This is the very last chapter of "When two Worlds Collide". I thank each and everyone of you that have read and/or reviewed this story. I started this out 2 years ago and I had hoped to be done with it sooner but life is crazy. I am NOT going to write the Arena chapters because it was going to stay Canon. I do not know if I will ever write the sequel so what I am going to do is write an long Epilogue that will cover MJ and what could happens...
I thank you all again for having patience and reading this story that truly meant something to me. Its a step in the direction of dedication to writing my own Original stuff. I am saddened that its over but I am happy that it is, ya know?
As always: I don't own it! Enjoy!
It Starts and Ends at Midnight…
Just as I predicted. She arrived. Except she knocked instead of barging into my room. I was still hiding in the bathroom when the door slid open and there she stood colored in her gold outfit with Ari behind her. Unlike Effie's fake "big big smile", Ari's was of entertainment. Hiding a groan, I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster. I still felt fake. Peeta had disappeared into his room seconds after I closed my own door.
How I missed him already. Unlike him, I was subjected to torture. In the rest of what life I have left, I will never understand why women took the pains to look beautiful. Following Effie and Ari, were my prep team.
They each take one look at me and burst into tears. I grimaced but averted my eyes. Their sobs were tilting on uncontrollable today. Finally, Venia takes action, "Remember what Cinna told us…" she whispered fiercely to her other companions. Octavia whimpers and turns to leave the room, leaving me with two thirds of my prep team.
Ari takes a seat on my bed, her eyes watching the scene unfold around her, but I could see the concern flooding her eyes as she watches me. Watches my prep team carefully touch my face to add cream or makeup. How neither of them actually speak to me, but talk quietly to themselves as if they raise their voices, this horror is actually real. That they are doing their last beautification on me. Eventually, Flavius can't handle the silence anymore and turns to leave the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Ari's eagle eyes follow him.
Leaving me alone with Venia, the strong one in this case. Her pale skin makes her tattooes stand out like they will slither off her skin, but I've come to be accustomed to them. Her hands fly everywhere and all over the rest of my face and nails doing the work of three effortlessly. She, like Octavia and Flavius, take their job seriously.
A light knock on the door breaks the deafening silence and for once, I am grateful. It is Cinna. Unlike the others, he keeps his eyes on me and I can tell he's just as uncomfortable about this as I am. He looks me over, adding a touch here and there, but he concludes that I am ready. Before Venia leaves, she takes my hands and finally looks in my eyes, "We would like you to know what a….privilege it's been to make you look your best." she whispers before leaving the room quickly.
I sat there in a daze. My foolish prep team actually cared about me. Their words and actions nearly break my heart and I can feel the tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. I can't cry now. Cinna would have a fit trying to fix my mess. It scares me that Venia's words tell me that they don't believe that I will be returning.
The thought shakes me to my core. I expected this, yes; but to actually have others think the same makes me stomach roll. Gripping the arms of my chair, I swallow heavily pushing the bile back down. I can't do this now. I can't let this weakness show. Closing my eyes, I take slow deep breaths trying to get myself under control.
When I finally do open my eyes, Cinna and Ari are watching me curiously. Both of them wish to speak but I can tell neither one of them will. At least not yet. Shaking my head, I look at Cinna who is holding a garment bag.
"So what am I wearing tonight?" I ask warily.
Giving me a pained smile, he clutches the zipper and begins to unzip, "President Snow put in the dress order himself." he informs me lightly. Ari's eyes light up curiously just like mine. As the dress is revealed, I realize it's the same one I wore for my photo shoot. Heavy white silk with a low neckline and tight waist. It is covered in crystals with voluminous organza and chiffon skirt. I only know this because I've heard Cinna talk fabrics countless times. Laying the dress down on the bed, I see him reach for something else.
Pulling out two metal pieces, he sets them down on the bed beside the dress. Getting up from my chair, I walk over to him and look over the dress. It is beautiful, but it's not me. It's for someone else. For another girl that would appreciate it.
"What are those for?" I ask, indicating to the metal pieces.
"Those will attach to your dress representing fire and flames." Cinna explains motioning for me to get undressed. At this, Ari excuses herself for a while. I know nudity shouldn't bother her but the manner she left meant something else.
