ZA: AAAAAACK! Plot Bunnies! Run away! Run away! This idea would just not leave us alone. We have notes about it clipped onto the front of our refrigerator. And it's funny. Crispy laughed so hard, she had to go to the bathroom.

Crispy: Hey, I made it in time. And you hurt your back from laughing so hard.

ZA: Well, you have to admit that the whole "mooning" thing was really funny.

Crispy: Shush! Spoilers.

ZA: Stop trying to be River Song.

Crispy: I wasn't.

Godric Gryffindor: What's this? Where am I? It's so...messy.

Crispy: Ahem. The correct term is "cluttered".

GG: Oh, I do beg your pardon, madame. Now, what did you wish me to recite again?

ZA: It's on that piece of paper in your hand.

GG: Oh! Of course, right. Ahem. Zzzoo...zzzsssooo...gammeee? Aaaallllba...Alba does not own Harry Potter. Did I read that right?

ZA: Close enough.

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

Parseltongue

Chapter 1: What have I done?

Today, class, you will be attempting to brew Pepper Up potion. I have very low expectations. If any of you actually manages to create something remotely resembling the desired result, the student with the lowest score may earn extra credit by ingesting your work.

"Snape's offering extra credit?" Ron whispered.

Harry shook his head. "Consider what you have to do to get it. I'm not drinking that stuff if he chooses Malfoy's batch."

Snape glared at the class, successfully silencing the excited chatter. "Instructions are on the board. You may begin."

Harry tried. He really, really did try, but then his potion emitted a slow, rude noise and began to congeal into a mess resembling spoiled cranberry sauce. He glanced over at Ron's cauldron, guiltily hoping his friend's concoction would explode and demand an immediate and distracting evacuation. Nope. Ron was actually doing pretty well. His potion was only slightly murkier than Hermione's. Even Neville's potion was looking fairly innocuous.

"Evanesco. A zero for today, Potter. Unless you wish to try your luck with the cauldron of my choice?" Snape's expression seemed blank at first glance, but Harry noticed a disturbing glee in the man's eyes.

"I suppose that depends on whose cauldron you choose. After all, you once told us to never accept a potion from an untrusted source," Harry covered quickly.

Snape looked mildly put out - probably because he'd never expected Potter to use his own words against him. "Perhaps you will feel comfortable if I offer you the fruits of Miss Granger's earnest endeavors?"

Harry sighed in relief. There was no way Hermione had mucked up her potion in any dangerous way. What was he saying? Hers was undoubtedly perfect. Well, as long as there weren't any cats in the classroom. "I would be happy to test Hermione's potion."

Hermione smiled shyly, obviously pleased by Harry's show of trust. She poured a dose of her potion into a vial and handed it to him. He downed it immediately. Then he caught the look on Snape's face. His professor looked...expectant? Amused? Harry didn't have time to figure it out before, with a resounding bang, Hermione's cauldron exploded.

When the smoke cleared, students and professor were left staring at the spot where Harry had been standing just moments before. All was silent. Across the aisle, Draco Malfoy's face grew even paler than normal. "What have I done?" he whispered. "I've killed Harry Potter."