When life takes its own course
Sometimes we just don't get to choose
I'd rather be there next to you
Promise you'll wait for me, wait for me
Wait 'til I'm home

Already Home – A Great Big World

ALREADY HOME
An 8x05 post-ep

She shouldn't be here. Shouldn't be getting off the elevator, walking up to the door, definitely not with her keys in her hand like she belongs here. Because she doesn't. Not right now.

He'd tell her differently, of course. He'd say that she can come home any time she wants to. But that's the thing: she wants to. Desperately.

But she can't. Not yet.

She knocks first; she doesn't think anyone's home, but she needs to be sure. She can't do this with an audience.

When nobody answers she uses her key, flipping the light switch on and moving through the living room quickly. She goes straight to the closet with her bag; all of her clothes are gone, save the NYPD shirt she'd left last time she was here, and the one she has in her bag now.

She takes the new shirt out of her bag, the pink one she wears to bed in the spring and fall, the one he loves because it slides off one shoulder, exposing her collar bones for him to nip at. Her eyes involuntarily flick to the bed - their bed - and she feels the blush creep up her cheeks.

Stop it, Kate. You're only making it worse.

She forces herself to turn back and hunt for the shirt of his that she wants this time. The grey one she'd grabbed originally had lost its magic, the smell of their detergent and his cologne and him.

It takes a few minutes, but she finally finds the shirt she's looking for, the deep maroon one he was wearing the night she'd showed up at his door and professed that she just wanted him.

She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't hear the door open or the footsteps approach, and jumps when she hears her name.

"Kate?"

She turns slowly after steeling herself from the rush of desire that starts deep in her belly and consumes her whole being at the sound of his voice. Not now, Kate. Bad idea. She forces herself to give him a smile, albeit a small one that they both know doesn't meet her eyes. "Hey," she says quietly, guiltily holding his shirt in front her. "I knocked but there was no answer."

He takes a step towards her. "I just walked in. Stealing another shirt?" His tone is teasing, but there's an underlying accusation under the quirk of the lips, and there's no sparkle in his eye.

"Um…" Kate looks down at the shirt in her hands, almost surprised to see it. "Yeah. I...uh...sleep better in them," she confesses in a small voice, staring at the floor.

"You'd sleep even better here." His voice is rough, slightly accusatory. He's trying to understand why she thinks being away from him is better than being home. Obviously she still loves him; the shirt exchange is evidence of that. So whatever she's "working through," to not do it together...what the hell is she involved in?

Kate's shoulders slump and she turns back around to her bag. "Castle…"

"I know, Kate. I know what you said, that it's just something you need to take care of. But...we're a team. Partners. We took down Bracken together, we can figure out whatever's going on." Castle takes a step forward so he's just inches from her, and he reaches out to touch her shoulders. "Kate...come home. Please. Come home to me."

Kate lets out a shaky breath. She wants to. God, she wants to. But…"I'm sorry, Castle, I just...I can't. Not yet. I just need-"

"Time," he finishes for her, dropping his hands and turning away. "I know. Okay, Kate. I won't pretend to understand, or to be okay with it. But you need space so I'll give you space." He doesn't want to, but he will.

The sigh that Kate hears breaks her heart just a little more. She wishes she could make him understand, at least make sure he knows without a shadow of a doubt that she still loves him, desperately. That she won't hesitate to come back when she puts this to rest, once and for all.

Her body isn't helping, either; they haven't been alone in their bedroom since the first day of her captaincy, the day all this began. And besides a couple of hugs, and the few incidental touches of his arm or her hand, they've barely had any physical contact since she left. And now, with him standing just a few feet away, she feels her face flush, her arousal coiling in her gut.

She wants him, separation be damned. Danger be damned.

Stop it, Kate. Just say goodbye and walk away.

She hears Castle move towards the door that leads to his office and takes a deep breath, makes up her mind.

Fuck it.

She reaches him in two long strides, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. He opens his mouth to protest, but before any words form her mouth is on his, tongue slicking against his insistently.

He grunts when she pushes him against the bookcase, back slamming, a few books shaking precariously. His hands sneak under her shirt and up her waist, spanning her ribs, feeling them expand with each inhale. When she pulls away he trails his lips along her jaw, nipping at her pulse point and smiling against her skin when he feels her shudder.

Kate tugs his shirt from his pants and works at the buttons quickly, running her fingers along his stomach and down to the waistband of his dress slacks. She makes quick work of his belt, pulling it from the loops with a snap, and quickly flicks open the button and drags the zipper down before reaching in to run her fingers along his growing shaft.

"Kate," Castle groans when her slender fingers wrap around him, and he pushes his pants and boxers down to give her more room to move. "Fuck, Kate."

Kate kisses him again, drawing his bottom lip between her teeth and smiling at the rumble that comes from deep in his chest. "That's the idea," she mumbles, fingers working at him, feeling him expand and pulse in her hand as her lips move against his neck.

