The Scarecrow's Secret

Disclaimer: All rights belong to their legal owners. No copyright infringement intended.

So, this is yet another Kakashi/Fem!Harry fic. Inspiration struck me over the head and I just had to write this. It's nearly exclusively written from his POV, so you won't notice much of the HP world.

I have already written a few fics with the premise that after the Final Battle, Harry's magic is slowly destroying him/her from the inside out, kinda like leukemia, and this is another. Somehow, you can imagine whatever reason you want, she ends up in Konoha.

For all those who also read Hoshimi's story ("Beautiful Star"): I'm working on the next chapter at the moment. If you want, I can post a preview on tumblr. (Same alias as on this site.)

Good reading, W

-1-

He knows she is his the moment their eyes meet.

-2-

Sometimes, Kakashi just wants to shake them. Hard. Asuma and Kurenai dance around each other in endless circles and don't realize how much time they waste with insecurities and stupidity.

They have everything he knows she doesn't: health, strength, but, most damning of all, time.

Every time, he sees them or hears about them denying a relationship yet again, his vision is invaded by a flash of too-thin bones wrapped in ghost-pale flesh and a ghastly hospital-gown, of too-big eyes in sunken cheekbones, of a waning spark in emerald green. Of her, slowly wasting away in a lonely room.

And he's irrationally angry. No, not angry; he's furious.

-3-

Late at night, when he can't sleep because he knows he'll suffer through another nightmare of losing her, of returning to the village and finding only an empty shell in her bed; of discovering an abandoned room...

Late at night, when he's alone with his ghosts, living or dead, then he can't help but resent Tsunade-sama for leaving.

He knows there's a very, very small chance, a vanishingly small chance, that maybe, perhaps, Tsunade-sama could save her. Could at least ease her suffering, even if it's just a little.

But 'a little' is still much better than nothing; than the suffocating helplessness he feels whenever she loses more weight than she can afford or she can't keep her eyes open because the chakra therapy is sapping all her waning strength.

-4-

If Kakashi could, he would cheerfully murder it for her, this thing responsible for her death. He's a trained assassin, one of the best, of the elite, but the culprit slowly destroying her is her own body that's turning against itself.

He can't kill that for her.

The hopelessness sometimes kills him, though, a little bit every day.

-5-

"I'm dying," she says and his world ends once again.

-6-

Sometimes, it's not the nightmares that disturb his sleep the most. No, when he's dreaming of what could have beens, then he wakes bathed in cold sweat and a fierce, burning pain in his chest. Right where his heart is (anatomically speaking) located.

He sees sunshine and happiness, beautiful new flowers and budding sprouts and glorious joy. He sees the home they could build together, the children they'll never have, the future he so desperately wished she has the chance to see.

The worst part isn't living through those moments, though; it's waking up, alone in his bed, every time, right at the best part.

Sometimes, Kakashi's dreams change from the could have beens to the cold harsh reality. In his mind, the distanced estimations and the unvarying, depressing diagnosis of the month echo endlessly, on a loop.

That's when he just wants to scream out his rage at the unfairness of it all, but he keeps his mouth shut and reads Icha Icha instead.

-7-

Icha Icha is great for distracting him from his worries and troubles. It's also a great way of distancing himself from other people.

Kakashi doesn't want to get close to anyone else. He doesn't want to be interrogated about where he vanishes to for hours at a time when he's not at the Memorial Stone. He doesn't want to talk about what's bothering him or share his worries with anyone.

Because he can't talk about it; talking about it makes it too real.

So, Kakashi hides in plain sight. Hides behind figurative and literal masks and porn books and annoying behavior patterns and tardiness.

(Also, he had become a bit desperate lately. Years without any sexual intercourse can turn anyone a little batshit insane.)

-8-

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"No. And I'll not be free the night after that or the one after that, Hatake-san, I'm afraid."

-9-

Kakashi loves everything about her; from the long, curved eyelashes framing her impossibly green orbs to the tips of her toes. From her bullheaded stubbornness to her mile-wide protective streak.

He loves her mind, quick and straightforward as it is.

He loves her sardonic humor, her unprecedented selflessness, her fierce temper.

He loves everything about her.

It would kill him; to lose everything he loves so much it hurts.

-10-

Kakashi would give everything he has to get a cure for her. He would spend every last ryo on her; just to have another hour, day, week, month, year, with her.

He would take his mask off for her.

-11-

"Marry me."

-12-

The first thing he sees when he is broken out of the traitorous Uchiha's (Itachi's) genjutsu is a familiar blonde brat and a (semi-)familiar blonde bombshell. Then, he consciously registers that a lot of time has passed since the fight and he hurries out of the room as fast as his slightly atrophied muscles allow him to.

