AUTHOR'S NOTE: I LIIIIIIVEEEEEE! Sorry for my hiatus, guys. The combination of working full-time in a stressful environment and also attending school full-time is a killer. Especially around the Holiday season. I was so busy at work this past week, I was scrambling the last few hours before a paper was due to just finish writing it... a second or final draft be damned.

Anyways, Idk how I feel about this story. I'm not very good at writing angst, but hopefully this is satisfying enough.

Well... if you think this story is "satisfying", you obviously don't like Levi. XD

It's my Xmas present to you all. Have a safe and happy Holiday, and maybe I'll squeeze out one more story before the end of the year. Thanks for putting up with me, and don't forget to leave a review! I love those reviews. :)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin... that privilege belongs to lord Isayama.

#521- My Hero

It was the year 853 when the titans were finally defeated. Eren Yaeger was eighteen years old, and though humanity had gained everything they had ever wanted, he had never felt more at a loss. They were finally free from the giants that had preyed upon them for the past century, forcing them to take shelter behind three stone walls. They no longer had to hide behind those walls. They could travel the world outside that had been restricted to them since before any of their lifetimes.

But even the thought of finally getting to explore the untouched lands and see the great bodies of salty water that he and Armin had once dreamed of visiting, all was not well for Eren Yaeger. Even though he would be revered as a hero and likely spend the rest of his days living in wealth, he would gladly throw it all away for a different outcome to the day the titans were finally vanquished.

Because not everyone had made it out alive, or in one piece. Armin and Mikasa still stood by him, though Mikasa's leg had been broken in so many places that she would likely never walk without some difficulty again. The result of Eren being stupid, she had pushed him out of the way of a titan's hand and been grabbed by it herself. Armin was for the most part unharmed, though Eren feared his friend would be waking up screaming from night terrors for years to come.

A lot of their friends weren't so lucky. The three other members of the 104th trainee squad who had been titan shifters had to meet their end at the battle of Shiganshina. It was necessary for humanity to win. Though having been branded traitors and enemies to human kind, Eren still grieved at their deaths, remembering good times from their training days. Reiner and Bertholdt had been like older brothers to him, helping him with hand to hand combat and memorizing formation tactics. Ymir, though he hadn't really known the elusive girl, he knew was not a bad person deep down.

As the trio walked through the wreckage of battle, Armin and Eren supporting Mikasa between them, they saw Connie huddled over something on the ground, his shoulders shaking in heavy sobs. A feeling of dread came over them. As they got closer, boots squashing in the blood-soaked dirt, they recognized the brunette ponytail of eccentric Sasha, her head lying in Connie's lap. That was all that remained of her, the bloodied stump of her neck staining her friend's white pants a haunting red. Armin gasped and looked away, a hand over his mouth. He was likely fighting back the urge to vomit. Mikasa's gaze turned to the ground, curtains of black hair shielding her face from view. Eren clenched his teeth and his free hand clenched at his side, tears springing to his eyes. Sasha was always the one to bring smiles to their group's faces. She and Connie had been an unstoppable duo of goofiness and pranks, and their antics, though causing trouble for them from the superiors, were the light of everyone's dark and troubling lives.

As much as they wanted to stay and comfort their grieving friend, they all knew well enough that sometimes you just needed to be left alone. Flagging down a passing soldier, Eren instructed him to keep an eye on Connie. Because they also knew that when a grieving person was left alone, they could end up doing something drastic. They kept walking.

Further along their path, they spotted an abandoned set of 3DMG, crumpled up and stained with drying blood. It was likely left behind when its owner had been eaten by a titan. When they approached, Eren bent down to inspect it, noting the name etched into the back of the metal plate holding the fans. Everyone in the military were given their own set when they joined the trainee corps that would be theirs alone for the rest of their life no matter what branch they joined. Because of this, and so bodies could be identified on the field, the soldier's names were etched into this piece of the equipment, but Eren now wished he'd remained clueless as to who this set had belonged to, because his heart clenched in sorrow so tightly that he doubled over.

