Finding Thanksgiving

Chapter 1

Castle sat behind his P.I. desk with the heaviness of his head supported by his hand. He was trying to work up the energy to play with the toy on his desk. Coaxing the rhythmic clicks from the swinging silver balls would at least be doing something. But he couldn't even do that. He couldn't do anything.

Martha Rodgers swept through his office door, the bright colors of her outfit a shock in his gloom. "Richard, Alexis called me. She's worried about you and I can see why. What are you doing sitting around? It's only a week until Thanksgiving. Usually you can't even sit still this close to the holiday."

Castle looked up morosely. "I know, Mother. But with Kate gone, it's hard to get into the thankful mood."

Martha tilted her head in puzzlement. "You certainly seemed thankful enough after she came to see you for your belated anniversary celebration. You couldn't get the smile off your face. It was obvious that you two..."

Castle flushed. "Yes Mother, there was a moment or two of marital bliss. Or should I say quasi-marital bliss? Nothing has really changed. I think if anything, it's worse."

Martha sank into a chair opposite his desk and stared into the answering blue of her son's eyes. "Why do you say that?"

Castle sighed, his shoulders slumping. "Because now I know she's keeping something from me, something that has nothing to do with working out any personal issues she's trying to get through."

Martha straightened. "Just how do you know that?"

"Well after, when she went to the bathroom to get dressed before she left, her phone buzzed with a text."

"And of course you couldn't resist reading it," Martha accused.

"I read it," Castle admitted. "I don't know who it was from, but whoever it was said they'd found something and told Kate to get someplace private and call ASAP. I thought she had gone off to be by herself, but she's working with someone, Mother. She's working on something she refuses to tell me about. She promised we'd be partners in life and crime and right now we're neither. But she's got a partner somewhere."

"You don't think she's having an affair, do you Richard?"

Castle shook his head. "No, this is much worse, much deeper. This all started when she got that call from Vikram about her team from the A.G.'s task force getting killed. It was supposed to be over when Allison Hyde died, but I don't think it is. I think Kate is caught up in this the way she was in her mother's case. She's hurled herself down the rabbit hole and someone is feeding her magic mushrooms."

"Any idea who?" Martha wondered.

Castle scrubbed a hand over the stubble he hadn't bothered to scrape from his chin that morning. "There's only one person I can think of it could be. Everything was fine until she got a call from Vikram and since he's been around, everything's turned to crap."

"Well then Richard, if you want Kate back, if you want to save your marriage, you better get off that well shaped butt of yours and find a way to figure out where the hole is, pull her out of it and away from him. Or are you ready to give up?"

Castle rose from his chair. "I can't give up, Mother. She's a piece of me that's been wrenched away. It's a jagged piece and the edges wound. I can't tell you that trying to make it fit hasn't been painful, but no matter how cut up I am, or how bad it gets, I know I'll never be whole until she's back."

Martha motioned toward the door. "Then get to it!"

Kate Beckett could see between the slats of the blinds on her door that the knock was coming from her husband. She unconsciously moistened her lips, even while burying the latest information Vikram had dug up on heroin under a stack of files. "Come in Castle. Hey," she greeted him as casually as she could.

"Hey," he returned. "I was just trying to figure out how big a turkey to buy."

Kate's brow furrowed. "I'm sorry Castle, what?"

"Thanksgiving, Kate. You remember, pilgrims, pumpkin pie, Native Americans who kept the settlers from starving before the settlers slaughtered them. A celebration of over-consumption of food and football induced concussions. And incidentally, remembering what's happened in the last year that we have to be thankful for. I was wondering if you're coming and if I should ask your father." Castle held up his left hand, displaying his wedding ring. "Despite our time out, theoretically we are still family."

Kate chewed on her lip. "I hadn't thought about it Castle."

"So think about it now," Castle urged. "You're the captain. Montgomery and Gates never worked on Thanksgiving. So I know you don't have to. Or did you have someone else to spend it with?"

Kate's mouth fell open as her face blanched. "Of course not Castle! Castle, I love you. Why would you even think...?"

"Kate, in case it hasn't occurred to you, I still don't know why you're gone. You've refused to explain. All you've told me is that you have things you need to work out - without me. I was wondering if you were getting help somewhere else. I have no idea what you do when you're not here, or with whom you do it."

Kate pushed herself out of her chair and walked around her desk to stand in front of him near the door. She cupped his now shaven cheek in her hand. "Oh Babe, you need to keep trusting me until I can explain what's been happening. I promise, when it's all over, I will. There's no one I want to be with more than you and nowhere I'd rather be than with your family - our family. I just don't think this is the time yet. I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am."

Castle pulled her hand from his face. "I'm sorry too. I'll get a big bird anyway, in case you change your mind and deign to put in an appearance. I know how to handle leftovers. I have empathy with them."

"Rick, please don't do this," Kate begged. "I can't stand having you look at me like that."

Castle took a step away. "Kate, the door to my home - our home - is still open. Your key still fits. You just have to figure out a way to walk through it. Right now, I just don't know what else I can can say to you."

The blinds rattled as Castle closed the door of Kate's office behind him. Kate stood rooted to the spot staring between the slats at his retreating image.

Castle closed his eyes and exhaled a held breath as the elevator doors closed. Mother was right. He couldn't just sit around and wait for Kate to come back. He had to do something. He jerked his cell phone out of his pocket. A saucy British accent answered on the first ring. "New case, Castle?" Hayley Shipton inquired.

"Old case," Castle replied, "maybe a very old case. Hayley, I need you to dig up everything you can on Vikram Singh. And Hayley, I don't care how you do it."