When he opens the door to her room, he notices the new seals attached to her now comatose form. She has become even weaker than before he himself went under.

Her cheekbones are even more prominent now, her fingers a little more bony.

Her beautiful eyes are closed, bereaving the world of their unique color. Of the sparkle and gleam and glow he had gotten too used to seeing in those emerald depths.

Kakashi hobbles over to her side, sinking into the ever present chair by the bed. She had organized and arranged it especially for his comfort.

The Jōnin barely registers the fresh flowers in a vase on her side-table, hardly acknowledges the faint traces of Gai's scent and the Yamanaka heiress's chakra. Inoichi had stood in the doorway and checked on her a few hours ago.

Behind Kakashi, the door is opened once more, revealing Tsunade-sama and a panting, strangely insecure Naruto.

They stop in their tracks once they see the emancipated form on the hospital-bed.

Tsunade-sama doesn't waste time; instead she snatches the clipboard from the foot of Her bed and reads over the information it provided.

Meanwhile, Naruto awkwardly sidles into the room. He thankfully closes the door behind himself.

"Step back, brat," the legendary blonde medic-nin orders shortly, hands already glowing green.

-13-

Naruto has never had to contemplate losing one of his small number of precious persons - until Sandaime-jiji's death. He still feels the grief clawing at his insides whenever he thinks about the old man.

Kakashi-sensei clearly considers the nearly skeletal woman on that bed his most precious person.

If that was Sakura-chan in the woman's place, Naruto would certainly be really unhappy. And despair.

He doesn't know what's wrong with her, just that something obviously is. Naruto's no genius, but even he can see as much.

Suddenly, his sensei's behavior makes a lot more sense.

-14-

"Who is she?" Tsunade-sama asks bluntly, hands still glowing green.

Kakashi's own hands are shaking. "My... My -"

As if he has said something profound, the blonde Hokage nods with understanding. "I see. Naruto! Take your lazyass sensei back to his room. Stay there!"

Naruto actually salutes.

"Kakashi, don't move from that room if you know what's good for you."

Then, she shoos them away.

-15-

"I love you," she says shyly, stammering slightly, and blushes.

-16-

Kakashi paces. He's agitated and anxious and terrified. He's also a little hopeful for the first time in years.

Naruto stops attempting to reassure him when it clearly won't work. Instead, the blonde babbles about what he has learned and seen and which places he has visited over the last month and a half or so.

It's nice to know he's not completely alone in worrying about her, Kakashi thinks.

-17-

They wait for eight hours. Then, a harried nurse interrupts Naruto's sleep by accidentally slamming the door open. "Family of Aobashi-?"

Kakashi stills in his tracks, body straightening. "Yes?"

"Tsunade-sama says she's doing well so far. No complications. Another six hours and the surgery should be over."

The nurse runs off again.

-18-

"Promise me to let me go when it is my time to? Please?"

-19-

Kakashi sneaks into her room once she is back in it. She is still unconscious, bandaged more than ever, but something has changed. He can sense it.

-20-

Sometimes, Kakashi feels generous. He doesn't meddle in other people's affairs. He hates it when he has to.

But, this cat and mouse game has gone on long enough, or so he thinks.

Thus, when Asuma and Kurenai catch him with fresh flowers on the way to the hospital, he does what Her (inner) voice tells him to do: matchmake.

"Is anyone we know in the hospital?" Kurenai wonders worriedly.

Kakashi hums noncommittally under his breath, but doesn't truly reply. Instead, he keeps on walking, flowers in hand.

They continue to pester him, until he stops in front of a room in the long term ward.

Pushing it open, gently, he enters, not heeding their dogged persistence.

She's still unconscious, but this time Tsunade-sama had ordered it to be so. They are trying to build up her ravished body before attempting to wake her from her coma. It's easier on her to sleep through the pain of a rearranging chakra-system.

Kurenai and Asuma hover uncertainly in the doorway, like two schoolchildren caught stealing into places they shouldn't be found in. Kakashi ignores their questioning stares, simply closing the door behind his fellow sensei and places the flowers (her favorites) into a free vase by her side.

Then, when he's sure of his ironclad composure, he turns back around. "This is Aobashi Saki," Kakashi explains in what he hopes is a completely neutral voice.

Internally, everyone adds 'she's dying'. It's clear to see - and if Kakashi wouldn't know better, he'd believe it, too.

"She's my wife."

-21-

Kakashi works on the renovations of the Hatake compound when he's not on a mission for the new Hokage. Naruto (who has been sworn to secrecy) is training with Jiraiya-sama somewhere outside the village, Sakura is training at the hospital or with Tsunade-sama herself. So, he's got a lot of free time left while his wife recovers in physical therapy.

