Family

Chapter 9

Communication

The man he caught was crying.

"Kill me! Just kill me! I don't care!"

Laxus scowled, and the sobbing increased. He was at a loss of what to do. Not that he would have killed the man before, but two years ago this would have been simpler. Two years ago this wouldn't have affected him. Two years ago … two years ago he wouldn't have given a shit.

It was fucking alarming how much crying, how much other people's fear of him, made him want to run away.

"Listen, asshole, I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to know where your client went with the staff. I don't want to hurt you. I don't give two shits about you. I just need the fucking staff!"

The man continued to weep, and Laxus, completely fed up, released him and ran his hands through his hair.

"Look, that staff is dangerous," he said. "It isn't safe for yo-"

0000

He woke in an unfamiliar room, confused and generally sore, but comfortable. The bed itself was mediocre, but the pretty woman curled up, snoring softly against him made the whole atmosphere feel much nicer than it would if he was alone.

"Lucy?" he croaked. The roughness of his voice told him it had gone unused for a long time, and the pain that had blossomed in his head at the sound helped him make sense of some of it.

He'd been knocked on his ass.

She'd saved him?

Last he knew she was in Magnolia. He'd been half the country away. He lifted his left hand and started to see his ring finger bare.

"Lucy? Lucy, wake up," he shook her.

He'd been working regularly for five months, and she'd started back on small jobs the month before. He knew he was maybe still a little too … cautious with her. Levy had cornered him two weeks earlier and reminded him she was physically healed and safe to touch.

Even so, part of him was horrified at how he shook her awake.

"Eh?" she mumbled, eyes blinking. "Ah! Laxus! You're awake! Finally!" She threw herself at him, and he grunted under her slight weight. She wasn't heavy. Not by a long shot. But his muscles were tender, and his skin felt... burned.

"What happened?" Laxus wrapped his arms around her, grateful for the feeling. Who the fuck cared about a little ache and burn? Though they'd gotten closer again, she was still hyper-sensitive to touch most of the time and was prone to shying away after short moments of contact. He had done pretty good not to see it as rejection, and to cherish every second he got. So pain could go fuck itself.

She wasn't pulling away.

"You were ambushed by a dark guild," she told him, voice muffled from being pressed so tightly to his chest. He loosened his grip. Just so she could breathe, and talk. Just that much.

"Guild."

"Mmhmm."

"I was hunting a solo mage."

She nodded, shifting so that she slid off of his lap, but not so far that she left the circle of his arms. Moving only enough to make eye contact easier. His heart squeezed. Goddamn he'd gotten soft.

Did he care?

No.

He lifted his left hand and let it run through her hair. She'd let it get so long recently. He played with it while she explained what happened; she didn't stop him.

"He had a guild, not a big one, but 10 members. They hit you from behind. You don't remember?"

Laxus considered for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't. What happened to my ring?"

"Oh!" She pulled away, leaving him feeling empty, but quickly returned from her bags. "They stole them. Wedding ring, sound pods, wallet, everything."

"Everything."

"Yes."

"Stole them?"

"Yes."

"How did you get them back?" She might have started doing small jobs with her team, but last he talked to her, two weeks earlier, she was holding open one gold constantly and could pull a second gold at need for short periods. No way was he comfortable with her going after an entire dark guild.

"I fought them one-on-ten, and beat them! Duh!" She paused for a triumphant moment, one hand on her hip, the other fisted in the air, then snorted. "Don't be a dumbass. I felt pain in the rings, then you vanished. I went and got the book from Gramps, traced you through that, and found you naked in the woods, unconscious. Then had your team, my team, Gajeel Lily Levy, and Mira track down and take down the guild while Wendy and I saw to you."

He considered. "Oh."

"Mmm, yeah."

He took the ring from her and slid it on. Though she hadn't used her power, hadn't called for him, he felt doubly aware of her just having it. He leaned over and, with what had become standard caution, kissed her.

For a long moment her entire body projected nothing but pure desire for him. Them. She leaned, lifted, reached. Gasped, clinched, sighed.

Then the moment was over, as it was always over, and her mouth parted from his. But this time the distance was small. Barely room to draw a breath.

"Laxus," she whispered across his lips, and her power flickered in the gold on his finger. Almost, almost spreading to consume him. Almost, almost what they once had.

Almost, almost.

"Lu-"

"Laxus," this was more certain. Farther away. Nothing, nothing. "The latest test came back last week."

His muscles went hard, stone. Pain vanished. His heart stopped. He couldn't breathe.

