AN: Another big thank you to the reviewers. They've made my day. I hope this final chapter (for now anyway) meets the expectations.

Chapter 5

Of Confessions and Consequences

Slowly Adam's hands unclenched and he let go off Brian's shirt. After having accused two innocent brothers, he was lost for words.

"Adam?" Brian said cautiously. "Please stay calm now. This is Crane. You don't have to yell."

Adam's silence was unnerving and Crane found himself squirming a little. "I really was going to tell."

"Why would you tell us, though?" Brian wondered out loud, "I mean, not that I don't believe you, but…"

"I know. It's hard to believe me right now and I don't blame you for doubting my words," Crane was looking at Adam though, almost wishing the man would start yelling.

"Not so much doubt, buddy, but…"

"Oh I do doubt it," Adam said tersely and the words were almost a relief to the 18-year-old.

"I know. And I'm sorry," Crane was immediately interrupted.

"Not yet you're not. But you will be."

"Adam, hear him out, please," Brian reasoned. "You already yelled at me for this and at Evan…"

Crane gasped, "Evan?"

"Evan and Ford found it after I apparently lost it at dinner," Brian explained. "And Adam found it in Diablo's stall, jumping all over Evan who finally told him where he'd found it and then big brother came looking for me. So you see, Adam, you owe it to Evan and me to listen to Crane. Talk first, then yell." There was no doubt there would be yelling, even Brian knew that.

"Okay, I'm listening." Adam turned towards Crane now, arms crossed against his chest. "But you have to admit it's kinda hard to believe you would actually come and tell me you're doing drugs."

Crane took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves, "Daniel found it in my dorm when he was looking for a pencil sharpener and he was willing to keep it a secret. He kept saying he wouldn't tell you. I couldn't let him do that. So I told him I would do it myself."

Immediately, both Adam and Brian knew it was the truth. Crane was fiercely protective of his younger brothers, Daniel in particular, and he would never let the boy lie for him.

Brian nodded, "I get it. And I believe you."

"Me too," Adam said evenly and Crane let out a sigh in relief. The relief was short-lived. "Doesn't make it right, though. Doesn't change the fact that you had it. Doesn't change the fact that it's half-smoked. Doesn't change the fact you had it where Daniel could find it. Doesn't change the fact that you were careless enough to bring it into our home."

A yelling Adam could be scary, but they were all used to that. Adam yelled a lot. He was quick to anger and usually quick to calm down. But this Adam was even scarier, Crane found, and he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. It wasn't to be.

"I'll ask it and I expect an honest answer…" Adam started and Crane could only nod. "Did you smoke it?"

"Yes, sir," Crane didn't call Adam sir. He had a few times in jest, but never seriously. There had never been any need. But the word slipped out now.

"Was it the first?"

Crane couldn't hold Adam's gaze and studied the floor instead, his eyes tracing a track of flour left by Brian. Mom would have been appalled at the state of her floor. She was forever yelling at them to take off their shoes and watch her clean floors.

"I guess that means no."

"I'm sorry," Crane may have been a sensitive guy, but he wasn't one to cry easily. However, right now he felt the familiar burn of tears behind his eyes.

"Is that what you use our hard-earned money for? Drugs? Am I saving up every penny so you can get high?"

"Adam, you were gonna listen and talk first, remember?"

"It's getting mighty hard, Brian!"

"I know, but I'm sure Crane hasn't turned into a pothead. His grades wouldn't be as good as they are if he were."

Brian had a point and Adam felt some hope as he looked at Crane again. "How often?"

"I…2 or 3 times. I didn't really like it much…"

"Then why even try it? Or why go to the second one if you didn't like the first one? Not that you should've had the first one to begin with, but…"

Before Crane could answer Brian interrupted Adam. He'd seen the blush on Crane's face and shook his head, "A girl. This is because of a girl."

"How'd you know that?" Crane was genuinely surprised. Not that he thought Brian was dumb, but he didn't think he was that transparent or predictable. In fact, the whole thing had taken him by complete surprise when it happened.

