DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY-MAN

Tyki075: Hello people! How's life? Happy holidays!

Allen: I hate the holidays.

Tyki075: Wow, Scrooge.

Allen: -_- I have a right to hate the holidays.

Tyki075: Oh yeah? Why's that?

Allen: Oh I don't know, it's not like my father died on Christmas of anything.

Tyk075: … Ah… Right… I forgot about that…

Allen: *sigh*

Tyki075: Well, instead of building on that idea/tragedy and making an angsty as fuck holiday one-shot, I'm going to be kind and write a humorous one!

Allen: Oh wow. Thank you ever so much.

Tyki075: I'm going to pretend you actually mean it and say you're welcome! So, as I said, this will be happier than the ones I usually write. It's exciting. Also, this is a MODERN AU. Other than that, I don't have anything to say. Happy holidays! Let us set forth!

Give a Gift:

"I have called you all here to discuss a very important matter." Lavi announced.

Lavi was standing in the middle of a circle of his friends, whom he had just called out of the blue and forced to meet him at his house. They were currently sitting in a semicircle in front of the redhead, placed on the many pieces of furniture in the living room.

"Get it over with rabbit, I don't have all day." Kanda grumbled, having been disturbed in the middle of a meditation session.

"Yes you do, we all know you do nothing on the weekends." Lavi waved him off, ignoring him as he growled and began to get out of his seat, only to be sent a scolding look by Lenalee.

"So, what is this 'very important matter' that you wish to tell us about?" Allen asked, knowing that they'd never be able to make it out the door until Lavi had said what he wanted to say.

"Okay, it's the holiday season, yes?" Lavi began.

Everyone nodded hesitantly, not knowing what to expect.

"Well, we don't usually do much to celebrate and that's okay, but I think we should do something fun this year!" Lavi declared.

"Something fun…?" Lenalee questioned hesitantly.

"Yes, fun! It's something that has been done for around 400 years." Lavi said.

"Stop dancing around it, idiot, just say it so I can leave!" Kanda yelled, done with Lavi's bullshit.

"Okay, okay. I say that we execute a…" He paused for effect, "Secret Santa!"

Everyone was silent as they slowly processed the information. All of a sudden, Kanda stood up and headed towards the door.

"Yu! Wait!" Lavi cried, jumping up to run after the young man.

"No, fuck that. No." Kanda refused, almost to the door.

"Bakanda! Sit the fuck down! If we have to do this – and I know we do- then you have to as well!" Allen yelled over his shoulder to the retreating samurai.

Kanda froze, opened his mouth to say something, then begrudgingly returned to his seat, leaving Lavi staring at him in shock.

The redhead got this look in his eye as he examined what had just happened- Kanda actually doing something without complaint because of what Allen said- then his eye seemed to light up when he got an idea as to the situation.

"So, how are we going to decide who gets who?" Lenalee asked.

"That's easy." Lavi walked over, snatching the beanie off Allen's head as he went.

"Hey!" Allen protested, touching his head defensively.

"You'll get it back." Lavi assured. He produced a piece of paper from out of nowhere, ripping it into strips and handing them out to everyone, "Write your name on these and we'll just throw them into the hat and pull them out at random."

As everyone was writing his or her names down a knock sounded from the door. Lavi frowned in confusion and went to open it, raising an eyebrow when he was met with the sight of Neah, a pouting, reluctant Tyki not far behind.

"What are you guys doing here?" Lavi asked, leaning slightly on the door.

"That's a good question, you see, Myki over here decided that he wanted to put up Christmas decoration and thought it was a good idea to do it by himself with his zero experience under his belt. Not only did he manage to fall off the ladder into a snow bank, but he also somehow- I'm not sure how- set fire to a fucking tree. He called me up, because we're best friends and we managed to put out the fire, but he obviously can't function in the real world on his own and I hate him, so you can have him!" Neah explained with this look of utter disappointment and exasperation on his face.

Tyki, on the other hand, was blushing profusely, his eyes lowered in shame.

Allen approached the door, "Neah, can't you just watch him?"

"No! I hate him! He's so stupid!" Neah cried.

Allen sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Why can't you two ever get along?"

"Because of situations like this! He set fire to his tree while trying to put up decorations! How?!" Neah exclaimed.

