Summary: Sex Ed is a mandatory class at Beacon but Weiss can't make heads or tails of the material. The topic is embarrassing and the subject matter crude. Luckily, there's someone Weiss can always go to whom she trusts with stuff like this. For the December 2015 MonCon on /r/RWBY.

Winter, What's Sex?

RWBY

"It's… er… it's… y-you know… that."

Winter made a circular shape with one hand and poked a finger from her other hand through the hole. She was hoping the message would be clear to her little sister. The teenage girl before her held her notebook tight to her chest, with an innocent yet quisitive look smathered over her face. Winter sighed. She needed to put up a brave face for her little sister.

After all, Winter had no experience on the vulgar topic.

"That." Weiss repeated. Opening her notebook, she jotted down some notes, making sure to underline and highlight.

"Yeah. Anything else?"

Winter tapped a finger on her desk. It was a nervous habit. She tapped her foot onto the floor. That was another nervous tic. She gritted her teeth. The agony of the atmosphere was suffocating… as suffocating as if there something jammed down your throat and it was thick and sticky and gooey and you just wanted to cough it all out. It was a terrible sensation.

"You didn't answer my question."

"O-oh! I didn't?" Winter was genuinely surprised. She believed her demonstration was more than adequate. Unfortunately, it seemed from the innocent look in Weiss' eyes that it did not suffice. Winter wanted to be the star in Weiss' eyes. She couldn't let her sister down. Not now. "W-well… you came to the right person! I have plenty of experience! Yes I do! I have plenty of experience in s-s-s-... in s-s… in… in that."

"You do!?" Weiss gasped. "I thought you'd be above that!"

"I am!" Winter shouted. Weiss looked confused. "B-but, uh, you know how things go… sometimes that certain special someone comes along and -uh- you didn't want to let him pay for lunch?"

Weiss tilted her head. "What?"

"You know… that is only for two people who really love each other."

"So love is expressed by buying you lunch?"

"No!"

"So how is it expressed?"

"By spending time with one another on outings and courtship rituals."

Weiss rubbed her chin. "Like when a guy takes you out for lunch and pays?"

"No!"

"Do you split the tip?"

Winter shook her head. "Has anyone done anything special or romantic for you? What about that blue haired boy that's always around you? He seems charming in his own… developmentally restrained way."

"Neptune? We've talked. And we've sat and talked… and we've talked… he was in a match in the Vytal Festival Tournament! Oh but then he was flirting with other girls…" Winter raised an scrutinizing eyebrow at Weiss. "What! He's so sweet, and gentle, and sweet…"

"I don't see the appeal."

"Okay! Well there's Jaune. He's the blonde one. He's serenaded me with a guitar before."

Winter's mouth opened slightly. "He serenaded you with a guitar?"

"It was pretty stupid."

"Sounds romantic to me."

Weiss tilted her head. "So you're telling me I should do it with Jaune?"

Winter's eyes widened. "No!" Winter crossed her arms into a giant X. "Absolutely not. Do not - I repeat - do not do it with anyone!"

"Um… so is doing it bad or something?"

"Yes it's bad! What if you catch Chlamydia?"

"Are we playing a game of tag? I think Chlamydia is a beautiful name," Weiss said with a smile.

"No!"

"No?"

"It's not a pretty name," said Winter. She pressed her lips together, fumbling in her mind for the right words. "It's an STD."

"An STD?"

"Yeah, it's like… when a boy and a girl love each other very much but then the boy has, like, a curse on him and he transmits it to the girl so the girl gets infected." Winter augmented her explanation with exaggerated sockpuppet motions and a flashlight.

"Like a disease?" Weiss asked.

"Sort of," Winter nodded, putting her props away. "Except they get stuck on the boy and doesn't go away for a long time. Sometimes forever. Sometimes you can even get it off toilet seats." Winter nodded, pleased with the information.

"So like fleas?"

"Crabs actually."

"Crabs?"

"Crabs."

Weiss nodded, writing down the precious information into her notebook.

"So where's the part where babies are made?" Weiss asked.

Winter flinched. Weiss was getting closer to the climax. "It has to deal with pies, my dear sister."

"Pies? What does this have to do with pies?"

"You know how there's cherry pie, apple pie, and chicken pot pie…"

"Yes…"

"Well there's a specific kind of pie called a cream pie."

"Yes, dear sister… I know what a cream pie is," Weiss said with a sigh. "I don't like it when the cream gets all over your face. It's so uncivilized to have to wipe it off! It's surely the pleasure of brutes."

Winter paused, imagining the thought of a cream pie on Weiss' innocent face.

"Well… in the end, the method to making babies does involve getting cream pie'd..." Winter mumbled a few raunchy details to herself afterward, courtesy of imagery provided from the underground comic books she buys.

"Cream pie'd? Like some common clowns? Is that the secret? Clowns are the secret to forming babies?" Weiss cupped her chin in deep thought. "I get it now! The secret is to get a clown and have him cream pie your face!"

Winter's eyes widened out of her daydream. "No! Absolutely not!"

"What is it, Winter?"

"Never let a clown cream pie you in the face… or anywhere! No cream pies!"

"But I rather do like banana cream pie-"

"No. More. CREAM PIES!" Winter screeched, her voice echoing throughout the entirety of Beacon.

Weiss whimpered.

"But I want a cream pie noowww…," the younger of the heiresses mewled. Winter's mind travelled to the thought of her sister, ravaged by clowns who threw large amounts of creamed baked goods at her face as Weiss moaned with sultry appeal in forbidden pleasure.

"Weiss. I forbid you to ever mention cream pies ever again."

Weiss bit her lower lip. She was frustrated, quivering with mad rage. Winter had slammed her foot down onto the floor. She would not allow her sister to sully her reputation by engaging in foul, unchaste behavior.

Slowly, Weiss began to speak.

"Winter, you're not mother… you can't tell me what to do!"

Winter froze, shocked by the rebellion. "H-hey now…"

"And if I want to get cream pie'd I will!"

"Hold on a sec there…"

"And I know just the perfect clown to cream pie me! Hmphf! And when you're mature enough to accept that I, as a young woman, love cream pies then you're welcome to speak to me again!"

Weiss then left the room, slamming the door on her way out.

Winter held up a hand, but it was too late. Weiss was on her way to cause a scandal… no matter, it can be arranged that this all goes away quietly. Weiss would end up with a face full of cream and hopefully there won't be video evidence of it. Slumping back into her seat, Winter muttered to herself.

"This can't get any worse for the Schnee name, can it?"

Then, like a roar from the depths of hell, came Weiss' declaration that rattled the entirety of the campus.

"I, Weiss Schnee, love getting cream pie'd!"

Winter, What's Sex? Fin

Author's Notes: Please, vote for me.