Series: Abandon Ship

Setting: Season Eight

Disclaimer: I don't own them and this is not for profit.

A/N Here is the third in my Abandon Ship series which is a McNozzo anti-ship AU. I have never seen their relationship as siblings – at least one that isn't extremely pathological at any rate, nor do I think there is a scrap of chemistry between them either. I should warn that afaic the McAbby ship is extremely dysfunctional as well, so if you are a fan then consider yourself warned.

Just to remind people, I am not a fan of Tony being shipped with ANY of the team. I think all of his working relationship with the team are toxic and abusive so the thought of him being with any one of them romantically is quite abhorrent and that it would amount to domestic abuse. Hence this Abandon Ship series. If you are a fan of Abby, Gibbs, Ziva or McGee then this series is not for you.

There have been requests for one shot sequels for Misguided Loyalty and A Fresh Start from various readers. And all I can say is that at the moment I'm in the middle of a large work project so it isn't a possiblity however I do plan to write a fourth in this series – an anti Tate ship. When I have some free time I might also revisit the two other stories with a one shot but no promises :)

This is just a two part piece and I need to thank Arress for the Beta and Frakkin Toasters for feedback

Abandon Ship: A Second Chance

Special Agent Timothy McGee stepped off the elevator as it spilled himself and several other agents out onto the floor of the bullpen, grateful that he didn't meet any of his teammates this morning as he wasn't feeling in the mood for any of their crap. Stowing his gear in his desk drawer, he sat down and switched on his computer, his heart sinking to see a score of emails from Abby, commencing at 0700 this morning and everyone following at 15-minute intervals. Sighing, he opened one up to see the contents - not exactly shocked to see her demanding to see him ASAP.

Damn, this was not good! But maybe I could just ignore her and hopefully we'll get a case soon and then there wouldn't be time to discuss what had happened last night. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

He wished she'd kept her guilty secret about cheating on him with a damned barista when she and he had been dating years ago. She'd kept the secret for all these years and when they decided to get together again and give it another try, then she decided to come out and confess, but he wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with the revelation

Feeling better after deciding his best approach was to just ignore his problem and hope it will go away, he was almost relieved when his phone began ringing. Hopefully, it was the dispatcher with a new case for the team. Alas, the way his luck was running it was Abby, who must have been keeping her eye on the security monitors just waiting for him to arrive. And she was not in a mood to be trifled with it seemed.

"Timmy, get your ass down here. RIGHT NOW! We HAVE TO TALK!"

Groaning loudly enough for people working at nearby desks to stand and look over the partition at him to see what was wrong with him, he felt embarrassed. Giving a weak smile and a shrug he stood and, deciding not to go down empty handed, he detoured, picking up a Caf-Pow on his way down.

He really did not want to have to do this, but Abby was like a dog with a bone and if he didn't talk to her, she was just as likely to talk to Ducky who'd no doubt have some long rambling story to recount about it. She might even tell Gibbs and then he'd kill him for breaking Rule 12. Or the third possibility was even more horrific to contemplate if that was possible - she would discuss it with DiNozzo who would have a field day at Tim's expense. He'd never live it down and Tim wasn't about to let that happen; DiNozzo was already too smug and he wasn't giving him any more ammunition to use against him.

When he walked into the lab, he was seized in a monumental Abby hug as she squeezed the stuffing out of him – well, that's what it felt like anyway.

"Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Are you okay? Why did you leave like that last night?"

When McGee didn't respond, Abby held him at arms' length. McGee felt like a slide specimen under her electron microscope as she stared at him thoroughly and he felt himself growing red.

"Has it ever happened before, Timmy?"

"What... no. Look, just forget it... okay?"

"Aw, Timmy. There's no reason to be embarrassed. It happens to all guys at some point. But we should ask Ducky to give you a thorough examination and make sure that there isn't a medical reason why you... ah... "

"No, absolutely not, Abby. I'm fine. I do NOT need to see Ducky."

"Touchy, Mr. Grumpy Pants. Ooookay. So, I think it might be time to have a paternal chat with Papa Gibbs about your little oops... slip of the tongue. There's nothing little about it. I didn't mean to impugn you co... "

"Abby! Not here, okay?" he interrupted her. "And I'm so not talking to Gibbs either, he'd kill me." Seeing her open her mouth again he forestalled her. "Uh, uh, uh, uhhh... do not go there. NEVER EVER! I'm not going to talk to DiNozzo about it either."

"Oh, Timmy. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You were probably just tired. It isn't a reflection of your manliness because you're co... "

"Abby. Not here!"

"Oh, Timmy. Sometimes you can be such a fuddy-duddy when it comes to sex." The Goth pouted, crossing her arms.

McGee was tomato red, he wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or anger or a combination of both.

"Abby! I don't need to talk to anyone. I know why I... um... ah... had a slight problem.

"Timmy! You need to talk to someone. If you don't deal with this, it could happen again."

"Abby!"

