Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail it belongs to Hiro Mashima.

Why Natsu will never wash his scarf again

"You can bind his wrists and tie him-"

"Cana!"

The drunken brunette just waved her tankard flippantly in response to the outraged shout from the guild members sitting around her. Their expressions varied from 'Virgo dig me a hole to hide in so I never have to show my face again' embarrassment to 'I just ate a wing-fish whilst taking a jiggle butt gang attack to the face' disgust. Although Mirajane seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the conversation as she listened from her spot at the bar, delivering drinks to the already wasted card mage and an almost as drunk Lucy.

The day had started off a little quieter than usual due to the guild's resident fire dragon slayer taking a long-promised fishing trip with his blue-furred, flying companion.

This meant the blonde woke up alone in bed, later than usual due to the constant nagging of her partner urging for her to make breakfast not serving as her personal alarm clock.

She let out a blissful sigh as she stepped into the bath, the warm water reaching just below her knees as she stood enveloped in the rising steam from the water's surface before sinking down into the tub. Stretching out her body she let herself relax, welcoming the morning bath that greeted her, rather than the brisk morning showers she'd adopted into her daily routine, another result of her partners impatience and lack of respect for personal hygiene.

She leaned her head back against the edge of the tub, a tired, yet thoughtful sigh passing her lips.

"When did that hot-head become so important in my life? It feels like everything I think say or do is connected to him. What are you doing to me? Natsu.. you idiot."

The last part came out as nothing more than a mumble and a bunch of bubbles. She had sloped against the edge of the bath, sinking into the water so that her mouth was submerged; her huffs coming out as tiny bubbles on the water surface. Whether it was the warm water or her embarrassing realization, the blonde mages cheeks had turned a noticeable shade of pink.

After emerging from her bath with a reluctant groan the celestial mage finished her morning routine and set off for the guild, stealthily avoiding the owner of the building (playing ninja with Natsu and Happy certainly has its perks) as she was a few days behind on rent and was not willing to explain that her flaming idiot of a partner had burnt down the mayor's house on the last job meaning no reward for Team Natsu. That answer would certainly not appease the woman and Lucy was not willing to incur the wrath of the old lady who'd taken a liking to "borrowing" her clothes.

Upon arriving at the guild she immediately sought out her blue-haired friend but the bookworm wasn't to be found in her special spot in the quiet corners of the guild hall where the petite woman would often take solace with her head in a book, away from the noise, fights and odd chairs and tables thrown around in the typical, chaotic fashion.

Her eyes drifted to the iron-dragon slayer sitting on the next table over, grumpily munching on a bolt before discarding it with a grunt in favour of a fork. His slouched form made him seem a bit dejected and the blonde had to stifle a giggle as she watched his show of annoyance and impatience as it was very similar to her partner's behaviour. A grin threatened to make its way to her face as she realised he must be waiting for Levy who, she now recalled, went to check the bookstore to see if the book she had ordered had arrived yet. A sudden glare from the dragon slayer forced the grin right of her face as she gave a hesitant wave; her grin being replaced with a nervous smile.

He gave a satisfied nod before returning to his fork which was now misshapen beyond recognition and sporting several bite marks.

She shuddered before making her way over to the bar, deciding a conversation with the eldest strauss Sibling was much safer than debating Gajeel and Levy's relationship in range of the infamous 'Blacksteel' himself.

"Morning Mira!" The blonde chirped as she flashed a smile at the beautiful barmaid.

"Hello Lucy! Natsu's not with you today?" She replied brightly whilst drying a glass with an old rag in her hand, immediately noticing the absence of the fire mage.

"He's on a fishing trip with Happy so he won't be back for a few hours. I had a great bath this morning though! It was so relaxing." She filled in with a cheerful tone; the after-effect of her relaxing morning left her in a good mood.

"That does sound nice Lucy. I'm sure-" She nodded in agreement before stopping mid-sentence; her gaze shifting to behind the celestial mage who gave a confused look in reply.

"Um Mira?"

"Sorry Lucy! It's just- I think Cana's calling for you."

"Eh?" Turning around to look at the spot Mira's gaze was directed at; she found the card mage sitting a few tables down. She was clearly drunk already as she sat on top of the table, legs crossed and hugging a barrel. She extended one arm and curled her fingers as a gesture to beckon the blonde to her table.

"See you later Lucy! Good luck." She added the last part in a hushed whisper as she patted her shoulder comfortingly.

The barmaid left with those parting words, moving down the bar to serve the other guild members.