"I'm clean. Completely clean of the curse. But it ruined my ovaries. Severely damaged my uterus. Doesn't work." She lowered her voice, "And I'm not even sad. It was selfish. I told you before. I was selfish. The whole time I don't need children, and I'm happy just … just watching over the guild. But..." she trailed off.

"But?"

"But you wanted a family. I heard it in you when you said the word. Felt it in you. I can't keep that from you."

"What are you saying, Lucy?"

"I'm saying," she closed her eyes and took a breath, and then opened them and faced him, eyes deep, certain, strong, "there's no reason to stay. I'm saying I can't give you what you want."

"Want? I never wanted anything. I stumbled on this... curse, and lucked into something special. Unexpected. Fucking tragic. Potentially the best thing that ever happened to me, and the best decision I ever made." He pulled her close again. "We discussed this before. I love you. What your … uterus can or cannot do … that isn't gunna change that. And I've never loved anyone else. No reason a family can't be you and me. It is you and me. You are my family, Lucy."

He wanted to change the subject. He sucked at this shit. But at the same time he knew it was another emotional pile of crap they needed to overcome. Levy had said so. Gramps had said so. Mira had said so. Bix had said so. Everyone said so. And he'd thought it more than once, against his own will, when he was too tired to ignore his own fucking angst.

Fuck. Some days he couldn't even recognize himself.

"I can't imagine needing anything or anymore than I've got now," he assured her. "If you wanted kids, that would be fine, but you don't have to want them for me. I never thought I was suited to be a parent. Even after you came to me, I wasn't sure how I'd manage. I knew we would, I just couldn't see it yet."

He watched as she swallowed back a reply. Tilting her head to consider his words. He didn't press it, letting her think. Hardly content, but as long as she stayed close, as long as she was still next to him – touching him – they were still okay.

As long as she didn't leave, they were still okay.

Each minute was torture. Each minute was hell. But it only took two.

"So … not having children – not trying again or adopting – you're okay with that?"

"Yeah. I'm okay with that." His hand returned to her hair, glad they were finally through with this. He should have listened to his gramps months ago. But they hadn't been ready months ago.

Her eyes flicked away, "And staying married?"

His nostrils flared. "Were we even considering... Of course. I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you sure?" She shifted, and he let the arm around her waist loosen more, but wouldn't let her go completely. "This hasn't been a happy two years for you, Laxus. We both know that. The curse is gone. No child to tie you. And I certainly wouldn't blame you. Wouldn't judge you."

"I love you," he said firmly. He hadn't said it often. Maybe he should have. Maybe she had forgotten.

"But love doesn't mean you're happy, Laxus..." she looked at and then quickly away from his face. Glanced at the room around them. At her hands.

"You're not happy, that's what you're saying. That's what you mean..." he sighed. This had been a reoccurring nightmare of his since she came out of her coma.

"I'm a terrible wife."

"First of all, you're not. Second of all, it's been hard as hell, and it isn't your fault," he insisted. Laxus tugged at the hair his fingers were tangled in, "Leaving won't make it easier." He considered his own statement and rephrased, "I don't think leaving will make it easier. Not sure about you, but the best part of any week is coming home. Worst part is leaving. Has shit to do with the house, Magnolia, the guild... No. Every day may not be happy, but days with you are better than days without you."

There was a long, heavy silence. Oppressive and awful. He didn't think she actually wanted a divorce. He'd never felt that from her before, so he couldn't get where this was coming from to counter it.

But he needed to counter it. He needed to keep her.

"It's better now, right?" he asked. "Better than it was … then?"

"Today. Yesterday was... The day before..." She stumbled over her words.

"Ah." Well. That made more sense. Not depression. Not just depression. Fear. "Yeah. But would you stop giving a shit if I left? Erase everything? Forget? Reset the world to a time before this happened?"

"I'm not sure I remember how to be happy," she finally looked at him again. She wasn't crying – she didn't cry much anymore – but her eyes had the liquid look that he associated with tears.

He untangled his hand and moved to stroke the soft curve of her cheeks. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

"Fair. I've never been like … like Gramps. Or Mira. Able to find happy when I'm not. And I'm not a happy-go-lucky asshole by nature. You know that. Team's not helping?"

She shrugged. "They go back and forth. Eggshells and over the top. Erza's really stiff, Natsu acts like nothing happened, Gray tries to show me all the wonderful things in the world and make me forget, Juvia cries just looking at me half the time. Wendy is … quite. But calm. So I rely on Wendy. Which is probably cruel. She's still so young, and she saw it happen; it was hard on her."