Before Allen could say anything, Lavi handed two extra slips of paper to Neah and Tyki, who looked utterly confused.

"We're doing Secret Santa!" Lavi smiled, "Since you're both here, you have to participate!"

"Ooh! I'm in!" Tyki cheered, his blush and shame mostly gone.

Neah nodded, a smile forming on his lips, "I haven't done Secret Santa since eighth grade, this'll be fun."

Lavi smiled as he led the two into the living room, Allen following close behind. He collected all the names and threw them into the hat, shaking them up.

"All right! Who wants to pick first?" Lavi beamed.

"I'll go." Lenalee said, putting her hand in the hat and rustling around, pulling out a name.

Allen went next, doing the same thing, pulled out a name, read it, and smiled. Kanda pulled a name out and his eyes widened ever so slightly before crumpling up the paper and shoving it into his pocket. Neah picked out his name, stared at it, then put his head on his knees. Tyki pulled out the next name, blinked, then frowned. Lavi grabbed the last name and absolutely beamed again.

"Okay! Now that we all have our names, we can set down the guidelines! I'm not going to set a price limit, because that really limits our options, but I will say that I want you to try. Don't just buy socks or some shit, unless they're really awesome socks and that's what you truly think that person will like. Don't get shit like cars, keep it normal size. Other than that, you guys have free reign. We'll reconvene in three days, on Christmas Eve and exchange gifts! It'll be awesome!" Lavi explained, his single eye gleaming.

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Allen had pulled Lavi's name out of his hat (which was now safely back on his head).

He had a good idea as to what he should get his friend, so he had first gone to the bookstore.

The door dinged as he opened it and stepped inside, smiling at the lady at the desk. He browsed the shelves for a bit, wondering what books Lavi would read that he didn't already own. He looked through all the sections that he thought would interest Lavi, but came up with nothing.

Then he saw it.

The perfect book.

It was a large collection of stories about a red-haired pirate with an eye-patch named Shanks.

Allen smirked and grabbed the book, heading to the check-out desk.

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Lenalee had gotten Kanda.

She'd known Kanda for a long time and had a pretty good idea as to what he would like, so she headed to the shop she knew would have the perfect thing, as she had seen it earlier and thought of him.

She gently took the medium-sized glass lotus off the shelf, caressing the slightly pink, fragile petals, smiling brightly at her find.

She had never really known why, but lotuses had always meant a lot to Kanda, though he would never tell her the reason behind it. He may not show it when she gave it to him, but he would appreciate the gift, she knew he would.

On her way home, Lenalee swung by the craft store, picking up knitting supplies, another idea already forming in her head.

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Lavi had picked Lenalee and he was so excited about it.

He did have a lot of ideas for what he could get Lenalee, but he knew he had to settle for a few (got to save some for birthdays).

His first stop was the shoe store. Lenalee loved boots, she just did. Everyone knew that, so it was only natural that Lavi had to get her some.

He found the pointiest boots he could and brought them up to the register.

The cashier gave him an odd look, "You planning to kill someone with those?"

"You know, with the person I'm giving these to, I fear that's a very real possibility." Lavi chuckled.

His second stop the hair supply store.

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Neah hated his life. Out of all the people, he had pulled Tyki's name from the hat.

He spent a good day and a half just flopped out on his bed, wondering what he did to deserve this, singing along to 'Untitled' by Simple Plan as it played in the background.

He sat up suddenly as an idea popped into his head, a smirk quickly forming on his lips as he threw on clothes that didn't make him look like a hobo, pulled his shoes on and ran out the door, almost forgetting his keys as he went.

He almost slammed his hip on a display at Barnes and Noble as he rushed to get what he needed. He wasn't really sure why he was in such a rush, but he was just so excited.

He was so glad that he had picked Tyki's name.

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Tyki, somehow, had picked Neah's name, unaware that Neah had his.

He wasn't really sure what the young man enjoyed or anything, as the two only argued whenever they were around each other.

It was odd, they actually spent a lot of time together, and some people would actually think they were friends until they spent ten seconds around the pair.

What he did know about the man's interests came from a passing comment from Allen in random conversations. He knew Neah was at least bisexual, if not completely gay. He also knew that he was single and hadn't had a whole lot of good, long-lasting relationships.

