"Can anyone," Genesis began, sending a scathing look around at the startled occupants of the SOLDIER lounge, "anyone at all, tell me why you do not use a summon materia on a low-level enemy?"

He still held his sword in his hand, a wealth of gold feathers softly falling to the ground around him.

Kunsel sent a look of commiseration to Zack, who had ducked his head and was rubbing the back of his neck. His endearing happy-go-lucky attitude was clearly wasted on Genesis.

The other SOLDIERs in the lounge were deathly silent, most either remembering they had important business elsewhere or desperately trying to disappear into the carpet.

"No one?" Genesis asked in a low voice and Kunsel was suddenly aware that it would be very bad for everyone if he didn't get the answer he was looking for. Resigned to suffer the irate Commander's attention, Kunsel cleared his throat.

"Because if the summon isn't given enough of a challenge it won't disappear when the enemy is defeated," he said, not making eye contact even though he was wearing a helmet and nobody would know if he did. "It'll hang around absorbing all your mana until you finally run dry."

"Precisely," Genesis said, flicking his hair disdainfully, but calmer for having received the answer he was after. "And it is not appropriate to have Chocomog following you around HQ all day," he spat at Zack, sounding personally offended at the situation. "To ensure you have learnt something from your feat of tremendous folly, Zackary Fair, you are going to spend the rest of the day scrubbing all the toilets on this level."

"Yes, sir," Zack said, wisely not arguing.

"Sorry, man," Kunsel mumbled at Zack.

"Do you wish to join him, SOLDIER?" Genesis snapped.

"No, sir," he wasn't that sorry.

Zack had signed up for the mentor program. He'd specifically asked to have the sole attention of a First Class. Even if Genesis was only covering for Angeal for the day, Zack had gotten into this mess all on his own. Kunsel knew better than to ask for such attention. He was perfectly happy following orders, completing his missions, and improving at his own rate. Having a personal drill sergeant yelling in his ears didn't sound helpful. Besides, he was perfectly capable of tracking down information on his own.

Genesis swept out of the room, Zack trailing along behind him like a sad puppy.

Kunsel went back to reading the instruction manual for engine repairs on second generation Guard Spiders.

A day later, Kunsel stood cornered in front of the elevator as a thousand curse words raced through his mind.

He was going to be late. Dental appointments were hard to come by in Midgar, and if he wasn't there in the next ten minutes, they'd skip him and he'd never get another booking.

But Vice President Rufus had him trapped. He couldn't just leave for a different elevator or muscle his way through, a mean looking Turk was watching him with a sneer.

Rufus was a petty brat, barely fifteen, skinny and pale. Nobody even pretended he had his job for any reason beside nepotism. And he took perverse pleasure in seeing those who had actually worked for their positions sweat before him.

"Of course, you're only a mindless thug," the little Shinra said placidly, obviously trying to goad him. "SOLDIERs all are, you know. Easily replaced grunts and lab rats, desperately scrambling for recognition."

Rufus probably thought it was an original insult, but entry-level secretaries spat out that sort of thing every other day. It was nowhere near as infuriating as the thought of being late to the dentist. Mako didn't fix cavities, dammit!

Rufus waited for a response, a lazy smirk on his face. Well, if he wanted a response, Kunsel could play ball, but he wanted it known that the little Shinra had forced his hand.

"Should I pass that message on to your brother, sir?" he asked politely.

Rufus' practiced sneer fell into a look of uncertainty. He shouldn't have bothered him when he had places to be, if he didn't want to be bothered back.

"Here, I'll write it down." He got out his phone and started typing, "…Lazard of SOLDER…easily replaced…desperately scrambling for recognition. From Vice President Rufus."

Rufus looked like he'd just been hit, an uncharacteristic flash of shame in his eyes. The Turk stood up straighter. Kunsel waited patiently for a reply. He knew it was a low blow: mentioning the half-brother Rufus wasn't allowed to even acknowledge, forced to work his way up the ranks while Rufus was handed everything on a platter. It was probably the only thing Rufus had ever experienced shame over. And officially, a secret.

