So, I seem to have hit a wall with both my ongoing fics so I've decided to write some oneshots that will probably be Freechamp based.
If you have any prompts you'd like me to write then let me know and I'll see what I can do.
An alternative look at last night's episode, what if it had been Rita that had walked in on Connie & Grace during Grace's panic attack?
Breathe
Connie had been furious when she'd seen the mess Grace had made in her office but it took just seconds for her anger to change to concern, to worry as her daughter told her why she was so angry and Connie noticed her struggling for breath between each word, "Gracie" Connie knelt down in front of Grace, "what's wrong darling, what's wrong?" She was a doctor, she knew what to do, deep down she knew how to treat her daughter but she couldn't think, she couldn't think of anything but the fact her daughter was struggling to breathe.
"Connie have you seen…" Rita trailed off, her query forgotten as she saw, not only the state of Connie's desk but the clinical lead almost in tears as she knelt in front of her daughter who was gasping for air."
"Rita" Connie had never been happier to see the nurse, "Grace, she can't breathe, you need to do something."
Rita rushed around the desk and knelt in front of Grace, "does she have asthma?"
Connie shook her head, tears filling her eyes, "no, no nothing, she…"
"She's okay" Rita nodded, gently taking hold of Grace's hands and squeezing them softly, "Grace, look at me Darling, I need you to listen to me, you're going to be okay yeah, take a big breath in" Rita slowly inhaled, "and then out" she exhaled through her mouth, smiling when she saw Grace try to copy her, "that's it Grace, and again, in… and out, there we are, you're doing really well, do it again for me, breathe in… and out… there we are" she smiled, gently squeezing Grace's hands, "you're okay Darling, it's okay, keep taking those deep breaths." She smiled softly once Grace seemed calm again and stepped back, allowing Connie to take her place.
"Oh Grace" Connie whispered, "I love you Darling, I love you so much, what you heard out there, it was out of context, I...it was...please don't ever think I don't want you, I do, I do want you Grace, I've always wanted you."
She was interrupted by a quiet tap on the door and she looked up to see Louise stood in the doorway, "sorry, we really need to catch up."
"No, I can't…"
"You go" Rita said softly, "I'll stay with Grace."
Connie looked from Grace to Rita, "are you sure?"
Rita nodded, "she'll be okay, you go and do what you need to do."
Connie kissed Grace's head, "I'll be back soon Darling."
"Come on" Rita closed the door to the office after Connie had left, before sitting down on the sofa and gesturing for Grace to join her, "are you feeling better now?" she asked as Grace curled into her side.
"A little bit" Grace nodded, dropping her head to Rita's shoulder, Rita gently stroking Grace's arm as she felt her relax.
"Has anyone ever told you what they are?"
"Dad says they're panic attacks and they're nothing to worry about."
"They're still scary though hey?" Rita asked and Grace nodded, "has anyone ever talked to you about ways to try and stop them when they start? Techniques for calming yourself down?"
"No" Grace shook her head, "Dad just says I need to stop over-reacting and breathe properly and it'll go away."
"Panic attacks aren't an over-reaction Grace" Rita said softly, "they're not your fault and it's not you attention seeking or anything like that, so please don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise okay, anxiety is a genuine medical condition and your Dad should be helping you find out what's causing the panic attacks so you can try and stop them, but there are things you can do when you feel one coming on."
"Like what?"
"Imagining I'm somewhere else helps me."
Grace frowned, "you have them too."
Rita nodded, "I used to get them a lot, I don't get them that often now, but I used to imagine myself on a beach somewhere, I thought about how the waves would sound as they crashed on the sand, about how the sun would feel on my face… Can you think of a place where you're really happy, somewhere you feel safe?"
"When I'm with Mum" Grace said softly, "when I'm with her and I go to bed, she always comes in and tucks me in and kisses my head and says she loves me, even if she's been angry with me or she thinks I'm asleep."
Rita smiled, "think about that then" she said softly, "when you feel yourself starting to get anxious, close your eyes and try and imagine you're in your bed at your mum's house, think about how soft the pillows are and how warm the duvet feels around you." Rita smiled as she noticed Grace had her eyes closed, obviously imagining the scene, "now imagine you hear the door opening and your Mum walking over to the bed and tucking you in, imagine her pulling the covers up to your chin and brushing your hair back from your face but instead of just kissing your head she lays down beside you on the bed. Imagine you can feel her wrap her arms around you, her hair gently tickling your face as she holds you closely, now imagine she kisses your forehead and she whispers that she loves you. She tells you that she's never loved anyone as much as she loves you and that she'd do anything to keep you safe, she's holding you tightly and promising you that she'll never let anything hurt you because you're her baby girl and she loves you so much."