"Because I've been 18 and stupid." Before Adam could jump to conclusions yet again, Brian added, "Never did drugs, brother. But then, I was in a small town where I had no idea how to get it. None of my friends did. Who knows what I would've done if I'd gone to college. Who knows what you would've done if you'd taken your scholarship. You might have sowed a few wild oats." Adam wanted to protest, but Brian didn't let him. "Point is, I know that we guys tend to do stupid things when a girl's involved. We seem to lose all intelligence and common sense."

"Yeah," Crane agreed morosely.

"You still seeing that girl?" Brian queried.

"No. I wanted to study and she wanted to party. It didn't work."

"And after that?" It was Adam's turn to ask questions again.

"I focused on my studies. Adam, I knew I'd almost messed up and wanted to put it behind me. I wanted to forget the girl and focus on my studies. And then Daniel found that stupid thing and I knew I'd messed up even more than I already had."

"Because Daniel found it?"

"He's so young still and impressionable."

"You wanted to protect him?"

Smart as he was, Crane had no idea where Adam was going, although Brian had a pretty good idea. Of course, being a parent gave you a certain perspective on things, especially when it came to your children, even if those children were your younger brothers.

"He looks up to me and he was already in awe of everything he saw there. I didn't want him to think it was cool to smoke weed."

"Your concern for your brother is not in question here, Crane. Although you were pretty careless allowing him to find it and allowing your other brothers to find it as well. Let me rephrase my earlier question: if Daniel hadn't found this," Adam held up the joint, "Would you still have felt the need to tell me?"

Crane looked at Adam like he'd grown a second head, "Of course not."

Adam nodded, knowingly. "Right. So you're worried about your brother. Worried about Brian and Evan getting yelled at. But you're not worried about yourself. And worry about you is what I'm feeling more than anything."

"Oh," it had been years since Crane had sounded so young.

"Yeah 'oh'," Adam couldn't completely keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "I'm your older brother, but I'm also your guardian. You were always such a good kid. You were practically grown up at 12. So to learn that you have so little concern for your own welfare now at age 18, is distressing. It's worrying the hell out of me."

"Maybe that's the problem," Brian thought out loud, in a rare moment of absolute wisdom and understanding, "Having to be a grown up at 12 made him skip a lot of his childhood. All those years where we as kids did all sorts of stupid things and had mom and dad to give us boundaries and consequences…he had to do that for himself. He restrained himself. He never gave us any real trouble, because we had enough on our plate and he knew it. And at Davis, he's able to let lose a little. Maybe he's catching up a little. He's still a kid after all."

"I'm right here," The subject of their discussion spoke up, but both older brothers ignored him.

"That may be right, Brian," Adam argued, "but that only tells me he needs a little bit of those boundaries and consequences."

"So make sure he has them. But don't overreact to this. He hasn't turned into a pothead. He's not throwing his college degree away. He's not lost his head. He has his health. Didn't get a girl pregnant. Wasn't arrested. We're all okay. So now's the time to yell at him, lay down the law again, remind him of all those dangers of using drugs. And move on."

"Can't do that, Brian."

"Why not? Why does it have to be a big three-act drama?"

"It doesn't have to be a drama," Adam calmly explained, "but I made a promise. I already laid down the law. I already gave Crane, as well as everyone else in this household, those boundaries. And I promised certain consequences for breaking them."

Crane felt his stomach churn at those words but didn't contradict Adam. Brian, on the other hand, wasn't easily convinced. Both older McFaddens seemed to have almost forgotten their younger brother was still there. "Come on, this is Crane. With everyone else, yeah, I get it. But Crane's a good kid. A smart kid. He's already learned from this. He definitely doesn't need anything more forceful than a strong lecture."

"You're wrong," Adam had never been so sure in his life, "I think it's exactly what he needs. He's more concerned about his brothers' welfare than his own. He has so much love and kindness in himself for others, but he seems to think there's no one to care for him when he needs it. He's parented himself from age 12. It's time I stepped up to the plate. You just argued my case for me. You're the one who convinced me he's still a kid and needs to be that kid for a little while…but that comes with boundaries and consequences."

