Okay Guys, I know it has been forever, and most of you have given up on me, but this is happening. I am finishing Against the Odds. With everything happening in the world right now, the silver lining is that I can write.

And believe me, I am going to.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Shepard gripped the handle on the roof of the shuttle as it rocked back and forth. After medically evacuating Liara and James, she had met up with Anderson and what was left of the Hammer ground team.

Hackett was moving the Crucible into position and if they didn't manage to get the Citadel's arms open, this war was over. The Reaper's forces had far superior fire power, and the galaxy's last hope was a couple hundred soldiers making a run across an open expanse of dirt straight towards three or four Reapers.

Harbinger included.

A chill ran up her spine as she remembered its focused attacks on her in the Collector base. If it noticed her on the ground, it would do whatever it could to reduce her to a smear of ash… her and whoever was with her.

She peeked at Garrus and Kaidan, who were talking quietly, trying to keep the dread building in her chest at bay.

She was pulled out of her musings by Anderson.

"From here on in, it's a straight shot to the beam."

Major Coats snorted. "A straight shot with Reapers trying to crush us along the way."

Anderson's face was covered in grime, like all of them, and he looked older and grimmer than Shepard had ever seen him. "We just need to get a handful of troops through. It only takes one person to get those arms open."

"Oh, is that all?" Garrus drawled.

Anderson glanced at the big turian, but no one cared about snarkiness to war admirals at this point. "We knew going in this was a gamble at best."

The shuttle rocked, and they all gripped their handles as the sounds of the battle grew louder.

Shepard looked at them, the people she cared about most in the world. She locked away her fear, and swallowed.

"Can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with." Her voice was quiet, but everyone heard her.

"Admiral, we are in sight of the target." The shuttle pilot called, and Shepard realised she didn't even know who he was.

Anderson stood. "Alright everyone, this is it."

The shuttle began to slow, and they all grabbed their weapons. There was a screech, and the shuttle lurched wildly. Alarms began to blare, and then they slammed into what Shepard hoped was the ground.

They were knocked off their feet, but scrambled up quickly, Shepard grasping Kaidan's hand as he pulled her up.

Her eyes locked onto his, then the door was wrenched open by Garrus and the roaring noise of the battle rushed in.

They all rushed outside and could only watch in horror as the massive form of Harbinger loomed before them. It had landed just past the beam and had a perfect shot of their path to the beam.

It blared its terrible, booming call and Anderson screamed. "We gotta move!"

Then they were running.

The last of the tanks roared ahead, outpacing those running on foot, and it was they that Harbinger went for first.

Shepard tried to ignore the screams of those still trapped in the trucks that were hit as her group sprinted past, unable to help the men and women burning alive.

A turian raced in front of her and for a moment Shepard thought it was Garrus. She only just realised the armour was wrong when the red beam hit him and he howled in agony, exploding into ash. She veered to the right and continued to run.

Shepard focused on the Conduit.

Her breath sobbed in her chest and the blood roared in her ears, and the world was reduced to that and the steady thud, thud, thud of her footsteps.

One of the last surviving trucks roared into her path, making a desperate run for it. They were getting close now, half the distance from where they started.

A massive Reaper beam shot for the truck, which swerved at the last minute. The ground beside her exploded and she was thrown to the side, scrambling to stay on her feet.

Harbinger shot again, and hit the nose of the truck.

It seemed as though it happened in slow motion.

Shepard tried to stop, feet skidding in the dirt as the truck rose into the air, flipping end over end as it got closer and closer to her.

There was a flash of blue light, and the truck hit the edge of the biotic shield that flared above her and rolled harmlessly over her head.

There was a crash and she was blown forward off her feet. The shield winked out.

Her heart hammered in her chest and she scrambled around the truck. Garrus was staggering to hit feet, one of his arms dangling uselessly, blood pouring from his face. One of his mandible's had snapped off, and he was making a terrible keening noise.

Kaidan was lying motionless next to a smoldering crater.

She screamed his name.

No. No no no, this can't be happening. She reached him and dropped to her knee's in the dirt.