Easing me into the dress, I watch as Cinna frowns. "What? What's wrong?" panic rising in my voice.
"Nothing." he comments. "You've just gained some weight."
Too bad, I didn't tear the dress I thought sourly.
As he attached the pieces, he wouldn't let me look in the mirror until he was truly done. Finally, after ten painstakingly minutes, he allowed me to turn around. What I saw in the mirror wasn't Katniss Everdeen from District 12. It was another girl. A girl that belonged to the world of the Capitol. I forced a smile that made me want to cry. The metal pieces that were attached did look like fire and flames. I was afraid to touch them.
How appropriate…
"You're ravishing…" he says as he makes me walk around the room to get used to the feel. It's heavier than the original one I wore to the photo shoot. "Now because this bodice is so fitted, I don't want you raising your arms above your head. At least, not until you twirl."
"Am I twirling again?" I ask, thinking of my flaming dress last year.
He nods slowly. "I'm sure Caesar will ask you. It was a hit last year. Save it for the finale."
I nod at him knowing full well that Cinna will help me out like he always does. Peeta never needs help. It's me. The hopeless one that can't figure out how to work this life without someone giving me the cues. Cinna flashes me one final smile as we hear a knock at the door. Before I could open it, the door pushes open revealing an emotional Effie.
Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, her hands clasped at her chest. Behind her, Haymitch standing there like he would rather be far away from this show. I barely caught a glimpse of Peeta behind Haymitch. He was in an elegant tuxedo with what appeared to be white gloves on his hands. His hair was smartly done and his blue eyes pierced into my grey ones. They flashed dark before returning to their natural blue.
I had the good graces to blush. I wasn't used to people staring at me. At least, I think I wasn't. Since being Reaped, everyone has had their eyes on me. I felt a nudge at my back pushing me forward. Taking a breath, I gave everyone a small smile and followed them out of the room. Time to face the music, I suppose.
I felt a strong grip in my right hand and I didn't even have to look to see who it was. His warmth spiraled up my bare arms all the way into my heart. Just his closeness was almost too much for me to breath.
I let my mind wander knowing that Peeta would never steer me wrong. Back home, if Peeta and I were to do this the right way, I would have rented a dress that hundreds of other women had worn. He would be in his best clothes. There would be a small gathering where we would do our toasting. Light our first fire. Maybe have a small dinner. Parting gifts, if anyone could afford any. We would toast our bread alone before we would consummate our marriage. It was simple. It's what I would prefer over this.
This. This whole grandeur. Putting on this elaborate dress, showing it off in front of the whole of Panem. Peeta's tuxedo. Even Haymitch's suit. I dread seeing how the wedding would have looked had we not be Reaped again. The thought nauseated me. I don't do well with crowds and people in general. There was no way I would be able to pull off a Captiol wedding. I was so lost in my thoughts, I never heard Effie and Haymitch leave us alone.
Peeta squeezed my hand tightly bringing me back to reality. When my eyes focused, I realized that everyone had already gathered offstage, talking quietly. FLynn and Janja were there standing as far away as they could from one another. Every so often she would shoot dagger eyes at him. He must have said something to anger her again. I caught Flynn's eye and nodded to him. A tight smile crossed his face and I wondered what was bothering him.
Turning back to Peeta, I watched as his eyes canvassed my body in this ridiculous dress. His eyes continued to darkened the longer he kept them on me. I felt a shiver of pleasure trickle down my spine and I knew where this was going to go if the Interviews did not start quickly. Leaning up then, I kissed him softly on the lips but pulled back when he wanted more. Sometimes, my proper Peeta couldn't give a damn where we were. The frown that crossed his face quickly morphed into something else when we heard the first of the Victors to be interviewed. Finally I thought to myself. Maybe we could hurry this up.
Following the long procession of Victors we took our seats on stage and I caught a glimpse of Caesar Flickerman, hair and face highlighted in lavender this year. He begins his opening spiel and then the tributes begin their interviews. One by one, Peeta and I sit there listening to the older tributes answer Caesar's questions. Sitting here I begin to understand the depths of their anger, but I know they are wonderfully smart about how they play it. No one really notices it. The audience is too dazzled by the costumes to notice anything else. They cheer for their favorites and weep along with the tributes who are especially good at bringing forth their emotions-whether they be fake or real.