"But, Adam…come on…there's no need…"

Finally, Adam turned to Crane again. The boy had retreated to the wall, as if wanting to disappear. Adam walked over and gently placed his hand under the boy's chin, lifting his head to look him in the eye. "You remember our talk in the car on our way to Davis?"

"Yeah…I mean, yes, sir," Crane's throat was dry as sand paper.

"Humor me and remind me what I told you. What I promised you."

"You…you said that if I messed with drugs you'd forget my age."

"Right. And was there any uncertainty as to what I meant?"

Crane shook his head. "No."

"No what?"

"No, sir." God, Adam had never insisted Crane called him sir before. Brian bristled, but kept quiet.

"So what did I mean?"

Brian couldn't stay silent anymore, "Come on, Adam, you don't have to humiliate him."

"I'm not, Brian. But I have to make sure Crane knew the consequences of his actions. After all, he's never been in real trouble with us before."

"I knew," Crane tried to regain some of his dignity and maturity and stood up a little straighter, "Brian, I knew when I got on the bus yesterday that sometime during this visit I'd be making a trip to the barn. I knew. And if I'd thought about it at the time, I also would have known that the second I accepted that first joint. I knew what Adam meant. Mess with drugs and you get a whipping. It doesn't take a rocket scientist."

"None of that sass, young man," Adam admonished and Crane ducked his head.

"Sorry, I'm just saying I knew. Can I just…" he looked up imploringly, "Can I just say how sorry I am? Cause I really am."

"What are you sorry for, kiddo?"

Adam's use of the old word kiddo caused Crane's eyes to sting again, "I'm sorry I disappointed you."

Now it was Adam's turn to feel his eyes burn, "I can't say I'm not disappointed. But never in you, kiddo, never in you. Your actions, yes, but not you. You, I'm very proud of. I know you were going to come talk to me some time this weekend. I know you were ready to accept the consequences. Your protectiveness of your brothers is amazing." Adam finally got to the point he had started to make earlier. "But it's my job to be protective of you. Not only are you my little brother but I've been your guardian for the past 6 years. I need to protect you. And like I just told Evan and Ford, sometimes that protection comes with a sore behind. Because that is the lesser of two evils. And to show you just how much I care about you. I don't like hurting you, but I will if it helps keep you safe."

Crane nodded again, trying to remain brave and mature, but feeling like he was losing years by the minute, "I know."

"Brian? Could you maybe…"

"I'll take the kids out to look for berries for dessert after breakfast so you and Crane can….breakfast! Damn it, I was gonna make pancakes!" And with that Brian quickly got back to his work, thankful he had only just started making the batter.

"With chocolate chips?" Crane looked hopeful and Brian couldn't help smiling.

"With chocolate chips. Didn't know I was trying to soften big brother up, but if it helps it helps."

"We'll settle this after breakfast, kiddo."

"Okay, Adam," Crane wasn't sure he'd be able to eat a single pancake, but maybe settling this today meant he could actually enjoy his Thanksgiving dinner.

By the time everyone came piling back into the house from doing their respective chores, the entire house was filled with the sweet smell of pancakes. Brian had gone all out, making blueberry, banana and chocolate pancakes. And even plain ones for Ford, who, for some reason, preferred them plain. Well, plain topped with maple syrup that is.

"Whoah" Daniel licked his lips as he slipped into his chair.

"Hands!" Brian warned without even looking up.

"I washed them."

"Wash 'm again. I want to hear the water running. I want to smell the soap."

Behind Brian's back Daniel rolled his eyes, but he did get up again and joined the rest at the sink to wash up.

Evan gave Brian a questioning look in passing, but didn't ask how the talk had gone. He was pleased to see his older brother acting normal enough, even a little cheerful.