Suddenly a light bulb went off in Tyki's mind. He knew of an odd store, it sold herbs and stones and things related to Buddhism. Everyone was really mellow there. No one who wasn't used to it could be in there for an extended period of time due to the overwhelming herb smell, they would need to take breaks every ten or so minutes. It was a crazy place, but Tyki had once seen a book there. Something he knew that Neah would probably hate, but needed.

Tyki set off with an obvious skip in his step.

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Kanda had grabbed Allen's name.

The samurai wasn't quite sure what to think of that. On one hand, he had had a huge crush on the young man since they had first met and Allen wasn't afraid of him, he didn't back down, he always fought back. On the other hand, however, he didn't want Allen to know, he wasn't even sure if the Moyashi was gay or any form of it. One could say Kanda was scared, but Kanda doesn't get scared, so that's impossible.

Of course, Kanda couldn't just get Allen nothing, and, though it would surprise many people, Kanda was amazing at getting gifts.

The first person he called was Neah.

"Hello?" Neah's voice came through the phone.

"I need pictures." Kanda said bluntly.

"Kanda?" Neah asked, confusion coating his tone.

"I need some pictures." Kanda repeated.

"W-what? Of what? Why?" Neah said.

"Of the Moyashi's father, preferably ones with the Moyashi in them." Kanda said.

"Why would you need those?"

"None of your fucking business."

"O-okay. Sure. I have some that you can have. You can come pick them up whenever." Neah said, deciding not to question it anymore in fear of his head no longer being connected to his body.

Kanda hung up without a goodbye and prepared himself for his next call.

The phone rang for a couple of seconds, then the person on the other side picked it up.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Cross, I need something from you."

Oo0Oo0Oo- Three days later- 0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0

"Merry Christmas Eve, guys!" Lavi cried as soon as everyone was gathered in his living room again.

"I'm Jewish." Neah pointed out.

"You're not Jewish Neah." Allen said.

"Don't judge me because of my religion, Alley-chan." Neah cried, pretending to be choked up.

"Neah, you're not religious." Allen sighed.

"So?" Neah smiled.

Lavi interrupted Allen's next comment, "Okay! Let's exchange gifts! Lenalee, you go first!"

Lenalee nodded, bringing out a bag and a wrapped box, eagerly handing them to Kanda, who took them, looking slightly surprised.

He pulled a rainbow knitted… thing out of the bag, raising a questioning eyebrow at the women in front of him.

"It's a sword… warmer. It could also be a sheath, I guess. Lavi actually knits really well, so he helped me out." Lenalee explained.

Kanda resisted a small smile as he set the 'sword warmer' aside and unwrapped the box, his eyes widening as they saw the beautiful glass lotus.

"I know you loves lotuses- though you won't tell me why- and I saw that and thought of you." Lenalee smiled warmly.

Kanda pulled Lenalee into a very brief, one-armed hug, letting out a slight 'che' as a thanks. Luckily, Lenalee got what he meant, as she hugged him tightly back.

"Next up is Allen!" Lavi announced.

Allen pulled out a wrapped, medium-sized box and a rather small one, handing them to Lavi, who smiled widely as he took them.

He unwrapped the first one, examining the book for a second before laughing out loud and hugging the book to his chest. He opened the smaller one and pulled out a bright pink, bedazzled eye-patch.

"Johnny helped bedazzle it, but I think he did a good job." Allen said.

Lavi let out another laugh and tackled Allen in a hug, "Thank you, Moyashi-chan!"

Allen hugged back for a bit before elbowing him in the stomach, "Don't call me that."

"Next is Neah!" Lavi called.

Neah brought out six wrapped presents, smirking as he handed them to Tyki.

Tyki took them hesitantly, eyeing them suspiciously, "Are these bombs?"

"No, they're not bombs." Neah sighed, rolling his eyes.

Tyki unwrapped one of them, revealing a book titled, 'Divorce for Dummies'.

"You know, if you ever get married." Neah smiled.

"Are you assuming that I'll get divorced if I get married?" Tyki asked.

"Yep!" Neah sang.

The next one was a book titled, 'Poker for Dummies'.

"Hey! I am amazing at Poker!" Tyki protested.

