The grass beneath me was cold. I brushed my fingers across it back and forth.

The stars always looked better on the mountain. I'd been staring at them for a while now. The trek up was more than difficult in the dark but I had to sneak out to come. Any other time I was away from home for too long and someone would be calling.

Not that I disliked it. Well that was sort of a lie. Sometimes it could be smothering.

Most days I could live through it. Other days…

Well here I was wasn't I?

Just the thought of living through this another time made me want to scream. I tried so hard to forget.

But I couldn't.

Sure you can forget some things. Like, when was that time I got on the wrong bus? Or, when was it that I forgot to feed the pet rock?

You can't forget important things though. My 18th birthday already? Right… Asgore wants to teach me to drive? Again…

Oh that new movie's out! I'm not laughing? Sorry I've just heard that joke so many times…

I put a hand to my forehead. This was endless.

Tears pricked at my eyes and I shuddered.

What would happen if I actually grew old? Someday when I'm an old lady will I wake up in a bed of flowers the next day?

I couldn't keep living like this. I couldn't go another day thinking about the future like it was the past. How could anyone live like this?

And then there was that evil to think of. The damned thing that used me.

Even her memories I had to live with. Memories of my body doing so much harm and causing so much pain.

Each day I had to look upon their faces as if I was a sinless being. Each day I had to ponder if anyone recalled the things I'd done. If they did, did they see my face? Did they realize I wasn't in control?

They looked at me with such love it hurt.

I wanted to be happy. Anyone would want to be happy. Yet here I was living a lie. Keeping secrets from the people I loved.

Sometimes I swear I could see questioning in Sans' eyes. Did he have the same nightmares I did? Did he know what evil I'd done?

I cared for him so much. He was the first monster I met that treated me like normal. Not that I didn't love my mom but when I first fell I was so done with mothers. I was done being a helpless little kid with nowhere to go.

He made me laugh and watched over me with a lightness that made me warm inside.

Yet those flashes of suspicion on his face made me cringe. Was it all an act for him too? Was he just pretending to care about me for Mom?

I just didn't know.

I couldn't bear to ask him either. The truth would kill me.

Deep down I realized he figured out about the timelines. I'd slip up every now and then like an idiot.

But if he knew about that evil thing lying in wait. No I couldn't bear that.

It was one thing living with the fact this was all temporary. A place keeper in my eternal life.

But if Sans lived knowing that very same thing.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I had to stop this somehow. I had to find a way to end this stupid cycle.

Finally I pushed up from the ground. I could do nothing here.

I stretched for a moment before reaching down for my bag. I stepped on something sharp and lost my balance.

Darkness swallowed me. When did I?

The world above me slipped away.

Hehehe. You IDIOT!