"Boy, you outdid yourself, Bri," after waving his lavender-scented hands in front of Brian's face, Daniel slipped back into his chair. "What's the occasion?"

"Eh…it's Thanksgiving? Or did you forget that?" Brian teased.

"Oh yeah, that, but you never make a big breakfast for Thanksgiving."

"Well, I did today. But hey, if you don't feel like pancakes…I can make you oatmeal."

"Nooo, no way!" He took loaded up his plate with blueberry pancakes. Then he added yoghurt, more berries and syrup, in large quantities. "Mmmmm Brian, you're the best!"

To an outsider, it was a regular breakfast in the McFadden household. The boys were fighting over the last of the pancakes, talking all at the same time, without taking the time to swallow their food before doing so. But a close observer would notice that Brian was just a little bit louder than normal and Adam and Crane quieter than usual. Not that Crane was a noisy presence at the table, but today he was downright silent. And he barely ate. But with the speed the food disappeared with, no one would notice.

"That was great, Brian," Adam finished up and swallowed his last bite with some coffee.

"Yeah, only problem is I'm plump through the berries now and need some for dessert."

"Ooohhh can we help pick the berries, Brian?" Guthrie, ever willing to help, bounced off his chair.

"You can all help me."

"I was actually working on a song, if you don't mind."

"You can work on it later, Danny," Brian started collecting the plates, "It won't take long. It's too nice out to stay inside all day."

"You don't need all of us to pick a couple of berries," As long as Daniel didn't see the point, he wouldn't give in. In fact, he dug his heels in.

Crane cleared his throat and spoke, almost not trusting his voice, "Go on, Danny, sometimes a song works out better after taking some distance. You know that."

"You coming too?"

"No," Adam spoke up, "I need Crane's help here for a moment."

Daniel looked from one to the other, unsure all of a sudden. Crane had said he'd tell Adam on Friday, but if he didn't know any better, he'd say Adam already knew. No, he had to be wrong. Still, it was clear the two didn't want the rest around, Daniel was smart enough to realize that. "Okay, I'll help."

"Right, dishes, clean up…shouldn't take more than 15 minutes and then we're off."

Brian was right, it didn't take more than 15 minutes when they all worked together doing the dishes, cleaning the counter (the process of making pancakes seemed to involve more mess than usual) and table. Before Crane was ready for it, he was alone in the kitchen with Adam. Before leaving Brian had put his hand on Crane's shoulder for a quick squeeze as if to say 'you'll live, kiddo' and then he'd done the same to Adam, conveying pretty much the same message. Daniel had given Crane another long, penetrating look, but Crane had simply given him a nod to go and the boy had gone.

For a full minute the two stood in the kitchen, almost afraid to speak up or move. Then Adam pulled himself together. He had to face punishing the brother he'd never thought he'd have to punish. But he also had to face his own fears of having a brother so far away, too far for him to protect. He put his coat on and opened the door. Wordlessly, Crane followed his example. He didn't have to be told where they were headed. He'd never made the long trek to the barn for this reason. He'd watched his older brothers make it a few times when he was little. It had always filled him with awe and fear. His own punishments were few and far between. The worst had been a spanking Dad had given him for arguing with a teacher over some historical fact. It wasn't so much the argument as the way he had handled it. Dad had told him it was okay not to agree with someone, but you had to be respectful about it. Always. He'd learned that lesson at the age of 9 and had never forgotten it.

He'd once watched Daniel make that walk. And it had killed him to sit in the living room knowing his younger brother was about to get his backside nailed to the barn door, as Brian had called it back when he was 15. Crane had blamed himself, thinking he should have been able to help Daniel avoid the situation. He'd been more than willing to take Danny's punishment, but Adam had not let him. It was a lesson Danny had to learn for himself. Knowing Adam was right hadn't made it any easier.

