She thinks about running a lot. Whether that's running towards or away from something, she's never really sure. All she knows is that it's there, like an itch under her skin, something that she can't scratch, buried deep in the depths of her soul.

It's been there since New Years, when she was standing on that rooftop, her feelings broadcast to what felt like the entire world. And it's not that she's mad at Farkle, because she knows that he was doing it with her best interests at heart, but it's tough to face the feelings she's tried so hard to run away from. Feelings that she put aside for her best friend, because Maya deserves the world, even at the cost of her happiness.

And she remembers sitting with them on the rooftop, no one saying a word, because really, what can anybody say? Somebody was always going to get hurt. She just wishes she could have protected Maya and Lucas for just a little bit longer, just enough that her feelings would be a moot point, because she wouldn't love Lucas any longer. Or long enough to escape what she's been running from all along.

Sometimes she also thinks about being a bird, and flying away.

She doesn't know where she'd go, but maybe it's not the ending destination that she has in mind, but just the feeling of floating away, of leaving everything behind, cutting ties, and starting over.

Maybe she could go live with her grandparents, start over in the place that was so magical for her parents. The place where it feels like everything would be okay, because how could it not be? It brought together two of the most important people in her life. And if her parents could find each other there, and conquer the world, then maybe she has a chance.

Sometimes she wishes she wasn't the daughter of Cory and Topanga, wishes she wasn't the daughter of people who have given her unrealistic expectations of love, and a person who is supposed to be there with you through all of it. Because how can you not believe in that kind of love when you're the daughter of Cory and Topanga?

She can't blame them though, because without them, she probably wouldn't believe in love in the first place. And she wouldn't give up her feelings for Lucas for the world, because in the end, he's the best and worst thing to ever happen to her. He's her reason to wake up, her reason to try to be a better person, and the reason she so desperately tried to recreate it with Charlie.

In the end, her parents made her believe in love, but Lucas showed her how.

She remembers a saying of letting someone go, if you love them. She supposes she understands it now. She's letting Lucas go, because he needs to be happy, and if that's with Maya, then she owes him that. But she can't help but hope that he comes back, hope that they get their second chance, and a someday that they were always supposed to have when the time was right. And she wishes that she hadn't given it all up for her best friend, even though Maya deserves to be just as happy, and if her happiness is with Lucas, then how could she deny her that? She just wishes that she had cherished her time with him a little more, before she'd known it was all going to disappear right in front of her.

And it hurts. It hurts worse than anything she's ever felt before, a pain so raw, and intense that it feels like she's drowning in the middle of an ocean. And no one is around to help her.

She wishes she could talk to Maya about this.

But Maya hasn't spoken to her since New Years, and she doesn't know if it's because Maya's mad that she has feelings for Lucas, or that she's mad because she kept it from her, or anything at all. And she wants to rage and scream at Maya, tell her that she gave it all up because she wanted Maya to be happy. And the tiny, selfish part of her says that Maya shouldn't get to be mad because she gave Lucas up so she could be happy, and it's not fair that she always feels like she's sacrificing everything, all the time. And part of her wishes she had been more selfish with Lucas, because Maya had her feelings for Josh, and Lucas was hers, not Maya's. But she clamps those feelings down, because through it all, Maya is still her best friend, and she deserves to be happy, even if that's with the guy that she still loves. She just wishes she didn't have to be here to see it.

She tries to talk to Farkle about it, and it helps, but Farkle doesn't understand. Doesn't feel the desperate urge that she has to run, to fly, to start over and escape the pain that she's going through. Because Farkle has never been through this. Never had his heart so broken and fractured that she's afraid it will never heal.

And she misses the summer, when everything seemed so simple, and it was just her, and a country cowboy. A summer of first dates, and a first kiss that she will treasure forever on the subway.

She ends up taking the subway to places that she can't remember, and it seems so long ago that she met Lucas, and she wishes she could turn back time. Wishes she could have missed the subway that day, and maybe things would have turned out differently.

It never really matters either way, because as far as she's aware, either way she doesn't end up with Lucas, and that probably hurts worst of all.

She wonders if it will ever stop hurting. If the ache in her chest will ever disappear, or if it's permanently tattooed on her heart.

School resumes eventually, and as she takes her seat in her father's classroom, Farkle behind her, Maya next to her, and Lucas behind Maya, it feels overwhelmingly familiar, and overwhelmingly sad. Because Maya's not looking at her, and Lucas doesn't say a word, and she knew this was going to happen if her secret got out.

She goes home that afternoon, throws herself down onto her bed, and sobs. And her parents come in, and they pat her hair, and when she brokenly whispers that she wants to leave, to escape from this crushing weight on her chest, and people that she can't be around anymore, her mom gathers her in her arms, and her father promises that he'll call her grandparents.

Her grandparents agree to take her in without any hesitation, and she's all packed within a few hours. She texts Maya, and then Lucas, telling them that she's leaving, and that she's sorry, and that she wishes them both the best. She hopes they can find happiness, either together or apart, even if she can't be around them anymore to find out. She saves Farkle for last, and she tells him that she loves him like her own brother, and that she's glad he was there for her, when no one else could be. And then she shuts her phone off before he can reply, and try to change her mind.