Each tribue plays the crowd well except for Joanna. She is brash asking if something can be done about their current situation. Demanding an explanation about why we had to go back into the Arena. Of course, no one can give her a straight answer. No one but the man who thought this monstrosity up.
By the time my name is called, the audience is a wreck. Many are weeping and crying out for the injustice of this year's Games. Some are enraged by the whole thing entirely. I had to suppress a smile. This is exactly what we wanted them to feel. It was like it was orchestrated without us all getting together. When the audience catches a glimpse of my silk bridal dress, it nearly causes an uproar. No more happy ending for me. No more wedding for them to gawk at. They can blame Snow for that.
I know I do.
Taking a seat across from Caesar, he looks worse for wear. His professionalism is hanging on by a thread but somehow he manages to recover when the roar of the crowd lulls. Flashing me his brightest smile, I take a breath knowing it was time.
"So, Katniss, obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you would like to add?"
I swallowed thickly before nodding, "Only that I'm sorry that you won't get to be at my wedding, but at least everyone saw the dress."
Something in me clicked, I knew it was time. Time to twirl and show off my monstrous wedding gown. Standing to my feet, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Lifting my head, I feel the tightness of the sleeves. Closing my eyes, I twirled my body around. When I hear the screams of the audience, I think it's because of my dress. But then, I notice something strange, I smell smoke. Fire! My heart begins to beat wildly in my chest-as if it wasn't already, I stopped to breathe.
Looking wildly around me, I glance down at my dress. The monstrous wedding dress that Snow forced me to wear. It was gone. Gone was the silks and pearls. Gone was the white headdress and the heels. I felt a hand reach out and touch my arm, steadying me. It was Caesar. His eyes were wild and questioning. Oh God, what has Cinna done?
Glancing down at my dress, I saw the white silks fall off and replacing it was a black dress underneath it. The fabric is the color of coal and tiny feathers. Lifting my arms, I realize the sleeves are wings.
Cinna has turned me into a Mockingjay.
Once the revelation has dawned upon the audience, Caesar calls for my time up and I'm ushered off the stage. Escorted back to my seat, I catch Peeta's eye. They're smoldering and I feel my knees weaken. Lucky for me, I was standing beside my seat. Collapsing into it, I took several long breaths, steadying myself. My body reacting like it did always surprised me. Watching as he takes a seat across from Caesar, the tuxedo fitting his form deliciously, I had to stop myself from getting up.
When the applause died down, Caesar turned to him and smiled brightly. I wish I could see his face and watch his reactions. Instead, I get the back of his head. They talk naturally for a span of a few sentences before Caesar launches into his interview.
"What was it like to know about the Quell?" he asked.
"To be honest, Caesar, I was shocked. You know, one minute I was watching the dress rehearsal and the next…." Peeta trails off, sounding forlorn.
"...that you knew there would be no wedding?" Caesar finishes for him. Peeta nods sadly and the whole audience sighs with him.
He is quiet for too long. Much too long for my taste. Peeta has something planned. Something that he will do to throw the sponsors, the audience and even Snow. Waiting with baited breath, I watch as he leans toward Caesar.
"Do you think our friends can keep a secret?" he asks, his voice hushed. The tittering of laughter in the audience worries me. I mean, this is the Capitol. Who in their right mind would keep a secret here?
Caesar looks around, wide eyed and nods vigorously at Peeta. "Oh, I'm certain they can…."
"You see, Katniss and I we're already married." Peeta whispers. Hiding my face in my hands, I am the picture perfect image of surprise. A loud gasp filters through the astonished audience, each of them hanging on word for word.
"You….are?" Caesar stutters for the first time in his career.
"We never made it official." Peeta explains. "We have a marriage tradition in District 12." He quickly explains the toasting to everyone.
"Was your families there?" Caesar asks.
"No, we didn't tell anyone. Not even Haymitch." Peeta confirms.
"Was this before the Quell?"
"Of course." Peeta answers. "Had this been afterwards, I'm not sure we would have went through with it." His voice colors in anger and I hope that he can hang on for a few minutes more. "I mean, no one saw this coming….especially us. We went through the Games, won, came home Victors. We were supposed to live our lives out. How could we have anticipated this?"
"You couldn't, Peeta." Caesar answers sadly. "But at least you had a few months of happiness, right?"