To walk that walk himself now, was a whole new experience and a whole different kind of misery. It was only a few yards, but it felt like miles. And his boots felt like they were filled with lead. His palms were sweaty. He glanced at Adam's back in front of him and in his memory he saw Dad walking next to Adam, strap in hand. That strap had lived on the inside of the pantry door and Dad would take it off the hook if he felt a boy had a strapping coming. Crane knew it wasn't there anymore, but had no idea where it was now. He couldn't imagine having to walk to the barn next to your father who was holding the strap. Everyone would know what was going to happen. At least Adam had spared him that by having everyone out of the way. But was the strap in the barn? Or was Adam going to use his belt? Or a switch? He knew Mom had threatened Brian with a switch once. Not that she'd ever done it. Brian hadn't wanted to find out how serious the threat was. Crane shuddered at the thought.

The walk may have felt like miles, when they did reach the barn, it was still too soon for the 18-year-old. He stood in the middle of the barn while Adam carefully closed the doors. Slowly the oldest McFadden turned around to face his younger brother. Still, he didn't speak and it made Crane nervous.

"Erm…where do you want me?" He could feel his voice crack a little, "Over a hay bale? Saddle stand? I mean…I don't know how this goes down normally."

"There is no 'normally' about this, Crane, and you know it. But I know this is your first time and I can see how that makes you nervous. God knows, Brian and I got it more than all you boys together."

"I just…I want to get this over with. I've been dreading it for almost 2 weeks now and I want to put it behind me."

"I understand that," Adam took a few steps in his direction and placed his hand on Crane's shoulder, "but it doesn't work that way. I don't take you here to simply have you bend over and start whacking away."

"Oh."

"I know I have a temper, and I'm quick to yell, but when things end up here, I'm calm. I have to be. So we talk."

"Oh," That prospect was even more frightening.

"Don't get me wrong, part of me is still angry that you disobeyed me. Or more importantly, that you took such risks with your own health and life. That's what we have to talk about."

"I know you…"

Adam held up his hand to silence his younger brother, "How this works is, I talk, you answer questions. You don't interrupt. Clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Sit down for a moment," Adam pointed to a hay bale against the wall and Crane lowered himself on it, folding his hands in his lap. Not wanting to pace back and forth in front of his little brother, Adam pulled over a crate and sat down on it. It put them at eye level and kept him seated. "You scared me, kiddo. You really scared me. I know I gave you that speech when I drove you to Davis, but I never actually thought it was necessary. I thought you were sensible and level headed enough not to even try this." Crane opened his mouth to say something, but remembered Adam's warning and closed it again. "To learn that you were foolish enough to do this because a girl talked you into it…well, that just scares the hell out of me. I wanted you to get a good education, to go to college, to live the life you were supposed to. But you're my little brother, I'm responsible for you, and driving you to Davis, leaving you there, was the hardest thing I've done so far. I worried about you every night. But I told myself I didn't have to worry, not about you, because you are smart and well grounded. Turns out, my worries weren't unfounded. And that makes it even harder to let you go back after this weekend."

Crane's head snapped up now. Adam's words implied that him going back wasn't certain yet. Adam couldn't, couldn't he?

"Do you have any idea how hard it will be letting you go back Sunday? How much sleep I'll lose worrying this time?"

"I'm sorry, I really am," Crane was studying his hands again, unable to look at Adam at that point.

"I know you are. But I still wonder what you're really sorry about. I know a marijuana cigarette or two doesn't sound like a big deal. I'm sure most students try one at some point. But you know what can happen when you allow yourself to get intoxicated, doesn't matter what substance it is. You lose the ability to judge situations. And that is dangerous, kiddo. That's what scares me. That you're at some party and decide you're good to drive when you're really not. Or some other guy takes offence with something you say and instead of handling it like you would sober, because of that pot you'll misjudge the situation and end up hurt. It's not even the worry that you'll end up throwing your scholarship away by being high all the time. I think you're too smart for that. But it's about those little incidents that can have the same effect. That can take your own or someone else's future away."

