Disclaimer: I own neither of those gorgeous characters.

It was a beautiful day, but Magnus had no mind to see it… He was staring absently at the lake in front of him, shimmering under the sunlight, and all he could see was blue. Not the beautiful "greenish" blue of the lake in front of him, but another shade. A blue that for him was the most beautiful colour in the world. A blue he adored and missed terribly.

Suddenly, he heard a thud and jumped surprised, violently pulled out of his deep thoughts. He saw a dead phouka lying on the grass beside him, with an arrow sticking out of its neck, and as realization dawned on him, he felt his heart skip a beat. Not because of the mortal danger he had been in, mere seconds ago, but because of what saved him from it. He raised his cat-eyes slowly and met that pair of blue eyes that had been haunting his thoughts for the past month. "Thank you…" He uttered stricken, unable to peel his eyes off him. 'I wanted to see you…'

Alec shook his head slightly, lowering his bow and spoke in a low voice that seemed rougher like what it used to be, as if he hadn't used it in a while. "Don't worry about it…"

Magnus took a step his way, feeling drawn to the boy that was no longer his', as said boy was looking at him mesmerized. Finally, having reached him, standing only two meters away, Magnus took a good look at him and gasped softly because of what he saw. "Alexander… What happened to you?" The question fell from his lips before he could help himself. The Nephilim's features had become sharper because he had lost too much weight. His eyes were sunken and red, and underneath them were deep dark shadows. He looked as if he hadn't slept and eaten properly for days.

Alec laughed mirthlessly in response. "Whatever do you mean? My life is abso-lutely pe-rfect." He said, underlining the last two words with sarcasm.

Magnus bit his lip, cursing himself. 'Of course it's my fault… I did this to him…' he thought. 'He must hate me so much now…'

When the Warlock, lost in thought said nothing, Alec looked at him tiredly, and sighed, collapsing on the grass with his back against a tree. "I'm sorry…" he muttered, realizing he was being rude.

Magnus kneeled beside him, studying him. He felt a stab of pain in his heart seeing the boy's overall ragged appearance, which was even more profound now than it used to be. He really looked far from okay. He…

"I can't sleep…" He confessed, disrupting the Warlock's thoughts. "I…" He whispered, but just as abruptly as he started talking, he fell silent again and then shook his head hiding his face in his hands. "Nevermind." He muttered.

Magnus leaned closer. "Please, go on…" He urged softly.

The Nephilim sighed, not looking at him. 'I'm so tired…' "I… Since that day…" He shook his head again, a bit faster, and immediately regretted it. He groaned covering his face with his hands again.

"What's wrong?" Magnus asked immediately, worried.

"Nothing…" Alec muttered, missing the panicked tint in his voice.

"Alexander." He warned.

"It's nothing…" He repeated, "I just feel a little dizzy…"

'Nothing?!' "When was the last time you ate something?" He asked, trying to keep his voice calm and not shout at him because he was so worried, but Alec looked so fragile he couldn't bear to raise his voice at him.

Alec looked at him confused, his eyes slightly unfocused. 'Why would you care?' "I don't remember… Maybe Monday…"

"Monday? It's Wednesday!" Magnus exclaimed.

"Please don't yell… My head hurts…" Alec said closing his eyes again.

"Alexander… Tell me… What's wrong?" The Warlock whispered softly.

"My life is wrong…" The boy said with fervor, looking at him momentary, but then his voice cracked and he closed his eyes once more. "I should have been the one… I should be the one dead… Not him… And I see it, every night… Everything that happened… It's my fault…" He drew a shaky breath and explained himself. "When… when we were… together… I always slept soundly… I think… your presence… soothed me. But now… I only see nightmares. Of everything I did. Of everything I didn't. It's my fault… My fault…" He chanted.

Magnus bit his lip. The Shadowhunter needn't say more. He understood. Alec was talking about Max. He knew how broken he had been, but when they were together he seemed to have been doing a little better. He saw now that wasn't the case and felt a stab of pain on his heart at the Nephilim's words. "I should be the one dead…" Even the thought of that terrified him. He reached out to touch him, but then Alec spoke again and Magnus froze hearing his next words.

"And I see you too… How you almost died because of me… I destroy everything I love…" His voice cracked and he curled up to himself, his face still hidden.

"Alexander… Don't say that… It's not true… Nothing is your fault."

The Nephilim barked a mirthless laugh and shook his head slowly "Everything is my fault."

"Alec…"

He went on as if he hadn't heard him. "And the worst thing is… There is nothing I can do about it. Things can never be the way they were before… Everything is lost…"

Magnus was at a loss for words. He ached to tell him that wasn't the case, that there is always hope, but he knew Alec wouldn't listen to him. He could see he was completely broken, and knowing he was to blame for that was killing him. He looked at that boy he still loved so much despite everything that happened between them.

The Nephilim was hugging his knees to his chest, his raven hair falling over his eyes. He looked so much smaller, so vulnerable, and in that moment Magnus broke again. He raised his hand slowly, wishing to touch him, while in his head, the voice of reason, fought with the voice of his heart.

'It's over.'

'But I love him.'

'We can't be together.'

'But I want him.'

'Being together will only hurt both of us…'

'But I need him!'

'Doesn't matter.'

Magnus shook his head. It was pointless. He had already taken his decision and nothing could change his mind.

Did you like it? Yes, I am an evil person... xD Hang in there! More soon!

Note: I'm killing off phoukas instead of demons, because it's day and demons don't roam in the sun...