Pain

WARNING: This contains dark and sexual themes if you continue reading. It is a one sided XemSai fanfiction.

As it has the element of rape within.

The reason why I wrote this is because people do need to be more aware that men can and do also get raped and don't always come forward, as they feel ashamed and embarrassed. So I hope this fanficion makes people more aware of these issues and that's it is ok, for anyone to come forward and talk about.

Disclaimer: I do not own kingdom hears for any of the characters with in this story. Or the song 'Pain' by Three Days Grace. Which inspired me to write this story. I know that song isn't about sex, but it works well with the story.

Thanks for reading.

Pain without love

My greatest mistake was allowing him in. Allowing him to bring me to this hell.

Pain, I can't get enough

Yet when he knocks at my door, I responded with "Yes Sir" like it is second nature. Automatic, like I can't even control myself.

Pain, I like it rough

He walks in with a smile on his face. Oh how I wouldn't want to tear him a part. But still I stand up in respect; how long can I keep this up? Xemnas smile grows wider, maybe he knows. What if he did I don't care at this point. My mind was set on other things. Like the moon, and all it's power.

"Sit down Saix" he commands. His voice, it's soft yet threatening. Still second nature takes hold again, and I obey and sit back on my bed.

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

He comes and sits next to me. I don't care. I just stare at the moon; a new moon. It shivers down my spine as I feel weak and cold. The moon gives me power, but it is also my greatest weakness...

You're sick of feeling numb

"Saix? Are you loyal to me?" he asked staring at me. I remain silent, not looking at him. He gives out a loud sigh. "VII, Look at me" I slowly turn to face him. The smug look on his face makes me feel sick.

You're not the only one

"Saix I said are you loyal to me?" what kind of question was that. I have no choice. It's loyalty or dusk. Although my secret, take over plan, is under way.

In return I nod. "Yes sir of course" I say. He's staring at me. Those cold empty orange eyes glued to my yellow ones. I can see the cogs turn in side of him. With his twisted smile forming across his face.

I'll take you by the hand

"Good" he states. His hand then grabs my chin, roughly forcing me, to have direct eye contact with him. "That's better"

"What are you doing?" I ask confused, and angry, moving backwards; away from him.

"Getting a better view" Xemnas cold voice seeps into my ears.

And I'll show you a world that you can understand

He laughs. But it is hallow and cold, much like everything else in this world. Empty vessels; with nothing but dark memories, of our past lives. "Oh you'll understand VII. You just need to relax."

This life is filled with hurt

Xemnas then grabs my chin again, harder than before. Bruising me. I just stare at him oddly. What did he want? Can't he see I'm confused? I'm still confused about our existence and kingdom hearts. It's a nightmare being empty, and incomplete. But that is nothing. Nothing, compared to the nightmare that I was about to endure...

When happiness doesn't work

"You'll understand Saix. You just need to trust me." Those words. Those eight words. Were the last words I would hear, before my everlasting nightmare would begin.

Trust me, and take my hand

Xemnas takes a tight grip of my wrist and I realise what he has come here for. I freeze. This man. The person who took me in, and promised me a heart was about to do the unthinkable. I gulp unable to move let alone scream for help.

When the lights go out, you'll understand

Pain without love

He pushed me down on my bed with his lips covering mine. He's forceful and harsh. He doesn't care. He's just here to end whatever life I had left.

Pain, I can't get enough

I try pushing him off, but he just pins me down harder on to my bed. He is sitting on me and holding my hands above my head, with one hand. The other he is unzipping mine and his coat. I can't move; I can't do anything but squirm. I try to scream under his lips for someone, anything to come. Dusk would even be an angel in this horrifying moment. But only a whimper can escape.

Pain, I like it rough

I then feel something hot try to enter my mouth. This face smashed up against mine, and the rest of this filthy body all over me makes me want to throw up. Don't want this! I don't! I then find some energy and bite hard on his rough and salty lips. Xemnas yelps and pulls his face away from mine. Yet his right hand is still holding me down. That evil grin appears on his face again. "You like it rough? I'll give you rough"

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

This is my opportunity to scream. Call out for help. But as I go to; only a peep comes out. I try shouting for Lea, but his names turns into nothing as it passes my lips. I'm alone complete alone. With nothing but a monster to ruin me for the rest of my non-existence life.