The whole of the audience applauds in encouragement. It's sickening really. How they can pick and choose each year who they like or dislike and this time it's us and they want to see their Victors happy. Next year, who knows how they'll feel. Lifting my head from my hands, I give a tragic smile. As if I'm thanking them for their encouragement. I'd rather barf.
"I'm not glad." Peeta states. "I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially."
"Surely you can't mean that!" Caesar exclaims, astonished.
"Maybe I'd think differently, Caesar, if it wasn't for the baby." Peeta says softly.
BAM!
He's done it again.
I swear I need to have a talk with him about dropping surprise bombs like this on me.
Now everything that the other tributes tried so hard for has vanished with those words. My face crumples and I let my head fall back into my hands. I could sob for days for this. I could feel the eyes of the other tributes staring at me. Then again, maybe he didn't ruin it for everyone. Maybe he lit the fuse...adding more coal to the flames. Making them higher, hotter.
The crowd roars in accusations. The voices blur into an incoherent mess of noises that I try desperately to tune out. Even the bloodthirsty, Capitol loving, Games-hungry person is screaming in injustice. They are seeing this as horrific.
I am pregnant now.
At least to the eyes of Panem.
My God, what might my family be thinking. Hearing this live. Thinking I am married and pregnant with Peeta's child. I dare not glance at Haymitch, nor Cinna. I'm sure by now Haymitch is cursing under his breath of all the ways he's going to kill us when we get back to the Penthouse. Even Effie is bound to be shocked, but knowing her, she would be thrilled at the prospects of us being married. Not so much the pregnancy though.
While it was true that I never wanted marriage or a family. Just like I told Gale all those months...nay years ago; I knew that I would want that with Peeta. Even though there was a darkness in him that could be unleashed without warning; he was the perfect man for marriage and fatherhood. How could any woman deny him that gift. Certainly not me. Not now. Not when I am so bound to him in more ways than physical.
I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't notice when Peeta sits down beside me and takes my hand. Only when he grips it tightly do I turn to look at him. His eyes are shooting me questions that I can't answer right now. Caesar has lost his chance to reel in the crowd and the room goes dark as the lights are extinguished.
We stand hearing Peacekeepers instruct us to leave the auditorium. I'm glad Peeta has my hand or I would have fallen, or gotten lost. As we make our way out of the darkness and into the light, I am hesitant about looking at the other tributes. What their faces would show about this news. I see Flynn and Janja coming toward us and I knew they will follow us to the Penthouse.
Peeta's POV
I had done the unthinkable….At least in my mind it was unthinkable.
I had dropped the bomb that would ignite a fire that would surely spread throughout Panem. A harsh reminder to those that hungered for our demise that the world wasn't fair. Sitting there beside Caesar, I could feel Katniss's eyes on the back of my neck the entire time I was talking. The way she looked tonight, her indescribable beauty pulled to me like a magnet. I felt her emotions, her arousal and knew she was wanting as much as I did.
Quickly turning to look at her while Caesar tries to reel in the crowd, her eyes were watery and I couldn't decipher her emotions. They were all over the place. I felt a hand on my arm and pulling me from my seat. Growling, I was prepared to snap their arm, but held my temper in check. Letting a Peacekeeper escort me back to my seat, I sat down. As I reached for Katniss, the lights shut off. Enclosing all of us in darkness.
Hearing the shouts of the audience, we barely heard the Peacekeepers instructing us to leave the auditorium. Holding Katniss tightly to me, I led her out of the darkness and into the light. The tributes crowd around us, their eyes dancing between accusing us and praise. I was conflicted by their actions.
Didn't they want Panem to fall?
Didn't they want the evil regime of Snow to be over?
Live their lives the way they want too?
I shook my head in disgust. I couldn't' bear to look at them. Katniss was far away from me and in that moment, I wish she was close to me. At least mentally. Physically, I could pick her up and carry her back to the Penthouse with no one saying anything. Except Effie; she would have a fit. I almost considered it.
Turning around, I saw Haymitch coming toward us. The look on his face was murderous. Behind him trailed Flynn and Janja. I couldn't distinguish their emotions. Pulling Katniss closer to me, I led her back to the elevators to the Penthouse. As we gathered inside, I knew I had fucked up. This wasn't part of the plan.
