"What happened?" Emma asked as Ruby staggered into the apartment, Killian's arm slung over her shoulder. When Ruby called Emma at 1:56 a.m. to say she was escorting a very drunk pirate home, Emma had expected something a little different. Killian might return home slightly tipsy on guys night, but she hadn't seen barely upright in years.

"Somebody," Ruby said, "challenged a werewolf to a drinking contest."

"Really?"

Ruby grimaced. "I may have forgotten to mention that alcohol doesn't really affect me..."

Emma sighed, placing a steadying hand on Killian's chest and ducking under his other arm.

"Well, thanks for getting him home, Ruby, I've got it from here," she said as Killian's head lolled onto her shoulder. She waved off Ruby's concerned look as she stumbled under what almost all dead weight. Ruby shrugged and slipped back out the door. "All right, downstairs bed it is for you tonight."

Killian murmured something, but it was so slurred that Emma didn't catch a word. Tightening her grip around his waist, Emma guided him over the creaking floorboards, grateful not for the first time that she'd given the house to her parents. The pirate followed willingly, half collapsing when she finally set him down on the bed.

"You know, we are going to have to have a discussion about this when you're sober," she said, kneeling down the take off his boots. "As much as I love spending time with you at work, I'd really rather it wasn't because I had to arrest you for public intoxication."

Killian's answer was lost in the pillow.

Emma sighed, she was going to have to keep an eye on him. Even pirates could get alcohol poisoning. Good thing tomorrow was her day off.

"You are going to owe me for this," she said. "Big time. I'm thinking a whole box of chocolates… and flowers. This place could use some brightening up."

Killian obligingly sat up when she took his arm. Emma grimaced, the smell of booze washing over her. Clearly, he and Ruby hadn't stuck to rum. Emma wondered if they'd drunk the whole bar dry. Not sure how long she could keep him upright, Emma started to remove his jacket and vest. He submitted to the jacket being removed, but the moment her fingers undid the first button on his vest, Killian stopped slouching.

He grabbed her hand, staring up at her with bloodshot eyes. Emma braced herself for whatever laughably ribald statement he was about to utter. She loved him, but really this wasn't in the least bit sexy.

"Sorry, love," he said, pushing her hand away, "but I'm married."

Emma blinked. "I—what?" she sputtered.

Killian lurched to his feet, almost falling on top of Emma. "I said, I'm married. Sorry to disappoint. I'll just pay my tab and go." He turned and, noticing his feet were bare, blinked perplexedly at his feet for several moments as Emma realized just how drunk he was.

Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"Why don't you sit down?" All it took was a gentle push and he was sitting again, looking surprised to find that he was on a bed. "Don't worry, Killian, I'm not going to take advantage of you."

"Good, because..."

"You're married," Emma said. "I am well aware of that fact. But why don't you take that vest off? The arms get tight when you lay down in it, remember?"

"Yes, as a matter—" Killian tilted his head back to look at her. "How did you know that?"

"Special talent. You take the vest off and I'll get you a glass of water and then you can sleep this off." Unable to fight her grin any longer, Emma turned away and headed to the kitchen, silently laughing as she filled the glass and grabbed a pack of Tylenol from the kitchen first aid kit. He'd want those in a few hours. At least, he'd never been a vomiter.

Killian sat staring at vest in his hands. He allowed Emma to trade it for it glass of water. He took a quick swig, made a face, and tried to set it down on the nightstand. Emma grabbed the glass before he dropped it on the floor.

"I should be getting home," he said, "Emma will worry."

"Killian," Emma said, touching his cheek. "You are home. And you're lucky Henry is at Regina's tonight, because I'm not sure I could get you up all those stairs. Go to sleep."

Killian looked around, blinking as though the dim lamplight was bright as the noonday sun. He squinted at the bed cover, patting it with his good hand.

"It would appear you're right," he said.