Rufus quickly recovered himself and pulled on an expression of disdain he hadn't fully grown into yet. "I am perfectly capable of delivering my own messages." He turned and left without another word, Turk trailing along behind him. Clearly he'd lost his appetite for flaunting his inherited success.

Kunsel sighed with relief and reached for the elevator, pocketing his phone. Okay, key card. Where was his key card? He patted down his pockets.

"You're very well-informed." A cultured voice said.

His head snapped up to see Commander Rhapsodos putting his own key card into the elevator control and watching him out of the corner of his eye.

Where had he come from? The corridor had been empty just a second ago. Kunsel looked back down the hallway, as though he expected there to be some kind of trail.

"I would recommend keeping information like that to yourself," Genesis said over his shoulder as he entered the elevator and selected the executive floor, which Kunsel did not have the clearance for.

The doors shut, leaving him alone in the open corridor. He stood frozen for a moment, wondering if Genesis was likely to get him in trouble. Lazard probably didn't want his heritage to be public knowledge, but Genesis probably knew how to keep a secret. He glanced at the time.

Then he swore and sprinted for the nearest stairwell.

Genesis was a busy man. How Angeal had roped him into babysitting Zack for the afternoon again, he would never know. Perhaps he wouldn't mind so much if the boy was at least a little intelligent. Angeal was proud of the skill in combat he had developed – and yes, fine, he wasn't the worst – but he was still so dull that Genesis was impressed that he was a Second Class at all.

It wasn't by accident that Genesis wasn't signed up for the mentorship program. The entire business was dreadfully tiresome. And there were still thirty minutes left to go before he could send Zack on his way.

But then, thank blessed Minerva, an alarm blasted through the PA system. There was an attack on this level and securing the building and neutralizing the threat took priority.

He sent Zack to secure the exits, and hunted down the threat himself.

He followed the harsh echo of what sounded like a mini gun and the screech of tearing metal down the corridors.

The wall of one of the larger training rooms was torn open. In the centre, amidst broken equipment and rubble from the wall, stood a towering, bright red Guard Spider, with a gun he'd never seen before on its tail.

A Second Class in a standard issue helmet was holding off the malfunctioning machine from a trio of unarmed troopers. His arms were shaking from the impact of each blow and his shield materia flickered weakly under the heavy gunfire.

Genesis leapt into action, shooting a burst of electricity at the mechanical beast. Its focus swung around to him immediately and he sprang sideways to dodge the tail. He lashed out, trying to sever the gun.

His sword barely even dented it.

Ah. This must be a new model. That explained the unfamiliar paint job.

A wave of magic washed over the machine and its movements slowed, its tail trying to adjust its aim to the weight suddenly dragging it down. Genesis seized the moment the Second had created and leapt over it, smashing the main gun with all his strength. The metal shrieked and tore apart.

The Second Class dodged its pincers, then bashed at them with his sword, making no headway at all.

Genesis looked critically at its bulky frame, while lunging out of range of the still dangerous tail, and saw no obvious weak spots. Damn Scarlet, these pests of hers were resilient.

"Behind the left leg," the Second called out, ducking under a snapping pincer and then leaping over the next. "There's a service panel, behind the front left leg! It's–"

A pincer smacked the side of his helmet and he stumbled back, and then threw up a weak shield. "It's vulnerable!"

Without stopping to question how the Second knew that, Genesis slid beneath the barbed tail and smashed the metal panelling beneath its left flank. A hidden door snapped off. He plunged his sword into the exposed wealth of wires and circuit boards.

The guard spider came to a screeching halt, jerking wildly, some parts of it sparking dangerously, before it collapsed on its side in a great heap.

"Thank Gaia," the Second said, his shoulders drooping.

He recognized that voice. Genesis' eyes left the smouldering wreckage, perfectly stabbed through a tiny weak spot that was completely invisible normally, and focused on the other SOLDIER. With the helmet there was little to see, but the voice was definitely the same.

"Get rid of this mess," he snapped at the three troopers who leapt to follow his command. He turned back to the Second Class. "This way, SOLDIER."