The plan wasn't to put Katniss in the spotlight, but she was my mate. It burned me to protect her. To keep her safe. Maybe, in my mind, by doing this I was protecting her. Hoping that in some small infinitesimal way that the Capitol people would push Snow far enough that he would cancel this year's Games.
We were still the favorites. Still new and fresh but we were favorites. I had that in our favor.
The ride to the top was quiet. Katniss had finally pulled herself back to the land of the living and was clutching me tightly. Her body finally relaxed when she realized we were in the elevator. She knew she could breath a little easier. Placing a small kiss in her hair, she leaned her head on my shoulder. When we reached the top, the doors slid open and everyone filed out.
No one spoke as we gathered in the living area. Both Flynn and Janja flashed me looks of approval before turning away. No one wanted to anger Haymitch any further. He was standing there watching us. Watching me. Soon enough, Tor would come in, find out-if he hadn't already, and would have my ass. Anger ticked in the back of my brain. I could feel it growing but a small squeeze of Katniss's hand eased it temporarily.
"What in the fuck were you thinking?!" Haymitch roared. I stood my ground but I felt Katniss recoil. Effie's quiet shriek was the only sound in the room besides breathing. Even if we were still doing that.
"I don't know! Protecting Katniss!" I seethed, letting go of Katniss as I threw my arms out in emphasis. I didn't care about reeling my anger in.
"Oh, and how in the fuck do you think you managed that smart guy?" he shot back, his arms crossed as he stared me down. I had the urge to push Katniss behind me, but I didn't.
"Maybe help fuel the flames that were already burning. Everyone else…"
"Yes everyone else! Did it ever cross your mind that we had most of this planned out? Hmm…?" Haymitch pushed.
"Had what planned out?" I heard Katniss quietly ask.
Haymitch stared at her, but refused to say anything. No one dared to look at her. They were hiding something from us. Something that could possibly save our lives. Haymitch's cold grey eyes inspected me like I was an experiment that maybe he should finally give up on. Calculating with the intent to kill. If I wasn't already furious, I would be terrified.
I didn't dare look back toward Katniss to gauge her reaction to him. I wasn't sure that what I would find. We had seen many sides of Haymitch, but in that moment, we were finally seeing the real Victor. The one that murdered to survive. Gazing back at him, I didn't blink for fearing that it would show weakness. My breath steady, my body taut readying itself to fight if necessary.
"A way to keep you alive, but now we don't know." his words chilled me to the bone. What had I done? I knew we were targeted but had I completely ruined our chances of surviving the Arena? I felt a trembling hand grip mine squeezing with an iron clad hold that would eventually cut off the circulation. I could feel Katniss's fear seep from her pores permeating the room. The smell of rain washing over me. Drenching me. I couldn't shake it. I wanted to turn around and enveloped her body into mine. Keeping her safe and away from what was to come.
Haymitch, finally giving up on staring me to death, stomped from the room. You could hear him muttering frantically to himself. Probably asking himself why he should keep trying to save us. Save us or let us die of my stupidity. Flinching as his door slammed down the hall, I finally released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
Jerking Katniss's hand, her body crashed into mine before I wrapped my arms around her trembling body and held her close to me. Both of us were still in our interview attire and neither felt like moving. Even though the wings were becoming annoying, I couldn't find the energy to move us.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Katniss broke away from our embrace. Taking my hand, she silently led me back to our room. My eyes bore a hole in the back of her head but I refused to open my mouth. It had already caused enough trouble. Closing the door a minute later, I watched as she lazily undressed. First, she unhooked the wings letting them fall with a thud on the floor. Then, her nimble fingers grasped the clasp of her dress. I watched as her fingers worked the zipper slowly and before she could take her next breath, my fingers replaced hers.
Leaning my head forward, my lips grazed her shoulder. Her warm skin burning a memory on my lips. I heard her heart speed up, anticipating my next move. Hearing her dress plop softly onto the thick carpet, she was left in her lingerie. The urge to tear if off her body leaving her bare before me overcame my rational senses.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I lowered her panties down her strong legs. My mouth leaving soft kisses on her skin. Her quiet moans above me spurred my own desires for her. Coming back up, my mouth searched for hers. Kissing her deeply, I led her back to the bed before succumbing to her love for me.
