Rose

Before The Year Started...(Part 1)

This New Year's Eve party is pretty tame.

Compared to last year's anyway. I barely remember watching the ball drop on TV in some dive bar before passing out. This year it's comparably subdued. Still pretty loud though.

Maybe I'm more bothered by it because I'm actually single and pretty sober. I was too clear headed and alone which left me with way too much time to think. And I'm thinking long and hard about the fact that it's another New Year's Eve and, for the most part, nothing's changed. I'm still alone. Don't get me wrong, our house is packed to the brim with people and I'm surrounded by bodies but, as the old saying goes, that's sometimes the loneliest place to be.

"Where ya going, Ro?" Mia asked, breaking away from the boy toy she had been pretty much sucking the face off of since our little New Year's Eve party started. He seemed pretty annoyed that she stopped the tonsil hockey. The second guy, whose lap she was sitting on while she made out with the first guy, seemed just as peeved about the interruption than he was about the fact that he was being used as a chair while some other guy get off. Unless he was getting off in this somehow too...I shuddered. Ew. But no judgement. To each their own.

Neither of them had to worry for too long. Believe me. I was in no mood to stick around and watch Mia get lucky. I didn't wanna see this floor show. I just wanted to get the heck out of here.

"Gonna get some air. Maybe bum a smoke off of one of our posh guests."

"I thought you quit?" she asked, concern lacing her voice even as he makeshift chair leaned in to nuzzle along her neck.

"Baby steps," I shrugged.

She didn't seem too pleased by my response but I guess a girl sandwiched between two guys in open view couldn't offer up too much judgement just then. If I knew Mia - and I do - she'd bring it up later. Allowing my answer to placate her enough and she nodded, immediately turning back to continue her foreplay with her two men for the night.

Liss, who had been curled up, sitting in earshot on the love-seat with Chris and a few of her classmates and coworkers watching one of the many New Year's Eve programs on TV, called out to me.

"You're going out?"

I stopped in my tracks, fighting the urge to huff in frustration. I know I'd been complaining about loneliness before but being nagged like a teenage by her mothers wasn't exactly an improvement.

"Yup," I answered shortly.

"Be careful, it's pretty cold outside. It started snowing."

"Yes, mom," I answered back.

She pursed her lips together, unamused. I stuck my tongue out to show her I wasn't too annoyed and she softened, offering her pageant smile until Christian drew her attention back to him and our moment was over. It seemed that was happening a lot lately.

I slid between other couples and clusters of people that Mia had invited over until I finally made it out the front door - grabbing my coat along the way - where the brisk air hit my face with an icy chill. I shuddered pulling my coat tighter around me. It didn't do much to help considering I was only wearing a strapless dress underneath with strappy heels to match. I bounced around outside for a while, swaying from one foot to the other trying to fight off the biting cold. There was no one else out here but me so I didn't even have a cigarette to warm me up from the inside.

Well this sucked.

I wasn't ready to go back inside just yet but I also had nowhere in particular to escape to.

My restlessness never seemed to completely ease. I could never settle myself into one spot long enough and not feel on edge. There was an undercurrent of anxiousness ebbing away at my nerves and it was getting a lot worse recently. It seemed wrong to abandon my own party, especially during a holiday where togetherness with loved ones was pretty much a necessity in order to celebrate. But it wouldn't be the first time I disappeared and bailed out. And I wasn't feeling much togetherness with everyone coupled up - or in Mia's case tripled up - for the here wasn't doing me any good but maybe just going out on a drive would calm me down. I had to get out of here. If I was going to feel alone, I may as well do it the right way.

Dimitri

"I would have picked you up from the airport if you just called me, Dimka."

I was suddenly regretting ever having picked up the phone. There was a reason I didn't call. To avoid guilt calls like this.

"I managed to find my way back from the airport into the city on my own, Tasha. Like a big boy," I replied.

For a moment, I worried my tone was coming off pretty harsh but in all fairness, I'd just spent a little over twenty-four hours on a plane and in two different airports with thousands of other people stupid enough to fly during the holidays. What I wanted and needed was just a little peace and quiet before my life turned hectic again once the holidays ended.

Much to my relief - but not my surprise - Tasha didn't seem the least bit put off by my gruff attitude, used to it after all these years despite my time away. She laughed in that breezy way of hers. Any other day she would have ripped me a new one but since I'd been gone for over two years, I assumed she missed me and wanted to see me enough that she was letting me off unscathed and easy.

"Alright, alright. I was just worried. Everyone wants to see you. You should have just come back to the house," she chided.

I rolled my eyes at her nagging, barely biting my tongue enough to stop myself from reminding her that I was more than aware that the right thing to do after two years of traveling, of running away, would have been to come straight home.

The thing about people who run away though is that they're usually cowards when it comes to facing situations and people we'd rather avoid. I certainly fit that description.

"And I will. Eventually," I tacked on, guilt flowing through my veins.

I glanced down at the coffee I had bought in the airport, wishing with all my might that I'd stopped at one of the bars instead. I was gonna need something a lot stronger than lukewarm coffee in my system if she was going to spring a conversation like this on me within the hour I landed back on American soil.

She hadn't responded but I knew she was there, waiting for me offer one of my many pathetic excuses for an explanation.

"I just need some time," I finally admitted, trying out the truth for a change.

That particular excuse seemed to stun her into a silence so long that I checked my phone to see if we were still connected.

"Tash?" I called even though my phone showed the call hadn't ended or been disconnected. I waited, watching as the taxi drove away from airport and deeper into the heart of the city. Old warehouses and factories gave way to small, bungalow like homes. The further the taxi drive drove, the more upscale our surroundings became until we were in the Lights District where all the of the local bars and restaurants were drumming with music and brimming to full capacity with people.

"I understand, Dimka," Tasha finally spoke, a heavy laden sigh hushing over the phone. "And so do they. Just don't take too long, alright?"

By way of answering I said, "I'll call you soon once I settle in and everything...and eventually head over to the house."

"You better," she warned, her old no nonsense tone seeping into her voice. This was the Tasha I'd known and grown up with. Not that worried, badgering one. "Besides, you're gonna need me there. You'll need all the help you can get when you finally decided to talk to your family."

"I know," I agreed. "And I'm looking forward to it."

With that lie, I took the opportunity to end the call - with one final threat on her end to come looking for me if she didn't at the very least hear from me by the end of the week. It was warnings like those that I wished we lived in a bigger city. I rubbed tiredly at my eyes as I rested my head back against the headrest. I definitely needed something stronger than coffee. There were no bars nearby that I knew of.

While I knew - from experience mostly - that moping and guilt are not a good combination with drinking, I still craved one. It had been fifteen hours since my last drink, the longest I'd gone without in a long time. I just need a quick pick me up, something to hold me over, to ring in the New Year until reality settled in and I'd have to forego so much indulgence while I assimilated back into everyday life now that I was back. I knew that that was what every addict said, "Just one drink and I'll be good" but for the moment I didn't care.

I leaned toward the partition window separating me from the driver.

"You can stop at the next bar you see."

A/N: My fellow fanfictioners! I know its been over a year since I last touched this story but I finally have everything cleared up and sorted out and it doesn't hurt that work and school aren't kicking my butt any more. So here is the first update for the final rewrite. The summary is basically the same, two completely flawed people who just so happen to fall in love but other details have been changed and cleaned up. This was one of my longest stories and I wanted it to be as close to perfect as possible. I hope you guys are still with me and I welcome all the new readers and followers.