The Second paused to scoop up his bag and then followed. Genesis led him at a brisk pace out of the ruined training room into a small nearby side room. The Second seemed to realise this was trouble when he saw it was a dusty storage room. Genesis whirled on him and held his sword at his throat. The Second stumbled back against the wall, and then held perfectly still.

"Who are you?" Genesis said, deceptively calm.

"Sergeant Kunsel, sir, Second Class SOLDIER," he said, his voice striving for steady but falling short. The bottom of the helmet bumped against the tip of the red blade.

"Would you like to explain yourself, Sergeant?"

"Sir?" The helmet tipped sideways in confusion.

"You know exactly how to disarm Shinra's newest security drones."

"The schematics are available to company employees," he said, swallowing heavily. "The previous models went haywire so often I thought it might be a good idea to know how to disarm these ones too."

"These guard spiders are brand new. How could you possibly know that so soon?"

"They aren't new, sir," he said apologetically. "That was a second generation guard spider. They've only just let them out of the Weapons Department, but they've been functional for six months now. They're already working on the third generation."

Genesis felt his frown deepen in confusion. He lowered his sword but didn't sheath it.

"And this is your idea of recreational reading?" he asked, irritated at this SOLDIER for being strange enough for him to notice.

Moving slowly and clearly telegraphing all of his movements, Kunsel opened his bag and pulled out a book. First Generation Motor Ball Repair Manual was printed across the cover.

"I like reading," he said sheepishly.

Genesis could hardly be angry at him for that. But the guard spider wasn't the only matter that had gotten his attention.

"And which manual did you read to discover both Director Lazard and Vice President Rufus' pressure points?" he asked politely, taking petty joy in the way Kunsel's shoulders stiffened. "You say you like reading, and perhaps you do, but isn't it convenient that you happen to know how to disarm Shinra's automated defences, as well as how to manipulate some of its highest-ranking executives?"

The Second cleared his throat awkwardly, holding his hand up to his mouth, despite wearing a helmet.

"I, uh, I used to go out with Rufus' secretary," he ducked his head.

It was terribly convenient.

"I just have a good memory, sir, and I like to know things ahead of time rather than be caught unprepared," he said, before looking around the storage room and mumbling, "in a closet."

Genesis sheathed his sword. Frankly, the whole situation was ridiculous. The boy should be ashamed of himself for dragging them both into it.

"How does one disarm a guard ball?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"There's an emergency deactivation switch behind the main gun," he replied.

Genesis raised an eyebrow at him.

"You wouldn't by any chance know how to manipulate Scarlet as well, would you?" he asked scathingly.

"No, sir, and I wouldn't be brave enough to try even if I did."

"I somehow doubt that," he said. "Either you're a Wutai spy or a Turk plant."

"Sir–"

"Or just an ordinary Second Class who knows more than is good for him," he finished darkly.

Kunsel's aborted panic had him frozen, his helmet fixed on Genesis.

"Whatever the truth, I will be keeping an eye on you." He swung the door open. When it shut behind him, he heard the boy let out a deep breath and collapse lightly against the wall.

Genesis ran through identical corridors, knowing that somewhere in this infernal building Sephiroth was probably making better time than he was. He had let Sephiroth choose the setting, so naturally they were in the virtual copy of the Mako cannon in Junon.

He skidded to a halt at a junction. He recognized this corner; about thirty metres down the adjacent hallway there would be a wealth of ceiling mounted defence turrets programmed to open fire the second he stepped out from cover.

It shouldn't have been an issue, except they had both agreed to not use materia this time. He could just leap out and face the barrage, but that was an inelegant solution.

He needed to go that way. If he didn't start running, Sephiroth would beat him there, tear through the last of the defences, and then destroy the cannon without him and then he would have lost.

Again.

There was nothing for it. He drew his sword, and was ready to sprint out from cover when he was struck by a brilliant idea. He sheathed his sword and flipped open his phone.

Soon it was ringing while he waited impatiently for it to be picked up. It clicked.