Anger and agony are better than misery

Xemnas then places both of his hands around my throat. As he notices that I'm trying to scream; he is really wasting his time as I'm too scared for any noise to come out. But this action only makes me squirm and fight more, just to get free. But his grip just gets tighter and I'm forced to gasp for breathe.

Trust me, I've got a plan

My vision begins to fades as his strength only increases. I'm sure that killing me would be a safe haven. But he's not going to kill me. Only make me lose conscious, for a while. But I can't let that happen. His voice then wonders again. "Stop moving Saix; it will only be more pa..."

When the lights go up, you'll understand

That's the last thing I hear. But I can't! I can't allow this happen. I won't! I try to snap my eyes open, but they won't. It's a black fog that had clouded me. Smothering me, into its, everlasting darkness. The darkness he is granting me. But I can't allow this. Fight harder! Do it for Lea! I can't and won't let him be on this line of pain. Never!

Pain without love

My eyes snap open. I feel a hand over my chest and going down to my leg, then to the inside of my thigh. I glance down to see Xemnas it kissing my neck; but he is crushing my hip, making movement impossible. I mange to squeak out "Stop... please."

Pain, I can't get enough

Xemnas glares up at me. I can see the devil with in him as his smile creeps slowly across that face. "Oh but Saix your loyal to me, right? So therefore you have to do whatever I say." He crawls up to may face again. Kissing me hard, and placing his dirty hands all over my bare chest.

Pain, I like it rough

"Please Xemnas I'm begging you to stop! I don't want this!" I say weakly. He won't care. He never does or will. This is the weakness the moon has to offer. No moon, no power to fight back. Just a mire shell; unable to move, or stop this monster from attacking me.

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

He quickly sits up placing my hips in position. It's then I notice he had stripped me and himself, bare, when I was unconscious. I feel my lips go to scream for help. At the top of my lungs, not caring if anyone calls me weak I just want help. But like before my fear is takes over me, and nothing comes out. My eyes begin to water as I brace myself for the hard thrust.

Pain, without love

If on cue, he forces his way into me. He then places his hand on to my mouth so that I can't yelp due to the force, as he pushed his way in.

Pain, I can't get enough

"Oh Saix you are so tight!" he states gritting his teeth as he positions himself. All I can do at this point is repeat over and over again in my head:

This isn't happening. This isn't happening. It's not real.

I turn to look out of the window, pretending that this is all a bad dream.

Pain, I like it rough

He then starts violently thrusting into me, making my hips buck. It's painful so painful. The sheer thought of it happening again, every miller second he stops, makes me want to throw up. He won't stop, why won't he? I said please...

I groan in agony. Trying to be as loud as I can, but only a whimper of helplessness leaves me. Again my lips force another grunt. This time it is louder, but not enough to be heard. Well not by anyone other than Xemnas.

'Cause I'd like to feel pain than nothing

"Saix is that pleasure I sense." He only mangers to get out, though his revolting panting, as he continues to thrust deep inside me. I remind myself again. It's not real, this isn't happening. But the pain he is inflicted on me is too hard to ignore. The horrifying sound of his skin bashing against mine, the sweat coming off of his body, the smell of horror lifting in the air. It's sick. All there is to go with it; is pain.

Rather feel pain

All of a sudden he realise inside of me. My hips buck, at the force. I'm now trying my hardest not to cry, I'm in pain, agonizing pain. All he can do it lye on me. His heavy breathing is brushing all over my chest as he tries to get to it back to normal. I continue to start at the window, hoping he will just leave.

(I know, I know, I know, I know, I know) That you're wounded

Xemnas then kisses my chest again. Still breathing deeply. He gets hold of me head and forces me to look at him again. This time, no sick twisted smile, but, a look of pleasure and relief. As I stare at him with pure hatred.

(You know, you know, you know, you know) That I'm here to save you

"See Saix you belong to me and you always will." He states clutching my cock. Squeezing it hard, to try and get a reaction out of me. Yet I remain slight hoping, praying he will leave me in the dark.

