Hi there! Before you begin my flagship title, just a quick note about me. Boring I know =(

I'm Nanoshock as you may have guessed. My goal is to write you guys some humorous lemons along with some more serious fan-fiction. At least, that's the plan. I've originally come from HF, but after having a word or two with some fans, mainly someone known as "Waddlebuff" (Hello!) I've decided to come and give you guys on FanFiction all my lovely stories. I also take requests, because we all need practice and you guys have some awesome ideas, so don't be afraid to PM me!

I hope you enjoy them all, including this one and I hope to see more of you guys soon!

Garen awoke. He had probably been asleep for a good eight hours now and boy did he feel like shit.

Life had become a nuisance ever since the League of Legends shut its doors, the day Noxus, Demacia and Shurima made a 100 year peace in order to honor their victory over the creatures of the void. Sure it was great knowing that Demacia would be safe now, for at least the length of Garens lifetime, but what is a soldier to do if there is no war to be had, no battles to fight, no justice to be delivered.

He had become a law-keeper. A captain, or rather a general of the city guard. The problem was that there was little to no crime in Demacia, for who would want to disrupt such a utopia, and the ones that did, faced the harsh consequences. Besides Garen wasn't a simple soldier. After so many battles, so much glory, he wasn't about to just go around catching petty thieves and ruffians. So instead, he did nothing but train, eat, sleep and socialise. He had to keep good form of course and he was so used to working out and training, that it was now much more relaxing for him to run around the track or spend an hour parrying with his soldiers than it was to simply lounge about.

The league gave him purpose, without it, he simply had none.

Now it's all gone.

Finally getting his backside off his bed, Garen made his way down to the dining quarters of the Crownguard Estate. Out came his adorable, cute little sister Lux, running up to him with open arms as he descended off the last step.

"Hi Big Brother!" she exclaimed as she grinned looking up towards his face. Lux was probably Garen's best friend, tied with Jarvan. There was no sibling rivalry between Lux or Garen, just pure familial love.

She was twenty years old, a full decade below Garen's age. Garen saw her more of a daughter rather than his sister. She had always cheered him up in the worst circumstances and the two had many close calls during their time in the league and on the battlefield. They hardly ever argued, even when they were younger and their bond had grown ever stronger as time passed.

"How was your sleep?" She asked with genuine enthusiasm.

"Great, fine, fine..." Garen murmured still a bit groggy.

"Yup, still not fully awake like always Garen."

"You know I like my sleep Lux, I don't see you fighting battles for five days straight, training day in, day out."

"Yeah, a lot of battles you've fought recently." She giggled.

"Hah, real funny Sis, now can you tell me the time and get off me so I can walk to the breakfast table or am I going to have to carry you with me?"

"It's 9 am at the moment." Lux jumped back with the giddiness and excitement of a 12 year old.

"9 am? What's 9 am?" Garen asked confused.

"0900 hours, mophead!"

"Oh right of course. Sorry I'm just not use to this "conventional time" you guys at home use."

Being in the military for 2/3rd's of his life, he had been conditioned to use military time. Garen chuckled a little as he saw lux giggle herself. Life was a little less of a nuisance because of her.

"So what's with the spring in your step today Lux? You seem a bit more energetic than usual." Garen noticed as he sat down to eat his daily breakfast of three eggs and two whole chicken steaks.

Big guys have big appetites.

"Oh er... I'm going to go out to the magic and hextech fair in Piltover today. I'm leaving this afternoon.

"And who exactly are you going with Lux." Garen questioned her in a fatherly tone.

Lux folded her hands behind her back, looking down towards the floor.

"Just m-me."

"And?"

"er...er...Eh- Ehzr-"

"Ezreal" Garen interjected.

Ezreal was not a welcome name to his ears. It wasn't that the boy had annoyed him or that Garen disliked him. He was a pretty stand-up guy and he was a somewhat good friend. It wasn't even the fact that Ezreal wasn't Demacian nobility. He was a league champion and that was noble enough for Garen. It was simply the fact Ezreal did not give a care in the world about anything that wasn't adventuring. He had no routine, no discipline, no honor. He did not see him looking after Lux in the long term. Garen was fairly sure that in the future if Lux and Ezreal had a family, Ezreal would rather go out on some treasure hunt then spend time supporting his loved ones at home. Being the only man of the house since their father passed away, it was up to Garen to make sure Lux's future was in good hands.

Of course Garen could have been wrong, and it really did seem that Lux and Ezreal really loved each other.

"Sis, don't be nervous, you can go! I won't and can't stop you anyway."

