His breathing is even in the dark of the night. His arms holding her tightly, pressing her flushed to his naked skin. His body warming her bare flesh.

He seems so peaceful. Months of pain and heartache has taken a toll on him. Restless nights have made him almost unrecognisable. He's lost weight. Not enough to be worried about but enough for her to notice his jeans becoming loose around the hips. Dark circles permanently painted under his eyes. He hasn't slept in months. She knows this because she hasn't slept either.

Tonight he sleeps like a baby. Free from nightmares and painful thoughts. Those restless months have caught up on him. She realised their coupling settled him.

They hadn't been intimate in months and it had settled her too.

Still, she had that voice in her head telling her it wasn't enough for her. It nags her at night, reminds her of how much of a mess he was. How much she needed a moment to breathe.

She hadn't had a chance since they left the hospital months before, empty handed and broken in a million pieces. She'd been too focused on making sure he was fine. She spent nights picking him up from bars and putting him to bed like a small child. She had become his caretaker.

Enough was enough. She needed to deal with her grief and not chase after her husband all hours of the night making sure he hadn't gotten behind the wheel of his car. She could no longer have the reoccurring nightmares of an officer knocking on her door at 4am telling her he had wrapped his car around a tree.

She had to be free.

She brushes his hair from his forehead, tangling her fingers through the locks, the tendrils of blonde hair silky smooth between her fingers. She slips her hand down to his cheek, brushing it slightly and slips out from his hold. He moves, pulling the pillow to his body and she pulls her discarded clothes on. They were sprawled all over the room when they carelessly undressed, wanting to feel that hunger again after months of barely touching.

She tiptoes quietly around the bedroom, gathering her things into a suitcase in a quick attempt of leaving without him waking. This wasn't planned her leaving. She just knew she needed to go with the sudden urge and leave now or something would happen and they'd never be the same again.

She packs her important necessities and finds a piece of paper.

I can't do it anymore. You need help and I can't be that person anymore. I need some time. We both need some time. Tonight meant everything to me. It was beautiful and wonderful. It's time for me to grieve.

I love you always.

She folds the note and sets it on his phone, takes him in one last time and moves to the door of the bedroom. She turns back and looks at him briefly before closing the door silently behind her.

She avoids looking at all their momentos and remembering all the good and painful memories. She feels her breathing getting harder and she steps out of the house. Closing the door behind her and climbing into her SUV. She stares at the house for a long while before putting the key in the ignition, turning the car on, putting it on reverse and backing out of the driveway before she suffocates or does something worse, like cry.

Though the minute she turns from the street, tears roll down her cheeks and she knows she regrets leaving but she knows she'll regret going back.

So she just drives and finds herself on the highway headed to New York.

New York would be good. She'd be able to clear her head, take some time to think and breathe. Have her chance to really grieve and get away from his addictions.

She feels as if the weight on her shoulders is starting to lift the further she drives. The barriers are coming down and it's her time.

Her time.

Months of built up emotions and tears fall and she sobs. Sobs heavy as she crosses the border and heads straight to the city. The tears roll down her cheeks and she doesn't move to wipe them. She needed to feel this.

But she wants him more than anything to just hold her and tell her it'd all be alright but he was the one who pushed her to leave.

Her mind was a mess. Her heart was torn into two, misleading what she really needed instead of wanted. All she could think about was his warm body pressed against hers. The feeling of coming undone and those words they spoke in the dark of the night. She was conflicted.

She just keeps driving until she pulls up outside of her old friend's house and knocks on her front door.

"Katniss. What are you doing here?" The friend asks, cradling her small baby to her chest.

She shrugs her shoulders at her friend, unable to speak a word.

And it's like her friend knows all too well. "Come on inside then."

...

She idles into the dark street. She had grown all too familiar with this street and found it awfully quiet. Parking the car across from the place she used to call home. Her first grown up home. Only one light is on. The room they had chosen for their future.

She misses this house like she misses sleep.

So many things had happened in this house. So many memories are associated with this house. Those incredible memories also drove her away. Too many painful memories were associated with the house.

The room with the light on, was one of them.

She wipes the lone tear from her cheek and wonders what he is doing. She knows he never left. She wonders what is inside that room now. She wonders if he still sleeps on the same sheets they purchased together. She wonders if he shares the bed with another body. If that body warms the space between the sheets like she used to. She wonders if everything is still the same from the day she walked out the door. If the silly fridge magnets still spell out always. She wonders if the photos of the two of them are still held to the fridge by magnets. If the same frames are still on display showing the happy couple they once were. If the large canvas from their wedding day still greets him when he walks in through the front door. If her leather jacket she's had since she was 19 still hangs in the hall closet beside his own leather jacket. She wonders if he still places his shoes next to the ones she left behind in her hasty getaway.