Auggie doesn't understand, and how could he? He's still so young, and he cries, telling her he'll miss her, and that he loves her, and she promises that she loves him too, and that this won't change the fact that he's her brother. She promises to call him every night before bed, and tell him the stories of mermaids, and pirates, and anything he takes his fancy in.

It doesn't surprise her that Farkle is the only one to show up to say goodbye. He doesn't say anything about stopping her, or that she's making a mistake, though she's sure he's thinking it. He just holds her, and promises to keep in touch, and tells her that he understands why she's leaving. She jokes about him coming with her, and he smiles, and tells her not to tempt him. She pulls him into another hug, and makes him promise to hold onto what he has with Smackle, even when things get tough.

And then she leaves the city she grew up in, feeling like a bird stretching her wings.

Her grandparents welcome her with hugs and kisses, and her Uncle Josh carries her bags to her Aunt Morgan's old room. And then he gives her a hug, and says that he's glad she's here, and she cries in his arms, and tells him everything, and she watches the look on his face when she tells him about Maya and Lucas.

She wishes she could know what her uncle was feeling, before he schools his face to be unreadable.

She settles into her aunt's room, and into her new school, and her new life, and it feels good. She sits in classrooms her father used to sit in, probably in the seat her mother sat in, and makes friends with the girl sitting next to her. She talks to her parents every night on the phone, and tucks her brother in with a story, and texts Farkle about the place their parents grew up.

She never hears from Maya and Lucas, and it hurts, because she didn't want to lose either one of them, and in the end she lost both of them.

She also misses New York like a physical ache, misses it so much that she can't breathe sometimes because she wants to go back. Wants to fix everything that is broken, even if it won't fix her heart, because she misses her friends, she misses her life, and she misses the way things used to be.

And she goes to bed crying most nights, because it's the only thing she can do. And she knows her grandparents know, but she can't explain it to them. She can barely explain it to herself. But she continues through the motions, and she feels empty inside, because how could she not be, without her best friend by her side?

But life goes on, and one day she wakes up, and it doesn't hurt as much anymore. She goes to school, and greets her friends, and they're not Maya, or Farkle, or Lucas, but it's okay. And she still texts Farkle, and calls her family, and they visit, and tell her they miss her, and wish she would come home.

And it shouldn't surprise her when Maya shows up at her grandparents door.

They sit awkwardly for awhile, before Maya tells her that she misses her. That she doesn't know how to deal with everything without her. That nothing is the same. That she and Lucas have fallen apart because she blames herself for Riley leaving, and Lucas probably also blames himself, and Farkle doesn't really talk to either of them, because he doesn't know how. She was always the glue that held them together.

And she apologizes for shutting her out, because she didn't know what else to do.

And it's not enough, but it's a start, because they're talking again, and she's missed Maya so much, and it feels like the edges of her frayed heart are knitting themselves back together. They sit in her aunt's room, curled up together, and it feels almost normal. And when Maya leaves to go back home, she promises to call her, and promises to visit, because Maya understands that she can't go home yet.

And things get a little better, because she and Maya are talking again, and she and Farkle haven't stopped talking, and their relationship is mending too. She goes home for lots of visits, and she never sees Lucas, but that's okay. She's learning to be okay without him, and it's for the best.

It's Christmastime when she finally comes home for good, and Maya and Farkle are waiting for her, and she hugs them both, and it's the most normal she's felt in a long time.

She also can't help but glance around for the one face that isn't there.

Neither Maya, nor Farkle mention him, and she's grateful, because she doesn't think she's ready for that conversation. She sits in her bay window, and it feels like coming home. And with Maya and Farkle by her side, it feels almost complete, almost like nothing ever happened. And she ignores the way her heart still feels a bit empty, because she has her two best friends by her side, and that's all she should need.

Christmas Day dawns bright and clear, and she wakes up in her own bed, and it should feel strange because she hasn't stayed in her bed for a long time, but instead it feels so normal. So right. She almost can't believe that she had the strength to leave.

And her grandparents come, and her uncle Josh, and her uncle Shawn, and Maya, and her mother, and even Farkle stops by for a bit, and she's surrounded by the people that she loves the most, and she wants to cry. She finally feels home, and almost complete, and she wants to bask in this glow forever. She even thinks of Lucas, and her heart doesn't ache as much as it used to. She misses him though, but then again, maybe she'll always miss him. She does wish she could hear his voice again though. And maybe she should wait until she seems at school, when it starts back up, but she feels that maybe she's ready. Ready to see him again. Ready to try and mend what she broke by lying to him, and probably broke even further when she left.

And it's later that night, that she sneaks up to the rooftop, and everything is just the way it was almost a year ago. Though that probably isn't surprising, since she's probably the first person up here since that night. She pulls out her phone, and quickly unlocks it, and pulls up Lucas's contact info. She hesitantly puts it up to her ear, and impatiently waits for it to ring. And when he picks up, she gathers all her courage, and takes a deep breath.

"Hey, it's me."