His leg was a mess, the truck must have clipped him as it skidded past… and he had been shielding her, not himself. He was breathing, but it was ragged, and there were bubbles of blood forming on his lips.

Punctured lung.

There was a roar, and a red beam flashed past. She realised they were sitting in the open.

"Garrus!" She screamed, and the battered turian looked towards her in a daze. He seemed to realise the danger and dropped to the ground.

She grabbed Kaidan under his arms and dragged him behind the smoking ruin of the truck, out of the sight of the reaper.

She looked at Kaidan, and then over the Garrus who was crawling towards them as fast as he could, his one arm dragging uselessly in the dirt.

If they stayed here, they would die.

If she called in the Normandy to pick them up, everyone on board it might also die.

She looked at Kaidan as he groaned, and she knew he was waking up. She knew what he would say about the risks.

"Joker! This is Shepard, do you read me?" She barked into the comm, heart in her throat. "I need an evac, right now!"

The comm screeched in her ear. "We're taking heavy losses up here Commander!"

"Full stealth and get down here, now!" She screamed.

She knew she was being irrational, that she was risking all of the people she loved to save him and Garrus… but there was no part of her that could leave him here and continue to push forward.

There was a roar, and Shepard knew the Normandy was above them.

It was shielded, but based on the roiling dust, her pilot had set it down just back from a massive pile of debris. It was the most cover they could ask for.

"Garrus, help me with him."

Shepard helped the big turian to his feet, and then they pulled Kaidan up between them. He moaned, and Shepard knew he was waking up.

The Normandy flickered into view and Tali and EDI ran down the ramp to meet them.

"Jane?" Kaidan groaned, and his eyes flickered open.

"Take him." She barked as Tali grabbed Garrus.

The big turian's protest ended in a grunt as Tali jabbed a needle into him and forced him down onto a waiting stretcher.

EDI reached them and threw Kaidan's arm across her shoulders taking his weight. Shepard forced herself to release him and stepped back.

Kaidan's eye's opened fully, and he saw her backing away.

"Shepard!" He yelled and she paused.

"You gotta get out of here." She called, forcing herself to take another step back, another step away from him.

"No way, that's not gonna happen!" He tried to pull himself free of EDI, then coughed and spat a mouthful of blood, his leg collapsing underneath him.

Shepard's heart ached in her chest. She had ordered him away when the first Normandy was coming apart under their feet. He had obeyed and never forgiven himself for it.

Now she was sending him away again, and she knew he wouldn't go without a fight, even though his part in the battle was over.

Her eyes left his and flicked to Tali. Whatever the Quarian had injected Garrus with had left him passed out on the stretcher. At least should wouldn't have to see the look on his face when she left him behind as well.

Tali looked from her to Kaidan and nodded.

She looked into his eyes, burying the voice in her head screaming at her not to leave deep, deep down.

"Kaidan… don't argue with me. Don't make this harder." She begged him, taking a step towards him.

"Shepard don't… don't leave me behind." His breath was ragged, and she could hear the pain in his voice. Pain from his wounds, pain from his heart shredding in his chest as hers was.

She knew she should go, that every second they stayed there was a risk that she killed all of them, but she couldn't make herself leave.

She moved back up the ramp and cradled his face in her hands.

"No matter what happens… know that I love you. Always." Every nerve in her body screamed.

Through all the pain she had faced in her life, nothing was as bad as this.

He bent and rested his forehead against her. "I love you too."

She took a deep breath, inhaling his smell and then locked herself down. She forced herself to take a step back.

She raised her eye's and saw Tali behind him.

He brushed his thumb across her cheek. "Be careful."

She nodded, tears blurring her vision, a lump forming in her throat that blocked her from speaking.

Tali stepped silently up to Kaidan, took his arm and slid the needle into his neck.

He gasped softly, and then his eyes flickered.

Shepard backed down the ramp until her feet were back in the dirt. "GO!" She screamed, and the ramp began to close.

She saw him struggling to keep his eyes open, struggling to keep looking at her face.

She tore her eyes away and spun, running towards the light of the Conduit.

Tears blurred her vision and she was sobbing without realising it. She pushed herself forward and refused to look back.