Lucy winced as she took in Cana's intoxicated state and the sly grin etched onto her face which could only mean trouble. Mira's encouragement only fuelled her reluctance to join the brunette but her swaying caused to tilt dangerously close to the edge of the table and as much as she dislikes dealing with the drunken card mage when she's in that kind of mood, she wasn't the kind of person to just let their friend fall off a table when there's something she can do about it; Natsu being an exception to this. Usually she'd give him a smug look, sometimes accompanied with a laugh. More often than not she'd be the one pushing him, or kicking him, or punching him… Well you get the idea. But she was definitely not a Sadist! That was more her Edolas Counterpart's style. Although Lucy Ashley would probably murder her if she found out about her Earthland counterpart's speculations so it's probably best if the blonde keeps her mouth shut.

She was snapped out of her reverie by the strong scent of alcohol to find the drunk only inches away from her face, staring intensely at the celestial mage, as if searching for a sign of what had just made her so lost in thought.

"Uh, hey Cana." She put up a hand in greeting, which also subtly served her hidden purpose of keeping the drunk at bay. After taking a few steps back to regain some much needed personal space she reapplied her bright smile which had been fixed on her face earlier.

"Yo Lucy. What ya doin' at the guild all by you'self?" She asked in a drunken slur before leaning back on the table; tilting the barrel she had been nursing in her lap up, only to find it empty. Disgruntled, the brunette discarded the empty barrel and, instead, chose to sit sprawled out on the table.

"Natsu went fishing with Happy." Feeling a sense of de ja vu she decided that a short explanation would be enough to satisfy the inebriated woman's curiosity.

"Feel like havin' a bit of fun with your good pal Cana then?" she asked in a giddy tone, throwing an arm around the blonde's shoulders with a wide grin on her face.

"S-sure." She replied hesitantly as she knew she was definitely going to regret this, after all, no good was going to come from the 'fun' the drunk had planned. However, a voice was telling her (a completely irrational and probably quite stupid voice) that Cana is a good friend and that they hadn't spent a lot of time together lately so what the heck.

"This'll be fun. Mira, bring us some of the strong stuff would ya!" Grinning in return she called to Mira whose eyes sought out Lucy's to give her a sympathetic look before heading to the store room in the back.

Coming back, all too soon for the celestial mage's liking, with two full tankards of the alcoholic beverage that Cana deemed to be 'the strong stuff' Mira flashed a quick smile before hurrying off to serve the other guild members.

Lucy watched the retreating form of Mirajane hurry to take someone's order before eying the tankard suspiciously. The barmaid had left before she had even had a chance to ask what the alcohol she was drinking was, or how likely it was to kill her. Or maybe a better question would have been how long would it take to kill her.

Noticing Cana had already picked up her tankard and was staring as Lucy expectantly, her eyes alternating between the blonde and her tankard.

After fumbling from the embarrassment of being caught daydreaming again by the drunk, the brunette held out her tankard with a grin, a more encouraging and friendly grin than before which actually eased the blonde's nerves, unlike the devious grin she had been sporting earlier.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind she clinked tankards with the card mage before taking a large gulp of her drink, a very different approach to her usual 'just a tiny sip' method when trying alcohol.

She was pleasantly surprised to find it was rather sweet, and very unlike the strong, bitter taste she had been expecting from her reference of past alcoholic drinks she had tried.

Cana smiled at her knowingly which caused her to grin and lift her tankard.

"Cheers!"

She took another long swig and found herself loving the taste. It tasted strongly of vanilla and had a strawberry kick to it which the blonde found greatly appealing. She was able to finish her drink in no time and joined Cana in getting another which was downed even quicker than the first.

"Another two Mira!"

Lucy was drunk. Far more drunk than she'd ever been in her life (which to be fair wasn't that drunk although there was that time at the hot springs… She'd never be able to look at an egg roll the same way again) she could still walk and stand because, thanks to Cana, her alcohol tolerance was a lot higher than it used to be. However, she was swaying all over the place and at one point could of sworn she was on a ship.

The unlikely sight of the blonde in a drunken state began to attract a bit of a crowd. Natsu still hadn't got back yet but Levy rushed over, with Gajeel in tow, to make sure her friend was okay. Gray and Juvia had also made their way over as Gray was concerned for his teammate and Juvia was concerned for her Gray-sama; sticking close to the ice mage to 'make sure love rival doesn't try to seduce Gray-sama'.

Cana's latest comment had sparked disgusted looks from Gray and Gajeel because they didn't particularly want the image of Natsu bound up stuck in their head. They shuddered and began gagging silently behind the girls backs. Juvia was all too keen on the idea, only to rule out the celestial mage as a love rival as she would much rather they could be friends. Levy could only squeak and stutter as she hid her face behind her hands where a raging blush had erupted onto her face.

"No need to be so embarrassed, Shrimp." Gajeel rested his hand on top of her head and shot her a reassuring grin (Well as reassuring as the iron dragon slayer can get). The bluenette raised her head to look up at him with a surprised, slightly awed look. When their gaze met a soft smile graced her lips and her expression transformed into a more grateful one with an underlying tone of something definitely not platonic.