Castle throws his head back when she runs her thumb over his tip, vaguely feeling the impact when his skull hits the shelf. His hands move almost of their own accord to pull her shirt and bra off, and his fingers quickly undo her jeans. He sneaks his fingers under her panties and finds her swollen and wet, and he looks down at her with a smile when she groans.

"Castle," she breathes into his collar. "Rick, please."

"Fuck, I've missed you." He hooks his foot around her calf and twirls them around, crowding her against the bookcase. Her hands come up just in time to soften the impact, bracketing her head as he nudges her legs apart with his thigh to give his hand more room.

Her hips buck when his finger brushes her clit, and she digs her nails into his shoulders as she cries out. Shit, she's close. Her head drops to his shoulder and her teeth graze his collar when he slips two thick fingers into her, his thumb working at her clit as he pumps his hand. She moves her hips, her mouth moving in silent curses as she feels herself rise, rise, rise. Within moments she stiffens, one leg bracketing his waist as high as the pants around her ankles will allow, feels his fingers moving inside her even as she shatters.

Before she even starts to recover he's shoving her pants the rest of the way down and kicking his own off, and he pulls her leg high around his waist as he easily enters her. They both groan when he sinks to the hilt, her body quickly adjusting to his size despite weeks of separation.

Her hips move of their own accord and she can't stop the moan at the friction as his cock slides against her clit, and she locks her ankles around his ass so he can pound into her. One hand grips the shelf behind her and the other threads through his hair, keeping his mouth against her chest as he nips and sucks at her breasts. He's going to leave a mark, probably more than one, but she doesn't care; it will serve as a visual reminder of what she's working towards, what she needs to come home to. Then suddenly, just as she feels herself start to rise again, he's gone.

"What the fuck, Castle?"

Castle stands a few feet from her, panting, hands balled on his hips. "I can't do this, Kate. I can't just be a quick fuck against the bookshelf and then have you disappear again." He sits on the edge of the bed, painfully hard, but he runs his fingers through his hair and tries to ignore the arousal coursing through his veins. He looks up to see her leaning against the shelf, flush and desperate. "If you're just going to leave you may as well do it now."

Kate stares at him for a few moments, trying to figure out of he's being serious or not. Is he really suggesting that she just walk away, leave him unsatisfied? "Rick…"

"No, Kate." He stands again and stalks towards her, and he grabs her chin, forces her to look up at him when he's in front of her again. "I'm your husband. 'Til death do us part. You probably think you're protecting me from something. But dammit, how long are you going to torture yourself like this? Torture me?"

"You want to talk about torture?" she fires back, taking a step closer to him. "I'm trying to stay away from you, to keep you safe, and you keep coming into the fucking precinct and finding your way into cases. How can I keep you out of it if you refuse to let me?"

By this time his legs have hit the bed and he sits again, scooting back as Kate straddles his hips, trapping his cock between them. She grips it and rubs it against her folds, then sinks onto him, groaning when he fills her again. She grinds against him, fingers digging into his shoulders for leverage and through his hair to guide his head to her breasts.

Castle takes her nipple in his mouth, tugging, rolling and pinching the other, smiling against her skin when she shudders in response, just how he expected her to. He knows just what she likes, what will make her moan and what will make her cry out, and when he sneaks his hand between them to press against her clit she does the latter, her muscles quivering around him in a small orgasm.

He's close, but he's not quite there yet, and he wraps his arms tightly around her and flips them over, managing to stay inside her.

"Fuck!" she cries as he continues to pound into her, relentless. She reaches down to grip his ass, digging her fingers into the flesh, pulling him as close as she can. "Castle…are you…I'm…" she gasps, cursing when he pulls out of her again.

Castle nudges her hips. "Turn around," he growls, and with a smile, she scrambles to her hands and knees beneath him. He crowds her back as he enters her again, his hands gripping her hips, and she thrusts her hips back towards him as he moves. "Never again," he growls in her ear, pistoning his hips, his cock deep, hitting the spot that always pushes her over the edge. "No more secrets."

Kate grips the sheet under her, the other reaching up to thread her fingers through his hair, and she throws her head back as she finally cries out in ecstasy, heat uncoiling from her core to consume her entire body, her limbs shuddering.

Castle roars with his own climax when her muscles contract around him, and his hips jerk sloppily as he spills into her. He finally collapses onto her, pressing a kiss between her shoulder blades. "I love you," he murmurs into her skin.

Kate feels tears start to prickle in the back of her eyes and she blinks furiously, trying to keep them from falling. God, she loves this man. Amazing sex notwithstanding, he's her partner. She's a better cop, a better person, with him by her side. What the fuck am I doing?

She nudges him off, turning over, immediately missing him when he slips out of her. She looks up at him when he settles at her side, propping himself up on his elbow to gaze down at her. Brushing her palm against his cheek, she manages to lean up to smudge a kiss to his mouth. "I love you too," she whispers against his lips, and she willingly follows him when he rolls onto his back.

Castle presses his lips to the top of her head but he drifts off before he can reply.

She's still there in the morning.

-FIN-