(You know, you know, you know, you know) I'm always here for you

He laughs again. With a toothy grin, and pleasure. "Just remember my lovely Diviner that I'm doing this all for you." He crushes it dirty lips with mine again. I want to hit him, get him away from me. But I now doing that will result in this again. So I lay with there, with every ounce of my body, holding back tears, of my failure

(I know, I know, I know, I know, I know) That you'll thank me later

When he finally let go, he was breathing in deep. His breath was going all over marking me. Not to mention his dirty hands that he had smeared all over me. Labelling me; as weak and defenceless. I'm one of the top three strongest members in this place. And yet I couldn't stop this filthy man from destroying. He smiled at me again. "Your thank me Saix. One day you will thank me" he hummed. I just lay there about to explode into wishing he would get off of me.

All of a sudden he took himself out of me; I didn't dare allow a gasp to pass over my lips; in fear that he would foil me again. I just lay there emotionless. Just praying he would get his things and leave here. In the dark.

Pain without love

After what seemed like hours he got off of me. The weight of his body gone, but he added more weight. The weight of my fear; the fear that he might do it again.

Pain, I can't get enough

He put back on his clothes and throw my clothes at me. I allowed them to stay there. I just waited for him to leave. A door to slam or a of a sound of a dark corridor. I just wanted him gone. I had to be sure he was gone. Not anywhere near me. So he couldn't touch me again.

Pain, I like it rough

Finally the door opened and slammed shut. I took a deep breath and allowed the tears to keep flooding.

How could I have let him done that?! How could I have I had let him touch me?! Why didn't I fight back?! Why didn't I stop him?! I could have stopped him!

I shut my eyes, trying to remind myself it was all over. That he was gone. But I could see him, smell him. He won't leave me he will never leave. I'm covered in his dirty hand prints and his awful smell.

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

I feel sick!

I quickly get up. Even though I ache all over I need to get to the toilet. And when I do my stomach is unforgiving. Everything comes up, and there's nothing I can do to stop the violent action. Just thinking about him, the mark he has left on me makes me vomit even more.

When I do finally stop. I stay still. Not wanting to move, not wanted to go back to my bed. The place where he ruined me.

My mouth and face are covered in tears and vomit. I glance at the floor what the hell have I become?

Pain without love

I decided then to wash my mouth. I can't go downstairs with sick on my face. I can't go there at all. What would the other say if they knew?

'your weak Saix! Allowing someone to overpower you like!'

'Weak! Weak! WEAK!'

They can't find out! I won't let them. Especially Lea. I won't let him endure the same fate! He's too important. Too important...

Pain, I can't get enough

I go to the sink, where my mirror is hanging. I look a mess! My hair ha s gone wild, my throat is sore. Not to mention I can feel his lips over my chest and neck. I wan to vomit. But no...

Pain, I like it rough

I stare straight at the mirror. Any piece of Isa has now gone. Withered away, like dust. As for Saix he's dead too. I'm nothing but weak and helpless. All I see is dirt in front of me. I'm dirt, a cockroach that has no place to be. And why? Because of that man!

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

After a while of looking at myself, I crawl into the shower. I need to get rid of him. The smell, the marks, the dirt. Everything needs to be gone. I'm scrubbing my skin as hard as I can, but I can still feel him. Still hear his panting. I still feel his hands groping me, covering me in shame, his sweat still on me, crawling all over my skin. Turning it into grub.

No not again! The tears fall from my eyes. He's ruined me. I can never wt that happen again, never happen again. My tears mix in with the water that is bashing against my skin. That's when I see the blood fall off my arms.

Scrubbed too hard. Yet it's still not gone...

Rather feel pain than nothing at all

But there one thing I have missed. I'm going to have to spend the rest of my non-exiting life with that monster! He's never going to late me forget. Nor is he ever going to allow me to be me again. I'm nothing dust a dust of pain

Rather feel pain

I realise now that I'm truly gone. As there is nothing left, but pain that will never go away...

So how was it? Please tell what you thought of the story.

Also don't know if I should do another chapter or two? Up to you if you want to read more!

Thank you for taking the time to read it, and it think about what rape does to anyone, and I'm sorry if I have upset anyone.

Until next time bye!