Emma snorted, reaching for his hook. Quickly, she removed both hook and cuff, and placed them on the nightstand, well behind the glass of water.

"All right, into bed with you," she said, pulling back the covers.

Killian all but collapsed onto the pillow and she had to nudge his foot with her toe before he remembered to pull his legs onto the bed. The bed creaked as he squirmed like a three-year-old, trying to find a favorite position. Emma picked up the boots and headed for the stairs.

"Lass?"

"Yes?" Emma found Killian watching her, a serious expression on his face.

"If you run into my wife, let her know I wouldn't mind company. Her company, specifically."

Emma bit her lip again. "I'll do that," she said, knowing that by the time she returned from putting his things in their room, he'd probably be sound asleep.

She still came back downstairs.

###

"Bloody hell," Killian muttered, pulling the pillow over his head, effectively muffling the rest of his sentence.

"Sorry, didn't catch that bit," Emma said, keeping her voice low.

Sighing, he pushed the pillow away from his face long enough to say. "Please, can you not jostle the bed?" And then he retreated again, bare forearm pressing the pillow tightly over this head.

Emma chuckled. "I believe this is called sitting," she said from her perch beside him. "And you're going to smother yourself. Here, water. It'll help you feel better." It took a minute of her rubbing his shoulder before he finally emerged, eyes still squinted against the light shining through the curtains. He managed to swing himself into a sitting position with more dexterity than Emma expected, only leaning into her a moment before he was fully upright.

He took the glass of water and had downed half of it before Emma offered him the Tylenol.

He raised an eyebrow, grimaced, and pressed the glass to his forehead.

"I don't suppose you're willing to..." The water in the glass sloshed as he made a vague wave before resting his forehead against the glass again.

"And if I magic away your hangover, how am I supposed to know you've learned your lesson about challenging mythical creatures to drinking games?"

"Believe me, Swan," Killian said, "these last five minutes have been lesson enough."

Emma brushed her fingers across his temple and Killian sighed, head sagging.

"Thank you."

"You're lucky I love you."

Killian gave her a wry grin. "I am well aware of that." He leaned in to kiss her, but Emma stopped him with a hand and he had to settle for kissing her fingertips.

"Not until you've brushed your teeth." She wrinkled her nose. "And taken a shower."

"Aye, aye, captain," he said, the twinkle returning to his eyes. "I don't suppose I can convince you to join me?"

"Tempting," she said, "but since I spent the night waking up every hour to make sure you were still breathing, I'm going back to bed. In our bed. Where you are welcome to join me, when you're done." She kissed his cheek quickly and stood, more and more enticed by the idea of a lazy day under the covers. Provided no emergencies surfaced until tomorrow. "And if you come upstairs before you smell like you again, I will send you right back down."

"As you wish," Killian said, mellowing a bit. He grabbed Emma's hand as she stood. "Emma, I am sorry. It won't happen again."

"I know." She smiled, brushing the hair out of his eyes. It looked coarse, but ran like silk through her fingers.

"I didn't do anything too terribly stupid, did I?"

"Not that Ruby mentioned," Emma said, her grin widening. "Had the hardest time getting you undressed though."

Killian's eyebrows shot nearly to his hairline. "Well, that's a first. Especially where you're concerned." He snaked an arm around her waist, drawing her in again and returning her smile with a slightly less innocent one of his own.

Emma laughed. "You didn't even recognize me."

Killian's grin faltered and he closed his eyes, head falling to rest against her hip. "Gods, Emma, I'm so sorry," he said, mostly to the floor.

"It's alright," she said. "You might not have recognized me, but you were very adamant about the fact that you were a married man. I was very proud." She kissed the top of his head. "Now, shower. I'll see you when you're done."

So I saw a text about a similar situation floating around the internet and I immediately was like, "That sounds like Killian". So here you are. You're welcome.

If you enjoyed it, you know what to do (Bonus hugs if you include your favorite line).