She wonders, does he still wear his wedding ring. Does he read her letter every night before bed and wonder where she is and why she left.

He's smart enough to know why. She was never good at letting people comfort her. Only he knew how to comfort her but when she pulled away, things hit rock bottom and nothing could comfort her and the best thing she could do was run away from the problem.

She had hoped he found happiness but she still hoped he cried at night like she did. She had hoped a lot of things and coming back home, she didn't know what to expect. She had wished every day to change the past but she knew you shouldn't mess with the past. You learnt from the past but she didn't understand why her past brought her back here, back to her home.

Maybe her guilty conscious.

She watches the curtains move and the light is enough to highlight him in the window.

Her best friend.

Her lover.

Her husband.

He looks pained and hurt. She knows she's part of that pain and hurt. She feels uneasy staring at him after 15 months apart. But she wants nothing more than to take him into her arms, caress his face and softly kiss the pain away. She knew she had broken him and yet he had broken her.

They broke each other.

A stirring pulls her eyes away from the house, from him and to the backseat of her car.

Her child. Their child is waking, ready for a feed. She starts the car and turns back to the house, he is gone from the window and the rooms light is off. She exhales and feels the tears form in her eyes. She tried to remain positive and brave for their child but it hadn't been easy. Nights when the baby cried, she cried harder. When the baby slept, she cried wishing he was here with them. She felt guilty when their baby reached her first milestones and he wasn't here to see it.

The fussing becomes apparent, the baby can't hold out for much longer but she still can't seem to pull herself from the house. The baby's whimpers and crying are the only thing that make her muster up the courage to leave.

She takes one last look at the house and knows she'll have to see him even if it pains her.

"There you are." Johanna says greeting them at the front door. "Get inside before you catch a cold."

She takes the diaper bag from Katniss and holds the door open for her to carry the car seat inside and out of the cold. The sleeting was just starting the minute she pulled into the driveway.

Johanna takes her coat and moves off into the kitchen.

Johanna had been the only person she could turn to during her absence and the surprise pregnancy. While Katniss lived off in New York for those 15 months with her childhood best friend, Johanna made sure to visit Boston every spare chance she got. She'd call every day and make sure she was doing OK. She was the one person keeping an eye on him also and making sure he was doing alright. Never once did Johanna relay information about him to her. Katniss strictly asking her not to. It made the guilt worse knowing.

When Katniss arrived on her doorstep last night with her baby sound asleep in her arms, she didn't question it. She accepted the mother and daughter with open arms and made room for Katniss and her six-month-old daughter despite intruding on her very social life.

Lila's small cries make her mother take her from the car seat and she starts nursing her. She's settled quickly with her lips pressed around her mother's nipple and was at ease. Katniss brings the throw over her lap and stares at her daughter. Only she could make her feel at ease and calm her down when she was upset. Just like how she was her daughter's comfort.

Johanna enters the room and sits down beside Katniss on the couch, covering herself with the blanket and rubbing Lila's tiny foot.

"You did a drive by didn't you?" Katniss just nods. "Did you see him?"

"Briefly." She tells her. "He was in the nursery. Or what used to be the nursery."

She offers her a small knowing smile and looks back at Lila who is completely content.

"Are you going to see him?"

"Yeah. I am."

"Will you take Lila with you?"

"I think I need to see him alone, first. Tell him about where I've been and why I ran and then tell him. Showing up on his front step with the baby would push him over the edge."

"I think tough love is what he needs. Drop the bombshell right away so he can be mad straight away rather than you gain his trust and then drop the huge bombshell."

"I can't do that to him." She says swallowing the lump in her throat. "He said he never wanted any kids after what happened."

"He was upset, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way."

"No, I knew he meant it."

She shakes her head. "Katniss, you two went through a lot two years ago. You know he wasn't himself then."

"I know he wasn't. It still hurt me to hear him say those words. He hurt me."

"And you hurt him. You hurt each other and I think the grief is to blame for that. Especially for you running."

"You know why I ran."