Grace opened her eyes, "if she loves me then why doesn't she want me to live with her?" she whispered.
"Oh Grace, I think your Mum does want you to live with her Darling."
"That's not what she said."
"She didn't mean it like that I'm sure" Rita tried to reassure Grace, "when you lived with her before you used to get angry and upset because she worked all the time and you hardly saw her didn't you?" Grace needed silently and Rita continued, "I think that your Mum thinks you're happier living in America than you were living here and that's why she doesn't want you to live with her. She thinks if you lived with her you wouldn't be happy and all she wants is for you to be safe and happy."
Grace frowned, "I think I understand" she nodded slowly.
Rita smiled, "your Mum loves you a lot Grace, whether you're here or in America, she loves you just the same."
"I love her too" Grace smiled.
"Good" Rita said softly, "now, why don't we tidy up this mess and then, if your mum's still busy I'll take you to the cafe, get you a muffin or something."
"A chocolate one?"
Rita nodded, "if that's what you want, now come on, the quicker we clean all this paper up the quicker we can go get you a muffin."
Connie returned to her office a while later, surprised to see it, not only empty, but that her desk was cleared of the mess Grace had made, just one piece of paper remained, placed directly in front of her chair, obviously meant for her to see.
She picked up the paper and smiled as she recognised Grace's handwriting instantly, 'Mum, I'm sorry I made a mess. Rita helped me tidy it up and we've gone to get muffins, We'll be back soon. I love you Grace xxx P.s. Rita's really cool.'
Just at that moment her door clattered open and Grace walked in, closely followed by the nurse she'd so quickly bonded with, "Mum" she grinned, "we got you this" she held out a blueberry muffin, "and a coffee" she smiled, taking the cup from Rita as she passed it over. "Rita got me a chocolate muffin and a hot chocolate."
"I hope you said thank you" Connie smiled as she thanked Rita for her own coffee and muffin.
"She did" Rita nodded, "I'd better get back to work, I'm just in my office doing paperwork if either of you need anything" she looked to Connie, "I don't mind keeping Grace company if there's anything you need to get done" she said sincerely, saying goodbye to Grace before leaving mother and daughter alone.
"How are you feeling now?" Connie asked Grace, sitting on the sofa beside her daughter.
"I'm okay, Rita told me some things I can do if I feel like I'm having a panic attack, she said they'd help me calm myself down."
"That's really good" Connie smiled, wrapping her arm around her daughter, "but if you need me Darling, if you ever feel like you're having a panic attack, please call me sweetheart, it doesn't matter what time it is, if Dad's not there, call me okay."
Grace nodded, "I will Mum."
Connie felt lucky that she was able to spend almost the entire afternoon, curled up in her office with Grace but it didn't stop her heart breaking when Sam came to collect their daughter. "Be good baby, and skype me when you get home okay? I love you." She whispered.
Graced nodded against Connie's chest as she clung to her mother, "I love you Mum, I really do and I'm sorry I told you I hated you."
"It's okay" Connie kissed the top of Grace's head, "you have to go, I don't want you to miss your flight."
"I'll call you as soon as I'm home" Grace promised, reluctantly pulling away from Connie and walking over to Sam.
"I can't wait" Connie forced a smile, watching until Sam and Grace were out of sight before collapsing on her sofa, holding her head in her hands and finally allowing her tears to fall.
"Dad" Grace gasped, they hadn't even made it out of the department before she felt her chest begin to tighten, she could feel her heart pounding against her chest as she desperately tried to remember what Rita had told her to do, wishing her Mum was there to tell her she was okay.
"Grace, calm down" Sam said, slightly annoyed that this would delay their departure from the hospital, just breathe like I told you." He put his hands on her shoulders as her breathing became more erratic.
"No" Grace shook him off, "I need to…" she closed her eyes, desperately trying to remember the story Rita had told her, "I'm at mum's house" she mumbled out loud, "I'm in bed waiting for her to tuck me in. The door, it creaks when you open it, Mum always says she'll oil it but she's never got round to it…"
"Grace, what are you doing? We haven't got time for this."