She's slowly gaining back some weight. Color is returning to her cheeks as well, although it will be a while before he can leisurely comb his fingers through her luscious hair again.

For her home-coming, he has fought and defeated his old demons.

-22-

"But... Kakashi..."

"Welcome home, Saki-chan."

-23-

When Naruto returns and tricks him into losing the second Bell Test alongside Sakura and they run their next (naturally unexpectedly extended) mission, Kakashi feels lighter, more relaxed, than he has in a long time, despite everything. His kids are growing up, although they have a long way to go still, and his wife has been out of the hospital for nearly two years, without any returning health problems.

Before he can vanish after their safe return, Naruto is dragged along to the renovated Hatake compound.

"Sensei...?"

Kakashi hushed him and they enter the traditionally built longhouse together. The style reminds of older houses in Iron Country, but that's a given with the origins of the Hatake clan.

Saki is playing the koto in the main room; the air is filled with lighthearted music again. Kakashi allows it to wash over him, truly relaxing for the first time since leaving her for the mission to Sand.

Naruto stops and flounders comically when he finally notices the beautiful woman at the instrument. She wears a simple Hatake yukata in a fetching shade of blue which morphs into green around her hips and downwards. An emerald-green obi is slung around her thin taille, tied with another blue string. The little silver bells in her hair twinkle quietly as she plays.

"Naruto, this is my wife, Aobashi Saki. Saki-chan, this is my student, Uzumaki Naruto," he introduces cheerfully.

Predictably, Saki smiles welcomingly at the blonde gaki and Naruto lightly blushes in response and awkwardly flails his arms again.

Then, it sets in what Kakashi just said and Naruto shouts: "Whaaat?" So loudly, he's sure they can hear it in the Hokage Tower.

-24-

Kakashi is saying prayers of thanks every night for retuning his Saki-chan to health. She is still the most beautiful, enchanting woman of his acquaintance, but she is insecure about her legs. After years in the hospital and long weeks trapped in a medically induced coma, and in spite of her physical therapy sessions, her atrophied muscles are still too weak to carry her properly - or so the medic-nins tell him anyway.

Kakashi honestly couldn't care less about her walking or not walking, as long as he gets to come home to her loving smile and rosy cheeks. But because she is insecure, he also prays for her to stumble over another miracle, so she can dance on her own two feet again.

(Just to be sure, he asks Kurenai to keep an eye on Saki-chan once he has to leave to fight in the Fourth Great Shinobi War.)

-25-

After all is said and done, after the world ended and was reborn anew, after Team Seven reunited and Obito redeemed himself, after the dead returned to Life and the living seemed dead, after Tenzo came back to him, after everything Kakashi has lived through in those endless weeks, months, of waking nightmares, he feels boulders fall off his shoulders once he crosses the gates of Konoha - at the head of a victorious, tired army.

His regrown eyes search out Kurenai's signature hair; over the crowd it's easier than looking for Saki's petite form. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke walk proudly behind him, followed by Tenzo and Gai, Tsunade-sama is at his left side.

It's an indication of coming change, but he's too tired to care at the moment.

All he wants, all he needs, right then, is seeing, holding, his lovely wife again.

And then he finds Kurenai, holding a brown-haired baby. She smiles at him, then steps out of the way.

Behind her, previously hidden from sight, stands a breathtakingly beautiful redhead. Green eyes gleaming with joy, she cautiously, but surely walks over to his frozen form.

Her dark-emerald silk kimono is painted with the Hatake mon on the back, the expensive fabric molding teasingly to her every curve. Familiar bells twinkle cheerfully in the gentle breeze.

Kakashi stares. He can't help it.

Then, he feels her soft hand against his cheeks and crushes her against his body, uncaring that he probably stinks horribly, that he's sorry and grimy and ruining her beautiful kimono, and starts to laugh.

It's either that or starting to cry - which would really just be embarrassing. He's not Gai, after all.

-26-

"Welcome home, Kakashi."

-27-

Sometimes, Kakashi wants to fling the ridiculous hat he's actually required to wear out of his office window. He hates the formal robes he has to pull over his customized Jōnin-uniform and breastplate. (A concession to his wife's worries.)

He tells himself he's only doing this job long enough to keep Naruto's seat warm. Until the knuckleheaded brat is old enough to claim the hat largely uncontested, it's his; Kakashi has promised that.

Instead of paying special attention to keeping the offending item clean and intact, he allows his son to chew on it though.

He's never promised it would still be in one piece, after all.

(Besides, it keeps Enoki-chan happy and content, leaving his proud father enough time to finish a stack of paperwork.)

~finis~

Some trivia: originally, fem!Harry has black hair, but the treatment changed the follicles in her roots, so it's now red.