Her chance to go back was gone.

There was a roar, and the Normandy shot over her head, sheering into a hard turn as it dodged a beam and shrank from sight.

Thank you, Joker. Shepard thought to herself.

Then her world exploded.

Blinding white light.

"-decimated… retreat."

Words crackled in her ear, but they had no meaning.

Everything was pain.

Shepard tried to raise her hand, but it just twitched and fell back into the dirt.

She blinked, and her vision cleared.

She was laying in the dirt, the Conduit lighting up the sky above her. She was close, so close to it.

She clenched her teeth and forced herself to move. Biting back a shriek of pain, she rolled onto her side.

Her ribs felt broken, and parts of her armour had been torn clean away. Blood was pouring from a gash in her arm, skin angry and covered in blisters where she had been burned. Blood trickled into her eye from a cut in her brow.

Every breath she took was agony.

She forced herself onto her hands and knees, seeing a pistol in the dirt. She crawled towards it, prying it out of the grip of the dead krogan clutching it.

She used the Krogan's body as leverage and got herself to her feet.

"Did anyone make it to the beam?" Someone asked through the comm.

"Negative." Someone else answered.

Shepard reached up and pulled it from her ear. It didn't matter anymore.

Nothing mattered except reaching the white light in front of her.

Someone said her name, but she refused to look, to turn.

In the forest of dead tree's someone was always calling, but they were never really there.

She staggered forward. There was a marine hiding behind of a pile of debris right next to the entrance of the Conduit. His arms reached towards her as he begged for help.

She looked down at him dispassionately, moving past him to the light.

A shot rang out. She looked down at the pistol in her hand but it was still hanging loosely by her side.

There was another shot, and she jerked as a bullet plowed into her side. A Marauder lurched into view between her and the beam, and she fired at him.

It was pure luck that her shot hit him in the face and he crumpled to the ground.

Shepard realised she was sitting in the dirt. She couldn't remember how she ended up there.

She began to crawl.

Again, someone whispered her name.

Then the world disappeared in a flash of blinding light, and she was gone.

00oo00oo00oo00oo

Joker's hands flew as they danced across the flight terminal, pushing the Normandy to her limit as they dodged and weaved through the epic battle around them.

Reaper ships grasped onto Alliance destroyers like they were toys, ripping them apart.

He could see the massive form of the Crucible drawing closer, but so far the arms of the Citadel had stayed firmly closed.

He tried to keep the waves of despair at the massive loss of life taking place from drowning him.

He tried not to think of the tiny form of Shepard sprinting towards the Conduit as he flew away, taking everyone but her out of the thick of the fight.

"This is Admiral Hackett. We've got reports that some of the Hammer team made it to the Citadel."

Joker's breath caught in his throat. "Tali!" He bellowed.

"We need to give them time to get those arms open." Hackett continued into his earpiece as the Quarian scrambled onto the bridge.

"What? What's happened?" She asked, grabbing onto the back of chair to stay steady as he continued to dodge the worst of the battling ships around him.

"She made it. Someone is on the Citadel, they don't know who or how many, but Hackett has confirmed someone went up the Conduit." His voice shook and the words rushed from his mouth.

"Keelah…" Tali muttered.

"Who is awake?" He cut across her.

"Umm. Garrus is awake, and Vega… But Kaidan and Liara are still out. And Chakwas won't allow anyone out of the med bay." Tali's voice hummed, and Joker could hear the worry in it.

"Ok. Tell me if Alenko wakes up."

Tali paused. "Joker… we don't know for sure if Shepard-"

"She made it!" He snapped.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok, I will keep you posted on the status of the crew as best I can."

He nodded at her, his jaw clenched so hard his molars ached.

"Jeff." EDI's voice was soft, tentative.

"Don't say it EDI. I don't need odds or statistics right now, okay?"

"I was going to say that if anyone can do this, Shepard can. She had always beaten the odds." She reached out one gleaming silver hand and placed it gently on his arm.

He took a deep breath and then gripped her strong hand in his fragile one. "Yeah… She has."