Grace ignored him and continued to try and calm herself down the way Rita had taught her to "she walks over to the bed and straightens out my covers and makes sure I've got my bear. I think she's going to kiss me and say goodnight but she lays down on the bed next to me and wraps her arms around me."
"Grace" Sam warned, he and his daughter unaware that Rita and Connie were stood watching the scene unfold, tears in Connie's eyes as she heard what Grace was saying. Rita had been on her way home when she'd seen Grace having another panic attack and had immediately gone to fetch Connie, saying nothing about the Clinical lead's eyes, still red from the tears she'd cried.
"She wraps her arms around me and kisses my head" Grace was breathing a lot easier now, her eyes still screwed tightly shut so she could picture the scene she was describing, "I can feel her lipstick on my head but I never wipe it off. She kisses me again and tells me she loves me and that I'm safe. She's holding me really closely and I can smell her perfume and her shampoo. She holds me and kisses me and she tells me I'm safe and she loves me and she'd never let anyone hurt me..."
Grace's eyes shot open as she felt someone wrap their arms around her, "I love you Gracie" Connie whispered as she pulled her daughter into her, "and of course I'd never let anyone hurt you, you're my baby, even when you're all grown up I'll still see you as my baby."
"Rita told me" Grace said quietly, "she said when I feel like I'm having a panic attack I should think of somewhere where I feel happy and safe."
"Oh Darling" Connie kissed Grace's temple, "I love you, I love you so much."
"I love you too Mum."
"Come on now Grace" Sam was getting impatient, "you've had your moment, now say goodbye to your Mum so we can get going."
"No" Grace said firmly.
"Grace, this is not up for discussion."
"I'm staying with Mum" Grace told him, "you can't make me go back to New York, I want to be with my Mum."
"Oh Darling" Connie whispered, "I'd love to have…"
"Rita told me" Grace said again, "she told me why you didn't want me to live with you."
"She...she did?" Connie frowned and Grace nodded.
"She said you didn't want me to live with you because you thought it would make me sad and angry again and that you thought I'd be happier in New York but I'm not, I want to stay here with you Mum, I want to live with you and I promise if you say yes I'll be good and I'll keep my room tidy and I won't be mad if you have to work."
Connie held Grace tightly, "if you're certain it's what you want then of course you can stay with me."
"I do Mum, I don't want to go back to New York."
"Grace" Sam scolded, "no, you are not staying here, we're going home, now come on."
"No" Grace clung to her mother, I'm not going, if you try and make me I'll scream and I'll keep screaming until I get to see Mum again."
"Fine, stay" he huffed, "when it all goes wrong again you know where I'll be to pick up the pieces" he snapped before storming out of the department without looking back.
"Oh Grace" Connie sighed, kissing her head again, "I'm so glad you want to stay."
"I'm hungry" Grace said simply,still cuddled into her mother, "can we go out for dinner? With Rita?"
Connie looked at her watch, "I still have a few things I need to finish off and it's getting late. She glanced over at Rita, "let me finish up here, I'll be half an hour at the most, and then, if Rita wants to she can come home with us and we can order pizza."
Grace nodded, "will you?" She too looked up at Rita, "will you come and have pizza with us?"
Rita glanced at Connie who nodded, letting Rita know she didn't mind, "of course I will" she smiled, "my shift's finished now so why don't Grace and I wait for you in the staffroom?" she offered, "I'm sure we can find a biscuit or two to tide you over while your Mum finishes what she needs to do."
Grace nodded and kissed Connie's cheek, "see you soon" she smiled before taking hold of Rita's outstretched hand and walking down the corridor with her.
"Grace" she and Rita were sat on the sofa in the staffroom when Connie found them, Grace sat sideways with her legs over Rita's as the pair of them concentrated on a word search.
Grace's face lit up as she saw her Mother, "are you done?" it had been just 15 minutes since she and Rita had left the other woman to finish her work.
"Nearly" Connie nodded as she walked over.
"Rita got us this so we didn't get bored" Grace gestured to the puzzle book, "she's a bit rubbish though."
Connie chuckled as she saw Rita blush slightly and she held out her iPad to Grace, the dominos pizza website already open, "I've just got one more thing to do, I'll be five minutes, you and Rita order the pizza to be at our house in about half an hour, you know what I like."
"Thanks Mum" Grace grinned as she took the iPad.
