Hey, all! Guess what I'm doing- again? That right! Starting another new story while I already have three others I need to get my butt into gear on! I guess I just really missed writing for this fandom- my very first fandom, from when I was six years old- and wanted to try again! Also, this idea wouldn't stop bugging me! Seriously, my mind is just all over the place!

Okay, so this chapter is technically a prologue, and I DO have ideas for future chapters, but it could also work as a oneshot or whatever, if you think it's great where it ends here. Lemme know what you think!

Forewarning: as mentioned above, I already have three multichapter fics going. I am not one to abandon stories, so I do want to keep updating all of them, but laziness, being busy (in real life or with aforementioned other fics) or getting writer's block always seems to be my downfall with fics, so it might be a long time between chapters. Please be patient with me! I do promise that, unless this fic gets zero reviews the whole time I write for it, I WILL NOT ABANDON IT.

WARNINGS: Grotesque descriptions of experimental procedures, lots of whumpage, lots of pain. Not exactly for the faintest of heart.

And with that positive note, enjoy!

Prologue

I hurt.

I hurt so much, and I wonder- why aren't they fixing it? They always fix my hurts, my aches and pains. At least, they did. How many days are left of this torture?

I groan and try rolling onto my side to relieve the pressure on my not-a-shell. Everything screams in pain- damned endless agony- and I stop moving. It's not worth it after all.

I close my eyes, and this pushes the constant layer of water out and down my cheek. I'm sure that months ago, I could have given some sort of scientific explanation for this. But it hurts. So I don't.

I don't do much of anything anymore. It hurts to do anything. My body does not like its new form.

They have changed me so many times. There was the Initial, the most painful change. After that they continuously scrutinized me and injected me to fix any mistakes in my appearance.

"Wake up, Dear." Someone- no, I know this person- is shaking my shoulder very gently. Maya knows that jostling hurts, and is the only one who cares enough to avoid it.

"'urts." I inform her. If I really try, I can pull up several memories of a big vocabulary- but it hurts. So I don't. The past is too painful to bring to mind, takes too much effort. My brain is delicate, at least, that's what Maya has said.

I keep my eyes closed, because they burn more than usual, and I can just barely hear her sigh.

"I know, Donatello. It's for a reason, though: you see, the doctors need to determine how long it will take for the pain to go away on its own. All signs point to it ending soon, Dear, don't worry. Open your eyes, now." But I really don't want to. It hurts. But I do it anyway, because Maya is friendly and I don't want to risk losing her over a temporary hurt.

Her fingers are warm as she slides them softly down the sides of my face, poking gently at my nose- careful of the stitches, my eyebrows, my ears, my jaw. It hurts, and I whimper, but that hurts, too, so I sit quietly. She examines the stitches along my earlobe- tells me they're healing nicely.

Maya helps me sit up; it hurts so much that the tears on my face are now because of pain. I cry, and she smiles sympathetically at me before she scoops me up as carefully as possible and carries me to the showers. It's an odd feeling, being smaller than a female human to the point where she can lift me, but I've grown used to it.

She unbuttons my gown and hangs it neatly on the hook, leaving me in shorts- I am grateful that she respects my newfound privacy. She sits me on a cushioned bench and turns on the water, but it's so cold that it burns. It gradually heats, and then it is tolerable- even nice, relaxing my taut muscles.

"I'll make this as quick as possible, okay?" She offers, and I nod. I would thank her, but for once most of my body doesn't hurt, and I don't want to waste this reprieve.

Maya is old, about fifty, and very motherly. Her soft hands feel nice as they scrub through my lengthy hair and massage my sore scalp. I would try washing myself, but moving hurts. Doing anything other than lying limply hurts. So I don't.

After Mitchell comes in and grudgingly washes the rest of me, with Maya taking this opportunity to switch out my bed sheets, Calliope comes in and forcefully shoves me back into my gown before opening her dreaded kit. The pain has returned, and I'm tired and cold, so I whimper all the more when her tiny flashlight is shoved into my mouth so she can stare down my throat. She hums and pries my eyes open one at a time, shining the bright light into them mercilessly. She makes a face and I know that, later, I'll be getting another corrective injection into my right eyeball. But worrying about it hurts, so I don't bother to.