"Timmy, you couldn't get it up. You don't want to let that fester, Timmy. Impotency is nothing to ignore... "

McGee was furious. He dragged Abby into her office and activated the door.

"I don't trust you! There... are you satisfied?!" McGee yelled at the forensic scientist.

"Hey, you can trust me, Timmy – I'll never tell your secrets. Just tell me what's going on. If you don't wanna talk to anyone else – you can always talk to me."

"STOP, ABBY! Just listen for once, will you? I couldn't get it up because I... don't... trust... you."

"But, Timmy, you like it when I tie you up and blindfold you, then paddle your ass til it burns. You never had trouble getting it up or keeping it up before."

"No, I didn't, Abby, but that was before I knew that you cheated on me!"

"Ohmygod Timmy! That was years ago!"

"Yes, I know that, Abbs. But bear in mind that I only just learnt about it, even if it happened years ago. Besides, I thought I was okay with it too."

"So, what are you saying? You want to forget about giving us a second try?" Abby looked crestfallen and McGee felt like a jerk.

"Um, no, but I need to find a way to get past your cheating. I guess I'm just worried that you'll do it to me again, Abbs."

"Oh, McGee," she screeched into his ear as she hugged him again and he felt himself relax into her touch.

"Maybe we could just slow down, maybe date without the sex... "

"Timmy, that's just avoiding the issue. It could just make Little Timmy," pointing at his dick, "even more confused. Gotta get back on the horse, cowboy."

"Well, I don't know what else to tell you, Abby. I can't wave a wand and get over not trusting you, just like that, even if I want to."

And Tim did. He had been hoping and praying that he would get a second chance with her – had done for years. His heart was broken into a thousand pieces when Abby broke up with him and that was years ago, but he'd never gotten over her, no matter how hard he tried. She was wild and passionate and their sex life was like nothing he'd ever experienced since she was adventurous and skilled and everything he wasn't.

He was crazy about her. Then he made the monumental blunder of telling her just how serious he was about her and wanted to know how she saw their relationship and, before he knew it, she was cheating on him and it was over.

Yet when he pieced his shattered heart back together again, he found he couldn't move on as hard as he tried. When she went out with other guys, he wanted to hunt them down and kill them, and the fact she seemed jealous of everyone he was keen on, made him hopeful that she still had feelings for him. Even though she told that lunatic, Landon Grey, who decided that Amy wasn't good enough for Agent McGregor and tried to kill her that Amy and McGregor were all wrong for each other, Tim still held on to hope.

And then he finally got his chance when they were both single again and they'd decided to try again. He was so ecstatic to be back together with her again. He really thought she was the one for him – they were so well suited to each other. She was super smart, like him, liked computer stuff and online gaming – they were a match made in heaven, so why couldn't he get past her cheating on him? If he didn't, then he'd lose her for good this time. Abby loved sex and if he couldn't satisfy her, they were doomed to fail a second time.

As he felt despair threaten to swallow him up, Abby began bouncing up and down in her Energizer Bunny mode.

"Timmy, ohmygod! I know what you have to do!"

He groaned. Knowing Abby, she would want him to dance naked in the light of a new moon while chanting some weird Wiccan fertility spell over his manhood.

"It's simple, McGemcity! You can't trust me because I cheated on you so now you need to cheat on me too so you can feel guilty and then we can both move on," she shrilled, looking inordinately pleased with herself.

"What? Abby... I couldn't."

"Of course you could, Tim. I thought you said you wanted to give us a chance? Well, this is what you need to do to get beyond your trust issue or we're not going to work."

"But cheating?"

"Haven't you ever cheated before, Timmy."

"What? No...of course not!"

"Sheez, Tim. How do you expect to be a great writer if you don't have the life experiences to draw upon when you write? Think of it as research for your next book if it helps. Take a ride on the wild side... So. Go. Off.

"Have a one night stand, Timmy, or we could share them – maybe a ménage a trois." She grinned lasciviously. "Just one condition, though. It has to be someone we both know, not a stranger, but someone you and I are friends with."

"What? But someone we both know would mean someone we work with. And most of the people who work here are guys," he pointed out, wondering if Abby had been really genuine about wanting him to have an affair."

"Yeah... so? You telling me you aren't the slightest bit bi-curious, Timmy? That you never fooled around with a guy... not even in college or summer camps?" Abby wanted to know. "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to screw a guy? Well, here's your chance to live a little."

"But guys, Abby?"

"You're such a prude, Timmy. Don't knock it til you've try it. Take notes – who knows, we might give it a go together. Some of my best sex has been with two guys. Don't forget you wanted to watch me make out with another gal pal! Just a bit hypocritical? What's good for the goose is even better for the gander."

Seeing his deer in the headlight expression she relented. "Besides, if you're going to be like that, there are women here at NCIS. Pick one of them. I bet Delores Bromstead would sleep with you in a minute. No, on second thought, she'd get her heart broken. Sleep with Ziva – she won't get attached to you or anything and she might be up for a threesome."