basement at some point to watch the Buckeyes game." Finn shrugged.

He really really wanted to avoid being at this party at all costs. Especially since Rachel was going to be here tonight. Granted, most of her time would probably be taken up my Kurt, Blaine, and Mercedes. But it would still be painful just to look at her or watch her avoid his gaze at all costs like she'd been lately.

Not that he could exactly blame her, he hadn't been the most open towards her (as in, he'd been downright mean and cold sometimes), but he had some reason to. Considering she, ya know, ripped out his heart and stomped all over it with her cute little polkadot flats.

Burt grinned and pat Finn on the back. "Maybe we can. They'll be so preoccupied with their guests and serving them at all costs they won't even notice if we disappear for a while." The older man agreed, happy at their plan.

Finn smiled a little, something he definitely hadn't done a lot of lately. "So who all is coming tonight? Do you know?" Finn cleared his throat as he started slicing the cheese to go with the plate of crackers.

"Well, the Danvers next door and their three little runts are coming. The elder couple down the street, I forget their names. The Garrisons across the street, Blaine, Mercedes, and uh, Rachel." Burt said the last name quickly, not wanting to set Finn off. "Hey, how come you didn't invite anyone?"

Finn gulped a little and nodded. He certainly needed no reminder that Rachel was coming. It was practically all he'd been thinking about since last night. And as for not inviting anyone? He wasn't really on good enough terms with anyone. Artie and Mike were with their families, and Sam was with Quinn and her parent. Anyone in the glee club he really trusted already had plans.

And he most definitely was not going to invite Puck. Pig-headed, girlfriend stealing asshole.

But he went for the short answer instead of that whole mess when answering Burt. "Nobody I wanted to invite." He said with a simple shrug.

Burt dropped it after that, never one to pry or start difficult conversations. Something Finn was eternally grateful for.

Once the two men finished up the plates and had them approved, Finn tore up the stairs to go get ready.

He groaned when he saw the red sweater and ironed pair of darkwash jeans on his bed, most likely set out by Kurt. He hated stuffing himself into sweaters, they were always so damn itchy.

Just as he'd gotten the sweater over his head, he heard a couple car doors slam. Curious to see who was here, he made his way over to the window, peering over his desk and squinting to see who had just emerged for Kurt's car.

His heart constricted painfully when his eyes were immediately drawn to Rachel, Mercedes getting out of the right after and Blaine exiting the passengers seat.

She looked so cute in her little red dress. It had a light sheen of gold sparkles on it, a typical Rachel Berry move. He hated that he still wanted her so bad. Right now he'd just settle for a hug. He stomach churned at the thought and his mind reminded him of why he couldn't, hardening his features once more.

He couldn't let himself get swept up in the intoxicating presence of his ex-girlfriend. Not of he wanted to survive this night with his dignity intact.

With his pants and sweater successfully on, he glanced in the mirror, running a hand through his hair to try and move it into its 'fin' position. Sniffing himself and figuring he could use a spritz or two, he grabbed his cologne and sprayed a couple times, happy with how he looked. Not like there was anyone to impress though...

His hand had just hit the doorhandle when he heard Rachel greeting Burt downstairs. He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, telling himself that everything would be okay.

Repeating that mantra in his head, he jogged downstairs, expecting Rachel to be in the living room where Mercedes, Blaine, and Kurt were.

"Hey Finn." Blaine waved from his spot next to Kurt on the couch where they were watching Project Runway. Mercedes also raised a hand in greeting, though her and Kurt's attention was directed towards the TV and not him.

Finn waved back and shot Blaine a friendly smile. "Hey man. How's it going?"

"Not much. Currently being subjected to Kurt and Mercedes project runway obsession." Blaine laughed when Kurt smacked his arm and shushed his boyfriend.

Finn laughed with him and saluted the other boy. "Good luck with that dude." Finn moved his way into the kitchen which was empty save for the food and glasses scattered throughout the counter space.

He idly wondered where his mom had ran off to (and Rachel but he wouldn't admit that out loud), so he pushed the screen door open that lead to the backyard, peering around curiously.

When he spotted his mom and Rachel making their way towards him he nearly bolting back into the house like a puppy being caught doing something wrong. Rachel for her part, also avoided his eyes, snapping her head down to look at the grass instead.

"Hey sweetie. I love that sweater, Kurt picked a good one." Carole smiled as she walked past with Rachel, kissing his cheek. They had what looked like a couple extra chairs, probably from the shed in the corner of the backyard. Chairs that he noticed were now lining the house, ready to be brought inside.

Finn smiled halfhazardly at his mom, flustered by being in Rachel's presence. It was odd, her presence both soothed him and made the anger rise in him again. Completely duelling emotions at the same time; only Rachel Berry could make that happen.

