Chapter 3: On The Trail

"And this is Travis Campbell, from WHN. And now, some music. This one's for my mom- back during the war, she carried around a piece. It's Bing Crosby and the Andrew Sisters, with their hit song 'Pistol Packin' Mama'."

Ignacio looked out the window of his car as the song played, mentally going over what he was going to ask of his best lead in the case. That lead was waiting for him in Central Park, and he wasn't fond of being kept waiting.

"Have a seat."

Ignacio sat down on the park bench and eyed the man next to him. The man had a wiry physique, and his auburn hair had been styled into a pompadour. A paper bag full of birdseed sat next to him.

"Good to see you too, Joel."

"Business or pleasure?"

"Business. I need to know if you've handled any hot merchandise recently."

"What sort of merchandise?"

With that, Joel turned to face his questioner, his eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses.

"Books and a gargoyle statue."

Joel paused for a moment.

"Got 'em in an old warehouse in the Meatpacking District. Got a prospective buyer, too. Calls herself the White Queen."

"When's the buyer coming?"

"Just before sundown tonight."

"Good. Now I need the address of the warehouse."

Joel handed Ignacio a piece of paper.

"Here you go, you old gumshoe."

A FEW HOURS LATER:

Ignacio was waiting in the warehouse behind some crates when he saw the doors open.

"Mister Valentine, I do not like to be kept waiting." a woman demanded.

"Hold your horses, lady! Let me show you the merchandise first!" Joel replied.

"Make it quick. I've got to be in Boston soon."

Ignacio reached into his coat pocket and removed a Minox camera from it.

"And here we have the books. See if you can make heads or tails of 'em, because I sure can't!"

"Name your price."

"$2,000."

"And the statue?"

"$4,000."

"Deal. Mister McDonough, give Mister Valentine his money-"

Just then, there was the sound of a shotgun being cocked.

"Hands up, all of you! This is a sting operation!" another woman yelled, her voice carrying a distinctive British accent.

Ignacio watched as a woman wearing a red hat and brandishing a shotgun walked out towards the sight of the deal.

"You!" the first woman hissed.

"I should have known that you'd be behind this, Lizzie. You doing this for yourself or for Shaw?"

"Suck a lemon, Carter! You don't want the Inner Circle for an enemy!"

While this was going on, nobody noticed that the statue was cracking up. Within seconds, the stone had disintegrated, and a blue-skinned gargoyle with red hair was standing in the statue's place.

"Um…" Joel piped up when he saw the statue was missing.

"SHUT UP!" 'Lizzie' bellowed.

Ignacio's attention was so fixed on the scene playing out before him that he failed to notice the gargoyle looming up behind him until he felt its hot breath on the back of his neck.

"What th-"

The private eye felt his feet leave the floor as a powerful figure lifted him up by the neck.

"Who- or what- are you?!" he sputtered.

"I am a gargoyle, but you may call me Demona!"

"Pleasure meeting you." Ignacio snarked.

"Liar! You're no doubt working for Valentine and the Hellfire Club- why else would you be skulking about in the shadows!"

"Macduff…" Ignacio wheezed.

Demona let the gumshoe fall to the floor with a resounding thud.

"What do you know of 'Macduff'?" she demanded.

"He's paying me fifty grand to get his books and gargoyle statue back."

Demona hoisted Ignacio back up by the neck.

"As much as it pains me to say this to a human, you're but a pawn in something far greater. Had you any awareness of what was really going on, I'd snap your neck like a twig."

"What're you going to do to me instead?"

"I'll let the White Queen deal with you."

Demona threw the hapless detective like a javelin and smirked as he landed flat on his back.

"Hey! What's he doing here?!" one of the White Queen's goons yelled upon seeing Ignacio.

Joel began to make a run for it as the goon drew out a Thompson gun from his coat. At that moment, Ignacio rose up from the floor and drew his revolver. From her hiding spot among the crates, Demona grinned as Ignacio, the White Queen's goons, and Carter were engaged in a Mexican standoff.

"Who are you?" the White Queen asked.

"I'm Sam Spade." Ignacio snapped.

"Goody. A private dick." one of the goons replied.

The White Queen paused for a moment.

"McDonough, play our friend here a tune on your violin."

Ignacio froze like a deer in the headlights as McDonough readied his gun.

"Say your prayers, bud!"

As if on cue, McDonough fell to the floor, clutching his knee and caterwauling in pain. Standing behind him was Carter, wielding her shotgun like a club.

"Come on! Let's scarper before Lizzie and her palookas start shooting!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yes, Margaret "Peggy" Carter has an Earth-H version. However, she's working as a G-man- albeit an "off-the-books" one- as opposed to SSR. And for anyone in the back of the class snickering about McDonough calling Ignacio a "private dick", the term is 20th century slang for a private detective. I say 20th century as opposed to 1940s as the term was used as late as 1971 in the theme for the blaxploitation movie Shaft.

And if you're wondering why Ignacio called himself "Sam Spade", it's a period-appropriate pop culture reference- namely to the main character of The Maltese Falcon, one of the most influential noir movies ever made. Also, if you don't know what a Minox camera is, it's a miniature camera associated with classic spy fiction.