Crane felt the salt on his lips and realized the tears that had been threatening ever since the talk in the kitchen, were starting to spill over. He nodded at Adam's words. It was exactly why he'd broken it off with Sandy, cute as she'd been. He still saw her every now and then, around campus, always with another guy. And if he closed his eyes he still felt her hand on his skin, felt the tingle the mere touch caused. He could literally repeat the deep conversations they'd had about politics and religion, about the future, about life. But he'd known that she could only have those conversations when she was high, where he didn't need drugs for that. In fact, he far preferred having them without drugs. Still, there had been a connection between them that had been special to him. And he still missed it even if he knew he'd never go back to that, to her.

Adam watched Crane's emotions and reached out to touch the boy's cheek, "I know it's not what you thought about when you did it…"

"But it is," Crane's voice was scratchy, but clear, "Well, maybe not when I started doing it, but it's why I stopped. It's exactly why I stopped. Because I don't like not being in control and when you're high you're not in control. You say and do things you wouldn't normally do. And I knew that could lead to trouble. It's not…" suddenly he stopped, "Sorry, you said not to interrupt. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I guess I was a bit too strict with that. Have to be with Evan and Daniel nowadays or they'd never listen to me, but you're different." His hand still on Crane's cheek he couldn't resist brushing a tear away with his thumb, "I'm glad to hear that you stopped for that reason and not just because it didn't work out with the girl."

"It was the reason it didn't work out with her," Crane sniffed, but the words were strong. "But I know I never thought about how I worried you."

"Well," Adam gave him a small wry smile, "I guess I never thought about how I worried Mom and Dad either. I guess it's not what you do when you're a teenager."

"I'm 18…"

"That's still a teenager, kiddo. And you're entitled to your teenage years. Brian had a good point earlier."

"But I don't want to act childish and do stupid stuff. I want to be an asset to the family, to the ranch."

"You are! But your first duty is to yourself, Crane. To your own future. Your job right now, is being a student and making sure you're healthy and happy. And it's my duty to steer you in the right direction if you stray, if you take risks you shouldn't be taking. We each have our jobs here."

"Which leads to the consequences."

Adam laughed, "Yeah, which leads to the consequences. Kiddo, I hope you know I really hate doing this. I don't resort to it often, but the few times I have, I've always hated it."

"I know," Crane wiped his face with the back of his hand, "I saw your face when you left the barn after you gave Daniel that whipping."

"I thought you only had eyes for your little brother."

"Danny was fine. He just needed to cry. You however….you looked like someone had tortured you. But Brian had you, so I focused on Danny."

"Yeah Brian always has my back. And then I go and accuse him of this."

"He'll forgive you."

"I know."

"Will you forgive me?"

Crane's small, fearful voice broke Adam's heart and he pulled the boy to his feet and gathered him in his arms, "I already have, kiddo. Nothing you can do that I won't forgive." He could feel Crane's body shake as his brother cried on his shoulder. After minute or two Crane pulled himself together.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to cry like that."

"It's okay, kiddo, it's perfectly fine." Adam pushed Crane's body slightly away from his own so he could look the boy in the eyes, "I think we need to put this behind us." A quick nod was his answer, Crane didn't trust his voice. "This is a serious thing, kiddo, I can't let it go with a slap on the wrist."

"I know, Adam, just give me the verdict. I can handle it."

"Oh I know you can handle it. Question is, can I?" Adam was talking to himself more than to Crane. "You know why I put the strap away?"

Crane shrugged, "Not sure."

"I didn't want to be dad. First time Danny lost his temper at school and they called me to pick him up…Brian and I looked at each other wide eyed, suddenly realizing we'd also have to deal with discipline. We weren't ready for that. And we didn't want to. We knew Danny didn't need that type of punishment at that moment and he wouldn't have gotten it, but it made us realize that we'd be in that role at some point and neither of us was prepared to pick up that strap. So that morning, in the kitchen, we vowed not to. We'd put the strap away in the barn and would avoid corporal punishment as much as possible. If we couldn't, there were other ways. Worst case scenario, we'd use our belts. But you know it's only gotten to that maybe twice. Evan's itching for a second one, but so far he's avoided it. Still…we didn't get rid of that thing completely, because we knew there'd be situations that called for it."

