Summary: Post Promised Day. Roy gets a strange phone call from Edward. Hints of Royai because I just can't resist.

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, just this silly plot.

This was my second contribution to parentalroyedweek on Tumblr. Rating: Teen for language Day Seven - 520 Cenz

The Mysterious Phone Call

by Waddiwasiwitch

The paperwork was piled high on Brigadier General Roy Mustang's desk. "I swear Grumann is trying to drown me under all this shit."
"Be brave, sir." Riza Hawkeye looked up from her equally high pile on her own desk, "Perhaps if you kept on top of your paperwork rather than procrastinating you might not find it so unbearable?"
"Remind me why I keep you around again," he joked.
"I make excellent coffee."
"That too," he conceded with a laugh. "I'd be dead without you, but sometimes I wonder if your slave driver tendencies will kill me first."
"Will you two quit flirting?" Havoc moaned. "I just came back for wallet and you're putting me off my food."
The rest of the men had left for their lunch already, but the General and his second in command were both working through. With matching guilty expressions, Riza and Roy looked about to make sure there was no one else around. It wasn't like there was anything to be guilty about; there was nothing on after all, but any hint of improper conduct could get them in trouble. Havoc should know better than to make jokes about it.
"I don't appreciate your insinuations, Havoc," Roy said testily. "Take more care of what you say."
"We're not flirting." Riza's voice was low, a sure sign of her anger. "Besides you shouldn't throw oil on those rumours going around headquarters."
The phone rang saving Havoc from further lectures and he took the opportunity to sneak out for his lunch.
"Hello, Hawkeye speaking, this is Brigidier General Mustang's office."
Riza could be terrifying sometimes, but she had such a gentle heart underneath it all. It was one of the reasons, Roy was so fond of her. He gazed at her, admiring the way the light was shining on her through the window. He shouldn't torture himself like this, but sometimes the temptation was too much and he found himself watching her unabashedly and hungrily.
Her mouth curved into a small smile and she lowered the receiver. "It's Edward, sir."
"What mess has he gotten himself into this time?" The feigned irritation did little to fool Riza as she handed him the phone. Her raised eyebrow told him all he needed to know. "Hello Fullmetal!"
"Don't call me that!"
If Roy was truly honest, he missed the familiar petulant whine. "Sorry kid, old habits die hard."
"Yeah, well just call me Ed, okay?"
"Right, shrimp."
"Hey -" Edward stopped suddenly as if he realised what he was going to say.
Roy suppressed a chuckle. How he missed baiting the boy; it was too easy. "Something the matter?"
"Don't call me short!" Edward said, "After all, I'm almost as tall as you now!"
"You're still shorter."
Roy leaned back in his chair and he looked around to see Hawkeye shake her head disapprovingly.
"Why do you always have to make things so difficult," Edward sighed deeply. "Never mind, I knew this was a bad idea."
Feeling slightly ashamed, Roy's smirk faded, "Hey, I'm just winding you up. It's not fault your ego is so fragile."
There was a snort from the other end of the phone.
"I need a favour." The younger man's voice was little more than a mumble. "I'm coming to East city next week, would I be able to meet you for dinner?"
Roy's curiosity was piqued. "Do we need to gather the troops? What trouble have you got yourself into now?"
"Do you have to assume the worse? No - it's uh personal."
Roy frowned, "Nothing bad, I trust?"
"That remains to be seen," Edward said darkly.
"Let me make the arrangements and let me know where you staying. I'll leave a message with the front desk of the hotel."
"I'm staying in the Metropole," Edward said, "One more thing, General Bastard."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"You can't expect me to be civil for too long."
"Touché!"
They were back on familiar footing once more.
"Seriously," Edward continued."I want to keep this between us. Promise me you won't tell anyone?"
"Have I ever let you down, kiddo?"
"That's why I'm worried. I'll see you Thursday then. Bye General."
"Bye Edward." Roy replaced the receiver and looked up to see Riza standing over him her arms crossed.
"You're both grown men and yet neither of you can't seem resist taunting each other." She sighed deeply. "Sometimes, I just want want to smack your heads together."
"You wouldn't understand, Hawkeye," Roy replied. "It's a male bonding exercise cultivated through centuries since the time of the neanderthal."
"Really that long, I thought it was the skill of obnoxiousness passed down the Mustang family for generations."
Roy smiled, he supposed he did consider the kid a member of his extended family even though he was no longer one of his subordinates. He couldn't help but wonder about the mysterious favour that Edward wanted. The kid had pulled back on his anger a number of times in the phone call and that indicated that this must be something very important. His trail of thought was interrupted by a loud cough.
"You might want to get back to your paperwork, sir, if you want to leave the office some time today."
Roy sighed and prepared for the daily monotony of his paperwork.

