Hi. Not even gonna apologize or justify why I've been gone for so long. Let's just say... I've done so much growing over the course of this year, and though Fanfiction will always be a part of me, I just haven't had the time/motivation to write anything. I already have like four accounts on this site but I was considering abandoning this one, but I just couldn't. Too many friends made, memories written, stories followed and favorited, and this account is just like a digital record of my fandom life. Seeing how much I've grown as a writer, seeing the rough patches I've gone through... anyway, just to fill you in I got a boyfriend in April, his name is Wyatt and he means the world to me. And we broke up in September, but just got back together, and I'm actually going to see him tonight ;) shh... But this is why I felt like writing this, and all the nostalgia of writing on my laptop again. SO without further ado, read this stupid drabble that I'm honestly making up as I go. Enjoy!

Beaten... Bruised... Exhausted... Fatigue pulled at her, her eyes drooping. Yet another sleepless night. The constant sound of gunfire isn't an easy thing to fall asleep to, but eventually you get used to it. Dying screams, explosions, and the endless clanking of heavy machinery become a sort of twisted melody that lulls you to sleep. Ahsoka sat with her back against the wall of the ship, the thin covers only draping across her waist. She stared at the wall in front of her, following the little lines etched into the wall and counting the bolts. 189 and counting. She knew she should get some sleep, but for some reason she couldn't. It was unlike usual weariness, if she had a mind to she could lay down and drift off... But she couldn't. No, she wouldn't. The clone soldiers battling outside had to be awake at this hour, so she would be as well. As long as she had to listen to the mangled screams of the troopers, she refused the luxury of sleep. They would find their way from the air to her dreams, and she couldn't risk that. Sleep meant security, safety for a few hours but she couldn't let herself fall into it. It was a falsehood that would evaporate in the morning anyway.

She felt her eyes droop, and her limbs couldn't properly move but she couldn't go to sleep. As long as the battle raged outside the ship, it raged inside the poor girl's mind to the point where she couldn't fight it. The weariness she felt was how tired she was of everything, consciousness too vague of a term to describe it. Tired of bloody, pointless battles. Tired of fighting as hard as she could and not being good enough to save her troopers. Tired of war, tired of violence, tired of mental unrest. She could only fight them off for so long. When she started out as a Padawan, she would have horrific nightmares and was sometimes too scared of battle to sleep, but now it didn't bother her in the slightest. She closed her eyes for a moment, and wished that the Force for one moment would give her some peace. But all she felt was the stomach-dropping emptiness that usually filled her instead. No hope left that there was a light at the end of the blood-soaked tunnel. She sighed, not very surprised but slightly disappointed. Instead, she kicked the covers off of her and put her head in her hands. They were filling her again, the dying screams that she couldn't escape from. The voices shrieked at her, so loud and so angry. Angry at her that she couldn't prevent it. She felt like screaming too, but all that came out was a small squeak, no louder than a whisper. A tear or two slipped out of her clenched eyes, and she locked her fingers behind her head. Bringing her knees up to support her elbows, she felt herself try and curl into a ball. She prayed, to herself, to the voices or the Force or whoever was listening... prayed for the voices to go away.

"Shut up... shut up, shut up, please... please just shut up..." Her voice came as a whisper, as she slammed her back into the durasteel wall and put her hands on her forehead. But they were as loud as ever, perhaps even more than before, shrieking at her... Every death she was forced to witness, every gruesome end she had seen someone meet, every meaningless death she could have prevented floated across her eyelids until she thought she couldn't take much more. She slammed her hand into the wall, putting her face in her lap as she did so. Just one moment of peace in the sea of insanity, that's all she wanted, but nothing would be so merciful as to spare her. She felt a small tremor in the Force as the door slid open, revealing her master. He wordlessly padded over to the bed, a concerned look on his face.

With the slightest touch in the Force, he tried to reach out to the girl but was instantly met with a wall of resistance. It was so dark, so hopeless, so full of negative emotion that he couldn't penetrate it. Instead he moved the covers back and crawled into the small space as well. He didn't have to do anything, his Padawan practically flung herself into the warmth of his chest. He could feel the tears she had fought so hard to hold back start to soak his undershirt, but it was alright. He knew the feelings his Padawan was dealing with, and knew that words weren't necessary to know what she needed. He put his arms around her, feeling her develop goosebumps and shiver at the warmth. She was freezing, both inside and out. He grabbed the blanket and brought it up to just under her arm, and put his hand on the back of her head. She seemed to melt at his touch, instantly becoming a bit calmer as he did so. He held her there, observing the swirling torrent of emotion, fear, and desperation start to fade away.

He felt her breathing start to even out again and the soaking of his shirt start to lessen. She lent farther into him, expressing her gratitude to the best of her ability. He soon felt her breathing slow even further, as the dark cloud receded even further and he could see inside the girl's mind. Instantly, he sent waves of calm and comfort to her in an attempt to soothe her raging emotions and tame the beast inside her. She slowly opened up to him, until she was at peace enough to drift into a dreamless sleep. Even still, he held her, knowing that she still needed him. He was her master and her best friend, and it was his job to see that she found solace. He would stay up all night to protect her from the horrors in her mind for what he couldn't do in the waking world. Try as he may, he couldn't protect his little Snips from the war, and if this is what it took to compensate for his failure he would do it. He would keep the monsters at bay at night, fight them off during the day. She was safe in his arms, where he would do anything to see her at peace. Here he wouldn't let anything hurt her, including her own psyche. As long as his heart was beating, he would see that she was safe here, and protect her from the horrors of the outside. In his arms, he was ultimately responsible for her well-being, and he was more than ready to rise to the task.