Allen let out a snort, getting a glare from Tyki.

The next one was titled, 'Portuguese for Dummies'.

"I AM PORTUGUESE!" Tyki yelled.

"Exactly. It's for dummies." Neah nodded.

The next one was 'Self-esteem for Dummies'.

"The only reason I would have low self-esteem is because of you." Tyki deadpanned.

"True, I'm just preparing you, dummy." Neah agreed.

The next one was 'Sex for Dummies'.

"Really? Really?!" Tyki cried.

Lavi let out a laugh, holding his abdomen.

The last one was 'Holiday Decorating for Dummies'.

"You shut up! That was an accident!" Tyki yelled.

Neah was rolling on the floor laughing, "Oh, I-I'm soooo proud of myself!"

As Tyki sat there grumbling and pouting, Lavi said, "Tyki, you're next!"

That made Tyki smirk as he pulled out his present, tossing it to Neah, who caught it, a little startled.

"Oh, this is going to be good." Allen smiled.

Neah slowly opened it, blanching at the book he found. On the cover there were two shirtless- probably naked- dudes with big words saying 'The Astrology of Great Gay Sex' with smaller letters saying 'The Ultimate Guide to Finding Mr. Right and Avoiding Mr. Wrong'.

"You know, just in case." Tyki grinned.

Lavi and Allen were laughing so hard they hurt, while Lenalee shook her head, a small smile on her face, even Kanda was smirking at the interactions between the two men.

"I'll go next!" Lavi announced, pulling out two packages, handing them to Lenalee.

Lenalee squealed a little bit, unwrapping the larger box, pulling out a pair of black, pointy boots.

"Oh my god, thank you so much Lavi! My old ones were getting worn out!" Lenalee yelled.

She opened the smaller box, revealing two gold ponytail holders. Her hands flew to her mouth.

"They're beautiful." She said, throwing her arms around Lavi's neck, "Thank you."

"You're welcome Lena-lady." Lavi smiled.

As soon as the hug was over, Lavi smirked, "And last, but not least, Kanda!"

Kanda scowled as he pulled out a nicely wrapped package, looking away as he thrust it at Allen.

Allen slowly opened the present, frowning at the black, bulky book. He opened it and gasped. It was a photo album, the first one being a picture of him and Mana. The book was full of pictures of everyone that he loved. Everyone that mattered to him. Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked through the album.

He jolted a little bit when a piece of paper attached to a small Ziploc bag fell out. He slowly picked it up, examining the contents of the bag first. It was filled with bean sprouts.

On one side the note said:

So you never forget that there are people there for you and so you always remember those that are gone.

The other side said:

I never told you this and, to be honest, I'm terrified to say it, but, I love you Moyashi.

P.S. Bean sprouts are my favorite food (other than soba), just so you know.

Allen wiped away some tears, smiling shakily at Kanda, who was looking away, blushing. He ignored the questioning glances of everyone else as he threw his arms around Kanda, burying his face in the man's neck.

Everyone's jaws dropped as Kanda's arms actually went around Allen, reciprocating the hug.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Kanda." Allen whispered in Kanda's ear, "I love you too, Yu."

Kanda's arms tightened around Allen, pressing a small kiss to the side of his head.

As the two separated, the rest of the group was looking at the, their eyes demanding answers. Of course, they got none.

Lavi was the first to snap out of it, "W-well… Merry Christmas everyone!"

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Allen snuggled further into Kanda's arms.

"Love you Kanda." He muttered.

"You can call me Yu, if you want to." Kanda said, once again looking away.

Allen smiled, stepping up on his tiptoes to press a light kiss to Kanda's lips, pulling the samurai closer.

"Merry Christmas, Yu."

"Merry Christmas, my Moyashi."

End.

Tyki075: I just barely made it! But I did it! It's still technically Christmas! I hope you all had a happy holidays, mine was pretty awesome.

Allen: Mine sucked.

Tyki075: Not according to this fic, it didn't.

Allen: -_-

Tyki075: You're just lucky I didn't go with the angsty route. This was actually longer than I expected it to be, which is not at all a bad thing! I'm actually pretty proud of how this turned out, except it felt just a little rushed. I don't know. Well, guys. Happy holidays! Fav and review! Thanks for reading! Squadala!