Hours later, we laid in my bed. She was softly snoring beside me, but I couldn't calm my mind enough to sleep. My life played out before me. From the second I saw Katniss when we were children to the day my name was called at the Reaping. Then surviving my first Games, learning of her love for me. Then my name being called again. The agony knowing that I may lose her this time. I could feel my heart being shredded to pieces just thinking about it.
If I lost her, I wouldn't control myself. Everyone in that Arena would die by my hands before I took my own life. I would do it while the whole of Panem watched on. Would watch at my savagery as I killed every tribute. Then watch as I would shove a knife in my own heart. Watch as I would bleed and tremble from the blood loss. As my body became pale and slowly died. I would lay there in the Arena for all the world to see. To let them weep of my love for Katniss and her tragic death.
Blowing a breath into the room, I briefly closed my eyes and wished for sleep. The next morning, I would meet Portia once more. She would prepare me for the Arena. I would give her one more hug with a soft 'Good luck' from her lips. It was sad that I may never see her again.
Tomorrow, I would wake and kiss Katniss once more. I would pour my love for her into that kiss hoping vainly that my kiss would give her some sort of protection. I would eat breakfast once more with her before we would part. The only thing I wasn't looking forward too was encountering Haymitch in the morning. I knew he was pissed at me for what I had done in my Interview, but it was over now. Nothing I can change.
Around 4AM sleep finally found me, but it wasn't satisfying. I tossed and turned for the few hours I had left. Launch was at 11AM. I must have woken Katniss because when I cracked an eye open, she was gazing at me. Those silver orbs penetrating into my soul with just one look. She gave me a soft smile before snuggling her warm body into mine.
Holding her close to me, I breathed in her scent. My hands caressing her back, feeling her spine, her muscles, her skin. We could have stayed like this forever but we knew that soon Effie would be knocking at our door. Telling us it was time to rise and start our day.
Our last day of freedom.
Our quiet time was interrupted when my love ripped her self from my arms and rushed toward the bathroom. I could hear her retching in the toilet and my mind was pounded by the mystery of her illness. There wasn't anything physically wrong with her sans the vomiting. Her appetite, while always hearty, was more lax these days. Like her, I chalked it up to nerves. Being ripped from Prim and myself and catapulted into another Arena had her on edge. It had everyone on edge.
Haymitch tried his best to stay sober to keep us alive. Effie, in her own naivety, cared for us in a way that seemed maternal. Even though, she rarely showed it. There was Cinna and Portia who were fond of us. Ari and Tor. The list goes on. We had so much to lose so many people who would be devastated if we were to die.
Stretching in the bed, I steeled myself for the upcoming day. I had to keep her alive. It didn't matter if I died. As long as she stayed alive and kept on living, I would find peace. Peace? I snorted. There was no peace without Katniss by my side.
The door slid open and Katniss stood before me. My huntress. Padding over to the bed, she climbed into my waiting arms, "How much longer do we have before they come knocking?"
"I don't know. All I know is that I want to spend as much time with you as possible before they do come." I replied tightening my grip on her. She nodded into my chest and we laid there in silence before the knock came. Sighing, I eased away from her. My body screaming at me to stay with her but I resisted its call. Kissing her softly on the mouth, I slid my pants back on and with one last glance at her, I stepped out of her room for the last time.
Katniss POV
I watched him walk out of my room like it was the last time. I know he hadn't slept at all. I slept only a few hours. My body and mind knowing that I was destined for the Arena today. Like the mornings before found me with my head in a toilet. I wasn't ashamed, but I was scared out of my mind. What was wrong with me?
I had told Peeta that it was nerves. It was the same lie that I had been telling myself hoping, nay, praying that it wasn't a lie. In my gut, I knew it was something more. I just didn't know. Ari kept a careful eye on me. Watching me like I was the prey and she the predator. It unnerved me every time I was around her.
Flopping back down on the bed, I pulled the covers over my head and pretended that I wasn't here. That I was back home in my own bed with the succulent smells of breakfast cooking in my kitchen by my mother. Inhaling, I could almost smell it. Could almost taste it on my tongue. Laying there, I imagined Peeta was in bed beside me. Holding me close, our lives unburdened by reality.
