Author's note: Part 2 of 2. Gosh this chapter got long! Hope you like it and for any fellow riain shippers out there (the ones I know, know who they are! x) it makes up for how the episode really did pan out last night! Please review if there's anything you think I'm doing well/not well with my writing and I can work on it with future fanfics. Enjoy! :-)
Iain reclined back on the hospital bed, his head wound now neatly dressed. He let out an exhausted sigh and patted the space next to him. Rita clambered up and sat facing the paramedic.
"Can't wait to see your handiwork." He said running his fingers lightly over the stitches. "I trust you've done a good job?"
"Always" replied Rita "and don't touch, the glue won't be dry yet" she scolded reaching for his hand and pulling it away. She looked down at his fingers as she intertwined them with hers "Actually I think that might be the neatest one I've ever done and by my high standards that's saying something, matey. It's kind of in my interest not to leave you in a mess right? I mean I'll be looking at any scar for like, forever... " she stopped, her cheeks reddening and looked down at their hands again hoping he wouldn't pull her up on her accidental choice of words.
"Forever?" Iain teased gently.
"Just a turn of phrase…?" she mumbled in an attempt to brush the comment off.
"Right" he said slowly, his eyes narrowed as he studied her face, seemingly trying to work something out in his own head. He changed tack in an attempt to make things less awkward. "Now this amazing bedside manner of yours I've heard so much about. Would it happen to involve you lying beside me on this bed?"
She groaned at him but found herself pretty glad of the change in conversation. Tiredness washed over her now and she realised that curling up next to Iain was about the only thing she felt capable of. She turned herself round stretching her legs out next to his and snuggled into his chest, her left arm draped gently across his stomach. Iain stroked her hair softly as her eyelids got heavier.
Iain lay there, eyes wide open, trying to stop his mind from racing. He realised that Rita's closeness and steady breathing was working wonders at keeping him calmer than he would ever have managed had he been facing this alone. The accident, this scan and now thoughts of exactly what this beautiful woman meant to him. He wished he could step outside of his head temporarily, sure that that would help him untangle the mess inside.
Minutes passed and Iain's thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a mop of curly brown hair appearing through a gap in the curtains.
The younger nurse's eyes widened at the scene before him but Iain quickly put his finger to his lip to make sure Rita wasn't disturbed.
"Come in mate. Oh and don't worry about your boss, I think she does this with all her patients" he joked, his voice as quiet as he could make it and still be heard. Lofty opened his mouth to speak but it was clear he didn't actually have a clue what to say. Iain tried to help him out.
"I'm joking Lofty? Rita's just been sorting out this cut I got in the crash outside. We're… er… well I guess we're together"
"What like since the crash?" the younger man said incredulously, clearly no less confused.
"Naaah!" Sorry I'm not really helping am I? The blonde, you know, I told you I was seeing the other week?" Lofty nodded slowly, now at least that was something that did ring a bell.
"We-e-ell" Iain was getting a bit exasperated now, he stabbed a finger in Rita's direction "this is her, sleeping beauty here" he looked down at her peaceful face and then back at Lofty smiling sheepishly "sorry mate, i'm not sure why we've kept it such a big secret, seems a bit daft now, less grief I guess… it's been going on a few months"
"Ah I seeeee" Lofty's face finally cracked into a huge smile "mate, nice moves! Is she OK? I brought her a cup of tea actually. Zoe said she'd probably been a bit knocked sideways by her latest patient. I geddit now." The nurse started bouncing a happy dance until Iain interrupted.
"Lofty. The tea? You're spilling it everywhere, mate. Rita's fine, she didn't find out I was ok for ages, and then I appeared like a muppet covered in blood, took it out of her bless her. This is gonna freak her out, mind" he looked fondly down on the sleeping woman and kissed the top of her head while Lofty wiped the cup he was holding on the trousers of his scrubs.
"Rita! Wake up sweetheart, Lofty's brought you a cup of tea" he shook her shoulder lightly.
Rita stirred and opened an eye, she looked up at Iain, then slowly round the cubicle, eventually clocking Lofty in the corner.
"Shit. Lofty!" She spun round on the bed to bring herself to sitting as her hand shot up to her head in an attempt to smooth down her hair and look presentable "Iain! Oh gosh you let me fall asleep. Lofty I'm so sorry I can explain. Erm…" she flustered.
Iain put a hand on her arm.