"All fleets… Converge on the Crucible. Protect it at all costs."

Joker put Hackett's broadcast through the main ships speakers, and followed it with his own.

"Normandy, everyone to your stations. Let's buy them some time."

He steeled his shoulders and looked at the form of a massive reaper turning away from the Turian Destroyer it has just shredded.

The Thannix cannon roared as he launched the Normandy into the fray.

00oo00oo00oo00

It was dark, and there was a dull red glow around her.

"Shepard." Someone whispered, the voice far away.

She groaned and opened her eyes as something scraped and chittered behind her.

Bodies.

There were piles of bodies everywhere.

"Shepard!" The voice said again, and she realised it was coming from the earpiece dangling against her chest.

She forced herself into a sitting position, everything in her body screaming in protest. She pushed away the fission of fear that raced up her spine when she saw the puddle of blood beneath her.

How long have I been laying here?

She put the comm back in her ear. "C'mon Shepard, answer me!" The voice pleaded, and Shepard realised who's voice it was.

"Anderson? Are you up here too?" Her voice was rough and rasping. It hardly sounded like her.

"I followed you up, but we didn't come out in the same place-" He groaned, a sound full of pain, then continued, "At least I don't think we did. What's your surroundings look like?"

Shepard looked around and saw her pistol laying a few feet away. She crawled to it, then leveraged herself to her feet.

She couldn't bite back the moan of pain as her ribs and gunshot wound screamed in protest.

"You okay?" Anderson asked.

She laughed weakly, then cut herself off as it turned into a sob. "I feel like death… but I'm moving." She staggered forwards, one hand clutching the pistol, the other wrapped around her middle. "It's dark- there are bodies everywhere."

She saw a keeper near one of the piles of remains, it seemed to be sorting them by species.

"Sounds familiar." Anderson whispered into her ear. "I'm in a dark hallway… looks like the suit feed from you in the Collector base."

The hall stretched before her, and she pushed herself forward. "Makes sense." She grunted.

"You think they're making a reaper up here?" Anderson sounded nervous, and she didn't blame him.

"Sure. They round them up on earth, then send them up here to be processed." It made sense… no need to haul them into dark space when they had an endless supply to ferry up from Earth.

She saw another keeper making a pile of body parts. "They're keepers up here. They seem to be… organizing"

"Goddamn abominations." Anderson cursed, and she heard him grunt with effort. "I'm going to keep moving. The sooner with blow these bastards back to hell the better. These tubes don't go on forever… but where the hell are we?"

"Yeah. Doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've ever been too."

She couldn't wrap her head around it. How had it become this, when last time she was here there were people laughing on the commons, trees and flowers blooming, and she was having drinks with Kaidan at Apollo's.

She cut herself off. She couldn't afford to think of any of that right now… especially not Kaidan.

The was a creaking noise far ahead, and the floor shook under her boots.

"Woah!" Anderson gasped.

"What's happening?" She asked, fear for him filling her mouth with water.

"One of the wall's just… realigned itself. The whole place is shifting. Changing. There's a chasm here, and more hallways like the one I was in." Anderson sounded awed.

Shepard blinked as the wall in front of her dropped away, and she found herself in a massive chamber with a ramp leading down to a lower level.

"I see something up ahead, might be a way to cross over." She could hear the fatigue in Anderson's voice.

"Don't get too far ahead of me." She gasped, using the wall to steady herself. She felt dizzy and light headed, and knew that blood loss was a big danger to her at this point… she was at risk of passing out.

She moved across the ramp and over a short bridge.

"Where do you think you are at?" Anderson asked.

"Just found that chasm you were talking about." She ground out, forcing one foot in front of the other.

She inched forward, feeling she had never had to go so far in her life.

"Hold on… I see something. A control panel maybe? I'm just going to go on ahead and-" There was a piercing squeal and her comm cut out.

"Anderson? Anderson!" She pushed her self forward, increasing her pace.

Damn it.

There was a long ramp up to a higher level, and Shepard gritted her teeth and made her way up.

She reached the top, breath sobbing in her lungs, and spit out a mouthful of blood. She could see the control panel at the far end of the room, someone standing in front of it.