"Katniss! It's time to wake up!" Effie called from the other side of my door. She had learned her lesson about walking into my room unannounced.
"Go away, Effie!" my muffled voice shouted at her. I could hear her huff in exasperation when another voice interrupted her tantrum. Ari. I groaned knowing it would be an interrogation.
The door opened and closed quickly. Her footsteps as light as mine in the forest. A second later, the blankets were violently ripped from me and I tumbled back toward reality. Sitting up, I glared at Ari who was waiting on me. I never noticed that she had a box in her hands.
"What?" I mustered as hatefully as I could. She arched an eyebrow at me, but said nothing. Seconds ticked by and I refused to tear my eyes away from her. "What?!"
"I know there's something going on with you and this is the first time I have been able to get you alone. So spill…" she said never taking her eyes of me.
"Th-there's nothing going on. I don't know what you're talking about."
She knew I was lying. Her face was unchanged as she sat there watching me. "OK, fine. I don't really know what's going on other than I don't' feel well these past few days."
"Uh huh...is that it?"
I nodded slowly but said nothing.
"Here." She thrust the box in my hands. "Take this in the bathroom. Read the instructions and wait. When the time is up. Let me know the results."
Casting my eyes toward the box, my curiosity overrode my senses. Glancing at Ari, "What is it?"
"Don't worry about what it is. Do as I have asked." Her voice was low as she nudged me off the bed. Taking the box, I climbed out of bed and walked toward the bathroom. CLosing the door behind me, I sat the box on the counter and debated whether to open it or not. Taking a large inhale, I lifted the lid and peered inside..
It was a pregnancy kit.
She had given me a pregnancy kit. I had half a mind to throw it back in her face and tell her I wasn't pregnant. Why would she give me something like this? I wasn't pregnant. I couldn't be. Could I?
Pressing myself against the wall, I stared at the box for several minutes. Do I dare brave it and take the test? Do I keep denying myself? I was desperate to know what was wrong with me and this is her solution. My mind was trying to comprehend what she was trying to tell me.
What could it hurt? I mean if I was pregnant it would make sense. If it was negative, then it was something else. With trembling hands, I lifted the test out of the box and stared at it. How was I supposed to work it I mused to myself. Checking the box, there was a paper outlining the instructions. Reading over them carefully, I proceeded to use the test.
It said wait three minutes for results.
Three minutes seemed to pass like molasses in winter time.
Sitting on the toilet, I watched as the lines begin to form. Holding my breath and trying to calm my racing heart, I closed my eyes and reached over grabbing the test. Taking a heavy breath, I opened my eyes and looked at the results. Re-reading the instructions again, I looked at the test. My eyes didn't seem like they were comprehending anything.
I was pregnant….
Of everything that is holy…
How was I pregnant? I was on birth control. I had been on it for ages now. Since we….I gulped loudly. No, I wasn't on it when Peeta and I first had sex. Nor was I that night on the train.
I was pregnant.
I was carrying Peeta's child.
Standing on shaky knees, I grasp the counter and looked at myself. I couldn't believe it. Fumbling my hand found the door knob. Yanking it open, Ari was still sitting on my bed.
"From your reaction, my suspicions are true."
My brain had forgotten how to speak so all I could do was nod. I heard a clatter and realized that I had dropped the test. Not picking it up, I stumbled drunkenly toward the bed and sat down heavily.
"How..?" I croaked refusing to meet her eyes.
She gave me a pointed look. "It had to have happened before you requested birth control. You are throwing up a lot aren't you?"
I nodded at her.
"Then I would guess you are around six to seven weeks along." she surmised. "I would say I was sorry but to have a young is a great thing.."
"Not when you're going into a death trap!" I screeched. My voice not sounding like mine. "What do I do?"
I watched as she thought over my question. "You can either tell Peeta now or not. That's up to you. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that he hasn't figured it out."
"Does everyone else know?" I gasped, fearing trickling through my veins.
Shaking her head, I felt some sort of relief. "Not everyone. Tor and V know…" I paled at her words. "Males know a female is pregnant before we do. There's a scent about us that let's other males know that we're off limits."
