A.N. Post-ep for 11X08, 'Awake', with spoiler for the most annoying moment of the episode. One shot.


Out of Character

JJ awoke to a gentle nudge at her shoulder…not actually aware that it was the fifth gentle nudge in a row. She blinked her eyes open, and looked up to see face of her unit chief, his lips turned up into a small, sympathetic smile.

"I'd let you sleep the rest of the night on the plane, but Ed needs to shut things down. Security, you know."

Their pilot was required to account for the status of his plane at the beginning and end of each flight.

Just like Henry's school bus driver, thought JJ, as she unfolded her legs and stood to a stretch.

The others had already debarked in silence, as signaled by their team leader. They were all to let JJ sleep as long as she could.

"Too bad. But I guess I should go home and relieve Will, anyway. He's got to be exhausted."

Hotch nodded. "I remember those days."

When he'd been a young father to a newborn Jack, when life with Haley and his son had still seemed like a viable future. When Haley had still had a viable future.

JJ read the subtle change of expression on her superior's face. "I'll bet you were great with Jack. Just like you are now."

Hotch expelled a breath of doubt through his nose. "I hope so. But I don't think it will ever make up for what he's lost. I think there is some kind of special bond between a mother and a son."

Then he looked at her and flashed what passed for a Hotch smile.

"And I'm pretty sure I didn't just come up with that idea to justify giving Haley all the middle–of-the-night feedings."

She laughed. "Yeah, I think Will might have wanted to try that, but I was too quick for him. Michael is very skilled at drinking from a bottle. Mommy and Daddy take turns with the nighttime feedings." After a pause, she added, "But you're right, there does seem to be something special between my boys and me."

Which reminded her of something. Or, rather, someone.

"Have you heard anything from Reid?" Surprised not to have heard from him herself.

"Not since he sent that group text about his mother seeming to be a bit better. Why?"

They'd descended the steps of the plane, and landed on the tarmac.

"I don't know. I guess I just thought he'd communicate more. But then…maybe not."

Something about her demeanor, even more than her words, struck him.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Nooo... not really. I guess."

"JJ, I trust your instincts. What is it?"

She struggled to find the right words, partly because she wasn't quite fully awake yet, and partly because she didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"I guess….. I guess I'm a little worried about Spence. I mean, he would normally have kept in touch, wouldn't he?"

Hotch didn't see the need for concern. "He may just be busy. Or maybe he realizes that we might be busy."

She shook her head. "No. I mean, maybe. But I don't think that's it. Did you know this had been going on for weeks with his mom, and he hadn't even said anything? I think he still would have kept it to himself, except that he got a message while I was with him, and I pumped him for information. Then, he finally told me. And he said he hadn't told me before, because he 'didn't want to bother me'." Making finger quotes.

Now she had Hotch's attention. Because his resident genius had a habit of dealing with extremely stressful situations in his own, unique, solitary way. Which, to date, had not proven to be particularly healthy for him.

JJ was still speaking. "Like you said, there's a special bond between mothers and sons. And I know that applies to Spence and his mother. He loves her, and she loves him, as much as she's able. But, when his mother is the problem…..who does he have? Us?"

Heavy cynicism carried in the final word.

Hotch didn't quite understand. "Are you saying you don't think he feels supported?"

The job they did was important, and difficult, and emotionally taxing. As their unit chief, Hotch felt responsible for recognizing the agent in need, and knowing how best to help him.

JJ evaded eye contact, as she gave a shrug of her shoulders. "I don't know. Once upon a time….but…now….I don't know, maybe there's a distance there. And, the thing is, I think it might be the rest of us who put it there."

The famous brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean….. " She thought for a moment. "Okay, here's an example. Do you remember that time we were on the plane and Kate challenged him? She said he couldn't possibly know anything about the question he'd just answered? Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember that Morgan jumped right on that, and sided with Kate? I know, it was all supposed to be funny. But there was an undercurrent…."

"Are you saying there's something going on between Morgan and Reid? Some kind of antagonism?"