He had never really liked Jean that much, but the thought of him being dead did not sit well with him. Though they'd fought quite often, and always over stupid shit, the presence of the older boy had been something that Eren had gotten used to over the years and had grown to cherish. It was almost nice having someone to sort of compete with. It brightened up his day, even; something to get his adrenaline pumping other than facing certain death at the maws of a titan. And now… he was gone. Jean was dead, wound up titan food. It was hard to accept.

But nothing more could be done about it now. If Eren had been around when Jean was attacked, maybe he could have saved him, but as it was, he had been too busy trying to survive the night in his own titan form. He almost hated himself for that.

They continued to walk, each one lost in their own despondent thoughts. They came across groups of survivors huddled together, sitting on piles of rubble from the destroyed buildings surrounding them. There was a very distinct difference between the two kinds of groups they passed by. There were the ones that were jovially laughing and whooping and hollering about finally having their freedom from the titans. Then there were the ones who were whispering quietly amongst themselves, haunted looks on their faces. He saw Hange and Moblit, heads of the science department, tending to an unconscious Erwin. Hange, always the optimist, waved and smiled cheerfully as they passed by, assuring them that the commander was still among the living.

There was someone who was strangely missing, however. Eren expected to see him with the other squad leaders or even tending to some of the wounded, but Levi was nowhere to be found.

"Let's sit here," Armin nodded his head to a relatively flat section of land clear from debris. He and Mikasa sat down and the blonde boy instructed her to remove her boot and roll up her pants so he could check out her ankle, which she had stated was the most painful. But Eren couldn't relax just yet. He couldn't settle this feeling in his stomach that something wasn't right. Levi was missing, and no one else seemed to notice it.

No one else seemed to care.

He felt his blood boil, and he swallowed the urge to yell at the nearest group of celebrating soldiers. He wanted to scream at them, ask them how the hell they can be so happy when so many people had died and so many more were missing, including Levi?! Humanity's Strongest Soldier wasn't anywhere in sight, but Eren was determined to find him. He ignored the looks his friends were giving him and walked off on his own in a random direction.

He tried to remember the last time he'd seen the Captain. Eren had been in his titan form, and the armored titan had been boring down on him. Something had 'tink'd' off the armored skin, successfully distracting him. It had been Levi, tossing one of his swords at the titan's face. It had been his last one, if Eren remembered correctly, leaving him completely unarmed and defenseless when the armored titan then turned and sprinted after him. Eren had immediately tried to follow, but several other titans had attacked him at once and prevented him from doing so.

Eren berated himself. Why had he done it?! Why had Levi wasted his last sword protecting Eren? Where the fuck was he now!?

Eren started sprinting, his eyes darting everywhere looking for the familiar piercing silver gaze, or that ridiculous cravat or silly undercut hairstyle. He was hoping he'd turn a corner around the next pile of rubble and come face to face with the scowl that seemed to be reserved especially for him. He wanted so badly right now to hear that smoky voice barking at him to quit running around like an idiot and make himself useful.

He wanted to thank Levi for saving his ass back there.

He almost laughed at the thought. It was typical, really. The captain was always saving his ass one way or another. It all started when he'd kicked Eren's teeth out in the courthouse all those years ago. Eren had been running his mouth like an idiot and likely would have wound up in an even worse position than he already had been in if Levi hadn't stepped in to shut him up. Then there was the time Eren had failed to beat the female titan and almost gotten himself abducted. Levi and Mikasa had managed to save him, putting themselves in harm's way in the process. Eren had never felt worse than when he had seen Levi massaging his ankle when he thought no one was looking, a pained expression on his face. There were countless other times when Eren had needed rescuing from his superior of course, but he couldn't focus on them. His eyes were misting over with tears once again. His throat was closing up in a painful way.

He slowed his running until he came to an eventual stop. Ever since he was a kid he'd admired Levi, the hero who had come from nowhere and climbed up the ranks of the military so quickly people assumed he'd been taken into the Corps at Captain Rank. He was the one who had originally inspired Eren to join the Survey Corps, remembering how much he had ogled the man whenever he watched them returning from expeditions when he was younger. He remembered telling Mikasa he was going to be just like Captain Levi. He'd be great and powerful and people would respect him and look up to him. He'd kill as many titans as he could and fight so that humans no longer had to live as cattle.

He'd be a hero.