Carole kissed his cheek again, this time whispering in his ear. "Please, be civil honey. For me." And with that she disappeared into the house, Rachel following quickly after to avoid having to converse with Finn.

That made him both a little relieved and a little sad. No matter how pissed off at Rachel he'd been, he always felt this need to just talk to her, hear her voice. It felt like it had been such a long time since he heard her talk, like really talk.

He just stood out there, looking up at the slowly darkening sky, wishing he could have anyone else's life but his own right now. He was tired of drowning in thoughts of either self-pity, or thoughts of his ex. It was a real mood killer and did anything but put him in the mood to celebrate anything.

He heard a little squeak of surprise followed by the sound of feet hurrying against grass and turned his head to see Rachel scurrying over to where the chairs were, grabbing a couple more to head inside.

In her haste, she let one of the large plastic chairs (that were quite literally almost her exact size), slip out of her hand onto her foot. She mumbled something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like a swear word and he couldn't help but hurry over to help her.

Call it the chivalry in him, but he couldn't help but rush to her like she'd just been shot or something. He almost slipped on the grass himself, righting himself before he reached her.

Smooth Hudson, smooth. You don't look desperate or pathetic in the slightest.

"Here let me help." He mumbled, taking one of the chairs from her. He honestly didn't know why she was trying to carry more than one at a time anyways. She was much to small and dainty to be doing that.

She didn't say anything, just nodded. He didn't know what he expected her to say anyways. She probably got the gist of how he felt when he left her in the Christmas tree parking lot.

And yeah, he probably wouldn't want to talk to her either if she'd abandoned him in a parking lot, alone. At night. God, you are a dick Hudson.

He silenced that annoying little voice in his head and tried to find his own speaking voice. They had to come to speaking terms at some point. They were still the glee club leads after, despite his earlier claims of wanting to avoid her at all costs tonight. It was for the team. For the team, yeah.

He picked up the chair that had clattered to the ground after smacking her foot, which was tucked into what looked like a pair of fuck-me heels. Shit.

"Hi." He whispered, flicking his eyes up to her face so he wouldn't seem like a fucking creeper staring at her legs. But really, that was the best he could come up with? Hi?

Cheesus he was an idiot. That's what his brain decided to open with. Not a hey, sorry for ditching you in a parking lot. Or a simple how are you. Which would have been better.

"Hi." She whispered back, just as quietly.

She gulped as her chocolate brown eyes flickered up to his, their eyes making contact for the first time since the parking lot. And fuck, maybe he shouldn't have done this. She was making him feel too much. Her eyes felt like they hypnotizing him, and he didn't ever want to look away.

But he had to, Rachel was expected back inside and they were still broken up. A shell of the couple they used to be and he just couldn't get past that. He couldn't get past all the hurt they'd caused eachother. At least not yet.

"Rachel?" His mother called from inside the kitchen.

The sound of his mothers voice snapped him out of his reverie, forcing him to hand her back the chair she dropped. "Thanks." She muttered, her head shooting downward again as she hurried out of the yard.

"I'm sorry about the parking lot thing." He said quickly. "I shouldn't have just left you like that. I'm sorry I put you in that situation." There he got that off his chest. Leaving her alone like that was a shitty thing to do, even if he was pissed at her.

There was a ghost of a smile on her face as she turned back to him. That smile only lasted a moment, as it melted into one of sadness. "Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have pressured you and made you feel uncomfortable like that. I deserved it."

And then she was gone, disappearing into the house like a flash of lightning before he even had a chance to respond to the unintentional ache her words caused to erupt in his chest.

Shit, is that really what she thought? That she deserved to be treated so poorly? Is that what he'd reduced Rachel Berry to? A sad sack of her once chipper bright self? Maybe Kurt was right. Maybe he was a shitty boyfriend.

It took a special kind of shitty person to make Rachel Berry an outwardly self-loathing person. She had always projected a kind of self-assured image of herself, regardless of whether that's how she really felt. And now it was just like she didn't care.

And yeah, you did that to her, you asshole. Finn grunted in frustration and clenched his fist, needing to hit something which just so happened to be one of his moms little garden gnomes, which he kicked clean across the yard. The sound of the poor little gnome smacking the other end of the fence giving him a slight hint of satisfaction.

This situation was so fucked up. He was so fucked up. Maybe it would have been better if they had never even gotten together in the first place. Then they wouldn't be hurting like this. Even if that meant he never would have been able to experience being loved by Rachel Berry. That was something special. Guess special things don't last.

Finn made his way back into the house, trying to pretend like he was constantly at war with himself as well as having an internal conversation. He was just glad he rarely paid attention anyways, that way no one would find anything suspicious about his inattentive behaviour.

He came into the living room and saw that the neighbors and their kids had arrived, filling up a few more seats in the living room where everyone would eat, chat, and watch the New Years countdown.