Crane swallowed hard. "I understand."

"No, you don't. I'm not going to use it."

"I can take it, Adam," Crane argued.

Adam raised his eyebrows, "Are you arguing me, young man?"

"No, I mean…" Crane fell silent and Adam held back a smile.

"Good, because I don't want to use the strap. And I won't. Unless you force my hand by repeating this."

"I know I won't."

"Okay, I believe you, but a promise is a promise and I always keep my promises," Adam still had his hands on Crane's arms. "I don't want to drag this out much longer, but I do want you to know what's going to happen." He watched his brother swallow and nod. "You're getting the belt. Jeans down. You'll get to keep the underwear because I believe you were going to tell me. Otherwise it would have been on the bare." That had an effect, he could tell. Crane's face had lost all color. "You'll get your age in licks."

Crane blinked. That sounded like a whole lot of licks. His eyes were on Adam's belt, still buckled, and the thing looked huge, at least in his mind now. "Where…how do you…"

"I think that bale of hay will do," Adam decided.

"Okay," Crane swallowed hard and watched his oldest brother and guardian unbuckle his belt and pull it through the loops. He quickly turned around, not wanting to watch any further, but he could still hear the jingle as Adam doubled it over.

Adam placed a blanket over the hay bale, giving Crane a little privacy while the boy fumbled a bit with his own belt and buttons on his jeans. Finally he managed and pushed his jeans down to his knees and eyed the bale before carefully putting his hands on the blanket. He knew he should feel embarrassed, but all he felt was sorrow and dread. Sorrow because he'd put his brother in this position. Dread, because he knew this was going to hurt. And he prayed he could get through it without completely losing it.

Suddenly, a hand on his back caused him to choke back a sob. "Ready?" Adam asked, but Crane couldn't speak. He could only nod. He was more than ready. But as he heard the belt whistle through the air he suddenly wasn't ready. He wanted to yell 'wait', but it was too late. The next second the strip of leather exploded against his barely covered behind and yet another split second later fire erupted. He managed to keep the sound to the bare minimum, but hadn't been able to hold back the gasp at the impact. Yet, the hand on his back felt comforting. He hadn't expected it. Never having experienced this, he hadn't been in the club of brothers who discussed this amongst themselves. And even if they had, he doubted they would have shared that small comforting touch. It was a completely different kind of heat than the heat on his backside, but there was more than warmth in the touch. Love and forgiveness, neither of which he felt he deserved, yet it was freely given, even before he had paid the price for his behavior.

That wasn't to say that he wasn't paying. Adam didn't lecture while whipping him. Over and over the belt fell and as the heat built, Crane's reaction became more vocal. He couldn't stop the yelps from finding their way out. The tears were slowly dripping on the blanket, creating a wet spot.

"Half way there, kiddo," the words should have been a comfort, but they weren't. Crane didn't think he could endure the same amount on top of what he'd already taken. He lowered his head and his body shook with held back emotion. "I know it hurts, buddy, I know. But it's nothing compared to the hurt that could have happened."

"I knooow, but it really hurts!" Crane cried emphatically and Adam almost smiled.

"It's actually a little ironic that you're 18. Dad always gave us our age, so that's what I stick with. But in your case, that means 2 licks for every member of our family, including mom and dad. And I think that's fitting. Don't you?"

The first real sob racked Crane's body. He had no words.

"I'm not saying that to be mean, kiddo, but I'm saying it to make you think. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your family to stay safe. To not take risks with your life. And I'd rather you feel a little hurt now than a lot of hurt later on."

Adam rubbed Crane's back for a moment, but he, too, had to put this behind them. It hurt him just as much, just differently. "Okay, 9 more to go."

"No pleeeaase," Crane pleaded, embarrassed as he was for pleading, he couldn't stop himself.

"You'll be okay… I promise," And with that Adam snapped the belt against the defenseless backside again. He had to steel himself. His brother's cries were breaking his heart.