"Levy seems okay."

"Levy's okay-"

Laxus grunted at what was becoming an old point, "But you want her to focus on her own relationship."

"Yes."

"She talked to me," Laxus admitted. "She thinks we're being too – weak with one another."

"Or maybe we're holding on too much to something we shouldn't," she suggested.

Laxus almost growled, "Why are you pushing me, Lucy?"

"I'm..." she reached out her left hand and hooked her ring finger around his. Pulling it from her face to rest in between them. "You're anxious. Stressed. Pushing yourself."

"Ugh. Where these," he twisted his finger around so that he latched onto her instead, "become more hindrance than help. I'm anxious cuz you're not … here often enough," he gestured at the space between them, "and I don't want you unhappy."

Sharp knocks broke into their conversation, not quite shattering the tense atmosphere, but it did make both of them start in surprise. And he should have heard them coming.

"Enter!" he commanded after securing a nod from her.

Levy and Gajeel both entered, Lily between them.

"The others wanted to come," Levy said, "but I convinced them you didn't need the over-stimulation. This one," she pointed at Gajeel, "is a risk, but the others are way too much. Especially around the two of you."

"Fucking morons." Gajeel's grin was sharp, as usual.

Laxus snorted, "That's my team you're insulting."

"Yeah. And hers, too," the man pointed a pierced chin in Lucy's direction. "All of them almost suffocated you to death freaking out about bein' knocked the fuck out. Morons."

Laxus considered getting worked up over the issue, but he didn't have the energy. Besides, Lucy was shrugging it off.

"Have they gone yet?" Lucy asked instead.

"No," Levy twirled a pen, Laxus didn't think she even knew she was doing it, "but they're packing. We'll do brunch in town and catch the one o'clock train."

Lucy nodded, "I messaged Gramps last night, but I think we'll stay here at least one more night if not two, to rest. Let him know, please."

"Will do, Lu-chan." The small, blue-haired woman gave a quick salute and equally quick hug to his wife before turning to leave.

They all expected Gajeel to follow, as he usually did, but instead he held them up.

"What?" Laxus groaned.

"Shit gets too crazy, you know you can call, yeah? Not to turn this into feel-good, pansy-shit but-"

"I had no idea the bastard had a guild at his beck and call. Thought the guy was solo, and I could handle him. I wasn't – far as I knew – overextending." He scratched the tender spot on the back of his head, "But thanks."

"No problem. Alright," Gajeel turned to leave, "come on, Shrimp."

"Don't come on me!" Levy snapped from the hall, "I've already left!"

"Take care, and do call if you need assistance, or if you stay longer than one extra night," Lily said while rolling his eyes at his partner. The exheed was the one to shut the door.

They sat in silence for a solid minute.

"So," he finally broke, "that's the plan, then. You, me, here."

"Mmm, for a day or two. The dark magic at your head would make any transportation sickness worse and give you transportation sickness even while teleporting according to Wendy. Which would likely lead you to slamming into the side of a mountain. Better for you to rest it off."

Just saying the word transportation felt like taking a boulder to the crown of his skull. He believed her. And Wendy knew her shit.

"So, that's a plan for the next couple of days." Laxus said, before jumping right back into where they left off. Better to say what he wanted. Say it and get it over with. "What about the next couple of years? Because I like having you in my life and unless you just can't stand it, I want you t'stay there. Here."

"I can stand it," she mumbled. "I can stand it." And finally she smiled; though, it was a weak and weary thing, "I'll stay."

He gave into the lingering weakness in his body and fell back into bed. "First two years … not the best. I'll agree. But no reason why the next two can't be better."

"You have any ideas?" Lucy stretched and then slowly lowered herself so that she was tucked into his side.

"I feel bad about it, but what if we give up our teams. Maybe not every time, but more often that we have been. I'd like to spend more time with you."

"Maybe not every time," she agreed, "but I like the sound of that."

Laxus could hear her voice as she continued to talk. To make plans. To dream small, short dreams. But before he could respond, or even really understand, he was asleep.

0000

It took two days to get him back on his feet well enough to zap them both home. While he'd been laid up, he'd heard from Lucy exactly how the others had taken down the guild who knocked him on his ass. She also teased him a bit about being naked when they found him as soon as he was completely healthy enough to take the teasing.

