A/N:

I'm a little rusty as I haven't written in a while so I'm sorry. And also, apologies for the lack of updates.

So here's the new chapter, there's not much dialogue in here but I hope you still find it okay. Can't wait to hear what you think! Thanks! =)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters.

-o-o-o-

Looking back to where it all began, to where she and Alex began, Piper realized that she's tried almost everything with Alex. From cutting classes to smoking weed inside her car, from sleeping over at Alex's when she told her mother she'd be at Polly's to pretending to date Larry when she's already dating Alex. From living such a privileged life as she watched Alex struggle with hers, to leaving those lives entirely to have one difficult but happy life, together.

She'd always been scared to try new things without Alex, never dared to take any risks when it didn't involve Alex, never wanted anything that had nothing to do with Alex. Everything seemed so much less without her, like the point of doing something wasn't the doing itself but the fact that she could do it with her.

So as the possibility of living her life without Alex for the first time in more than half of it hit Piper, she suddenly found herself unable to breathe realizing that it was not what she wanted. She didn't want this, didn't want a life without Alex, didn't want to even think about it.

Because that life would be pointless, and Piper had no plans of living a life like that.

"Fuck!" Piper exclaimed as the anger and frustration left her body, replaced with the fear that she's truly pushed Alex away this time, and for good. It was exhausting, playing this push-and-pull with her, but she wouldn't let push to be their last move, especially if she was the one to make it.

She couldn't let Alex go, she loved her too much for that. So if having to get tired to her bones each day for the rest of her life meant having to live that life with Alex, then this wouldn't even have to be an internal debate anymore. She had to be with her.

But first she had to find where the hell she was.

-o-o-o-

Piper went out of her and Alex's apartment, her heart hammering furiously against her chest. Her exhaustion had been replaced with an indescribable adrenaline, her need to find Alex before she could get away too far from her urging Piper to move as fast as she could. She kept walking, even though she had no idea where Alex would go and for every step, Piper hated herself even more for telling Alex to leave, her temper rearing its ugly head yet again, at the worst time possible.

She decided to call Nicky, feeling bad that she would have to disturb her realizing how late it was but Piper also knew that she couldn't take her chances. She was the only friend she and Alex had so if Alex would go some place else, there was a chance that it would be at Nicky's.

"This better be important, Chapman or I swear to god I'm gonna make your life a living hell at work tomorrow," Nicky answered, replacing her usual cheery hello with a tone laced with sleepiness. But there wasn't a trace of annoyance in it despite her remark and Piper was reminded that quality was indeed better than quantity when it came to friends.

"I'm so sorry, Nicky," Piper said apologetically as she walked, her gaze darting from one place to another hoping to see a glimpse of Alex. "But something happened and—" Piper stopped herself before she could waste another minute, "Is Alex with you?"

"What?" Nicky seemed a little more awake now, confusion and surprise evident in her voice. "Why are you asking me that, it's almost two in the morning why would she be with me? Isn't she supposed to be with you?"

Disappointment and more fear washed through Piper as she sighed deeply. She was close to tears again but managed to swallow it back up as she went on to answer Nicky's questions. "I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, okay? Thank you. And I'm sorry for waking you up."

Piper was about to hang up when Nicky spoke again, "Wait, Piper. What happened, is everything okay?" She sounded worried now and it only added to Piper's fear. Alex was drunk and it was late and if something happened to her—"Piper?" Nicky's voice pulled Piper back to the present.

"I... no, Nicky. Everything isn't okay. Alex is gone and I really don't know where to find her—"

"What do you mean Alex is gone, she wasn't there when you got home?"

"She was. I kind of..." Piper took a deep breath, she was frantic now and her steps got a little faster, desperation overcoming her entirety. "Look, I swear I'll tell you everything tomorrow... or later, but I really have to find Alex now," guilt crawled up Piper's chest once again not wanting to voice out that it was her who told Alex to leave.

"Do you need me to find her with—"

"No!" Piper cut Nicky off knowing she's bothered her enough. "No, it's fine Nick, thank you. I'm sure she's just... somewhere. I'm gonna be fine, I promise. We're gonna be fine," she added a lot softer, lamely convincing herself with her own words.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I gotta go, Nicky."

"Okay. But call me when you find her okay, I don't care what time it is."

"Yeah. Bye." As Piper put her phone back in her pocket, she noticed a commotion happening just a few steps away from her. She knew something bad had happened as she noticed a police car and ambulance close to the scene. She shouldn't be bothering herself with it, really. It had nothing to do with her and she was here to find Alex. But instead of moving away from the swarm of people that had gathered at one place in the middle of the street, she found herself moving closer to them, her feet feeling heavier at each step.