Crane was lost in a world of hurt, sobs wrecking his body as his backside was set on fire. But finally, only minutes after it had started, the punishment was over. He remained bend over while Adam rethreaded his belt. The older brother figured Crane needed a moment to collect himself, but when he saw Crane push himself up and painfully pull his jeans back up he couldn't help turning Crane around and pulling him into his arms. The strength with which Crane returned the embrace took Adam by complete surprise. Yes, Crane was a sensitive guy, and had always been ready to give the little ones hugs, but it was at that moment that Adam realized no one had actively hugged Crane for reasons of comforting Crane himself. It had always been Crane who comforted others, never the other way around. And it was wrong. Everyone needed a hug for comfort every now and then.

"I'm sorry, Adam, I'm so sorry," Crane cried against his brother's shoulder and Adam held him tighter.

"I know, kiddo, it's okay," Impulsively, he placed a kiss on the top of Crane's head and he felt the boy's sharp intake of air. For a second he worried he'd taken the comfort too far, but then he felt Crane relax. "I love you, kiddo. And I'm proud of you. So very proud. I know I don't say it often enough. And…" he pulled back a little and lifted Crane's face, "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I allowed you to grow up too quickly. I forgot you were a child as well. You were Ford's age now. I can't imagine putting the kind of responsibility on his shoulder that we loaded on yours. That wasn't fair."

"I don't think you chose, Adam."

Adam sighed, "Maybe you're right. But it still wasn't fair."

"Nothing was fair about the whole thing. It wasn't fair on you and Brian either."

"Still, I was almost an adult and Brian was 16. You were only 12. That is far too young."

"You were younger than I am now."

"Yes, I was. You're right. Nothing was fair about it. But still…allow me to apologize. You lost your entire childhood. And that shouldn't have happened."

"It's okay…I loved being able to help. It helped me too, you know. It helped me cope. I'd have been lost if I didn't have anything to do but be a kid."

"I can understand that." Adam studied Crane's face. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah…I'll live. My butt disagrees, but…this is gonna sound so incredibly corny…my heart feels lighter."

Adam smiled, "I know how that feels. Never told dad, but I felt the same when I'd messed up enough for him to take me here. I hated it, but I always left feeling like a weight was lifted off my shoulders."

"As long as I don't have to go riding anytime soon, I'll be fine."

"I'm sure we can keep you restricted to the house for the rest of your visit."

Crane's eyes grew wide, "That wasn't what I meant."

Adam laughed out loud, "Couldn't resist, kiddo."

"So not funny."

"Hmm I think it was….well, guess you'd better go and wash your face if you want to avoid awkward questions. They won't be long now."

"Ugh…I must look a mess. I haven't cried this much in years," Crane sounded disgusted. "So much for taking this like a man."

"There's no such thing as taking this like a man. Not when you truly regret what you did and feel guilty as hell. I was never able to. I know Brian wasn't. And Dad said neither was he. So don't worry. It comes with the territory."

As they walked through the doors Adam kept his arm around Crane's shoulder and was warmed when the younger one kept leaning against him ever so slightly.

"You won't punish Daniel for offering to lie for me, right?"

"No, I won't. That wouldn't be fair. But I hope you managed to get him to see that this was the right course."

"I think so. But I'll talk to him again." In the kitchen, Crane walked to the sink and turned the faucet. He splashed cold water on his face to cool down and help get rid of the traces of tears and puffiness under his eyes. Still, bending even slightly caused him to groan, "Damn, that'll hurt for a while."

"You'll be surprised how quickly it goes. The strap's another story, but this…well, dinner will come a little too early, but you won't feel much come tomorrow. Of course, keep up the swearing and I may just have to add to this."

"No…no need," When he saw Adam's face he realized Adam had been teasing him again. "You really need to work on your comedy routine."

"Don't have to. I've already got my job: parenting you lot is a full time job."

"And you love it."

"Yeah," Adam smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way."