"Pain level today?" She asks mechanically, but now my eyes have caught on a strange machine in her bag, and I lose my focus as an old, repressed part of me emerges to curiously study it and wonder what it does and what it's made of. She snaps in my face, making me jump and screech in surprise- this further upsets my throbbing vocal cords, and now my throat is bleeding slightly. She seems unapologetic and repeats her question.

I would show her the number with my fingers, but I now have four extras that I still can't control, so I don't.

"Teh… Ten." I rasp. She looks disapprovingly at me and jots this down. "C-C'lipey?" I ask hesitantly. She returns her gaze to me. "Br-"

"No." She cuts me off, and I sag in defeat. Maya returns and rescues me from the unfeeling woman- I'm sure I could come up with a great insult, if I had the energy and coherency to- and places me back on my bed. It used to be a hard cot, but when my pain levels became astronomical on a regular basis, my caretaker was able to convince the higher staff to replace it with a real mattress.

Calliope and Mitchell leave with their supplies, and now it's just Maya in my tiny prison with me. She sits on the edge of my mattress and, seeing my shiver, pulls the comforter over me, then brushes wet brown locks from my forehead lovingly. She is my only reason to stay sane in this hellish place full of pain and change. She treats me as though I am her son, and although I've only been in her care for a little less than a year, I can almost reciprocate her affections. She has always been kind and gentle with me when the scientists- like Calliope- are not.

"Ma?" I ask. I can barely speak nowadays, and so must shorten the few necessary words I still use to two syllables or less, with certain sounds, like 'yuh', being too hard on my tongue and jaw to use.

"Yes, Donatello?" She replies, rubbing my shoulder gently.

"Br… ah… thurs?" I sound out, slowly, determinedly. She doesn't interrupt me as Calliope always does.

"Haven't shown up yet, I'm afraid." She says, genuinely sad for me. Which is good, because being sad hurts me- so I don't.

"w… en?" I spit out slightly bloody saliva, which she tenderly wipes from my lip.

"I don't know, honey."

"Ew'll… el..p… thim… 'eer… ite?" She places a finger over my mouth to silence me.

"No more talking now, hon- you'll agitate your throat too much. Will I help them here?" I nod, and she leans forward to whisper in my ear. "The very first opportunity I'm given, I promise you, I'll help your brothers get you home. Shredder has been anxious lately over their increased activity, so it shouldn't be long now until I have a chance to get their attention." She pulls back and combs my hair with her fingers. "Oh, sweetheart, I hate what they've done to you. You were so beautiful the way you naturally were." While I don't actively remember much anymore- all memories are still there, but I'm too tired and pained to dig through them- I do recall a natural feeling of shame at the way my brothers and I had always been shunned for our appearances. Her words make me smile ever so slightly. She sees my attempt and tears enter her eyes. "There you go, baby. Don't let this break you; sometimes you just need to smile that gorgeous smile of yours." She kisses my forehead, quickly reapplies the makeup to my earlobe to make it match the rest of my ear in color, then gives a short goodbye before heading home for the night.

I don't fall asleep for hours, simply lying there in silent suffering as differing pains shoot up from each part of this cursed body.

My hand aches from where the multiple injections have left their marks, from the many surgeries to correct their mistakes, from the acid burns left over from overexposure to tampered mutagen. The stitches from the site of the most recent surgery- removal of an accidental sixth finger- throb painfully with each breath I take.

The recovering incision across the bridge of my nose makes the pressure from swallowing immensely uncomfortable; my new nose was lacking in cartilage and bone, so they had to go in and inject some to make it look normal.

My calves cramp constantly as my muscles attempt to slowly adjust to the change in bone structure; the pain was made worse when they accidentally shortened the leg muscles too much in an attempt to help my body adapt to being shorter.

My back is so sore that I can't move a millimeter without it sending white-hot stabs of agony throughout my nervous system. The damage done by frantic attempts to scrape and rip off, dig out, and surgically remove remaining shell fragments imbedded in my fleshy back has yet to repair in the slightest, even after all these torturous months.

When I was little- this is the bare minimum I can recall without giving myself a massive headache- I used to dream of what it was like to be human. I always imagined how wonderful it must be to fit in on the surface, to not be afraid to show yourself to everyone you encounter.

Now that I am as human as Shredder's scientists can make me, I can safely say that I would give almost anything to be a freakish mutant again. Because being human is horrendously, blindingly, unendingly painful.

Let me know what you think, Lovelies!

And here's a poorly-placed MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope my chapter hasn't made your holidays depressing! :D

God Bless!

-Violet