She didn't know what it was but the scene was drawing her closer to it and as she got nearer, the thumping of her heart also got faster. Whatever happened must be really terrible as she took in the reactions on each of everyone's faces. She stopped behind one older woman whom Piper noticed had a hand clutched to her chest.

"What happened?" Piper asked, unable to see what was really going on as a number of people were blocking her sight.

"Hit and run, that poor girl."

Piper really needed to leave now, she felt bad for whatever happened to that girl but her priority should be finding Alex. She needed to find her now and another second of staying here meant less chance of her finding where she was.

But instead of turning her back on the scene, she asked another question that seemed to be involuntarily coming out of her mouth. "That's terrible. Is she—" she paused midway, not wanting to speak such a terrible word. She didn't know whoever was lying on the street right now but death had always been something that was hard to talk about.

"I really don't know. But I was on my way home when I saw it happened. I saw her walking, you know. And she caught my attention because she seemed so spaced out. She was obviously drunk, with the way she was walking. And that's probably why she didn't notice the vehicle approaching."

It was at that exact time that Piper whipped her head to look at the woman speaking. Her hands were suddenly clammy and her heart felt as if it was about to leap out of her chest.

"No, it couldn't be," Piper thought to herself when the idea crossed her mind. There were a lot of drunk girls all over this place at this hour and there was the most remote chance that it was Alex. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be her. She was surely somewhere else, maybe waiting for Piper to come find her.

But she asked the question, no matter how scared she suddenly felt waiting for the answer. "Drunk? Did you... have you taken a good look at her, I mean—physically, did you see how she looked?" Piper could just walk towards the body and see her for herself but she was frozen to her spot, hoping to any gods out there that it was another girl. She couldn't even feel bad for hoping that anymore, she just badly needed for it not to be Alex.

"Not really."

Piper didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there. So she was about to walk away, unwilling to entertain the thought that it could be Alex any longer when the woman spoke again.

"Oh wait, I do remember something! I only noticed it because I thought there was blood trickling down her right arm but turned out it was just a rose tat—"

But Piper couldn't hear the rest of what the older woman was saying as she made her way through the swarm of people in front of her, ignoring the curses thrown at her as she pushed them out of her way. She didn't know it was possible to move that fast but in less than ten seconds, Piper stood there, feeling as if her chest was gonna rip open.

And there it was, right in front of her own eyes, the last thing Piper thought she'd ever see. The woman she's only ever loved this much, the woman who Piper wore to herself she's gonna live the rest of her own life with... Alex, lying in her own pool of blood.

-o-o-o-

"Close your eyes."

"What? Why would I do that?"

"No questions, come on just close your fucking eyes."

"I love it when you go all dominant on me," Piper winked at Alex before closing her eyes, her cheeks hurting from smiling too much.

She had been in bed with Alex almost all day, having spent most of it naked as they explored each other's bodies over and over again. It was their first day on their apartment, much smaller than what they wanted but it was all they could afford right now and for Piper, that was enough. It was the fact that she was sharing it with Alex that really mattered to her and she knew that even if they found an even smaller place than this one, she wouldn't really care.

They were both wearing nothing, not feeling the need to put on any clothes as they were certain they would just take them off anyway. Piper felt Alex leave the bed and she was about to open her eyes back when Alex spoke again.

"Don't open them yet!"

"Where are you going?"

"I'll just get something."

"You are such a child."

"Oh really? 'Coz the things I did to you just a few minutes ago didn't feel very child-like."

Piper felt another heat surging through her core as she remembered what Alex was talking about but chose to ignore it, a very hard thing to accomplish, and focus on what was happening right now instead. After a few seconds of waiting, Piper felt the bed dip as Alex held both her hands. She was aching to open her eyes, very curious to see what Alex was doing but she stayed like she was, feeling Alex wrap something around her ring finger.

The smile found its way to Piper's lips once again and this time it was a lot wider having realized what Alex was doing.

Piper was aware that this life wasn't going to be easy, certainly not as easy as the life she was accustomed to. But she also knew that this was the life that she preferred, the life she wanted and would choose over anything else, no matter how many better options were laid down right in front of her... a life with Alex.

"Okay, you can open them now."

When Piper did open her eyes, she looked at her hand and wrapped around her ring finger was what looked like a floss, Alex turning it into a ring. Piper looked back at Alex with the biggest smile on her face and her girlfriend was already looking at her, looking a little sheepish and shy.