Roy was true to his word and he didn't mention the meeting to any of the team apart from Lieutenant of course. It was impossible to hide anything from that woman especially since he needed to leave an hour early. He had simply told her that he was meeting the kid for dinner. Roy had booked his usual table at the back of his favourite restaurant. Edward had not intimated that privacy was required, but Roy liked to be prepared especially as the former Fullmetal alchemist had a penchant for attracting all kinds of trouble. He was loath to admit it to anyone, but he did miss having the kid around. It was always good to have a similar mind to exchange theories especially when they stumbled on a case that involved alchemy. Armstrong might be an alchemist, but he didn't have as much interest in the intellectual theory. The last few times Roy had met Edward, he found that the younger man was happy to still discuss alchemical theory even if he was unable to perform it any longer.
A matronly woman greeted him with a "Hello Roy."
Roy smiled at the waitress, "Hello Edith."
"Who's the lucky lady tonight or will Elizabeth be arriving?"
Roy chuckled, "No, it's a different blond, more volatile and less pretty."
At that moment, Edward entered the restaurant and Roy raised his hand to get the young man's attention. The former alchemist spotted him and started to make his way over to the table.
"I see what you mean," she whispered with a wink. "Doesn't hold a candle to Elizabeth. I'll go and get you some menus."
Edward arrived just as Edith was leaving.
"What are you smirking at, Bastard?" he asked as he took the seat opposite Mustang.
"It's nice to see you too, Fullmetal."
"Don't call me that."
"Don't call me Bastard then."
Edward rolled his eyes, "I think you forget that you're not my Boss anymore."
Roy clicked his tongue, "Like you ever listened to me."
Edward's grin was sheepish, "True!"
"I must say I was intigued by your phone call." Spotting Edith approaching with menus, Roy said, "Let's wait until the food comes before we get down to business and we can speak without interruption."
Edith handed them menus, "May I get you somethiang to drink?"
Roy turned to Edward, "Any preference?"
When Edward shrugged in response, Roy turned back to Edith, "A bottle of the house red."
Edith nodded and left the table.
Edward's eyes perused the menu and went wide, "You don't have cheap taste do you?"
"If you want something of substance, you first need to be prepared to pay for it."
"Equivalent exchange," Edward said with a smirk. "So, oh wise one, can you tell me what's good here?"
"They do a mean steak."

The food smelt delicious and Edward's stomach rumbled as Edith put the steak in front of him. He was so hungry, he forgot his manners and began to cut the steak with his knife.

He took a piece with his fork and tasted it. "Mmmm - this is good."

"I told you it would be."

Edward tried some potato next and savoured the taste before he started shovelling lumps of potato into his mouth.
"Slow down or you'll choke."
Edward looked up sheepishly to see Mustang smiling at him.
"Sorry, I guess I'm not used to eating in fancy restaurants."
"You shouldn't even be eating like that at home. You should enjoy your food."
"Quit with the lecture."
Nevertheless, Edward took more time eating the food.
"So.." Mustang was trying to catch his eyes and the former alchemist knew that the time had finally come to spill his guts. "About that phone call?"
"I didn't know who else to go to," Edward began keeping his eyes averted.
He could feel a blush developing on his cheeks.
"Edward, you know I can be a bastard sometimes, but if you need help you can ask."
"I mean I don't know many people who really fit the bill." Edward shrugged, "I couldn't go to Armstrong." The younger man physically trembled. "He'd probably start blubbering all over me."
"Edward, can you just spit it out?"
"You were my last choice, just so you know." Edward raised his eyes. "Winry told me that if I turn up at the wedding with one of my threadbare suits or my red coat, she'll give me back my engagement ring."
"Oh!" Roy's mouth opened and his eyes widened. "You're looking for a suit for your wedding? You have come to right place. I'll make an appointment with my tailor and one for Alphonse too."
The words stuck in his throat but he managed to convey his gratitude. "Thanks," Edward said quietly.
"What was that?" Roy put his hand to his ear. "A little louder if you please."
Edward crossed his arms, "I'm not saying it again."