He didn't know where to sit to be honest, he would feel more comfortable sitting with people his age but that little group included Rachel. Which would just make it awkward anyway.

Blaine seemed to sense his dilemma because he waved him over. "Finn! Come on over, Merc and I saved you a seat." Blaine pat a seat in what was considered the "kids" corner of the living room.

So he sighed and walked over there, planting himself in a chair next to Blaine and Mercedes. "What are you guys talking about?" Finn asked, wanting to keep all the attention off himself.

"Just regionals. Possible song ideas and such. Group numbers mostly. We're not sure what kind of set list Shue is going to want or with whom." Kurt shrugged, Finn's eyes zeroing in on the fact that his and Rachel's arms were intertwined as they leaned against eachother. God, they must've gotten closer than he even realized.

It made him a little depressed to realize that he didn't really know anything about Rachel's life anymore. They used to be so wrapped up in eachother and now they were practically strangers.

Finn nodded, letting them talk about what the best themes would be and what songs they would choose within those themes. Finn mostly kept his head down and sipped his cider, only perking his ears up when he heard Rachel say something. Her voice still gave him some comfort even if she wasn't talking directly to him.

How pathetic was he?

He barely noticed when the members of their little got up every once in a while to get some food, different people gone at different times. He didn't care, he just wanted to go upstairs and sulk on his bed, ignoring Rachel and all her cuteness.

At one point, it was just him and Kurt sitting together. Finn was steathily trying to watch Rachel as she conversed with Mercedes and Blaine and perused the food.

"Could you be any more obvious." Kurt sneered as he popped an olive into his mouth, smirking as Finn's head snapped to Kurt's and glared.

"Obvious about what?" Finn grumbled, stabbing a little hotdog too hard, making it roll off his plate and onto his lap.

Kurt stifled a laugh. "You've only be staring at Rachel the whole night. Why don't you just talk to her? Maybe you two can apologize and stop being so dramatic." Kurt promptly ignored the incredulous and furious looks coming from Finn.

"First of all," Finn started, his voice shaking slightly with annoyance and anger, "It's absolutely none of your fucking business seeing as it's not your relationship. Second of all, I am not going to apologize because I'm not the one that cheated."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Still playing the victim card, I see? Well, just see how long this lasts. Sooner or later Rachel is finally going to get over you and move on. And where will you be? Still whining over the fact that you lost the best thing to ever happen to you because you were too proud to admit that you had a hand in driving her away."

Finn's mouth dropped open at his brothers whispered lecture, the ugly truthfulness to his words making Finn's blood pound in his ears and the rage build up until he felt like he was the friggin hulk about ready to smash.

"Why you fucking little-" Finn started, ready to chew out his brother for once again putting his nose where it didn't belong, but the laughter behind him signalled the arrival of the rest of the group. So he shut his mouth and glared openly at his brother, sending a silent promise that this conversation wasn't over.

He quietly seethed while they all talked normally, unaware of the problems Finn was currently trying to sort through. How would he honestly feel if Rachel started dating someone else?

If he were being honest with himself, he'd probably lose it. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing her with someone else, especially given how raw everything felt (whenever he even thought about Rachel with Puck he got so angry that anything in the vicinity could become the victim of his fist).

So basically still had no idea what to do and he was pissy. Awesome.

After some more silence on his part, Kurt and Mercedes began talking about the latest episode of some MTV show while Blaine went to use the restroom. That left Finn and Rachel sitting in a suffocating silence. Why did this always happen to him?

He felt his phone buzz and confusedly pulled it out of his pocket. Who the hell would be texting him now? He opened the text and scowled.

"Talk to her! Ur both being petty children & it's time to man up! -K"

Part of him wanted to take his phone and chuck it at Kurt's face, but the other part knew he was sort of right. All this time he'd been thinking about how much he was hurting and how it was all her fault.

Should he listen to her side of the story? Not that it would change much to be honest. She still cheated on him. But maybe he could hear what she had to say and be on the way to forgiving her.

Because he knew deep that down no matter what happened, if they never got back together, he wanted her in his life. He needed her in his life. Even if it meant just being her friend.

Deciding to just do it before he chickened out, he stood up quickly, stuffing his phone into his pocket at the same time.

As he'd hoped, Rachel looked up at his sudden movement, and he locked eyes with her, gesturing for her to follow him outside.

She looked downright terrified for a moment, like she was afraid of what he wanted from her. And honestly, he felt a little bipolar right now too. He's been treating her pretty crappy lately and now suddenly he wants to talk? He didn't even know what was going on with himself.

But she followed him anyways, under the watchful eyes of Kurt and Mercedes, who had been watching the exchange in both slight shock and amusement.

Finn gestered for her to go outside first, the smell of her perfume nearly sending him to his knees as he stepped outside and slid the door shut behind him.