She couldn't sleep. Not with him just in the other room. She hated how he could do this to her. Make her feel so out of sorts without even knowing it. He was sleeping for God's sake and he was still affecting her.
She knew she shouldn't have said yes to sleeping over at Riley's.
Even though she did it almost every weekend, she knew she should have just declined after the previous conversation that they had at school this morning: They had just been seated at their desks before class had started when Riley swiveled her head towards Maya's direction, her long dark hair swishing over her shoulder.
"Maya."
The blonde swung her legs over to face her best friend, her eyes shining with playfulness. "Yes, Peaches?"
Riley grinned at the use of Maya's nickname but the smile dimmed when she spoke again," I just wanted to let you know that last minute, my parents told me that Josh is coming today from NYU and he's going to be staying at our house for his fall break."
Maya imperceptibly struggled to remain her composure at Riley's words. She settled with a casual comeback to ease Riley's obvious apprehension. "Ok… I'm still sleeping over though."
Riley raised her eyebrows and adjusted the falling sleeve of her blouse before saying," Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean you can just sleepover another time."
Maya could tell that Riley was still nervous about her and Josh and being in the same room, because after the dorm room/college party incident, things had become really awkward between them, and a bit awkward for everybody. But Maya had matured. She was 16 now and had mastered the art of concealing her feelings very well.
So she swallowed the lump in her throat and ignored her hiccuping heartbeats. "I'll be fine Riley. Besides, I've gotten over it—him, and he shouldn't stop us from having a girl's night or whatever you call them."
Maya was lying through her teeth—she hated lying to Riley-but her response seemed to satisfy her best friend.
For the past two years, Maya had done a pretty good job at avoiding Riley's Uncle Boi—uncle. Riley's uncle.
Usually when she was in the same room with him, it was during holidays at the Matthews so she could rely on having other people around in order to avoid…him. But this time was different.
This wasn't a holiday.
Riley's parents weren't home; they were on their Friday-night-date-night, and Auggie was with Ava at her apartment room. And now, Riley was asleep. And when that girl sleeps, she's out like a light.
So now Maya couldn't sleep and was alone with her thoughts, which was a very bad idea.
When she had seen Josh for the first time today she thought that she would be ready.
She wasn't.
For the past two years, she was so hurt by him not reciprocating her feelings and felt so stupid for voicing them that she would barely look at him. But now she was forced to look at him and she was only reminded of what she couldn't have. He was even more beautiful than she had ever seen him. He was 19 now, almost 20, and he was still as gorgeous as she remembered.
When she saw him sitting on the couch after Riley and her had gotten home from school, she couldn't help the way her breath got caught in her throat.
She couldn't stop the way her eyes had greedily roamed his body and face. He seemed to have gotten even taller much to her dismay of already feeling inferior to him. Not only that, but she noticed how the planes of his body had gotten so muscular; his shoulders were more broad and his bicep muscles strained against his black V-neck.
His beautiful ocean blue eyes were trained on her and she could barely register the surprise on his handsome face from seeing her. That oh-so familiar half-smirk, half-smile that made her melt appeared on his face before he opened his mouth to address something to the girls.
Maya mentally panicked knowing that she hadn't even been listening to a word he was saying, her mind was preoccupied, but blew out a small sigh of relief when Riley cheerfully responded to whatever he was asking and dragged Maya up to her room.
Riley shoved the door closed and immediately turned to Maya, her arms crossed. "Okay, care to explain what that was?"
Unfortunately, Riley had definitely noticed her reaction to Boing. Her delicate girly features were slightly morphed into that of more maternal characteristics. Maya opened and closed her mouth before quickly replying. "It was nothing Riles."
When Riley did nothing but look at her, Maya sighed. "Seriously Riley, can we just move on it was nothing I swear."
This was the second time Maya has lied to Riley today.
Riley's sternness melted because she could never be too "mad" for too long. And to Maya's appeasement, they continued with their sleepover.
They did the things that they usually did during their sleepovers: watch terrible chick-flicks, eat snacks, and steal spa tips from various magazines to attempt their own spa, only to fail and laugh hysterically at the results. They didn't really talk about boys anymore, not after all the drama that happened in Texas and on New Years.
Maya was still confused about that.
Maya was distracted through the whole night, but she was present just enough so that Riley wouldn't catch anything.
She had been counting the amount of times in which Josh had come up to check on them. Three times. One to ask what they wanted to eat (Pizza), one to tell them that the food had arrived, and one to just see how they were doing. They were all short, but they were long enough to send her small state of calm to go spiraling.
Maya had forgotten how attractive he was. And that was 300 times worse than just being good-looking or handsome. It was everything. How his voice had gotten deeper but also, more husky. How his slightly leaning posture fully showed the length of his long but broad torso. Just his everything had become so much more alluring.
