"Mercury, I don't know if you know this, but I absolutely hate you right now."

"Hey, less running your mouth, more actual running," Mercury shot back at Emerald as he rounded the corner into the nearest alleyway. "You can yap all you want once we lose the cops."

"Cops we wouldn't have on our tail if you didn't decide to pick the wife of the mayor as our target," Emerald bitterly snapped through gritted teeth. She was in no mood to keep silent – this was supposed to be a routine lift, but Mercury just had to pick the prettiest woman he could find.

"Says the idiot who butterfingered the wallet and got her to notice what we were doing." The pair reached a fence in the alley with tall crates propped up right next to it. "You reckon we can climb this?"

"Not like we got much choice – we're still too close to that plaza, so the heat's definitely going to find us here if we stay put." Emerald jumped up to grab hold of the edge of the crate, but she could barely reach it. "Hey, gimme a boost?"

"I thought you said you hated me right now," Mercury retorted smugly, with a hint of mock melodrama. "I don't know how much I really want to help you after you hurt my feelings so…"

"Damn it, asshole! I will actually strangle you if you keep this up!"

"Alright, alright, my dearest, I shall hoist you up," Mercury said snidely, but he did as was asked and made a platform with his hands for Emerald to use as a step up to the ledge. As she clambered up on top of the box, a lone policeman stopped by the alleyway – presumably having heard the two partners bickering – and called out them.

"Stop right there, street scum!"

"…and what do you know, they did find us," Mercury commented with some surprise. "Man, the cops are really fast in this town."

"Mercury!" Emerald shouted, stretching out her arm to her partner. "Up. Now!"

"Yeah, yeah, on it." He grabbed onto her arm and pushed himself up right as the cop was within a few meters of where they were standing, waving his nightstick wildly. "Alright, let's bounce."

After about a half hour of running through central Vale, ducking in and out of more alleyways and side streets, it finally seemed as if the police gave up chase. Mercury and Emerald took the opportunity to catch their breath, catching the attention of curious passerby who were no doubt wondering what on Remnant would cause these two strange-looking kids had been up to that would cause them to be so winded. Emerald regarded each one with a threatening glare, causing them to quickly look away and pick up their pace.

Mercury slumped down by the side of a building. "Man, that was a wonderful waste of time and energy."

Emerald flopped down right next to him. "No thanks to you."

"Again, everything was under control. You just happened to be too clumsy to nab a simple wallet."

The thief scowled at Mercury's cool retort, but then she flashed a smug smirk. "Well, at least I'm not empty handed."

Mercury looked genuinely surprised. "Really now?"

Emerald reached behind her back pocket and produced a red and green plastic card with an emblem of two crossed axes. "I've got myself a bus pass for this city," she proclaimed proudly. "That's over 3 weeks of free public transportation around the city."

"Huh, well, I guess you're not as much a screw-up as I thought," Mercury said with a mildly impressed expression. He reached out for the card. "Lemme just take a look at i—"

Emerald snatched the pass away from her partner's prying hands just before he was in reach. "Oh, no, no, no, I get to travel Vale whenever I want. You, on the other hand, need to pay for one like every other law-abiding citizen of this place." She punctuated her declaration by sticking out her tongue.

"I hate you too, Emerald."

"Of course you do," she sarcastically replied. "Now, go get yourself a pass. We have a mess to clean up."

"So… you just killed a man."

Mercury turned from his comic book and faced his partner with a nonplussed look. "You say that like you're surprised or something."

"Well, I know that's kind of your job description, but I want to know how it feels to end someone's life."

"There's nothing to it. One moment, there's an angry wolverine – or puma – faunus lunging at me, and in the next – oops, looks like he was in the way of my gun blast." Mercury shrugged. "It's just business."

"Ooo, how stone cold," Emerald said mockingly. "So you didn't feel anything? No remorse, no pity, no nothing?"

"Look, if you want me to say that I get all sad like you do whenever Cinder doesn't notice your efforts, then—"

"That's hardly the same!" Emerald huffed as she felt a little heat in her cheeks. Ever since that one time Mercury caught her staring at Cinder, he never lived it down. Asshole. "I guess your heart really is as dark as your name would imply."

"Hey," Mercury interrupted with an accusatory finger. "Just because I can kill without moping about it afterward doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I have to have something for the ladies, after all."