"Kunsel speaking," the voice echoed thin and tinny through the tiny speaker. It sounded like he had a mouthful of food.

"How does one deactivate the security turrets guarding the Mako cannon control booth?" Genesis asked.

"Commander Rhapsodos?" he choked and coughed on something. "How did you get this number?"

"Answer the question, Sergeant."

There was a pause on the other end.

"Am I going to be accused of being a spy if I do?" Kunsel asked.

"You'll be charged with defying a direct order if you don't," he replied coolly.

He heard a resigned sigh.

"There are bundles of wires running along the ceiling of the corridors leading to the control room. Cutting the third and fifth bundles will deactivate them. Don't cut the fourth or all the doors will seal."

He looked up, and sure enough large bunches of wiring ran in a line towards the control booth straight ahead.

"Is the control booth password locked?"

"The VR version isn't," Kunsel replied.

Perfect.

Kunsel waited almost patiently for the elevator to take him up to the right level.

It was remarkable how Shinra could improve upon the design of the human body, arguably the most complex system in the world, but they still couldn't figure out faster elevators.

He mused on the deeper meanings of this conundrum, idly watching the numbers tick by one by one at a snail's pace. Oh good, only seventy three left to go.

It stopped at one of the lower levels and Genesis strolled in. His eyes narrowed when he saw Kunsel.

His idle thoughts screeched to a halt. He saluted promptly and cursed the day he had gotten a First Class' attention.

For a moment it looked like the ride could be made in blissful, awkward silence, until Genesis broke it.

"How did you know about the mako cannon's security systems?" he asked quietly.

"I did three rotations as a guard at the Junon base," he replied, "and the guy who programmed the VR setting asked me to double-check it for inaccuracies."

Genesis lifted his chin. "Is that so?"

Oh for goodness sake. Was he to be punished for having a good memory? That seemed wholly unfair.

"Even if I were a spy, how else could I possibly know that?" he said, striving for an indifferent tone.

"You might be a Turk, infiltrating SOLDIER and reporting back to Tseng."

"Then wouldn't I just claim ignorance to shake you off?"

Genesis hummed, still looking at him from the corner of his eyes. "What else do you know?" he asked, his eyes scanning his helmet, as though searching for clues.

"What do you want to know?"

Genesis thought about it.

"Is Sephiroth's secretary an infiltrator from his fanclub?" he finally asked, half a smile tugging at his lips.

"Yes. So is his house keeper, the guy who cleans his office, and the lady who waters his pet cacti." All you had to do was look at the fanclub newsletters to know that. The 'Cactus Weekly' column wasn't exactly subtle.

Genesis looked stunned. "What about my secretary?"

"Oh no, she hates you."

He pursed his lips. Kunsel held back a laugh.

"Much obliged, Sergeant." Genesis looked straight ahead and scowled at the slowly climbing numbers.

"Happy to help, sir."

When Genesis had said he'd be keeping an eye on him, Kunsel had assumed it would be scathing orders and suspicious looks until the irate man forgot about it. Apparently he had completely misunderstood the situation.

"Is Scarlet actually allergic to lemongrass or is she just being melodramatic?" Genesis' voice asked through the phone.

Kunsel still didn't know how the First had ended up with his phone number, but he didn't hesitate to make good use of it.

"It's a very mild allergy," he replied. "It makes her break out in a rash, but it's not strong enough to kill her or even warrant medical attention."

"Perfect."

Then the line went dead. As always he tried not to think about why Genesis might need to know that. Then his mind supplied a whole range of scenarios that might demand that information, and he texted him tips on how to get the smell out of his hands. Better safe than sorry.

The text beneath it was from the previous day.

'Where would one find a Lunar Harp?'

And the days before that:

'Is there any chance my secretary is an assassin?"

'Where am I most likely to find a bronto corpse?'

That one was from Zack. The next was from Genesis again.

'Does Lazard check his emails in the morning? And is he dyslexic?'

And his current favourite, asked without introduction or apology:

'Hangvr cuer?'

