5

It's been almost a week and Anastasia is not even a bit excited about Ethan coming home. He's the last person she thought who will encourage her to give up on her dream. She doesn't even understand why it all happened. The other night he held her just made her feel that there is that someone who won't stop believing in her. But just like everything else, what she's feeling is wrong.

It has also been three days of being a photocopy girl and Anastasia has enough money for her day to day budget. She enjoys this job more than being a dog groomer. Plus, nobody dares to mistreat her again as Christian will appear out of nowhere and save her. Whenever she tries to talk to him, he doesn't give her a chance. He seems too focused on his work.

Anastasia wonders, "Does he even have a life aside from real estate?"

"Why has he always been like that?"

"Does he even smile at all?"

She just shakes her head at that. She doesn't know why she's so intrigued by the blue eyed beauty when all he does is act as if no one is around him. He is a huge loner and she often wonders why he even gets buyers with that kind of attitude.

Her phone rings for the millionth time and she rolls her eyes. Anastasia is sitting on her bed, trying to write another song but nothing pops out of her mind. She already created the music but there are no words coming out. The music sounds so sad that she is hesitating to write the lyrics. She has never written anything sad in the past eight years mainly because Ethan has always made her happy.

This is the hundredth time he has let her down but this is the first time that she feels below the ground. Ever since he became the Ethan Kavanaugh he is now, things just got more difficult. No matter how they try to make things normal again, it just don't. Anastasia realizes that she just has to face the huge change.

Her phone shows Ethan's name and she takes a deep breath before answering.

"What?" She sounds so annoyed.

Meanwhile, in London, Ethan sounds completely distressed, "Anastasia, just please talk to me, okay? I cannot handle this silence any longer."

Anastasia tries to harden her heart but she can't especially now that she can visualize Ethan with deep eyebags and lonely gray eyes. "Okay, let's talk."

He takes this opportunity, "You know that I love you and I want to support you in every decision that you do. So if you want to be a musician then be a musician. Regardless of what I feel, I will pretend that I am okay as long as you claim that you are okay."

She appreciates what he promises to do but there is just that big part of her wishing that there won't be pretensions. He has lost faith in her but that doesn't mean that she will lose faith in herself. Anastasia just decides to go with the flow. For the sake of their relationship, she chooses to agree with him.

"That just means a lot to me, Ethan." It's not a lie at all.

"Thanks, Anastasia and . . . Ugh! I hate this! Shit! Fuck! Fucking shit! I just want to fly over there and kiss you right now. I just miss you so much and I am going insane." He means it with all his heart.

On the other hand, Anastasia can't believe that after eight years of being together, those words still have an effect on her. She tells him, "You are coming home tomorrow, right? You can hug me and kiss me and . . . support me."

"That's the problem! Anastasia, I cannot. My asshole of a manager decided to make me spend another week here in London and shit! This just makes me so angry right now."

Anastasia's heart breaks after hearing that. She takes back what she's thinking before. She is thrilled about seeing him tomorrow and the thought of not seeing him for another week is just another method of torture. She closes her eyes and painfully realizes that this is their life now. She just has to stay strong.

"That's okay, Adam. I will just see you next week."

"It's not okay at all."

As being the one who's calmer, she tries to get some senses into him, "It's okay, Adam. Look, I am sorry for not talking to you. You would've been a little less stressed if we just talked. I love you."

After a few seconds, a now calm voice answers, "I love you too."

"You know what you have to do right now? Put on your best mask and pretend that you are fine. No one wants a star who doesn't shine bright. Do your best, Adam. This is your life now. Deal with it. I will be with you."

He takes a deep breath before he says, "Okay, A. I love you so much. Remember that. Just A . . . We'll be fine. I will do my very best."

"I love you too."

"You will be with me, right?"

"I will be with you." She confirms before he hangs up the phone. She tosses her phone away and wraps her arms around her folded legs with her chin on top of her knees. She then whispers to herself, "I will be with you but I don't know when."

Anastasia thinks deeply as she shifts from one position to another. She embraces her guitar as her thought are filled of images of her boyfriend, Ethan Kavanaugh. She does love him and he obviously loves her but she's not sure if she is happy anymore. This isn't just because he doesn't think that she can do it; it's because things just changed when he became the superstar.

For the first time in eight years, she considers breaking up with him for real. This isn't just that one impulsive moment. This is something serious. They are growing old but she can't imagine living like this with him forever. There are just some things she wants to explain but she just can't.

Anastasia then grabs her laptop and hurts herself as she logs on to YouTube. She has been posting some of her videos in her channel. Up until now, the highest views she has is a hundred and there are just twenty likes and three shares. The last video she uploaded was two years ago when she discovers a secret.

There is this one YouTube user who comments on every video she has.

WhereIsHappinessxXxXx

You are one amazing singer! Please upload more of your songs. I have downloaded this already and this just has a lot of soul in it.

WhereIsHappinessxXxXx

You have a great voice and not to mention, pretty too. People should hear what you're singing. This is more than just a song. This is art!

WhereIsHappinessxXxXx

Can you please write a song for me? Can you? Whoever your boyfriend is, he is this one lucky guy.

He may only be just one YouTube user but he was more than enough to make her upload more of her videos. But then, Ethan admits to her that he is using that account and she just realizes that no one else is listening apart from him. There you have it; that's the reason why she stopped posting her video on YouTube.

WhereIsHappinessxXxXx

:( :( :( Anastasia Steele . . . :( :( :(

That's the last comment she received from that YouTube user. She closes her eyes and shuts down the laptop. Those are the living proofs that Ethan still believed in her abilities. She wants to go back to those days. She suddenly regrets the time she spent not uploading her videos because she doesn't want to hear him compliment her again.

She puts her laptop back on the table before returning to her bed. She suddenly changes the whole tune she just made. She plays with the chords and they get a little bit lively. There is that sadness in the tune but a little hint of romance in it. She grabs a paper and scribbles the lyrics that pop into her mind. As usual, he is the one person who inspires her every word.

After two hours of making sure that the song is perfect, she sings it wholly.

You are my favorite song, the story I hear before I go to sleep.

You are my favorite song, the one I want to hear first thing in the morning.

You are my favorite song, the portal to another world.

You are my favorite song, the one thing I memorize the most.

You are my favorite song, the one who understands me.

But listening to you everyday fades my smile too.

Listening to you everyday, and there is nothing new.

The same notes and words again and again,

The same old love, the same old pain.

The four minute love song over and over again.

You are my favorite song,

I want to push the end button but at the same time, I don't.