"I do. I still don't agree with your reasons but I understand." She admits. "I think you should give it a couple of days before you see him. Settle in a bit. Go and visit Haymitch and talk to him and think through seeing him again." Katniss nods. "Good, I'm off to bed, I've got an early start."

Johanna kisses her temple and Lila's hand before heading off upstairs to her room. She decides to make a move herself. Standing gently with Lila still nursing, she shuts the lights off as she heads upstairs and sinks into the chair by Lila's crib and looks down at her nursing daughter in the darkened room.

"What am I going to do sweetheart?"

…

She wakes to Johanna moving around downstairs the next morning. Lila is asleep beside her mother. Their sleep separation technique hadn't been as successful as Katniss had hoped and Katniss having found comfort in having her daughter beside her at night. She could nurse her easily and comfort her within the warmth of her bed. She could cuddle her, feel her and quickly feel at peace.

She peels herself away from Lila, wrapping a robe around her body and slipping her ugg boots onto her feet. She moves downstairs to see Johanna packing her laptop into her messenger bag.

She was an editor at the paper. She was a few years older than Katniss and had taken her under her wing the first week of Katniss' working career. They bonded over Friday night drinks and morning coffees where she'd talk about the latest guy or the loud neighbours who lived above her in her old apartment with a bed that squeaked really loudly when they had sex and fought all the time when they weren't having sex.

Johanna taught her the tricks she needed to know to make a path in the journalism career and get her first review published. This paved Katniss' way into becoming a reviewer in the music section and become the best music journalist in the business. Katniss got to travel the country seeing concerts, interviewing musicians and their music and report on music topics. She had gotten the chance to follow bands and artists for a few months and report on their tours. She became the youngest and one of the most famous music journalists, running her own blog and being hired by magazines and newspapers to interview, review and travel.

"You're awake." Johanna says pouring coffee into a travel mug.

"Yeah. What time will you be home?"

"Hopefully by 6." She says. "What are your plans for today?"

"I'm going to see Haymitch."

"Do you think that's a good idea dropping into the office like that?"

"When else will I see him? I know Monday nights are his squash nights and he works from sunup to sundown."

"Maybe you should see him outside of the office. Meet him for lunch. I know everyone will love to see you but word will spread like wildfire. Everyone in the office will know you're there before you even make it to Haymitch's office."

"I guess you're right. I'll call him and organise lunch."

"Good girl." She says picking up her car keys. "I've got to go. Ring me if you have any troubles today. I'll come right home, you know that."

"I don't want to bother you."

"You're not a bother, you're my best friend. I'll be here in a heartbeat."

Katniss nods and Johanna kisses her forehead as she leaves the house with her phone ringing. Katniss makes myself a cup of tea and prepare breakfast for herself and Lila.

She straps Lila into the car seat a couple of hours later and leaves the house. She locks Lila's car seat into the base and drives downtown to the restaurant she's meeting Haymitch at. He had been pleasantly surprised and thrilled to hear from her.

Katniss pulls up near the restaurant and sits, waiting for a moment, watching people pass by.

It isn't until she spots him that she sinks down, hiding herself from him as he nears her car. Her heart beats erratically in her chest and she lifts her head slightly so she can watch him and take a look at him after all this time apart.

He's still so beautiful. Her heart aches at the sight of him. He had this effect on her and still after the hurt and pain, he still had the same effect on her.

He looks towards the car narrowing his eyes. She sinks further into the seat and prays that he doesn't come near the car.

She holds her breath waiting.

A knock sounds at the window and it causes her to jump. She's fearful to look out the window but when she does she sees Haymitch standing there wondering what she is doing.

He opens the door and is quick to embrace her. She looks over his shoulder and sees that he has gone. Disappeared, nowhere to be seen.

"It's good to see you sweetheart."

She falls into his warmth and suddenly feels safe.

She opens up the back and Haymitch is fast to greet Lila. A wide smile on his face.

"Hello Lila." He coos and takes the car seat from the base, carrying his niece and beaming down at her.

Katniss follows behind with the diaper bag slung over her shoulder. Once they are seated, Haymitch is quick to unbuckle his niece from the car seat, holding the girl he hasn't seen in months.

"She's so beautiful Katniss, she's grown a lot since I last saw her."

"That was 4 months ago." She reminds him. "But yes, she's the most beautiful child I've ever seen."

Lila is curious about Haymitch, touching his face and studying him with a quizzical expression, crinkling her eyebrows, just like her father does and relaxes in Haymitch's hold, happily accepting the attention her uncle is giving her.