JJ was frustrated at not having expressed herself well. "No! No, I think they are genuinely fond of one another. But….well, I think sometimes…..sometimes we don't realize how personally Spence takes it. He puts on a good show, but…"

Hotch nodded now. "He's not about to let anyone see that he's hurt."

"Exactly."

Hotch looked at her askance. "JJ, why are we talking about this now?"

Her eyes had trouble meeting his once again.

"JJ?"

She sighed. I might as well tell him.

"I was telling Morgan and Rossi that I was having trouble falling asleep, even though I was exhausted. And they started giving me a little lecture about how I was on the phone too much, and how the blue light from the screen was probably keeping me awake, and…"

"Things Reid has told us before."

"Yes. And, I know they meant it well, but…. I don't know. It just hit me wrong. They didn't just remind me of what Reid had said. They played at imitating him….but it came across like they were making fun of him. Didn't you see them making all those odd hand movements? They were trying to imitate Spence. And poorly so. I closed my eyes, and pretended to be asleep, just to get them to stop."

The unit chief's brow furrowed more deeply, now beginning to really worry that he had a rift within the team. "Are you upset with them?"

"No. Not really. If anything, I'm upset with myself, if I've ever given them cause to think I wanted to hear something like that. I was thinking about it on the plane….well, until I finally did fall asleep, that is."

They both smiled.

"Spence is one of my best friends. And I'm the last one who could have ever seen that happening. But, he's just…..he's a good guy. He's kind, and thoughtful, even if his ideas are a little 'out there' sometimes. He tries to see the good in everyone, literally. Like we all should, I guess. Although sometimes, like tonight, I think even Spence would have had trouble finding the good in us. Still, in spite of how patient, and sweet, and supportive he has always been to me, I know there have been times when I haven't been nice to him."

"No one is nice all the time, JJ."

"Spence is. Well, to me, anyway. To all of us. The only time I've ever seen him really angry was when he saw someone as the victim of injustice. Well, then, and when Morgan decided to prank him."

Chuckles at the memory. Reid had been pretty incensed. But his revenge had been harmless. And amusing.

JJ went on. "I guess the point is that listening to Morgan and Rossi made me realize how much we isolate Spence. How maybe we make him feel like he can't talk to us. Like he has to handle everything on his own. We make him feel like a stranger among friends….what more lonely feeling could there be?"

JJ took a breath to tamp down her rising emotion.

"We were talking before about mothers and sons, right? His mother is all Spence has in the world, besides us. And he feels like he's losing her. How much worse would he feel if he thought he'd lost us as well? How alone would he feel?"

Hotch heaved a deep sigh and spent a moment in silent thought.

"Are you asking me to speak with them?"

That had the potential to cause its own problems, as both of them well knew.

"No. And I wouldn't even have brought it up, if you hadn't asked. I guess I just…. I just wondered when it was that we stopped being kind to one another. I mean, think of it….it was Morgan and Rossi who stayed behind in Vegas when Spence was so troubled by those nightmares. They were the ones who were with him when he met his father after all those years. And they did it on their own call. But now…"

Hotch nodded. "I hear you. It seems out of character for both of them." Another moment of silence, and then he appeared to reach a decision. "I'll talk with Dave in the morning, see if there's something going on. Morgan may be off kilter because of the threat to Garcia. Maybe he was just blowing off steam."

"Maybe. All I know is that I'm going home to hug my two boys…well, all three of them, actually…"

Making her unit chief smile.

"And then I'm going to call Spence. And I'm going to keep on calling him until he answers. I'm going to make sure he knows he has family here in DC, as well as in Vegas. He's stuck with us, whether he wants us or not."

The unit chief gave her a rare,full-out, grin.

JJ didn't sound like the exhausted mother of two. She didn't even sound like one of his newest profilers. She sounded like the young liaison who'd subtly, and not-so-subtly, nurtured his team through one dark case after another, years ago.

"Why do I think he doesn't stand a chance?"