"Pssh, yeah right. When was the last time you were with a girl? And that woman from earlier doesn't count."

"Whatever, she was taken. Well, since you don't count—"

"Thank goodness."

"—it would have to be… last night, at Junior's bar."

Emerald stopped walking and gave Mercury an unimpressed look, causing him to stop as well. "You aren't seriously talking about the twins."

"What? You're just jealous that you didn't get any action."

"Jealous?" Emerald burst out in laughter. "You were plastered out of your mind! And trust me, they were not into you at all."

"Are you kidding me?" Mercury exclaimed, raising his hands in disbelief. "They were so all over me. They were even horsing around, right there at the bar. I couldn't even believe it myself." He sure sounded like he could believe it.

Emerald crossed her arms with a sassy tilt. "Oh really? You must have a terrible memory, because I'm pretty sure that 'horsing around' was them trying to push you away. Of course, you were being super clingy until you eventually passed out."

Mercury glared at his partner as he considered her words. In the end, he simply shrugged. "Whatever. At least I got a kiss from one of them."

"More like you mashed your mouth into hers." Emerald gagged upon remembering the sorry scene. "Do you even remember her name?"

Mercury opened his mouth to reply, but he quickly paused to think. "…you know, that's not really a fair question, since they're twins."

"Twins with different colored outfits and different hairstyles," Emerald deadpanned. "I seriously hope you don't act this disgusting when we get to Beacon; we don't want to attract any unwanted attention to ourselves."

"Now look he—"

"Excuse me, sir and madam!" The pair froze in their tracks upon hearing that voice. It wasn't familiar, but there was something about it that screamed 'cop'. They turned around to see a young officer sprinting up to them. "There has been an incident earlier this afternoon that I must warn you about!"

As the cop bent over to catch his breath, Mercury and Emerald exchanged mildly uncertain glances. There was no doubt that whatever this incident was, they were the ones who had caused it. Still, if they answered this idiot's questions and feigned ignorance, the two of them could walk away without having to worry about anything else. "What happened?" Emerald asked with a façade of concern.

"You see… there was… a murder at a bookstore near here… Tukson's, I think." Having gotten his wind back, the man stood up straight to face the partners. "You must return to your homes at…"

His voice trailed off as he squinted his eyes, inspecting Mercury and Emerald's faces. Both of them realized that this cop must have recognized their faces from earlier in the day after their botched lift. How word of their presence spread all the way to the other side of the city was beyond them, but the pair knew one thing was certain.

Before the police officer could let out a peep, Mercury and Emerald simultaneously swung their legs upward for a devastating blow to the man's crotch. Once the cop let out a somewhat womanly screech, the two delinquents were already well on their way down the block.

"How do they keep finding us!?"

"Apparently, they don't have anything else more interesting to do around here but chasing us."

"Oh man, Cinder's not going to let us back into the city for at least a month until the heat dies down," Emerald mourned. Upsetting Cinder was grounds enough for her to feel terrible, but losing the possibility to return to Vale proper for a while was just more crappy icing on the turd cake of her day today.

"Doesn't matter, anyway, since we're going to be busy in Beacon soon enough."

"Oh yeah, pretending to be in school again. Just wonderful."

"School without consequences, though. Just lots of hot teenagers looking for an escape." Mercury could feel Emerald roll her eyes, so he then added, "And all those students probably got too much lien to be carrying around all by themselves. You could probably help them out."

Emerald pondered his suggestion for a moment as they hid in what seemed to be the eighth alleyway that day and flashed her partner a smirk. "You know, Mercury, you make a good point for once."

"Of course I do. I am the smart one, after all."

The thief let out an annoyed sigh. "You just had to ruin it, didn't you?"

Howdy, y'all! This is the little side project I mentioned in the Author's Note of my latest chapter of Purrfect Day. It's gonna just be something I poop out whenever I have the spare time, as this takes way less effort than something like Feel the Burn or Purrfect Day. It's not really going to have much shipping, and I know Em and Merc aren't characters that many people care about, but I don't really mind - this is just something fun I'm going to throw out there. Basically, this all boils down to the strange and wonderful friendship of Merc and Em and all the shenanigans they're gonna pull.

That's all for now!