"So why were you hiding in your car?" He asks, shifting Lila to his other arm.

"I saw him. I saw Peeta."

"You haven't told him have you?"

"No. Have you mentioned it to him?"

"No." He says shaking his head. "He's a mess you know." She nods. She understands Peeta and knows how he works. "Are you going to see him?"

"Yeah, I just don't know when or how to do it."

"You shouldn't show up at his door unannounced. You should call him first and tell him your home. He'll think he's seeing a ghost." He suggests. "And I think you should break it to him early about Lila. Probably if you plan to meet after the phone call, tell him about her at that meeting and give him some time to recover from the news of having a child he didn't know about."

Haymitch understood the reasons she took off better than anyone else but he still made her feel guilty for upping and leaving without warning. Haymitch had become close with Peeta once she introduced the two of them over ten years ago. Haymitch was Peeta's and her boss at the paper and he developed a close bond with Peeta. They were known for their squash games and Sunday afternoon drinks. Haymitch, like Johanna was there for Peeta and Katniss but never said anything about the other to the other person. It wasn't their job to mediate and they didn't want to get between them. It was up to Peeta and Katniss to mend their relationship if they were to ever have one again.

All she knows about Peeta is he still lives at their house. He's still at the paper and he's gaining recognition for his art journalism. He too gets to travel the country to review exhibitions and attend art gallery openings. She sees his name in the paper occasionally just like Peeta sees hers.

"How is he?" She asks breaking the rule.

"He's fine I guess."

"He's not seeing anyone?"

"You know I can't answer that."

"Does he know about Lila at all?"

"I don't think so." He tells her. "He misses you though."

Her heart clenches. "I miss him too. So much."

"I know you do."

After lunch they take a walk. Lila sound asleep in the carrier on her mother's chest. The air is cool, winter is fast approaching with December just a week away.

"Look, I'm having a Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday night at my house." He tells her.

"You cooking?"

"No, Effie has some people coming in but it'd be nice for you to come and see everyone."

"Will Peeta be there?"

"Yes. He's family are doing their own thing."

"I don't know if it'd be a good idea. I mean, I haven't see him yet and told him anything. I don't think you want a terrible Thanksgiving. It'd be awkward and he'd be pissed to see me."

"Or he'll be thankful to have you in the same room again."

"What about Lila. I can't leave her alone for her first Thanksgiving."

"I say talk to him, tonight. Arrange to see him tomorrow tell him tomorrow and then tell him he can meet her Thursday at dinner. I'll talk to him if you want."

"No. It has to be me that does it. I can't hide anymore. Lila deserves to know her father and Peeta deserves to know about Lila whether he accepts her or not."

Haymitch nods and wraps his arm around his niece's shoulder. "I wish you had told me you were coming home."

"It was an impromptu decision. I saw one of his reviews and knew I couldn't run anymore. I had to see him. I packed some suitcases, made sure I had enough of Lila's things and we were gone by the next morning. I might not be sticking around though depending on how things go here."

"You shouldn't let that dictate your decision. I know Effie and I would love to have you around more. Even Johanna seems like a changed woman with you home. I know you're working from home anyway."

"Yeah, it's easier with Lila to do it that way." She tells him.

"What are you doing now?" He asks.

"I was going to do some grocery shopping."

"Come to the office." She freezes. "No, it's fine. I'll bring you up through the back. I have some things I'd like to give you. Trust me Katniss, he won't see the baby."

"Ok. Let's go."

They walk to the office building. The place she worked at for close to 8 years. Including her summers interning and acting as Haymitch's assistant. They walk up through the back entrance and into his office without detection. The blinds are drawn to the cubicles below where everyone works and the door shut behind us. Only Effie knew to enter the office when it was closed up like this.

Haymitch sets the diaper bag down on his desk and goes to his filing cabinets flicking through. The door opens and Effie steps inside.

"Oh, I didn't know you were back." She says looking at Haymitch before turning to Katniss. "Oh, darling. It's you."

Katniss is in her arms in seconds and she's embracing her niece.

"It's so good to see you again dear." She announces holding her face with her hands and smiling. "Let me have a look at Lila."

Katniss lifts the fabric away and show Lila to Effie who gushes over the sleeping baby.

"Katniss, she is precious." She says touching her heart. "May I? if it's not a hassle."

"No, no hassle at all." She says smiling and taking Lila from the carrier and passing her to Effie. "There you go Lila, there's your Aunt Effie."