At this point she was sitting up Riley's bed, her skin was burning and her heart was pumping out of her chest. Her feelings for Josh were so much easier to handle when she was younger, but now she's older and she understands things.
And right now, she was hopelessly in lust with Joshua Matthews.
It was one thing to have feelings for him, but seeing him again just awoken a fire within Maya.
She had begun to sweat. She felt the fire burning through her veins and she couldn't stop it. She didn't know how to stop it, she had never felt so turned on in her life. It scared her half to death.
Clenching her shaking legs together, she swung them off the side of the bed.
She immediately pushed the covers off of her, and careful not to wake Riley, made her way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. Once she made her way to the bathroom, she looked at the clock. It read 2:47 am.
Her heartbeat was slowly decreasing and her nerves eased as she watched her flushed face in the mirror. Her eyes were a darker blue than usual, and her pupils were extremely dilated. Her dirty-blonde hair was slightly mussed, flowing wildly around her shoulders and down her back, touching the slope of her lower back.
This was when she realized that the only garment she was wearing was a large black V-neck T-shirt that she had gotten from Demolition. It was meant for everyday wear, but it was too comfortable and large for her to resist wearing to bed. The shirt had an admittedly low dip that accented her growing breasts and just came up to her mid thigh.
She sighed before turning the faucet off and cringed as she felt her bare feet cross the cool tile. Before her hand could close around the door handle, it was swung open, she reflexively closed her eyes as the cool air smacked her in the face.
Please not him, please not him, she thought. She finally found the courage to open her eyes.
It was him.
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"Josh." Maya breathed. She found herself gazing into his blue orbs. He looked a bit taken a back, but he quickly hastened himself and spoke. "Maya?" His voice was a bit gruff from lack of sleep, but it made him even more adorable. Maya took this moment to look at him.
His hair was a bit disheveled and he was wearing only a black sweatshirt with blue striped boxers strung low on his hips. Maya blinked a few times while Josh cleared his throat awkwardly.
He held up a plastic bag that Maya just noticed was in his hand. "I uh, was going to brush my teeth…I just forgot to earlier." Maya's eyes narrowed slightly.
"At 3 in the morning?"
She put her hands on her hips disbelievingly and reveled in the way his eyes quickly flitted from her face to her chest.
It made it seem like she finally had control over a situation.
Josh cleared his throat again. "Uh, yeah. I have this weird superstition of not brushing my teeth every night, cause then I'll feel gross if I don't."
Maya shrugged and stepped aside to let him go to the faucet. At this point, she should have left, it would've been so much easier for everyone if she had, but she just couldn't bring herself to.
But because she was Maya Hart, and acting on impulse was more of her forte then acting rationally, she somewhat lunged at the doorknob to close it.
She then did something that made her heart beat out of her chest; she locked the door. Josh, being completely oblivious to everything that was happening, proceeded to brush his teeth with his muscular back hunched over sink.
Maya bit her lip. Those feelings from before were starting to make its way back into her system. Suddenly, the bathroom was becoming humid and the feeling of the cold tile against her feet was her only release.
Josh had finally finished brushing his teeth, glanced up into the mirror and paused upfront when he saw Maya's reflection staring intently at his. He quickly straightened his back and spun around to Maya's direction in confusion. He obviously hadn't noticed that she was still here.
When Maya had locked that door, she had decided something; she was going to get the truth out of him no matter what. After three years of him saying that they couldn't be together because of the age difference, she noticed something. He had never once stated that he never liked her back. And this knowledge is what fueled her decision to go on with this.
Maya was conflicted. Part of her desperately wanted to know what he was feeling towards her. But the other part just wanted to forget about feelings and just be able to feel his lips on hers. So she stepped towards him, looking at him expectantly, like he should know what she's about to do.
But she knows that he doesn't.
His eyebrows were still furrowed and she wanted to change that.
He's eerily silent; his eyes are just trained on hers like he's anxious but also interested in the current situation. So she doesn't stop walking towards him.
She can't believe it's taking him this long to figure out what she has planned. She's thankful that he hasn't responded yet.
So she walks until she gets close enough to see the slight splatter of freckles across his nose and he's directly looking down at her.
She can smell his scent of Old-spice and Josh so she takes one more step so that she's even closer and she can hear her heart and her chest just barely brushes against his until—"Maya."
His voice has warning in it and his face looks half strained, half bewildered.
And normally something like this would snap Maya out of her reverie, would send her flying away from Josh while saying some spluttering version of an apology, but in this instance, it doesn't.
Instead, she peers deeper into his eyes that she has ever let herself and takes another step. This time their chests are touching and she can hear his sharp intake of breath because their proximity feels so deliciously good and wrong at the same time.