Mildly embarrassing, but it was what it was. And she was a soft touch with the jokes. More respectful of his bruised ego than he had any right to expect. He dreaded dealing with the guild. But... it was what it was.

What was more important was the slight way Lucy wilted when she entered their house. She'd been almost happy sitting with him at the hospital, they'd chatted, and she'd slept tucked tightly against him. She'd been happy, he knew it, but all of that vanished as he watched energy drain from her when she walked through the door.

They didn't typically go on jobs together, and they never came home at the same time. He'd never seen such a drastic change. Thinking about it, it had been … he couldn't remember how long since he'd seen her so happy as she'd been sitting at his bedside. Over a year.

Over a year, much of it trapped inside.

Laxus had never considered it. He'd built the place himself. Owned the property. But it was only a short pause before he suggested, "We should move."

She stopped in front of him. Stiff. "What?"

"Move. Start over. There is a bit of unclaimed land near the river. Little closer to Natsu than I usually like, but he's calmed down. Knows better than to come looking for a fight." He looked around at the living room, "We can design it better than I did this one. Bigger dining area; I didn't really give a shit the last time. Real place for your books. Put in a training area for me..."

The more he talked, the more he warmed to the idea. He hadn't realized it before, but there was a coldness, a sadness that lingered in the dark corners. They were both better than they were, but even if they stayed together, there was a possibility that they'd lose each other if they didn't do something different.

She turned finally and looked up at him. She blinked twice, but didn't ask what he meant or why he'd make the suggestion. Laxus wondered how many times she'd thought about escaping. Wondered why she never mentioned it. Wondered why she'd never done it.

"What if we kept the land an built a new house," she suggested. "Closer to the crater. I know that means you wouldn't want to sell this one, but you wouldn't have to make an extra training area, and we can make a smaller house. One floor, one bedroom, one office."

Clenching his jaw, he held back a sigh of relief. He liked the land. A lot.

"If your spirits can help, I think we can stand to lose the money not selling the house and land. Taurus can cut my heavy lifting in half, and – if she's willing – I think Aries' wool would make better insulation than anything we could buy. Gemini doubling as me, another lifter, or Gramps."

"Cancer could cut wood … I wonder if Sagittarius would do nails..." Lucy bit a thumbnail.

Laxus almost smiled. This was what they needed. This was what they were missing.

"If they can't, we'd still be fine. Get it done in half the time and cheaper having help lugging shit and not having to buy some supplies."

She did actually smile, and it was levels above what he'd seen in the hospital earlier in the week. "You serious about this?"

"Yeah," he took a step forward to grab one of her hands. It was cold. They needed this. "Yeah. Let's start over. Fresh. Make a place that's ours with our own hands and power. Maybe I wouldn't have known I love you without the bad, but that doesn't mean we've got to fucking live in regret for the rest of our lives."

He grabbed her other hand and bent slightly so that he could face her as directly as possible. "Let's start over: I love you. I want to build a life with you. A happy life."

Lucy laughed. Laughed and pulled her hands from his so she could hop and throw her arms around his neck. Their kisses had been fleeting, infrequent things. This deep expression of jubilance lit a fire in him that caused him to cling to her, maybe too tightly.

But she didn't complain.

"I would be honored to help you build a home for us," she panted when she finally pulled away. "I've helped enough times with rebuilding the guild that I'm pretty sure I've got it down."

"How about we set up by the lake?" he suggested. "Where me, Virgo, and Aries built the deck. Good place for a foundation, and already got the deck."

"How about we go see it, and let me make a decision in person?" her eyes sparkled.

This was it. This was Lucy. This was what had been missing between them. And when he shifted her up into a more comfortable position to carry (despite a few grumbling protests that she could walk perfectly well herself), he recognized a growing warmth loosen his muscles and ease his joints. He needed this, too.

Curse or no curse, holding on to their guilt so tightly was killing them both. They were haunted by it. Despite what Lucy claimed, neither of them wanted, really wanted, to trade one life for another. A chance for them all or death … death for her. For Lucy. The baby was never supposed to be at risk.

Was it their fault? Yes. Even outside of the house, even free, Laxus felt the shadows coat his bones. And laying Lucy on the lakeside bed, he could see those same shadows in her eyes. When they were old, old, old those shadows would remain. Loss like that … that doesn't disappear.

But. With some effort, they wouldn't be ruled by it.

So much shit in his life he'd done wrong. Marrying Lucy wasn't on that list.