"Reets it's fine, he knows. About us I mean. And you fell asleep because you needed too. Lofty's just brought you a cup of tea, bless his heart"
Rita shot Lofty an embarrassed smile and shook her head. This shift was definitely not panning out as she'd expected, it was all feeling very surreal. She curled her fingers gratefully around the mug that Lofty held out to her and took a sip of the sweet tea, her thoughts feeling instantly clearer.
"Sorry Iain, I can't believe I crashed out like that, are you feeling ok?" Iain nodded and Rita turned back to the other nurse "Lofty, thank you for the tea lovely. Any chance we can pretend that you didn't just find me in here though? Perhaps if I promised to bring in cake for the rest of the week?"
"Consider it forgotten" Lofty smiled "Err. Not the cake part though obviously. Actually I also came to tell you that the girl in resus is going to be OK and Zoe said CT will be ready for you shortly. She'll be along any sec. No tea for you until you're done mate, sorry"
"Iain are you ok?" Rita's voice was suddenly full of concern .
"I'm fine" Iain snapped startling Lofty who looked between the pair nervously.
"Sorry mate, just following orders on the tea front, I-I'll get you one later?" Lofty offered.
"I don't think it's that Lofty, don't worry. Do you mind giving us a moment?" Rita said to her staff member softly. Lofty nodded wordlessly and left the pair alone in the cubicle once more.
Rita turned to face Iain taking his hand in hers. God his eyes are beautiful she thought to herself, certainly not for the first time, her stomach flipping involuntarily in spite of the situation. Why do I never feel like I know what's going on behind them though? She tried to meet his gaze but he seemed to want to look anywhere but at her.
"What is it Iain?" She had felt his body tense against hers when Lofty mentioned the scan.
"I can't do it" Iain said quietly "I'm scared"
"I don't understand" Rita started "you're worried they'll find something wrong? Look, I can be here when you get back if you like, I'll clear it with Charlie, take my lunch?"
They heard the sound of heels approaching and both looked up as Zoe reappeared in the cubicle entrance.
"Right Mr Dean lets get you checked out. No arguments please"
Iain clutched at Rita's hand.
"Come with me" his voice was a frightened whisper, his eyes pleading.
"Zoe?" Rita turned towards the consultant who shrugged indifferently.
"Charlie's not expecting you back 'til after your lunch, fine by me. I don't think we need to give you wheelchair treatment in this case Iain but no falling over on me please. Come on, let's go"
The trio made their way to the lift, Rita relieved that once inside and along the deserted corridors of the second floor she was able to hold Iain's hand without raising any eyebrows. His grip was tight, his palm clammy. Rita's mind continued to whirl. She was grateful to her friend for not asking any questions, Zoe seemingly happy to give them their privacy unless she was addressed directly.
They pushed through the doors of the scan room, Zoe greeting the technicians inside and taking her place behind the screen. Rita grabbed an apron and led Iain over to the bed. She had brought patients here more times than she could remember but her head swam with thoughts of a time she'd accompanied another significant male to this very spot. Shaking the memory away she patted the bed.
"Up you get then. Iain…?" The man was visibly shaking now, his breathing was starting to labour and despite the dim lighting Rita could see a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. "Zoe, sorry could you just give us a moment?" Rita called over her shoulder.
"Iain, sit down please" she directed taking both of his hands. He obeyed silently. Leaning in to him Rita continued, her voice lower
"It's about going in there isn't it?" Her head nodded towards the opening of the scanner. Iain's eyes were wide and locked on hers. He blinked slowly and she knew she had her confirmation.
"Oh Iain" she whispered sadly "you should have just said sweetheart" she rubbed her thumbs over the back of his hands. "OK listen. Just trust me here OK?" Iain gulped and nodded.
"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, OK. Do you think you can just lie down for me? I've got your hand" she said, squeezing it gently, her voice still barely over a whisper.
Iain did as he was told, his eyes never leaving Rita's face.
"OK now I've got this line about you pretending to be wet spaghetti that I sometimes use with the little ones but in your case…" She paused and took a breath " I just want you to close your eyes and pretend that we're lying next to each other in bed ok?" Iain stared at her for her moment then nodded, the faintest shadow of a smile momentarily lifting his features before he closed his eyes.
"OK so it's the morning, we've both got a day off, you're awake - eyes still closed - but you know i'm not going to be awake for a bit, I'm… well I guess I'm snoring. Just for the purposes of this story mind!" She squeezed his hand again and thought she saw a hint of a smirk on his features, the rise and fall of his chest was starting to become more regular.