"Oh and Grace" Connie paused as she got to the staffroom door, "don't forget dessert."
"What do you want?" Grace looked eagerly up at Rita, "Mum likes ham and mushroom but I think mushrooms are gross."
Rita laughed, "I usually have pepperoni."
"Me too" Grace beamed, "can we get a big one and share it?"
"Of course" Rita smiled as Grace added the two pizzas and some garlic bread to their order, "now...cookies or brownies?" she pondered before simply deciding to get both, and some ice cream.
True to her word Connie arrived in the staffroom just five minutes later with her coat on, her bag and Grace's jacket in her hands, "are you two ready to go?"
Rita nodded and pulled on her jacket before grabbing her bag from her locker, "yeah I am."
"Me too" Grace smiled, handing back the iPad before slipping her arms into her own jacket.
They walked out to the car in silence, Grace climbing into the back seat of Connie's car without any argument, allowing Rita to sit in the front.
"What am I going to do with you tomorrow hmm?" Connie glanced in her mirror and caught Grace's eye, "I've got a meeting I can't get out of and…"
"I'm off" Rita interrupted, "I've got 2 days off and then 4 night shifts so if… if I'm not overstepping the line, I wouldn't mind watching her, it'll give you time to sort something out."
"Can I Mum?" Grace's face lit up, "can Rita look after me while you're at work?"
"Are you sure?" Connie asked, glancing over at Rita as she stopped at a red light.
Rita nodded, "of course, I'll give you my address when we get to yours and you can drop her off on your way into work in the morning."
Connie smiled and nodded, "okay" she said softly, knowing she'd made the right decision when she glanced in the rear view mirror again to see Grace had a huge smile on her face.
Grace dragged Rita into the house once they'd arrived, chatting nonstop to her new friend about the things she'd done in America, and how she hoped she got to go back into the same class at school because she'd missed all her friends. As she went to make them all drinks Connie had to admit that her first impressions about Rita had been completely wrong, and, as they ate pizza and watched Despicable Me, she began to see exactly why Grace was so taken with the nurse.
"I think it's bedtime" Connie had told Grace once the film had finished, Grace lounging on the sofa between the two adults.
As Connie had expected, Grace had protested, it was only when Rita suggested she went to bed so she wasn't too tired for 'fun' in the morning that Grace willingly said goodnight to Rita and allowed Connie to take her upstairs to bed.
When Connie came back downstairs Rita was in the hallway with her shoes and coat on, "I'll be off now then" she said softly, all too aware that Connie had probably only allowed her round to keep Grace happy.
"You can stay if you want" Connie offered, "I was going to open a bottle of red if you fancy sharing?"
Rita nodded, "that'd be nice" she said, removing her jacket and shoes again before making her way back to the sofa.
"I'm sorry" Connie said a while later, "when I blamed you for Grace going to America, it, it wasn't your fault but, having her back, today, a big part of that is down to you so thank you for that."
Rita smiled softly, "Grace is a lovely girl, she deserves to be happy and she's happy with you." She paused for a minute to sip at her wine, "you deserve to be happy too."
Connie felt her cheeks flush, "I erm, well…"
"Connie Beauchamp blushing, well, well,well" Rita teased, "that's not something I thought I'd see."
"You're a pain" Connie mumbled, "I should just have let you leave earlier."
Rita laughed, and Connie found herself smiling at the sound, "it's nice to see you as you, I mean relaxed and happy."
"We erm, we could do this again if you like" Connie offered.
"Dinner with Grace or this?" Rita asked, not quite sure when she and Connie had shuffled closer on the sofa.
Connie shrugged, "both."
Rita nodded, "I'd like that" she whispered, suddenly realising that Connie's lips were just millimetres from her own and before her brain had time to think of anything else she'd simply leant forward and kissed her.
Connie was shocked at first but the butterflies in her stomach told her not to pull away so she wrapped her free hand around Rita's neck, her fingers tangling themselves in the hair at the nape of Rita's neck.
Eventually they both pulled away as the need for air became too great and Connie drained the last of the wine from her glass, "we can definitely do that again" she mumbled, placing her empty glass on the coffee table.
"What about Jacob?" Rita asked as she too, put down her glass.
Connie smirked slightly as she leant towards Rita again, "Jacob who?" she whispered before their lips collided again, pulling away again to ask, "what about Iain?"
Rita bit her lip and pulled Connie in to kiss her again, "Iain who?"