Epilogue

Numb was a good way to describe how Barry felt these days.

Distressed was another.

But still, these two words could never do justice in conveying or even understanding the raw pain and anguish that was inflicted upon Barry's heart as the days trickled on by, leaving him stuck in the past.

He watched the love of his life die before his eyes. Whenever his eyelids fluttered closed, the violent images flashed across his vision, leaving him desperate for a sliver of peace as he was throttled with the feeling of losing her once again. He could still see her angelic face as she gave him a brave smile, flying up into the grand singularity like the extraordinary hero she was, exploding into a thousand loose frays of cobalt energy as she saved them.

The worst part of it all was that there was no body to bury.

Putting an empty casket into the ground served more painful than anything else because there was no closure. He wondered if she was still alive. Was she still out there in the city somewhere, just lost? Or had she been sucked up by the portal, sent to another timeline or world? Or had she just died. Had her body just burst as she expelled the energy, incinerated into ashes as the singularity collapsed in on itself? These were questions that wracked his mind most of the time. At least when the feeling of dread and loneliness didn't cling to him. He hadn't wanted to go to the funeral, just like how he never went to visit his mother's grave. Seeing her stone there, it would make it real, so very real and he wasn't ready for that. But he knew, deep down in his heart that if he didn't, he would regret it.

He wished, oh he wished he could drown his sorrows in alcohol. But no matter how much he drank, nothing would happen. So he spent his time beating up criminals, running solo as he did his very best to repair the city he loved, hoping that this would distract him from the emptiness he felt inside, as though his acts of bravery and justice would make up for his failure, his failure to keep her safe.

Weeks had passed and Barry found that he could not sleep. It evaded him like the plague and he was desperate for the darkness and release that it brought. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his love. He saw her face, her brown eyes staring back at him as though she hadn't left at all. She was always smiling, and she looked at peace and that haunted him more than anything. Every time he rolled over in bed, he could feel the spot where she was missing, leaving cold sheets in her place. So he started a destructive cycle of not sleeping until it took a toll on his body to the point where he would wait until he collapsed to allow his body to finally having a chance to catch up with him.

This went on for the next month until Joe had snapped him out of it. He had ignored all the messages and calls from his friends, knowing that they would be safer if he wasn't a part of their lives. He hadn't even had time to properly mourn Eddie and Ronnie's deaths because he was too busy grieving Sophia. It was his fault that she was gone. It was his fault that Arthur Lang lost his daughter, that Anna lost her best friend. It was his fault. Joe tried to tell him that it wasn't, but he knew that Barry was still going to blame himself, and he could only hope that with time, his wounds would heal. Joe could see the dark circles under Barry's eyes and the way that he looked so distracted and uneasy constantly. He knew that it was a part of the mourning phase, but when it was starting to destroy him, Joe couldn't just sit by and do nothing.

Joe spoke to Barry and held the boy who was just as much his son, as Iris was his daughter. He comforted him, holding onto him as he released his tears, his sobs and his frustrations. Joe kept holding onto Barry as he let out cries for Sophia to come back, for the universe to take him instead, and it broke his heart to see Barry this way.

Barry felt utterly raw, and he didn't know what to do to fix it. He just wanted Sophia to come back and put the broken pieces of him together again, to make him whole. He had felt this way after his mother had died, and for a long time it haunted him, and now he was terrified that he would never be whole again.

He didn't know why or how but he had found himself sitting atop the roof of Star Labs in the same spot that he usually came with Sophia. Looking out at the beautiful orange sun setting over the city, leaving hues of pink and blue blended into a gorgeous purple across the sky. Sitting here was like a breath of fresh air. He felt closer to her up here in the sky… well at least as high up as he could get.

"You saved this city. It's only this beautiful because of you," Barry whispered aloud even though he was alone. But that was the thing. Up here, sitting in their spot, he didn't feel alone. It felt like she was sitting right by his side.

He closed his eyes and for the first time in a long time, he let himself smile. He could picture the way her lips curved into a cheeky grin, her hair billowing in the wind as she flew in the sky, the way she scrunched her nose when she let out the smallest of sneezes.

"I-I love you, so much." He could hear his own voice cracking, but he continued. "I never thought I would be this lost without you. I'm sorry for not keeping my promise. I told you I would protect you, but I failed, and I'm so sorry, Sophia."

He took a few deep shaky breaths in an attempt to calm himself down, not wanting to have a panic attack up on the roof of Star Labs, and all alone at that, but he couldn't help the stray tear that trickled down his cheek.

"Wherever you are, if you really are gone or just lost. I want you to know that I will always love you, and in the end, I know that we'll always come back to each other, just like you said my love. Always and forever."

Well if that isn't depressing AF then I have no idea what is.

I wasn't going to post an epilogue, because I felt that it might take away from the drama and angst of the first chapter of the sequel, especially with how Barry feels about all of this, but I figured, what the hell. Let's just throw this out there.

Plus we get into more detail of his mourning in the sequel, especially with how he interacts with other characters post-singularity. So this doesn't give away a lot, it's more of just Barry's thoughts and feelings after mourning her.

The sequel is in the process of being written, the first 5 chapters are done and I need to get a few more written before I start posting, otherwise updates won't be regular. But I will be posting a authors note on this story once the sequel is ready to go up so you all know, so don't forget to follow.

Leave a review of your thoughts/feelings etc. I loved the responses to the finale, it made me smile so much.

Much love.

Heroherondale.