It's working, keep going
"So you're going to be thinking about whose turn it is to make the pancakes when we get up and what a mess we're going to make of my kitchen and the world record you're going to break by how many you can shove down your neck…and…" she dropped her voice even lower "and what I'll do if I you get any maple syrup on your nose again"
Rita looked over her shoulder at the group behind the screen and gestured that they were nearly ready before continuing.
"And once you're done with all that, you can think about how you're going to roll over and stare at me until I wake up. Don't think I don't know that you do that, Iain Dean" she brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it gently. By now Iain was lying as peacefully as if he was actually sleeping himself.
"OK, Iain, I've just got to let go for a minute. Keep your eyes tight closed, get all that thinking done and this will be over before you know it. I'll be right here next to you" She nodded to Zoe and flicked the switch at the side of her setting the machine whirring into action.
Rita watched Iain set his jaw and squeeze his eyes tighter shut. The relief at seeing his body remain motionless caused her to exhale loudly and sink back against the outside of the machine. She attempted to make sense of the jumble of thoughts in her head.
Claustrophobia then? Related to his time in Afghanistan maybe? Or something else? God I barely know anything about this guy's past. But I want to know everything about him. Will he ever feel comfortable enough to want to open up to me?
And then a different voice, one that had been trying to infiltrate her thoughts since she first started to clean Iain's wounds:
"I'm guessing you haven't told them here?
What do they think? You're divorced? You haven't met the right man?" Rita heard her ex's voice so clearly that her eyes shot open and she had to check that it was still Iain in the scanner not Mark. The bed was starting to slide back out of the scanner now, Iain's body still relaxed. The nurse sighed and closed her eyes again.
"You haven't told them here... You haven't met the right man".
No that's not it, Mark, you're wrong...
"Ok Iain that's great, we're done. I'll be with you in a sec" Zoe's voice came over the intercom.
"Rita?" Iain's fingers found hers again as he swung himself round to sitting. He locked his eyes on hers. "Thank you" he mouthed.
"Oh my gosh Iain, I'm so proud of you" the words rushed out as she wrapped her arms round him and buried her head in his chest.
"Really? What? For being too scared to go in there?" Rita pulled back so she could see his face and he looked away awkwardly.
"No for being brave enough to go in there without even flinching." She moved up onto her tiptoes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Iain's arms tightened around her back.
"Sorry to interrupt you two" Zoe was walking towards the scanner "It's good news. All clear. And well done both of you, I'm seriously impressed. Told you Iain, this is Holby's best nurse, you're a lucky boy." she smiled as she turned to leave the room. "I'll see you back downstairs"
Iain chuckled softly and Rita shook her head in amazement, partly at the compliment, partly in wonder at how perceptive her friend was when she could have sworn that the whole exchange between her and Iain had been obscured from the others' view.
She turned back to the paramedic.
"Iain I've been thinking…" she realised it didn't matter what his response was, there was something she had to say.
"Me too. Nurse's orders while I was in there actually. And I need to ask you something…" He was looking directly at her again.
"You first then" she said, wondering if she'd lose her nerve by waiting.
"I..um… I think I was starting to have a panic attack back there…" Rita nodded gently "and what you said. What you said to calm me down. I...err… I don't think I want you to use those words to calm down anyone else but me. Like ever." Rita's eyes narrowed as she tried to take in what he was saying "I want those to be our words. I want this. Us. I'm stupid for not realising it before now but I'm totally in love with you, Rita"
Rita exhaled slowly, she felt light-headed, like her heart was trying to beat out of her chest. She locked her brown eyes on Iain's face and bit her lip as she tried to take in the events of the day.
"Um... don't feel like you need to say anything back, I just needed to say that. But you said you'd been thinking about something?" Iain looked at Rita nervously as she took a deep breath.
"Yes. I think I want to let Lofty know that it's OK for him to tell Robyn about us" she said with a coy smile. Iain raised an eyebrow.
"And why would you think that exactly?" he asked pulling the blonde woman in close to him, they both knew that any gossip the younger nurse got hold of would be round the hospital like wildfire.
"Because." said Rita, tilting her face so that their noses were touching, their lips only millimetres apart. "Because I want everyone to know about us" Rita's breath was warm against Iain's face. "Because I love you too" Iain's short stubble grazed the soft skin on her chin before their mouths came together in a hungry kiss, their hands instinctively reaching to the back of the other's head, neither wanting the other to pull away or the moment to end.
If they were aware that there were still two other people in the room, neither of them cared.