"I don't know about this, Al." Edward was uneasy as he glanced at the address on the piece of paper Mustang had given him. "General Bastard is being a little too helpful, it's creepy."

Alphonse rolled his eyes, "Give the guy some credit. You were the one who asked him for the help after all."

"I've got a bad feeling about this, he'll be so smug about this. And what's worse is that I'll have to spend the afternoon with some prissy tailor getting up close and personal."

Edward made to turn away, but Al caught him by the arm, "Do you want to make Winry happy?"
Of course he did and if it meant putting up with General Bastard, then he would. Edward sighed, "Stupid gear head owes me."
If he was honest it wasn't just the prospect of the tailor, he was starting to get nervous about the wedding too.
Alphonse pointed up ahead at one of the store fronts, "I think that's the place."
Edward checked the name over the door.
"Yeah, but this place looks expensive."
"You did ask Mustang and you know how he likes his comforts."
Edward just glared at his brother in response. "Would you just quit pointing out that I asked General Smug Face for his help."
He took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The bell tinkled as the brothers entered. Neither were surprised to see Mustang was waiting inside before them.
The dark haired man stood on a stool, as the tailor took some quick measurements and scribbled in his notepad, "I thought I would use the occasion to get measured for a new suit myself."
The tailor was a tall, thin man with white hair and ruddy cheeks. He looked enquiringly at the two newcomers, "Now which of you gentlemen is the groom?"
"I am," Edward said.
"Splendid." The tailor rubbed his hands together, "Now let's get you gentleman measured. The Brigadier General tells me nothing but the best will do."
Mustang stepped down from the stool and Edward was shoved in the direction of the stool. He reluctantly stood on the stool, his limbs suddenly feeling awkward appendages. Should he keep his arms by his side? Did he know about his automail?
"No need to be so tense," said the tailor a little two close to his crotch with a measuring tape for Edward to be anything but tense.
When the tailor spread his arms to measure the width from fingers to shoulder, he could feel the tension dissipating somewhat.
After another few uncomfortable moments, the tailor took Edward over to the table in the corner with a few samples of fabric. Mustang followed him over leaving Alphonse to the mercy of the tailor.
Edward's face fell as he noticed the price per yard on the fabrics he had been given, "I can't afford this, Mustang."
"Don't worry, he'll only bring out the most expensive fabrics, but he has more reasonable fabrics too."
"Pity, it's so expensive, I really like the silk from Aerugo."
Roy clapped him on the back, "Consider it a wedding present."
Edward's mouth dropped open.
"You'll catch flies like that, Edward."
"No - I can't let you do that."
Roy waved his hand, "If you must add it to the 520 cenz you owe me?"
Edward smiled, "Miser, I'll pay you back the day you finally make this country a democracy then, and then I'll borrow more money and pay you back the day you ask Hawkeye to marry you."
"What makes you so sure I haven't asked her already?"
For the second time in as many minutes, the younger man was stunned.
"I'm only kidding, like Hawkeye would put up with the likes of me."
Edward thought he caught a sense of wistfulness in the man's tone. "Well, she puts up with you in the office, doesn't she?"

Roy was glad that Edward had accepted his gift even if it as under the pretext that he would pay him back. He had suddenly realised as he stood in the shop, he probably would never be able to do this for his own sons. The likelihood was that he would never get to be a father and have a family of his own. The Elric brothers were closest he would ever have to sons. Sometimes but not often, he thought about all the things he had given up the moment he had set himself on this course. The wallowing self pity was usually accompanied by a night of drinking hard liquor until he was in a comatose state. Still, he never regretted the course he set himself and it really wasn't a bad life.

The end