Hours later, after they'd drawn lines into dark dirt, imagining what the place could be; after they put a brilliantly patterned celestial-world cloth over the mattress to form a tent capable of keeping out the elements; after they reminded each other (and themselves) of the many non-combative uses of magic, Lucy sighed over the bare skin of his chest. He liked how content it sounded. How sleepy.

"Let's do it again," she whispered. Her voice was slightly scratchy.

He exploded with laughter that nearly bounced her head – and all of the rest of her – off his torso. "You're going to have to give me a little longer than two minutes."

She pushed herself up and he caught her clear look of disgust and sharp snort before she crawled away to dig through her bag. It didn't take her long before she crawled back and slapped him on the arm.

"Sit up, asshat," she demanded, sitting down beside him. He did as ordered. Why would he not?

After a deep breath, which was like and yet entirely unlike the steadying breath she had taken at the hospital, she opened her hand. Nestled in the center of her palm, clear under the moonlight shining through the window in the tent, was a wide ring. It didn't resemble their original rings, being a purer gold, and was studded with diamonds and something darker. Red, he thought.

"I was thinking the same as you," she told him. "For awhile now. That we could use a fresh start. But we didn't start at the house. We started at the guild. When I asked. When you proposed. I love you, too. And … I would like to declare that again. Publicly. Maybe with your grandfather. Maybe with our friends. Nothing too outlandish. But... Laxus, would you marry me again?"

She was trembling, and he remembered perfectly the first time she came to him two long-ass years ago. Trembled then, too. Different reasons. Eh, same reason. But she shouldn't have been so worried. He wasn't going to turn her down.

"I like the red," he took the ring from her and slid it on next to the plain gold one he already wore. "I'll leave this one on too until we do vows again. I know you can find me through the book if you need, but I like the direct contract you've got through this."

She flashed him a slightly watery, trembling smile and nodded. "I do, too."

Eventually they slept, and this time she dropped off first, but before that they talked about their house, and jobs, and the guild, and each other. They talked about today, tomorrow, and all the time that would come after.

Yeah, the first two years weren't great. But all the rest? All the rest would be fucking magic.

0000X0000

THE END

Author's Note:

Rings are diamonds and garnets, January's birthstone. For the baby. Came to me when my mom got a mother's ring this summer. 4 stones. Two for me and my brother. And my two stillborn sibs. I never knew when they were born. I do now. SOOO hard not to cry when she showed me the finished ring. I do not know how my mom does it.

Between the start of this fic and now, my friend has gotten a tattoo of her daughter. It is very beautiful. She talks about her often and about the process of grief. I don't know how the hell she does it either, but bloody bless her and her strength.

Sorry it took so long. No excuse except depression. No comment except I'm still alive, and there was a little bit there where I wasn't sure I was going to be. So, you know. Push through, I guess. Sometimes a day sucks and then a week sucks and then a month sucks... and a fucking year fucking sucks so goddamn hard... just so fucking goddamn hard and everything is just fucking awful and it's hard to quantify why... and then things aren't so bad one day. And that's the day you stick around for.

That and the fact that your mom's wearing a ring that already has two dead kids on it.

Anyhow, that's it. FAMILY is done. Fairly certain I'm done with the Fairy Tail fandom, too. I've tried to think of other things to write for these characters, and while I've had some ideas for a Downstairs and Dead followup, it's nothing solid enough to actually spend another year of my life on, and we all know it would take me that long at least because I'm slow, so I don't know that I'll actually do anything with it. Never say never, I guess, but don't rely on me to appear.

If I go anywhere anytime soon on this site it will probably be Akatsuki no Yona, where I did a one shot a while back (first one in the English language on that fandom, actually, it's that damn old), or maybe something for Ouran which I reread recently. Or maybe I'll drop off completely. I'm super tired. Who knows. Well, I mean, time knows I guess. If you're reading this far enough in the future where I've made a significant decision...

ANYWAY! Thank you to everyone who has supported me as I made my way through many stories in this fandom. Fairy Tail is why I rejoined fanfiction after many years away, and though I wasn't overly fond of how the series itself progressed, the final chapter was satisfying enough I guess, and I'm happy with the Gajevy and LaLu fanfic fandom and the stories I myself finished. And I'm eternally grateful to all of you who supported me while I wrote them. Specifically:

Those GUEST reviewers who don't leave their names, haha! Thank all of you! To Fairytailes1, Gal, FallenPain1122, Rexy, Scarlethousecarl, Prince, and most of all my most faithful MOON! You are all fantastic, and I love you.