"Maya." He says again, and his voice his slightly deeper and huskier and those familiar bright ocean eyes are suddenly an ocean storming at night and she expects him to lean in but he doesn't.
Instead, his hands are on her shoulders and he's distancing her body from his.
They are still in close proximity but their chests aren't touching and suddenly Maya feels cold.
The voice in the back of her head is telling her to give up, that she's already embarrassed herself enough, but tonight she doesn't want to. Because both her mind and her body are awake. And she's looking at his eyes again, searching for an answer when she sees his eyes flicker to the top of her breasts in her low shirt and warmth floods through her.
She feels gathered wetness in her underwear and she snaps her legs shut in order to relieve her tension. She suddenly feels the real confidence that she has been faking her whole life.
"Whatcha' looking at…Joshua?" And it comes out in a purr, something that she never knew she was capable of emitting and she marvels in the way Josh's eyes widen as she cocks her innocently head to look at him from this new angle.
His large warm hands immediately release their hold from her shoulders and she feels cold again. But Josh swipes his hand over his mouth before speaking again. "Maya, you can't do this."
And suddenly Maya's angry and she feels like a little girl again. She's not ashamed that she wants him, she's mad that he won't act on his feelings because she knows. He might not think she does but she knows.
"What? You don't think I would be able to handle it?" Maya didn't know exactly what it was, but at this point her irascibility was splurging on her words.
She didn't know what she was thinking—her brain was beginning to feel fuzzy with petulance—but before Josh could answer, Maya grabbed one of his hands and placed it forcefully to cup her left butt-cheek.
Josh was so shocked that his mouth literally fell open in shock over Maya's blunt action. She had laced her fingers with Josh's so that she was pressing down on his hand. A surge of arousal flew throughout Maya and she had resist moaning by biting her lip. Her shirt had ridden up a bit so Josh's large hand was skimming her upper thigh.
Maya watched as Josh's Adam's apple wobbled in his throat before stuttering out, "M-Maya we can't be doing this. I…it's wrong. I'm still too old for you."
But she noticed the way his irises were pitch black.
She was going to have him.
She was still angry at him and that anger was still building up inside of her, along with pent up arousal for her best friend's uncle.
"You don't think I've haven't done something like this before? I'm not a kid anymore Josh you need to get that through your head." And before he could call her bluff, Maya lunged upwards and attached her lips to the first thing she could find, which unfortunately were not his lips.
Her mouth made contact with his neck and she proceeded to kiss and lick her way up and down his delicious throat. The adrenaline was still pumping through her as she took his other hand and placed it on her other ass-cheek.
Josh made a small grunt of protest, but he never shook her off of him. She proceeded to press her body against his so that there was so space in between.
She decided to press her luck when she bit down where his shoulder met his neck, causing him to groan in pleasure. Maya could feel the wetness in her underwear.
This was all she ever wanted.
But as soon as the sound left Josh's mouth, Maya felt a pair of hands shoving her shoulders backwards.
They were both panting heavily as Maya stumbled backwards and the sound of them collectively catching their breath echoed off the tile of the bathroom.
"Maya, we cant, I don't know what would've happened if we continued."
Maya was close to her breaking point. She wasn't sure how much of this she could take, but she refused to cry in front of him.
But he continued, looking down at her with a mix of lust and confliction, he shook his head, "Maya I don't know what I would have done if we didn't stop. I could have hurt you."
And Maya's eyes lit up with fire once more. She could feel her heart pounding.
She still wanted him.
She was still aching with need. She didn't care at this point, she wanted him to hurt her. "Josh," She stepped forwards, practically growling at him.
"You think I'm scared?" She was playing with him Josh's mouth fell open again.
She was mocking him. She was making him feel like the stupid one. He stuttered once again, cringing because he knew he wasn't in control of the situation.
"I-I wasn't, it's not." And Maya was looking at him with her eyebrows raised in fake sympathy, like he was the little kid, trying to coax him with patronizing words of encouragement.
She knew it made his blood boil.
Maya's eyes drifted towards his pearly white hands, which were now clenching and unclenching at his sides.
She knew that he hated this feeling more than anything else. Because now he wasn't being taken seriously.
And in that moment she knew that he wanted to hurt her.
So finally spat out his last retort, "I could do it, you know." His words were quiet but menacing.
But Maya knew exactly what she was getting into. "So why don't you?" And the way she said it was so light and airy and nonchalant that it came off as 5 times more malignant.
"Why don't I what? Maya." He practically spit out. He knew what he just needed confirmation.
And so she batted her eyelashes and gave him a poisonous smile and replied. "Why don't you fuck me."
She was more surprised than him by her own words. She had said it so softly, but that was all he needed to hear.