Anderson had made it. He was ok.

She sobbed a sigh of relief and staggered forward. She was in a massive central chamber, unlike anything she had ever seen.

Anderson was slumped over the control panel, his arms and legs twitching. She paused, and something whispered in the air around her, sending a feeling of foreboding through her body.

"Anderson?" She called.

He jerked and turned to face her, body ridged and fear on his face. "Shepard… I can't."

There was a footstep behind her and her heart turned to ice in her chest.

"I underestimated you, Shepard."

The Illusive Man strolled into the room, looking at Anderson curiously.

He was scorched and blackened, with thick black veins running under his skin. Reaper upgrades glimmered through tears in his skin like wounds.

His gleaming blue eyes, always eerie and unsettling were lit with something else now… something dangerous.

Her body jerked and twitched uncontrollably, and she felt pressure building in her head until she wanted to scream in pain.

She couldn't move.

He glanced at her, then returned his attention to Anderson. "I warned you. Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers… and of you, if necessary."

Anderson choked out a laugh. "They're controlling you!" He spat at the Cerberus leader.

The Illusive Man smirked. "I don't think so, Admiral."

Shepard was desperate to get his attention, to pull his focus from Anderson. "Controlling me is a lot different than controlling a Reaper." She barked, straining against her invisible chains as he turned to regard her, running a hand across his chin thoughtfully.

"Have a little faith, Shepard. When humanity discovered the Mass Relay's… when we learned that there was more to the galaxy than we imagined…There were some who thought the Relay's should be destroyed." He stepped closer to her, eyes assessing her. "They were scared of what we'd find. Terrified of what we might let in." He dismissed her and began to circle around to Anderson, who Shepard could see was struggling against the same invisible force as she was.

"But look what Humanity has achieved. Since that discovery, we've advanced more than the past 10,000 years combined." His voice took on a fanatic edge. "And the Reapers will do the same for us again, a thousand fold! But…" He broke off and stepped closer to her.

The station shuddered beneath their feet, and the pain in her head increased, she groaned and fought with everything she had, but she could not stop her hand from raising against her will to point her pistol at Anderson.

The Illusive Man smiled at her, triumphant. "… Only if we can harness their ability to control." He finished.

Anderson managed to raise an arm in front of himself. Palm out to her in a classic stop pose.

"Bullshit!" Her mentor hissed. "We destroy them, or they destroy us."

He was trying to buy her time, time to fight back, to fight off the control. Shepard put everything she had into forcing her arm to lower.

"And waste this opportunity? Never." The Illusive Man waved a hand in dismissal.

Sweat and blood mingled together and poured off of her. "You're playing with things you don't understand! With power you shouldn't be able to use." She ground out. Her arm twitched, and the barrel of the gun dipped slightly.

Anderson's eyes pleaded with her to keep fighting, and her arm twitched again.

"I… don't believe that." The Illusive Man argued. "If we can control it, why shouldn't it be ours?"

"Because we can't!" She screamed, pain and frustration rolling off her.

"No. This is the way humanity must evolve."

"There's always another way." Anderson groaned.

The Illusive Man straightened, emotions flickering across his face. "I've dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers, and I know with certainty: the Crucible will allow me to control them."

Shepard felt a desperate urge to laugh bubble up in her. "And then what?" She gasped.

He looked at her like she was a child, to ignorant and unable to understand when a grown-up was speaking. "Look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do!"

He raised his arms above his head, then snapped them down like a signal.

The pressure in Shepard's head exploded with a bang.

Blood trickled from her nose and she realised in horror that the bang hadn't been in her head.

The Illusive Man had made her hand tighten on the gun.

She had shot Anderson.

The Admiral grunted, and forced his head up to look at her. The understanding in his eye's was more than she could bear.

Shepard howled in rage.

"I took what I wanted from them, made it my own! This isn't about me or you. It's about things so much bigger than all of us." The Illusive Man was screaming now, specks of spittle flying from his lips.

"He's…wrong." Anderson gasped. "Don't listen. They must… be destroyed."