"Really brother!?" Lux looked straight into his eyes. She was overwhelmed with joy. She hadn't seen Ezreal in a month!

"C'mon Sis, why would I say that just to say no. Just make sure you don't mess around too much." Garen teased.

"What do you mean?" Now it was Lux's turn to be confused. She really was an innocent angel.

"Have Sex." Garen said bluntly. The military had taught him to be blunt and thats exactly how went about saying things.

"O-Oh." Lux blushed, her face reddening by the second.

"I wouldn't do such a thing brother, you know-"

"Lux, you really have to learn to take a joke. You're 20 now, do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah I swore, what are you going to do about it? Tell mom? She'll just tell you to grow up."

Garen smirked. Sex. Man, that's something he hadn't had for a long time. It was starting to give him a half-chub. Right in front of his sister.

Great.

Luckily, Lux didn't notice. She was too busy thinking of a strong enough comeback but she refused to swear so she just nodded in acceptance.

"By the way, Jarvan came down earlier with Xin, Fiora and Vayne. They were asking if you wanted to hang at the bar with them tonight. If so, they'll be there at around 6 evening. I mean, 1800 hours"

"Alright thanks Sis."

"Well, I'm going to go shopping in the star district, need to grab a few things before I go. If I don't see you brother, I'll catch you in a few days."

She started to turn towards and make her way when Garen grabbed her by the arm.

"A few days? How long is this fair?"

"Oh, well, Ezreal invited me over to his place,

"Oh really? I don't think so." He tried his best to keep a straight face.

"B-b-but you said." An extreme look of dissapointment flashed over her face as her body slumped in resignation.

"Fiiiiine. I guess I did say you could."

He grinned at her as he spoke and gave her a wink.

Lux beamed back at him, anger in her face, but also relief. She hated when he interfered with her relationship with Ezreal.

"Go have fun now sis." Garen hadn't mean to make her angry. He was just teasing, but he understood that Lux respected him and his word.

Lux began moving towards the front entrance of the estate. As she stepped through the gigantic open doors that lead to the front yard she quickly turned towards Garen, opening her mouth.

"You're mean Garen, I don't even say anything mean to you." She pouted her face in a mock frown and crossed her arms.

"Yeah, yeah, go along now before I change my mind."

Garen arrived at the "Old Demacian" bar. He liked the name. It was old by now, and it was Demacian. Simple, yet effective. Him, Jarvan and the gang had been going there for a few years now. It was towards the more richer end of the commoners district which was perfect. This meant that there were no peasants to bother the League Champions, but it still gave the good, drunken feeling of a bar. No one cared by now that the Prince of Demacia, the Night hunter, the Captain of the Dauntless Vanguard as well as Fiora, Shyvana, Xin Zhao and Quinn came to this bar on a weekly basis. It just wasn't special anymore. Of course they were treated with a lot more respect than the other patrons.

"Nice to see you here Garen. Hows retirement?"

Jarvan motioned to a plush sofa. They were seated in one of the more richer corners of the bar.

"Haha, very funny, my Prince." Garen retorted, mockingly.

"You know if you weren't my best buddy Garen, I would have killed you for that." Jarvan snickered. Jarvan may have been the prince of Demacia, but he had also been in the military long enough to not be a posh ass wipe, allowing him to take his comfortable place as the smart-ass of the group, He knew he could be an asshole to his friends and no one would make him pay for it, for who would disrespect the prince of Demacia?

"I would like to see that." came a thick, Ionian voice next to Garen. Seneschal or not, Jarvan's dickhead attitude had rubbed off on Xin Zhao enough to make him pleasant company. Being an outsider of Demacia, back to a time he didn't want to remember, it was hard for Xin Zhao to adjust. He had no emotion back then. He did not know what feelings were, as they were stripped from him through countless years of bloody combat and torture. Slowly and surely however, in the company of those present before him, he learned how to laugh and how to love.

He owed Demacia his life.

"No you wouldn't Xin. You like me way too much."

"Yes, You are right my friend." Xin still prefered to speak in complete Runeterran, totally excluding any slang. It fit his Ionian accent. (Authors Note: Ionian = Asian and Runeterran = English)

"Oui, Garen, it is nice having you here" Fiora agreed. Fiora was somewhat of a tomboy, although nowhere as near as much as the likes of Vi, who was simply a man in a womans body. She liked her hair short and preferred a good duel rather than a fancy dress. Not to say she didn't like fancy dresses. Her armour had a femme-fatale look about it, and she put effort into making herself look attractive. She was rather stuck up however, a typical trait of Laurent kin. Garen had tried his advances on her but to no avail. Her tight ass in her form fitting armour aroused Garen enough, but she just wouldn't put out. She explained that she was about finesse and technique and Garen was about brute force and strategy. That was enough for Garen to take a hint. She just wasn't interested enough.