An awkward cough from Gray broke the moment and caused the two mages to look away bashfully, a faint blush dusting their cheeks.

"Are you two lovebirds done?"

"Honestly, the sexual tension between those two is so thick you could cut it with a knife."

The embarrassing comments came from the drunken duo who sat slumped against each other on top of the table, sly smirks painted on their features.

"Why don't you get back to tugging on Salamander's scarf? Damn bunny girl!" Gajeel roared in anger, his face bright red from embarrassment and frustration. Levy could only hide behind the dragon slayer; she'd become nothing more than a blushing, stuttering mess from their teasing.

"Why don't you get back to tugging on Levy's bandana?" the blonde retorted before attempting to high five Cana, but, in her drunken state, failed miserably and ended up hitting her in the face; sending her in to a fit of giggles. Gajeel cursed; shaking in anger as he avoided Levy's eyes who looked away shyly with a pink hue to her cheeks.

"Juvia wants to grab Gray-sama too!" Juvia burst out with eagerness lighting up her eyes as her eyes flicked over Gray's naked form (save for his underwear which kept him somewhat decent).

"Whooo! Juvia I never knew you were so bold!"

"So, where is it you're going to grab him Juvia?"

The pair now turned their attention to Juvia who actually put some thought into the question from Cana which was accompanied by a lewd grin.

"Wait! Juvia are you serious?!" Gray spluttered as he looked frantically between the grinning drunks and a contemplative Juvia.

"Juvia will grab him by the-"

"No!"

"Shoulders." The water mage ended bluntly with a blank look on her face, confused by the outburst of her fellow guild mates.

They all sank down into their seats; letting out a relieved sigh as their shoulders slumped from exhaustion.

Meanwhile, Lucy and Cana started a new tankard and were snickering to themselves like the drunken idiots they were.

During this little episode none of them had noticed Natsu and Happy's arrival at the guild who were both talking to Mira, asking if she could prepare the fish they caught for them to eat (although Happy was perfectly fine with his being raw) as they were starving!

Cana was the first to notice the dragon slayer after he sat down at a table near the bar and smirked after noticing Happy had left him to go sit at the bar. The brunette's eyes drifted to the drunk blonde sitting, or rather swaying, next to her and couldn't hide a grin; her drunken mind had concocted a devious plan involving the two and hilarity was sure to ensue from it.

"Hey Lucy, wanna make a bet?" A non-drunk Lucy would never have accepted an offer like this but her intoxicated state was all for it.

"Bring it on! What do I get if I win?" she slurred, slamming down her tankard with a determined grin.

"I'll give you the extra jewels you need for this month's rent. If I win though, you're paying for all the drinks we've had tonight."

"You're on! So what's the bet?"

"Seduce Natsu."

"Eh?"

"Wha-?!" Everyone else around them voiced their shock and confusion which was added to by the fact that Lucy seemed merely bemused by the situation.

"How should I do it?" The blonde mused to herself.

"You're seriously gonna do it?!"

The blonde just smiled before hopping off the table, staggering and swaying as she made her way over to the fire dragon slayer without another word.

Natsu was able to smell his partner approaching and turned around in his seat to face her.

"Hey Lu-"

His sentence was cut off by the blonde tugging on his scarf harshly, pulling him forward so that his face was mere inches from her own. The sweet smell of the alcohol she'd been drinking wafted from her lips and flooded his nostrils.

"-cy." He finished in a breathy tone, only to be answered with a coy smile from his partner.

"Hey there Natsu!" She drawled out in a seductive tone as she pulled him even closer; close enough so that their foreheads were touching. She could hear him audibly gulp which caused a sultry smirk to spread across her lips.

A fierce blush appeared on the pink haired mage's face thanks to his partner's actions. He felt himself trying to close the distance between their lips for reasons unknown to even himself; it just felt right was his assurance.

He almost groaned when he felt her pull away and was about to whine and complain about her pulling away until he saw her place his scarf to her lips.

His eyes widened as he watched her press a tender kiss against the ends of his scarf before she pressed it against his lips softly.

Before he could even process what happened the blonde staggered out of the guild with her head held high, calling to Cana about rent money.

The equally drunk brunette offered to take her home but they both ended up falling in the river by her house; drunk and giggling.

Juvia, still clinging to Gray, announced that she wanted to 'seduce' Gray-sama too. While Gajeel and Levy sat a bit too close to each other in a secluded corner of the guild.

Half an hour later Natsu was still sitting in the same spot; his fish, now cold and long forgotten. Only one thought had been running through his head in his stunned and blushing state.

"I am never washing this scarf again."

Author's note: A quick oneshot inspired by a scene from Assassination Classroom. I've been struggling with writer's block for my other fanfics so I wrote this after a quick flash of inspiration. I hope you enjoy this oneshot and feel free to leave a review of what you think. Thanks for reading!