"I know it's not what you were expecting, and it's definitely not what you deserve but right now, it's all I can afford."

Piper had so many things to say but she didn't know where to start. All she knew was that she was filled with so much love right now and she was wondering how she ever got so lucky to have someone whom she loved so much and who loved her back just as much.

"Alex, it's perfect. I love it," Piper got to her knees and drew Alex closing to her, kissing her deeply. When they pulled apart, Alex looked a whole lot more relieved. "But did you just ask me to marry you?"

"What?" Alex chuckled and Piper could swear it was the best sound in the world. "I'd love that, Pipes, more than anything else, one day... when we can. But right now, it's my way of telling you I wanna live with you for the rest of my life... and I really hope it's what you want, too."

It only took Piper a heartbeat before she responded, not having been more sure about anything in her life. "It is, Al. There's nothing more I want. I love you... so much."

"I love you, too, Pipes."

"Always and forever?"

Alex smiled and Piper had never seen her more beautiful than right now. "Always and forever."

-o-o-o-

Piper laid in her bed wearing the last shirt she saw Alex wearing before she left for work that day. It hadn't been washed but it made it even better because this way, she could still smell Alex. She could pretend that Alex was still here with her. But it wasn't the case and it hurt her even more deeply, the pain slashing its way through her chest, leaving her numb except for the torturous feeling of Alex's absence.

She then looked at the floss wrapped around her finger, as she remembered the promise Alex gave her along with it, for them to be together for the rest of their lives. She hadn't worn it again ever since Alex gave it to her, afraid that she might lose it but right now Piper wanted to do anything just so she could to feel Alex again.

But this was the rest of their lives. This was the rest of Piper's life. And Alex's wasn't with her right now. "You fucking liar," Piper heard herself say and it was the first thing she's spoken in a while.

It had been so many days, Piper couldn't be bothered to count, and yet she still felt as if it was just yesterday when she held Alex's lifeless body, tears obscuring her sight, screams and cries coming out of her mouth.

What made it even worse was the last time she saw Alex, she told her to get out and even if Piper never meant any of it, she hated to think that the last memory Alex had of her was Piper wanting her out of her life when it was the very opposite of that that Piper needed. She needed Alex in her life, every second of it and there was nothing Piper wanted right now than to turn back time and change everything that had happened on that horrible, horrible, day.

But there was nothing she could do but blame herself over and over again for what happened.

So Piper did the only other thing she could do, basically nothing. She stayed in her bed all day, refused to go anywhere but her and Alex's bed, wearing the raven-haired woman's shirt, clutching her pillow so tightly Piper could barely breathe. It was the closest thing she had to feel Alex's again and it wasn't enough. It was never going to be enough.

She didn't talk, because the only person she wanted to talk to was Alex. Nicky had tried and failed repeatedly, and Piper wished she would just stop because she was just wasting her time. Piper only wanted Alex, and she wasn't here.

She didn't eat, because the first time she did ever since it happened, she ended up throwing everything up, feeling sick to her stomach that she chose to eat alone when she should have been eating with Alex. But again, Alex wasn't here.

She also didn't sleep, because every time she did, she could see Alex's face. Alex talking. Alex pissed off. Alex smiling. Alex laughing. Alex excited. Alex dancing goofily just to make Piper laugh. Alex living. But it wasn't just that, because there was also one other thing Piper could see: Alex not breathing.

It hurt and every second that passed was worse than the second before and Piper was slowly losing the will to live and the need to find any reason to do so. She had never imagined a life without Alex because she never really intended to have one without her. And it was taking her too much not to just give up and succumb to the darkness that was quickly revolving itself around her.

Piper hadn't been crying for days now. She wasn't sure if she's just become too numb or if there really was no tears left. But when she looked at her ring finger again, the floss-turned-ring wrapped around it, reminding her of one of the happiest days of her life, reality suddenly hit her and the tears had started flowing again. And this time, it didn't feel like it was stopping anytime soon.

"Alex... I don't wanna live like this anymore. I love you so much. Please just come back to me. Please."

And it was that way that Piper fell asleep for the first time in a while, exhaustion finally taking its toll on her body. She fell asleep whispering Alex's name as if it was the last thing she could do. She fell asleep wishing for things to go back to the way they were, tears staining Alex's pillow, Alex's absence staining her heart.

And it was such a dreamless sleep that Piper forgot her reality for a second when she opened her eyes again.

But maybe, just maybe, she was still sleeping and this was her dream.

Because Alex was standing in her doorway, smiling at her looking every bit of a beautiful goddess that Piper loved so, so much.

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