A shrieking alarm blared out into the night. Kunsel shot straight up in his bed, his hand instinctively flying to find his sword. He overbalanced and toppled out of bed, knocking over the bedside table and the reading lamp on his way down. The shrieking continued enthusiastically, and he briefly considered if he should stop, drop, and roll.

It finally dawned on him it was just his phone.

He fumbled to pick it up and answered.

"This is Kunsel–"

"I need a cake recipe," Genesis said. "And it can't just be some average, bake sale cake. I need something magnificent."

"It's four in the morning!"

"Yes, and if I don't have an amazing cake by 6 am we are all going to be sorry."

It took a moment before Kunsel's thoughts could catch up with him. Then it hit him.

"You forgot Sephiroth's birthday."

"How the hell do you know about that? He doesn't tell anyone–you know what? I don't care. I don't want to know, just tell me you know a good recipe."

Kunsel pinched the bridge of his nose and seriously considered sending him away empty-handed. Then he let out a sigh of resignation.

"You're going to need mascarpone, flour, baking soda, four eggs, sugar, butter, cocoa, and half a cup of bourbon."

"Excellent." The clattering of kitchen utensils rattled in the background. "Where does one buy mascarpone at 4 am?"

Genesis stared at him across the table.

"If one were taking the secret path from the Leviathan Shrine at Ymir Cove to the hidden temple at the river, would you turn right at the great Gongagan pine, or after the Mako cave?" he asked .

"Neither," Kunsel said around a mouthful of protein bar. "Continue on until you get to the river, then you'll find a secret passage behind the waterfall. After that, take a left at the toppled statue."

"Have you actually been to Northern Wutai?"

"Nope."

"Hm."

At first it had been suspicious. Then useful, life-saving, and occasionally even amusing.

Now it was suspicious again. Ridiculous, really. And infuriating. There was no way any one person could possibly know so much, and for so little reason. It just wasn't possible, especially not when you lived the busy life of a SOLDIER. It wasn't practical.

"What's the most poisonous animal in the world?" Genesis asked.

"Wutaian dart frog," he replied.

"How many teeth on an adult malboro?"

"Between 370 and 385, depending on age and subspecies."

He glared at the shiny surface of the helmet.

"What is the final stanza of Loveless?"

Kunsel snorted. "If it's ever found you'll be the first person I tell."

Alright, he had to give the brat that one. But he wasn't done yet.

"When was the Hardy Daytona invented?" he asked.

"1987."

"What's Heidegger's middle name?"

"Stanley."

"How many summon types are there?"

There was a pause.

"Fourteen," Kunsel replied, more hesitant than usual.

"Ha! Sixteen!" Genesis cried, standing in triumph. "There are sixteen main classifications and over 23 sub-groups." Then he sat again, having made his point. The boy wasn't infallible or omniscient.

But it had been such an easy question.

"How do you not already know that?" he asked, cutting his eyes at him suspiciously.

He shrugged and leaned comfortably back in his seat.

"Materia isn't really my strong point."

Genesis stared at him further.

"I've found the weakness in your repertoire. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

"Of course not," he said with another shrug. "You've found my weakness, and I've found someone who can tell me all about materia."

"And why would I do that?" he drawled, impressed at his nerve despite himself.

"Why would I take you step-by-step through the world's best cake recipe at four in the morning?"

"Sergeant Kunsel," Genesis barked.

Kunsel sat up from the bench press. He hadn't even known Genesis was in the room, but then he had a knack for showing up unexpectedly.

"What is a third level fire materia called?" he asked.

"Firaga. I'm not completely stupid." He rolled his shoulders, feeling the distinct strain from a good workout.

"And why does firaga shatter when combined with bio, while fira does not?"

"Uh…" He had no idea.

"Congratulations," Genesis said, looking thrilled. "You may consider that homework."

"You know, barking questions I can't answer isn't all that helpful."

"I'm pointing out your weak spots. If you don't want to fix them then that is your failing." He swept out of the room again.

Kunsel starred at the weight rack and wondered why firaga shattered.

A/N: An ode to two of my favourite characters. Only one chapter to go.