"Where do you get that accent from? Why won't you tell me?" It was a continual jest between Fiora and Garen.

"My family as you know are from Demacia and that is all you need to know Garen. If you really want to know why don't you try finding out in the library, if you even know where it is."

Bitch.

A belt of laughter filled the table, Garen himself feeling a tinge of anger. He wasn't an academic and everyone knew that. He would rather eat shit then go to the library.

"Hmph" Vayne murmured in a humored tone. She always said very little, even when they were socialising. The entire group would talk and banter about numerous topics for a few good hours in the least, with Vayne saying no more than a few words or a sentence or two at the most. Garen even forgot that she was even here half the time. Her incredible intelligence and numerous skills granted her place easily among the crew and Garen respected that. The night hunter had saved many a life in Demacia due to her efforts and she was key in the capture of the eternal nightmare, Nocturne.

Garen remembered when the subject of sex came up a few weeks ago, as it does inevitably. She simply stated: "I do not care for sex. It serves no purpose other than to reproduce and I do not wish for it." No one questioned it. They knew they would get no answer out of her.

"Dragon didn't want to come play today, Jarvan?" Garen asked curiously.

Shyvana lived in the royal palace ever since she was rescued by the prince. He had offered to let her go a few times during the years, but she demanded that she stayed here to protect and serve Demacia, owing her life to him and his kingdom. After the peace had been made, Jarvan again offered to pay for her travels and her domain, wherever she chose to live, but Shyvana stayed, determined to live in Demacia, stating it was her home now and she loved it here. If only Jarvan could see how much she yearned for him. Garen had noticed, but he never bothered to tell Jarvan. It wasn't his problem.

"She had some "business" to attend to." Jarvan responded. "I tried to get her to say what but she said it was none of my business and even me, Prince Jarvan, is afraid of angering a Dragon."

The group spent a good hour or two catching up through the past two weeks, discussing general topics, when Fiora excused herself.

"Alright guys, sorry, I've been heerre for a little while, but I have a fencing tournament to attend to." Fiora pride shone through as she spoke, her accent caressing the words leaving her mouth.

Vayne herself rose and simply just left without a word. It was then Garen caught a smirk and a slight blush from Fiora as she glanced at Vayne.

Fiora had stated herself that she was bisexual, but Vayne? Who knew what the fuck Vayne was into.

Then it hit Garen.

No!...no? Vayne is a lesbian?!

A slight slap to the back of his head snapped him back to reality, making him close the gaping, drooling hole he called his mouth.

"So since the ladies are gone and you're too busy looking at Fiora's ass, I might aswell ask you Garen." Jarvan incorrectly interpreted. Somewhat.

"Now that things are all settled and you're just wasting at home, why don't you go get a woman?"

"I could say the same for yourself Jarvan."

"Well I'm a prince and a prince requires a princess or at least a valued noblewoman to continue his legacy. Do you see any princesses or decent noblewomen anywhere?"

"You... have a point." Demacia had no princesses and out of the freljord queens, Ashe was married, Sejuani couldn't give a fuck about Demacia and Lissandra was evil and had gone into hiding. Jarvan had considered marrying someone from Noxus to finally resolve all their problems but out of the du couteau sisters, one was akin to the entity known as Medusa and would probably kill him, the other being a simple assassin, holding no real political power or value. Leblanc was out of the question too, as Jarvan hated her for torturing him and assuming his identity and there was no fixing that.

There was always Ionia however, and he had a thing for Irelia. Karma really wasn't his cup of tea, Jarvan preferring milk in his as opposed to plain black.

"There's Irelia I guess. I know you want to rail her bro."

Garen had a confused look upon his face as Jarvan's reaction was one of anger as opposed to humour.

"There's wanting to rail someone and then marrying someone Garen. I don't even know her well enough, I can't just ask her to marry me. It would be hard for Ionian customs and culture to adapt to Demacian culture and customs, and I'll be damned if I let her culture take ours over. There are a lot of political implications I have to think about Garen. I can't just marry anyone. I would love to but I can't." Jarvan spoke with an incredibly annoyed tone in his voice. He was starting to kick off. There was a lot of pent up frustration inside Jarvan simply for these reasons and it would be too hard to explain to the dimwit Garen.

"Sorry Jarvan, but why does any of that political bullshit matter anyway? We're living in new times now, there is going to be peace for our lifetimes."