Effie holds Lila against her chest and settles her back into her snooze and takes a seat. Patting her back gently.

"I can't believe how big she is now. We get your daily pictures and messages. She's grown so quickly."

"I know. Not the little baby anymore."

"She's just 6 months now, isn't she?"

"Yep, on Sunday."

"I can't believe it's been four months." She says. "Why did we leave it so long?" She asks Haymitch.

"Because I have something called a job."

"There is such thing as weekends and taking time off."

"Not when you're me. You could have caught the train or flew to New York to see her."

"I'm not catching a train. They are just filled with germs."

Katniss chuckles realising how much she has missed this.

"So, dear, will you come to dinner on Thursday?" She asks.

"Maybe. There's a bit I've got to do." She tells her and moves to the blinds, she looks directly to where she knew his cubicle was. There he was. In front of the screen, his back to her. From their first day they had a cubicle beside each other. Not a lot of work was done when they were together. But for her 8 years here, they shared a cubicle wall and lots of memories.

"I see." She says. "Well, it'd be great to have you there."

Katniss nods and turns away from the window. "Does he still have the same number?"

"Yes." Haymitch says. "The same of everything."

"Thanks."

"Katniss, he's thinking about filing for divorce. He's in the process of talking to his lawyer. He wants to cut all ties with you officially. He's going to serve you with them in three months' time. Or he was if he didn't see you."

"He wants a divorce?"

"You technically are separated and have been for 15 months." He says. "And he wanted me to send this to you when you first left him but I never did. I knew he'd regret sending it to you but I think you should read it." He says handing over the thick envelope.

"What's it about?"

"I think you should read it yourself."

She flips the envelope over a few times and places it inside the diaper bag.

"I should probably get going. I've only validated my park for two hours."

"I'll walk you back." Effie tells her. "Coffee?"

He nods. "If I'm to get through this afternoon's meeting."

"Anything else?"

"I'm fine dear."

"Here Ef, I'll put her back in here."

Effie hands Lila back and Katniss carefully slips her daughter back inside the carrier. Lila whimpers for a few moments but a kiss to the top of her head settles her and she snuggles into the warmth and the sound of her mother's beating heart.

"I'll see you around sweetheart." Haymitch says embracing Katniss. "Don't be a stranger, we're here to help you and this little one."

"Thanks Haymitch."

"Bye Lila, I'll see you later beautiful."

"Come on Katniss." Effie says putting her coat on. "I'll be back."

"Go out the back way Effie."

Effie nods and picks up the diaper bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She places her hand on Katniss' back and leads her out of the room and to the back stairwell. Her high heels clicking on the concreted stairs.

"Effie, I don't know what I should do." She admits as they leave the building. "I'm really scared."

"Dear, all the years I've known you, you've shown such strength and courage I've never doubted you. You face this with the strong soul I know you have. I know you've both made mistakes and have hurt each other but I know he'll be pleased to see you. Even if it pains him at first, he'll be glad to see you."

"What about Lila?"

"It's going to be tough but I don't doubt the love he has for you and the love he'll have for this little girl. Even after the things he said. I wouldn't take those things to heart Katniss. You two went through something that was heartbreaking and traumatic and you both reacted so differently. You know he wasn't himself after. I think some time apart was good for the both of you."

"I'm scared that it was too much time though."

"He loves you Katniss. He will love you until the day he dies. I know you love him. Time does heal. I just think you need to have an open mind about this. Read the letter and talk to him. It's the least you could do."

Katniss nods and kisses Lila's beanie clad head. "How should I tell him about Lila?"

"Haymitch and I both discussed this and I'm sure he told you what he thought you should do. I think you should see him first, before you tell him about Lila."

"And do you think Thanksgiving will be a good idea?"

"It's up to you dear. You need to talk to Peeta first. Maybe you could see him before dinner and introduce him to Lila but if you don't decide to come then that's fine. You do what you feel comfortable with and Haymitch and I will support you all the way."

"Do you think I'm a bad person for not telling him?"

"You had your reasons, I trust your reasons. I'm glad you're back now while she's still young rather than a few years down the track. He deserves to know her no matter what he says."

"Effie, he told me he didn't want another baby."

"He was scared Katniss. He was scared the same thing would happen again. I know you were scared right to the second before she entered the world. It's natural and I'm sure he didn't mean those things." She says. "Look, just hear him out, make sure he hears you out and your reasoning. I'm certain he will fall in love with Lila the minute he meets her. Just give him some time to come around to the idea. You're going to be dropping a bombshell."