"And who will you listen to, Shepard?" He snarled at Anderson. "An old soldier, stuck in his ways, only able to see the world down the barrel of a gun? And what if he's wrong? What if controlling the Reapers is the answer?"

"If we destroy the Reapers, this ends today!" Shepard barked. "But if you can't control them-"

"I can control them!" The Illusive man howled, lurching forward like he was going to attack her.

"Are you willing to bet Humanity's existence on it!" She screamed, and he jerked back.

"I know it will work!" He tore at his face with his hands, crazed.

"You can't know that! They won't let you! You are their puppet." she snapped.

"No! I'm in control! No one is telling me what to do." The Illusive Man cried.

"Listen to yourself." Anderson gasp. "You're indoctrinated."

The Cerberus leader stamped his foot. "No. No! The two of you… so self-righteous. Do you think power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices-"

"You sacrificed too much!" She howled at him, fury acting as an anesthetic. "You murdered hundreds of thousands of people! The humans you say you care so much about!"

He blanched, rocking back as though she had stuck him. "Shepard, I… I only wanted to protect humanity…The Crucible can control them… I know it can…"

"Listen to yourself! They have us fighting each other instead of them. They are controlling you… but not me… not anymore." Shepard used everything she had left in her tank to jerk the pistol away from Anderson and fire.

Her bullet took the Illusive Man in the throat and he stared at her in shock before he crumpled to the ground.

The control he had over them vanished, and Shepard staggered as Anderson collapsed to the ground.

"Get the arms open!" He gasped and she lurched towards the control panel. She punched in a command and the station shuddered beneath them.

There was a crack, then blinding light flooded into the chamber as the arms of the Citadel began to spread wide.

Shepard sobbed in relief, and collapsed on the ground, crawling back to where Anderson lay in a rapidly spreading puddle of red.

She dragged him back a few feet, propping him up against a small raised platform. Then she flopped down beside him with a groan, and watched the looming form of the crucible grow closer.

"We did it." She whispered, not quite ready to believe it.

"Yes… we did." He ground out, and leaned his body against hers. "It's quite a view."

Thy watched the crucible move closer, flashes and lights from the battle lighting up the sky, with earth's blue green orb in the background.

Shepard was beginning to feel cold. "Best seats in the house." She quipped and was rewarded with a chuckle.

Anderson sighed. "God… it feels like years since I just… sat down."

"I think you've earned a rest." She leaned her head back, and closed her eyes.

She was so tired.

She forced her eyes open and looked at Anderson. His head was drooping, his chin resting on his chest.

She raised her hand, resting it on his arm. "Stay with me David. We are almost through this."

The Crucible would dock, then Joker would come and get them. They just needed to hold out a bit longer.

Anderson placed his hand on her own, patting her. "You did good, Jane. You did good. I'm proud of you."

He sighed and closed his eyes, resting head on his shoulder.

Shepard smiled gently at him. "Thank you, sir."

He didn't move.

"Anderson?"

Shepard closed her eyes. He was gone.

A tear trickled down her face, tracing a path through the blood and grime.

She was so tired.

Shepard pulled her hand away from her side, looking at the blood puddled beneath her.

She felt another tear track down her face. She had made it, done everything that had been asked of her.

Only to die here, next to Anderson.

"Commander? Commander Shepard?" Hackett's voice startled her, and she realised she had drifted to sleep.

"What?" She chocked and cleared her throat. "What do you need me to do?"

The shadow of the crucible loomed large in front of her, and the battle was still raging outside.

Something had gone wrong.

"The Crucible is not firing." Hackett said, his voice tinny in her ear.

Shepard pushed herself onto her knees and collapsed. She dragged herself through the puddle of blood towards the console.

"It's got to be something on your end." Hackett continued, but his voice was getting quieter and quieter.

She was gasping for air now, hand stretching out in front of her to the console.

"Commander Shepard?" Hackett called.

Her vision went grey, and all she could hear was her breath.

She was spinning away, air almost gone, lungs shredding with every breath.

"I don't see—I'm not sure…"

Shepard collapsed, face pressed against the cold floor.

Then nothing.