Garen shrugged somewhat flippantly,

"I was just offering advice, man. Take it or leave it."

Xin face palmed.

"Garen, my good friend, the only action you've been getting is from that slut Katarina, and you did it behind our backs fully knowing that if someone caught you, that someone not being me or Xin Zhao, I'd have to kill you."

Jarvan looked at him dead straight in his eyes, staring him down to the core.

"For real, this time."

He paused, making sure he got the message across before slumping back down in his chair.

"Come back to me when you've laid with all the women in the league, then I'll listen to you."

So they knew.

Garen was furious. Not only did his friend call his girlfriend a slut, he also dismissed his sexual prowess, and that to Garen was like Jarvan dismissing his manhood.

Most of the female champions mocked Garen. They all assumed he overcompensated for his "Little Soldier" with his courage and bravery, and teased about how he whacked off to the thought of Demacia. Especially that erection invoking seductress, Ahri.

Now his brother was mocking him too? That was the final blow to his dignity.

"Is that a bet Jarvan?" Garen beamed, anger in his voice.

Jarvan chuckled now, grinning back at Garen's face.

"Oh, the big, burly Demacian man getting upset already?"

"Fuck you, Jarvan. I was just trying to help."

The smile on Jarvan's face vanished immediately. He and Garen almost never got angry at each other and this was a stupid way to start an argument between them.

"Look, Garen, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, but you can at least thank me for keeping your secret safe along with Xin Zhao."

The anger from Garen drained as he realised just how right Jarvan was. He had been inconsiderate to his friends, not knowing the true risks that his affair truly had. The amount of pain it would have caused Jarvan had his relationship gone public, to kill his own friend over something stupid. Jarvan would have never killed Garen, but to spare him would show that Demacia was corrupt, and once the people saw that, well, it would ruin everything Demacia had striven for. It would have made Demacia just as bad as Noxus.

Garen pondered around in his brain. And then, a brilliant idea struck him like a stone.

"Really though Jarvan, if I actually, you know, went around banging every female champion, would you consider calling it even for keeping my secret and maybe go talk to Irelia for once?"

"Are you being serious Garen?"

"You did just insult me, and now I feel like I have to prove something, and I owe you big time. Besides, I'm bored." He shrugged.

Good enough reason as any, right?

"How does this even help me Garen. You boning every League chick does not benefit me in any way. Are you like, going to send me hex-pictures of them or something so I can sleep peacefully at night?"

"Easy. Ii would boost our diplomatic relations and get Intel. Besides, I'd open up Irelia for you and let you know if I approve. Maybe I'll invite you to bone her with me." Garen smirked and gave Jarvan a knowing wink.

Jarvan hesitated. He was getting hard by the idea that him and his best friend would be boning that fine piece of ass. How tight her cunt must be. And to even think about plowing her butthole. His tent was slowly growing in his pants.

"If you actually somehow did it, then yes I would." Jarvan said half laughing.

"It's a deal?"

Jarvan still couldn't take it seriously but composed himself.

Fuck it, it'd be a laugh at least.

"Yes, but only you get proof of every one night stand and you bring me along when you go to Ionia. I'll find out one way or another."

"Xin is our witness, right Xin?" Garen asked, turning towards the sole spectator of the entire debate.

Xin just sat there with his mouth agape. He couldn't believe the scene he was just witnessing.

Then out came a roaring, thundering belly laugh from his gaping mouth as he clutched his stomach.

"Sister fucker!" he screamed in between guffaws, pointing a hand at Garen.

Jarvan couldn't help but join in with his own snickering.

"Xin, I'm not fucking my sister!" Disgust was on Garen's face as he roared, a few curious faces turning to see what the commotion was about. He turned around and gave the set of onlookers a cold, hard stare. There wasn't a second peep from any of them.

"Well, are we doing this or not?" Jarvan extended his open palm, as Garen turned around to look at him.

"It's on." Garen extended his own, sealing the deal with a formal handshake. Taking a last swig of his ale, he stood up with enthusiasm and vigor. He had found a new purpose in life. A glorious ass-tapping crusade.

"Where are you going Garen?" Xin exclaimed as Garen turned.

"I have to start somewhere, and there are five beautiful ladies in Demacia waiting to be loved."

"Six."

"Xin. I'm not going to fuck my sister, you filthy dog."

"You still forgot Poppy. Her lonely heart counts too, my friend."

Garen shuddered at that thought. He had forgotten about the yordles.

Great. Thanks Xin.

"Good luck with Vayne and Fiora. I have no idea how you will get those two." Mischief surrounded his voice.

And with that, Garen left.