"I know I am. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. I'm scared that he'll file for custody against her."

"If he does, I'll kick his arse so hard he'll end up at the other side of the world if he does that. Believe me, he doesn't get to do that to you and Lila."

Katniss reaches her car and Effie stands beside her as she straps Lila into her car seat. Effie kisses Lila on the head and shuts the door before she embraces Katniss.

"Call me the minute you speak to him, OK?"

"OK."

Effie looks at Katniss, holding her face between her hands. "It will be Ok. I know it feels like the hardest thing in the world but you'll get through it my dear. You have that strong heart and a brave soul." She tells her as she kisses her forehead. "I'll see you later dear."

"Bye Effie." She says climbing into the car. "Thank you."

She nods with a smile as she shuts the car door and starts the car and driving off to the grocery store with Lila starting to grizzle in the backseat.

"Hang on baby, we're almost there."

She pulls into the parking lot and changes Lila's diaper and places her in the carrier to settle her down.

She walks the aisles, placing things inside the shopping cart. Her mind wanders as she walks, barely paying attention to the people around. She kisses the top of her daughter's head every once in awhile and blocks out the other shoppers while she thinks about what she is going to say to him.

As she turns around the corner she recognises him as he reads the label of the box of cereal. She's quick to back around the corner and hide. Her knees to turn to jelly and her heart begins racing.

She can't do this. She's not ready just yet.

The shopping list is abandoned and she pays for the few items in the cart. She needed to get out of there before she ran into someone else.

She realises she forgot the diapers when she reaches the car. And she contemplates whether she could duck back inside without him spotting her. She packs the items into the car and races back inside getting a pack of diapers and wipes and leaving quickly, not looking back. Lila is strapped back into the car seat and Katniss is pulling out from the parking lot headed home with her mind and heart racing.

She needed to speak to Peeta before someone let slip she was home.

She pulls into the driveway and shuts the engine off. Lila was sound asleep and Katniss didn't want to move her just yet. She sat staring at the grey garage door.

Her phone buzzes in the diaper bag and she fishes inside for it, finding the letter from Peeta in there. She reads the text from Haymitch.

The boy thinks your home. He just asked me. I lied to him telling him I didn't know. It's up to you sweetheart.

She locks the screen and tears open the letter.

Why'd you leave me? I'm so sorry for the things I said and the way I've acted since his death. It was unexpected. There were no warning signs. I felt as if I was to blame. If you want someone to blame please let it be me. At least then you'd speak to me. Please, I know I fucked up big time. We all make mistakes but am I that heartless and uncaring? I love you, don't you understand that? I won't lie, leaving me was a pretty fucked up thing to do. You're just a runner. You run from your problems. You ran from me when I became the problem, instead of trying to fix me. I thought we had something Katniss. We're that couple. We promised to be there for each other through the highs and lows but once things got scary you were gone. We got each other through everything before. I stood beside you when you were grieving for your sister. I never turned my back or walked out on you. Then when our son dies and then my father dies you can't stick around to help me through the lows. You just picked up your things and left me. What happened to that night we shared? The night filled with passion? That last night together where we come undone. I thought things were looking up then, obviously they weren't. I woke the next morning and you were gone. Leaving nothing but a note.

Well here's a letter to you.

Don't ever think about coming back. I don't think I could handle you being in my life again, especially if you're only there to cause me pain. I'm feeling pained now and only one thing will fix it. Thanks for driving me to it.

Yours sincerely,

Your husband or whatever I am to you.

Katniss' heart aches as she reads the letter. Her stomach churning. She knows that wasn't him really talking. It was the drugs and the alcohol and the grief. She's glad Haymitch never sent her this because she thinks it would have made up her choice on whether she'd come back.

But that night of passion they shared, that night they reconnected after months apart resulted in Lila and she left him the next morning, running from the fact that he was using. She couldn't handle his addiction anymore. She needed a chance to clear her head and think things through. She hadn't had a moment to think since the death of their precious son.

Now that she had had 15 months to think, she had a lot to say to him. The way he chose to grieve was his choice. He chose addiction, she chose a new city filled with strangers. People who didn't know her story. People reacted differently and she didn't want to go down that path of using to get from sunup to sundown.

She takes out her phone, scrolling down to his name in her contacts and presses dial and waits, holding her breath.

After four rings the line connects.

"Katniss, is that you?"