Eren fell to his knees, his vision swimming as his eyes welled with tears that spilled over in no time, wetting the dirt beneath him. There was no way Levi could be dead, could he?

No way…

There was no way.

Three days later, and all the corpses had been removed from the rubble that was once Shiganshina. Eren still did not have any answers. Levi had not been found. Commander Erwin was recovering from a slight concussion he'd gotten during the battle, and so Hange was taking charge in the cleanup and preparing for the victorious return home. Eren approached her with questioning eyes, but she couldn't give him the answers he was looking for either.

"I haven't seen him, Eren. I'm sorry… the only explanation I can think of is… he was eaten."

"No!" Eren exploded, startling those around them. "That's not possible! He wouldn't have gotten eaten!"

Hange raised her hands, trying to calm him, but he wouldn't have it. He pushed her away, but didn't make any move to leave. He glared at a spot of dirt on his boot, hearing Levi in the back of his mind telling him how filthy it was, and he knelt down to polish it away with his sleeve. Hange watched him sadly, not really knowing what else to say to the distraught boy. Eventually, Eren spoke again.

"So, what happens then? What becomes of Captain Levi?"

"Well…" Hange shrugged, and Eren couldn't help but find it weird that she wasn't her usual energetic self. Then again, the current discussion seemed to be seeping the happiness out of him too, and everyone around them who watched with bated breath. "He'll be listed as MIA until we get proof either way… we rarely ever find proof though…"

"So that's it then, huh!? He'll be nothing more than a statistic in the record books?! How can you let that happen, Hange!?"

"It's not up to me, Eren… I'm sorry."

Before Eren could continue yelling, Hange turned and walked off. He watched her go, seeing how her assistant Moblit, hurried after and placed a hand on her shaking shoulder, and suddenly Eren felt like shit. Of course, Hange had considered Levi one of her best friends. Not many people understood the enigmatic squad leader, but Levi had been one of the few people to tolerate her antics, even make jokes with her and at her expense. He often came off as being an ass to her, but Hange had probably cherished the attention that not many other people would spare for her. Eren wasn't the only one freaking out in this situation. He wasn't the only one hurting. He was quickly learning that he really needed to be more considerate of other people's feelings.

His thoughts were in rapid-fire mode as he walked back to where he had last seen Armin and Mikasa.

What if he's still out there, but hurt? Maybe he was trapped under a fallen house and couldn't get out.

No, that wasn't possible. The survivors had scoured the entire city from top to bottom, and he himself had gone over to double check what others had already checked once.

Maybe he's alive, but escaped? Levi had never been a big people person, and with the titans finally defeated, he'd be free to travel the world as much as he wanted without worry.

Then he'd be labeled as AWOL, and possibly deemed a traitor. He didn't think Levi would take that risk.

Had he just overlooked him? Maybe Levi was just fine, walking amongst the other soldiers and just avoiding Eren's detection.

No way. It had been three whole days with no sighting of him. Hange, Armin and Mikasa hadn't seen him either.

Eren had run out of ideas. Despite all the evidence, he refused to accept the idea that maybe Hange was right. Maybe Levi… was gone.

The thought made his head hurt and his chest ache again. He sat down against wall of what used to be a house and put his head in his knees, willing the noises around him to cease. He wanted the laughter of living people happy for their lives and their freedom to stop. How dare they be happy when Levi was dead?! How dare they smile when he, Eren, was breaking down? He was withering inside, feeling his heart shriveling up and decaying until it was a curled up, black piece of leather. He hated them all. Why weren't they sad?! Why weren't they grieving the greatest hero their worthless lot had ever laid eyes on?! Why couldn't they see that nothing was right! Nothing was joyous! Everything was dead! As dead as Levi!

Eren felt hollow. He raked his fingers through his hair and tugged, and he heard something escape his throat that sounded half way between a sob and a roar. People around him stopped to stare, and someone even dared to approach and ask if he was alright. If Hange and Erwin hadn't shown up in that moment, that brave soul would have been dead. He was making a spectacle of himself, he knew it. But he didn't care about anything anymore, at least at that moment. Just like when he had watched his mother eaten before his eyes, he didn't feel like he would ever recover from this. Only this time, he had no one to direct his anger at other than himself. The titans were all gone for good.

And they had taken his hero with them.