Her words didn't comfort me. Taking a seat beside her, the bed dipped down with my weight. Resting my hands on my slightly swollen belly, my heart ached for our child that laid safe within my body. My thoughts were scattered. I wondered if I should tell Peeta or keep this to myself. Now that I was indeed pregnant getting myself out the Arena was imminent. I know I had pushed Haymitch to save Peeta but now this? Plans had changed. I needed to get both of us out. For our baby.
Our baby. I trembled on the inside. I never wanted children. I never wanted to be married. I knew what would happen if I did. When they turned of age, they would be Reaped. I don't think my heart could handle if one of them died. But then there was Peeta. In my mind, I could see his smile. See his blue eyes. Everything about him screamed that he should be the one to have children. He would be a wonderful father. I knew it. Myself? I'd be a horrible mother, but then I would have Peeta beside me to help me through the rough times.
But we were going into the Arena in a few hours….
It terrified me to think about it. I felt something grasp my right hand and squeeze gently. Ari was still with me. I could feel her presence but I couldn't grasp reality. I couldn't understand why this had happened like it did. Was this a cruel trick by Fate? Was I destined to suffer more than I already had in my short life?
If I told Peeta, he would do everything in his power to make sure I came out alive, even if that meant he would die in the process. My heart clenched tightly at the thought. The air left my lungs and I couldn't fathom a world without Peeta in it. What in the hell was I going to do?
Whipping my head up, I looked at Ari like she had all the answers. The sorrow that flooded her dark eyes shook me. Did she not think we had a chance at surviving this? If Tor and V knew, did Haymitch know? Oh God...what if he already knew and he was trying to save us both?
"Katniss…." I could hear a voice calling me. It felt so far away. "Katniss…"
"Damn it Katniss, snap out of it!" the voice raged.
"What?!" I snapped glaring at Ari who didn't seemed amused.
"I can't tell you that everything will be fine. I can't." she shook her head. "I can tell you that we are trying to make sure that you and Peeta will be safe. That's all I can say for now. Go into the Arena. Try to keep yourselves safe and alive and let us do what we have to do."
"But what about…?" I trailed off indicating my swollen stomach.
"I don't know. You're not like me. You're human so I'm not sure how this will affect you…." she faltered frowning at her answer.
A knock on the door stopped me from asking her another question. When it opened it was Effie standing there in her gold and lilac dress waiting on us. I half expected her to hustle me out of the room and chastise me for ruining her schedule. But she said nothing. Her eyes were full of sorrow and she only nodded her head. Grasping the handle, she quietly closed the door and walked away.
Ari and I stood up and she embraced me. "You need to get going…."
I sniffed, "I don't want too."
"I know you don't, but you must." she pulled away leaving her hand on my cheek. "Just to let you know I love you. It's been an honor being around you and teaching you."
I nodded, feeling tears flow down my cheeks. My throat was constricted, keeping me from saying anything. Not that I could muster the rights words in the first place. Grabbing her, I held her tightly and wished that this was all over and I was back home in District 12 sitting in my woods with Peeta by my side as we watched the sun set for another night.
Breaking our embrace, my feet shuffled toward the door. Before I walked out, I turned back and looked at her once again. "I'm not telling Peeta. I...I can't compromise everything like that. I can't have him do something stupid and dying to save me."
She nodded once and I turned away and walked down the corridor to my destiny. Or death. Stepping into the elevator, I placed my hand on my lower abdomen and sighed. Trying to muster up the courage to do this.
The Peacekeepers escorted me to the hovercraft that would take us to the Arena where we would be seperated and then face one another inside the Arena. Seeing Peeta from across me, I gave him a tight smile and mouthed 'I love you.' He returned the sentiment and I closed my eyes and waited.
When we arrived, I was escorted to the launch room where Cinna would be there to help me prepare for the Arena. I said nothing but when he brushed his hand across my lower abdomen, I nearly burst into tears. I think he knew but he would never say anything. Stepping into the launch tube that would take me up. It closed and I watched as Peacekeepers came for Cinna. Beating him for what he did for me at the Interview.
My screams were futile as the launch tube activated and it took me up and away from Cinna and from the life that I wished wasn't mine. When i reached the top, I could smell the saltwater and I choked on my own despair. I was surrounded by water and I feared I would never make it out alive.
The gong chimed to zero and I jumped off my launch pad and prayed that I would survive this long enough that Peeta and I could have the future we wanted.
Let the 75th Hunger Games begin…..